Not sure If I should keep being friend with this girl who kinda rejected me

[kakashisensei]

I fell in love with my female friend. We go long back from HS, when I didn't even know her name. We started talking around 3rd year, as time went, we became very close. We went to same driver's ed. She was my prom date. To cut the story, we really had good time together, we really clicked, and I thought we had something special, until I decided to tell her that I liked her, over the phone, because we live in separate cities, we both go to college. And I kinda thought, she might like me too, but she just said she was shocked, and needed some time. So I gave her the time, 3 weeks, we didn't hear, and then she just came back, we continued to talk and hang out, just like nothing happened. I really felt heartbroken, because, not giving the answer is still the answer, and she really thinks that I'm her best friend, and I used to want that, but now I'm not so sure, there are still feeling involved, and I'm just not sure, should I cut off contacts with her? She's really my weak spot, even if I should cut off contacts, idk, I kinda can't, because I still like her, should just man up and do it, and how can I do that ? Thank you for reading, and sorry for long text.

[todreaminblue]

there's a special kind of heartache reserved for when you fall for a close friend....especially when the feelings aren't reciprocated.......on your behalf its a place where you cant go back to friendship and for her its a place where she wishes that the friendship will always stay the same because its the same feelings she has ever had for you...and they are platonic.....but it isnt ever going back to what it was.... and it just wont ever be the same

 

 

because now...your feelings are different..you need to step back and take a break from the friendship...it isnt the friendship it was and it will never be th esame again...unfortunate but true........that comfortableness is gone isnt it for you.....a constant reminder she doesnt feel for you the way you feel for her.....

 

 

busy yourself with your other friends and heal.....do things you love to do for now.....i suggest you don't contact her remain polite but decline invitations to chill and hang out with her...and avoid contact for a while...dont go to places you know she might be....if you do run into her be friendly but distant and cut contact quickly....gain some emotional and physical distance...its tough...but i feel you know you cannot be her friend now...it will only hurt you ..dont be an orbiter around her waiting..........hoping..heal yourself and find someone who reciprocates how you feel...in friendship having a platonic friendship type relationship and in love.......deb

[Flove]

I agree ^, you should take some distance from your friend. Don't seek out contact or accept invitation. Just politely decline and focus on your other friends and college (it's the most awesome time). Have fun!

 

I had a very close friend that fell for me. He told me and I answered I didn't feel the same. We tried being friends but everytime he saw me he'd reach out to kiss me or hold my hand . Or he would repeat how he felt about me. I tried listening but after a while we just started fighting about the whole situation. He got angry at me for not feeling the same and I got frustrated because I couldn't do anything right.

 

After a year of keeping this up we got into a huge fight and we blocked each other and stopped talking. Now a few months later, we're not really friends but we do reach out from time to time. And it works for him. There's not too much contact but he can still rely on me and i'll be there if he wants to be friends. If he doesn't that is okay as well. I respect him and I know how much it hurts. (Ive had some heartbreak with loving someone who doesn't love me back).

 

It's not because there is no room for friendship right now, that in the future you will never talk again. Take your time to heal. Meet new people.

 

Take care

[Beachead]

Hey OP,

 

Been in your shoes my friend. 1st hand. I have some tough advice coming your way so my apologies.

 

The reality is you two aren't friends. Don't lie to yourself. That's the mistake you've made. Everytime we lie to ourselves, we feel a disconnect between what's in our heart and what we are doing.

 

Friends typically don't have expectations or require anything. You two don't fall into that criteria because of your feelings for her and because deep down inside, you want something from her. Nothing is going to expose this fact more than when she ends up dating someone else. You will catch yourself feeling incredibly hurt, jealous and angry. Furthermore, she'll put distance between you and her to respect her boyfriend. She won't do that with her girlfriends though. It's going to be you who feels the shift in dynamic. Her boyfriend will become her best friend, and they will spend time together and her girlfriends will be whom she goes out with to catch a break from him every now and then. But you? She won't hang with you one on one anymore. She won't call as much. You'll be lucky to receive a text from her every few months at her convenience. Eventually you'll feel hung out to dry with no place in her life.

 

There is a lot of bs going on between the both of you in this situation which is going to expose itself should such situation occur and it's going to get ugly. Women know when their guy friends crush on them. They can pick up on this stuff. She at the very least, had a feeling but she played stupid because she gets everything she wants keeping you as a friend. You stick around because you hope she'll see the light, see how awesome of a guy you are and want to date you. It won't happen. By sticking around, you'll actually devalue yourself by staying and settling for something you don't want and it will frustrate you and cause her to lose respect for you. And the longer this goes on, you'll become more and more frustrated and the two of you will begin to fight which in the long run will ruin things anyway. So this friendship has an expiry date.

 

I would be honest with her that you are being fair to her with your hopes/expectations and that a friendship isn't possible right now because of it and tell her that you need time away for awhile to get over how you feel. Pull her off of social media so you don't see updates from her. Don't reach out. Don't respond to her texts. Just practice No Contact for a long time. And in that time apart, you're going to go through a period of withdrawal that's going to be real painful. You'll need to grieve, heal and rediscover what life is like beyond her. Find happiness in other things and other people and learn to be happy without her. When you get to that point is when you'll be strong enough to face her again and be a genuine friend with no expectations. You will also show her in this process that you respect yourself. She may or may not like you for it but I'll tell you this much...she will respect you for it. This isn't to win her over though. This isn't for her at all. This is for you and your well-being. This isn't her fault and this isn't your fault. She simply doesn't get to keep you around pretending like all is well. That's not fair to you. And it also isn't fair to her that you are hanging around wishing she would give you something she isn't feeling. You two aren't being fair to eachother and that's not friendship.

 

Friendship is possible in the distant future..but not right now.

 

For now, time and space is what's needed.

Edited January 11, 2018 by Beachead

[kakashisensei]

Thank you so much for your answers. I know... I'm gonna be 19, and I never really cared about girls, not in that way as girlfriends, I all saw them just like friends, but with this girl, is different, I really fell for her, that wasn't my intention, it just kinda happen, we were friends for about 1.5 years. She is my 'first love', I never liked any girl, thought that's just stupid and useless stuff. She said she adores me, that I'm really interesting (Guess I got that wrong). I mean like everybody else saw as couple, but she didn't. For new year I got drunk, went to see her, and she got me back home, I really got wasted. She went to competition in maths instead of me when I got sick. She really is a good friend, we can say best friend, but the more I realize those opposite sex friends doesn't always work.. This thing is really killing me, I'm losing a good friend because I fell in love, and If I walk away from her, I don't think she'll even want to be friend with me later. We really hear a lot, and talk on the phone, guess I should cut that, but the point is we really are like 200KM away from each other, so It's not like we'll be seeing each other in person, but still.. Recently, she was playing cards with her friends, she said 'Who doesn't have luck in love, has it in cards', I think like knife went through my chest and ripped my heart, I mean like, she knows I like her, why the hell would she said that..

Edited January 11, 2018 by kakashisensei

[Beachead]

Thank you so much for your answers. I know... I'm gonna be 19, and I never really cared about girls, not in that way as girlfriends, I all saw them just like friends, but with this girl, is different, I really fell for her, that wasn't my intention, it just kinda happen, we were friends for about 1.5 years. She is my 'first love', I never liked any girl, thought that's just stupid and useless stuff. She said she adores me, that I'm really interesting (Guess I got that wrong). I mean like everybody else saw as couple, but she didn't. For new year I got drunk, went to see her, and she got me back home, I really got wasted. She went to competition in maths instead of me when I got sick. She really is a good friend, we can say best friend, but the more I realize those opposite sex friends doesn't always work.. This thing is really killing me, I'm losing a good friend because I fell in love, and If I walk away from her, I don't think she'll even want to be friend with me later. We really hear a lot, and talk on the phone, guess I should cut that, but the point is we really are like 200KM away from each other, so It's not like we'll be seeing each other in person, but still.. Recently, she was playing cards with her friends, she said 'Who doesn't have luck in love, has it in cards', I think like knife went through my chest and ripped my heart, I mean like, she knows I like her, why the hell would she said that..

 

A friend who's not interested. You'll have a lot of those "Knife in the chest" moments with her which is why although you want to be her friend, it's simply not possible.

 

In the grand scheme of things, you're both young. She's going to date, go off to uni/college if not already. Land a job. Meet new friends. She may even relocate to a different part of the world for these things. But you know what..so will you. Life in the 20's is a massive transitional time filled with self-discovery and change so the nature of the friendship you two share right now wasn't meant to last. But the history you two shared has created a bond. If you two are truly friends, when this crazy period of time is over, that bond may in fact connect you two again later in life. Hard to really explain. Sometimes you just have to go through it yourself and learn via experiences as I did.

 

It's definitely not easy to deal with. Hard to accept.

 

Also a quick correction. I made a typo in regards to my previous answer. I meant to say that I would tell her you ARE NOT being fair to her with your hopes and expectations. Not "are."

Edited January 11, 2018 by Beachead

[kakashisensei]

A friend who's not interested. You'll have a lot of those "Knife in the chest" moments with her which is why although you want to be her friend, it's simply not possible.

 

In the grand scheme of things, you're both young. She's going to date, go off to uni/college if not already. Land a job. Meet new friends. She may even relocate to a different part of the world for these things. But you know what..so will you. Life in the 20's is a massive transitional time filled with self-discovery and change so the nature of the friendship you two share right now wasn't meant to last. But the history you two shared has created a bond. If you two are truly friends, when this crazy period of time is over, that bond may in fact connect you two again later in life. Hard to really explain. Sometimes you just have to go through it yourself and learn via experiences as I did.

 

It's definitely not easy to deal with. Hard to accept.

 

Also a quick correction. I made a typo in regards to my previous answer. I meant to say that I would tell her you ARE NOT being fair to her with your hopes and expectations. Not "are."

 

I totally agree with you. I gotta suck it up and forget about the whole thing. This math major is kicking my ass, anyway can be a good thing, to only focus on that. The point is if you like someone, they don't like you, and vice versa, I'm not investing time anymore in that love aspect of life, returning to old good style. I'm not that athletic, average height, could say I'm cute by other people comments, 2nd best in HS, but I keep seeing my female friends fall in love within a second with this tall pretty stupid football type of guys, and I don't know, It makes me sick seeing that, but I totally understand, and nothing I can do about that.

Edited January 12, 2018 by kakashisensei

[Flove]

I'm not that athletic, average height, could say I'm cute by other people comments, 2nd best in HS, but I keep seeing my female friends fall in love within a second with this tall pretty stupid football type of guys, and I don't know, It makes me sick seeing that, but I totally understand, and nothing I can do about that.

 

No worries man, those athletic superficial guys tire soon. They may be "hot" in society standards but you'd be surprised. Most people don't care THAT much about having the hottest bf/gf. I don't anyways, i've been on dates with hot guys and they often bore me. If they don't make me laugh I bounce.

 

My current bf is average height, skinny and sooo lazy (haha). But I think he's hot and funny and amazing. Don't bother comparing yourself to those guys, it's a waste of time. Someone will like you for you and if they don't, they can bugger off.

 

Btw my EX was considered as a really handsome men by a lot of women. He's also a narcist, liar and treated me with 0 respect. Don't judge it all by looks, because looks fade and that's not what lasts.

[mayonnaise]

If cutting contact is what you feel is best for you now, why not. Just tell her and explain it to her. You understood when she needed time, she'll understand if you need some of it too.

[kakashisensei]

No worries man, those athletic superficial guys tire soon. They may be "hot" in society standards but you'd be surprised. Most people don't care THAT much about having the hottest bf/gf. I don't anyways, i've been on dates with hot guys and they often bore me. If they don't make me laugh I bounce.

 

My current bf is average height, skinny and sooo lazy (haha). But I think he's hot and funny and amazing. Don't bother comparing yourself to those guys, it's a waste of time. Someone will like you for you and if they don't, they can bugger off.

 

Btw my EX was considered as a really handsome men by a lot of women. He's also a narcist, liar and treated me with 0 respect. Don't judge it all by looks, because looks fade and that's not what lasts.

 

Well, I don't know about that, looks are important, at least more important while being younger. I had girls liking me, I shut them down all because of her..

[kakashisensei]

If cutting contact is what you feel is best for you now, why not. Just tell her and explain it to her. You understood when she needed time, she'll understand if you need some of it too.

 

I guess you're right and she'll understand. I'm not even sure if I want to cut off contacts, I know that I just have to do something.

[kakashisensei]

I fell in love with my female friend. We go long back from HS, when I didn't even know her name. We started talking around 3rd year, as time went, we became very close. We went to same driver's ed. She was my prom date. To cut the story, we really had good time together, we really clicked, and I thought we had something special, until I decided to tell her that I liked her, over the phone, because we live in separate cities, we both go to college. And I kinda thought, she might like me too, but she just said she was shocked, and needed some time. So I gave her the time, 3 weeks, we didn't hear, and then she just came back, we continued to talk and hang out, just like nothing happened. I really felt heartbroken, because, not giving the answer is still the answer, and she really thinks that I'm her best friend, and I used to want that, but now I'm not so sure, there are still feeling involved, and I'm just not sure, should I cut off contacts with her? She's really my weak spot, even if I should cut off contacts, idk, I kinda can't, because I still like her, should just man up and do it, and how can I do that ? Thank you for reading, and sorry for long text.

 

UPDATE: I told her that we won't hear anymore, and that maybe we'll hear again in the future.. I think she took it well, said she's giving me time as much as I want, and that she's sorry that she didn't say anything earlier about that, and that she just wanted to keep me, so we can be friends.. Damn it, I feel like crap

[Beachead]

UPDATE: I told her that we won't hear anymore, and that maybe we'll hear again in the future.. I think she took it well, said she's giving me time as much as I want, and that she's sorry that she didn't say anything earlier about that, and that she just wanted to keep me, so we can be friends.. Damn it, I feel like crap

 

She broke your heart so you feel like crap. Completely understandable.

 

You may feel worse before you start to feel better about everything but stay strong and stick to your plan. As a precaution: Don't reach out to her at all..especially for birthdays or anything special in particular. If she contacts you, reply back but keep your replies short and to the point. You've spoken to her. She understood. Case closed. Going forward, you are looking out for yourself now. Whether she gets mad at you or not for not hearing from you after some period of time is her problem now. She will need to respect your needs. Not saying that this will happen but just be ready.

 

You'll need this time apart to take care of yourself. To heal, to grieve, to feel whatever it is you need to feel so that you can get passed it and get back to being you again. I suggest using Loveshack as your outlet during weak moments whenever you feel tempted to reach out to her. It'll help.

 

New beginnings are coming.

[kakashisensei]

She broke your heart so you feel like crap. Completely understandable.

 

You may feel worse before you start to feel better about everything but stay strong and stick to your plan. As a precaution: Don't reach out to her at all..especially for birthdays or anything special in particular. If she contacts you, reply back but keep your replies short and to the point. You've spoken to her. She understood. Case closed. Going forward, you are looking out for yourself now. Whether she gets mad at you or not for not hearing from you after some period of time is her problem now. She will need to respect your needs. Not saying that this will happen but just be ready.

 

You'll need this time apart to take care of yourself. To heal, to grieve, to feel whatever it is you need to feel so that you can get passed it and get back to being you again. I suggest using Loveshack as your outlet during weak moments whenever you feel tempted to reach out to her. It'll help.

 

New beginnings are coming.

 

Thank you so much for your replies I thought this would be easy, even if she broke my heart, I still kinda feel bad, I should hate her be mad at her, I'm telling myself that, but I'm honestly not. Don't worry, I won't reach out to her, at least I'll try my best not to.

[Beachead]

Thank you so much for your replies I thought this would be easy, even if she broke my heart, I still kinda feel bad, I should hate her be mad at her, I'm telling myself that, but I'm honestly not. Don't worry, I won't reach out to her, at least I'll try my best not to.

 

Well you have to feel what you have to feel be it anger, sadness or whatever it is. That's how we grieve and that's how we heal and get better.

 

But in the end, it's no one's fault. There's really nothing she did wrong and there's nothing you did wrong either. You caught feelings. She didn't. There's no pleasant way to let someone down. It'll never feel good. No matter what way she would have told you, it wouldn't have been the answer you were hoping for and it would have hurt either way. It's just the nature of the situation. Sucks for both parties but it is what it is and it was meant to be that way. Had you not told her, it would have consumed your thoughts and negatively affected your friendship with her to the point where it would ended anyway. You probably would have analyzed every word or action she did trying to figure out what she felt and you would have always wondered what if?

 

In her way, by not giving you an answer, she answered. Now you know.

Edited January 12, 2018 by Beachead

[kakashisensei]

Well you have to feel what you have to feel be it anger, sadness or whatever it is. That's how we grieve and that's how we heal and get better.

 

But in the end, it's no one's fault. There's really nothing she did wrong and there's nothing you did wrong either. You caught feelings. She didn't. There's no pleasant way to let someone down. It'll never feel good. No matter what way she would have told you, it wouldn't have been the answer you were hoping for and it would have hurt either way. It's just the nature of the situation. Sucks for both parties but it is what it is and it was meant to be that way. Had you not told her, it would have consumed your thoughts and negatively affected your friendship with her to the point where it would ended anyway. You probably would have analyzed every word or action she did trying to figure out what she felt and you would have always wondered what if?

 

In her way, by not giving you an answer, she answered. Now you know.

 

Exactly, good point, I would always wonder what if, now I know, and I'll try to forget it.. Started smoking cigarettes last week, then I quit, now i started again, but I guess substances are never the answer to cope

Edited January 12, 2018 by kakashisensei

[Beachead]

Exactly, good point, I would always wonder what if, now I know, and I'll try to forget it.. Started smoking cigarettes last week, I guess substances are never the answer to cope

 

Yea I mean you're not going to get over this tomorrow. It'll take a few months. Maybe more several months. Maybe a year even. Really all depends. Just be patient. Forgive yourself for what you feel and carry on with your day to day. One morning, you will wake up and it will hurt less and that is the day when you'll know you're going to be alright.

 

Also this is entirely up to you but..

 

I wouldn't recommend cigs, alcohol, weed to deal with this. Not to say I don't drink or smoke up every now and then because I do, but I don't ever use them to deal with heartache. They're temporary/painkiller type solutions. They'll make us feel better in the moment but after we're done consuming, we find ourselves returning to the same emotional state. That we're in the same spot as before. We want to keep getting better from every crappy experience we have in life. Physically, socially, spiritually, intellectually etc.

 

Ergo if you can, I recommend physical activity if you aren't doing it already. Doesn't matter what the workout is. Could be a run. Could be a sport. Could be going to the gym and hitting the weights (My personal preference). It'll make a huge difference in mind and body. From personal experience, I can vouch for this because I love hitting the weights and have done it for years. I just generally feel more upbeat and better after a workout. I feel doing more in the day. I sleep better at night. Even if I don't feel like going to the gym and have to force myself, I still feel better afterwards. Not to mention the positive results you achieve physically. I used to wonder why that was until I did some research and learned that being active actually releases endorphins which react with your brain and help you feel better. More positive. "Happy Chemicals" they call it. And it's true. I always do feel better.

 

Best of luck my friend

Edited January 12, 2018 by Beachead

[kakashisensei]

Yea I mean you're not going to get over this tomorrow. It'll take a few months. Maybe more several months. Maybe a year even. Really all depends. Just be patient. Forgive yourself for what you feel and carry on with your day to day. One morning, you will wake up and it will hurt less and that is the day when you'll know you're going to be alright.

 

Also this is entirely up to you but..

 

I wouldn't recommend cigs, alcohol, weed to deal with this. Not to say I don't drink or smoke up every now and then because I do, but I don't ever use them to deal with heartache. They're temporary/painkiller type solutions. They'll make us feel better in the moment but after we're done consuming, we find ourselves returning to the same emotional state. That we're in the same spot as before. We want to keep getting better from every crappy experience we have in life. Physically, socially, spiritually, intellectually etc.

 

Ergo if you can, I recommend physical activity if you aren't doing it already. Doesn't matter what the workout is. Could be a run. Could be a sport. Could be going to the gym and hitting the weights (My personal preference). It'll make a huge difference in mind and body. From personal experience, I can vouch for this because I love hitting the weights and have done it for years. I just generally feel more upbeat and better after a workout. I feel doing more in the day. I sleep better at night. Even if I don't feel like going to the gym and have to force myself, I still feel better afterwards. Not to mention the positive results you achieve physically. I used to wonder why that was until I did some research and learned that being active actually releases endorphins which react with your brain and help you feel better. More positive. "Happy Chemicals" they call it. And it's true. I always do feel better.

 

Best of luck my friend

 

Well, cigs increase dopamine..

 

But yea, I guess you're right.. I never use any kind of opiates, no alcohol never tried weed.. But now, I just feel I could use couple of cigarettes, and I did get better for a little, then yea, It get worse.

Also, I don't exercise, I stopped when I got to college. I think I should run or hit the gym, but not now, got some exams..

 

And thanks man, I really appreciate this.

Edited January 13, 2018 by kakashisensei

[kakashisensei]

I fell in love with my female friend. We go long back from HS, when I didn't even know her name. We started talking around 3rd year, as time went, we became very close. We went to same driver's ed. She was my prom date. To cut the story, we really had good time together, we really clicked, and I thought we had something special, until I decided to tell her that I liked her, over the phone, because we live in separate cities, we both go to college. And I kinda thought, she might like me too, but she just said she was shocked, and needed some time. So I gave her the time, 3 weeks, we didn't hear, and then she just came back, we continued to talk and hang out, just like nothing happened. I really felt heartbroken, because, not giving the answer is still the answer, and she really thinks that I'm her best friend, and I used to want that, but now I'm not so sure, there are still feeling involved, and I'm just not sure, should I cut off contacts with her? She's really my weak spot, even if I should cut off contacts, idk, I kinda can't, because I still like her, should just man up and do it, and how can I do that ? Thank you for reading, and sorry for long text.

 

UPDATE V.2: She send me like 1 whole page, of things she was thinking about me. And to cut the story, she said that she honestly means it.. She said she wants us to try a relationship, and I said that we should, and the see how it goes, I'm little skeptical about this, but I'll give it a try ..

[Beachead]

UPDATE V.2: She send me like 1 whole page, of things she was thinking about me. And to cut the story, she said that she honestly means it.. She said she wants us to try a relationship, and I said that we should, and the see how it goes, I'm little skeptical about this, but I'll give it a try ..

 

Don't be. Take it for what it is right now. You came clean about your feelings and after some time to think about it, she decided she is willing to give it a try as well. This will be an awesome experience. Take it one day a time. Be you. Because that's the guy who made her consider this. World is full of surprises and this is nice little break granted from life. Doesn't happen everyday.

 

Enjoy it and goodluck my friend

[Nadine123]

Dont smoke. I started smoking after a brutal breakup and ended up with a chest infection, a severe one.

 

This is when I told myself, all of this for what? Im going to kill myself and the people around me will be miserable, yet he's living his life happily and the people around him are enjoying him.

 

Sorry about my english, it's not my first language, but you get the point.

[kakashisensei]

Dont smoke. I started smoking after a brutal breakup and ended up with a chest infection, a severe one.

 

This is when I told myself, all of this for what? Im going to kill myself and the people around me will be miserable, yet he's living his life happily and the people around him are enjoying him.

 

Sorry about my english, it's not my first language, but you get the point.

 

You're English is not bad. Well yeah, I know it's really bad for health. I continued smoking now. College is killing me, and somehow it calms my nerves..

[drakon12]

She didn't "kinda reject you". She completely and utterly rejected you, I'm sorry. Been there a couple times. Now, be a man about it and never take any kind of disrespect from anyone, ever again. For this case, by not answering you for WEEKS she DID disrespect you. When someone treats us ****ty, we should find people who won't, don't you think?

[kakashisensei]

She didn't "kinda reject you". She completely and utterly rejected you, I'm sorry. Been there a couple times. Now, be a man about it and never take any kind of disrespect from anyone, ever again. For this case, by not answering you for WEEKS she DID disrespect you. When someone treats us ****ty, we should find people who won't, don't you think?

 

Well, you don't know the complete story. Yes, that is a little disrespectful, other than that, she was really nice to me, she still is, I think I know her well, she said she wants us to try a relationship, and I'm gonna give it a try, we do live in different cities, but that doesn't matter that much.

[Beachead]

She didn't "kinda reject you". She completely and utterly rejected you, I'm sorry. Been there a couple times. Now, be a man about it and never take any kind of disrespect from anyone, ever again. For this case, by not answering you for WEEKS she DID disrespect you. When someone treats us ****ty, we should find people who won't, don't you think?

 

Yes and no.

 

I agree with respecting oneself. Self-respect is crucial. If someone beats you or cheats on you, and/or is consistently making you feel like crap for whatever reason, then by all means leave because you must respect yourself and maintain your well-being.

 

But..

 

..who are these people that treat us right? Do they look a certain way? talk a certain way? Do they have a marker on them? Is there a probationary period we give them with us to treat us right and when they clear it, we put them in the "Treated us right" club?

 

"Find someone who'll treat you right," is a fallacy because this could be ANYBODY...until they do us wrong.

 

Everybody will disappoint us sometime in our lifetime. Everybody. Our closest friends, even our family. People mess up and as perfect of a record as they can hold, one day they will do something that'll piss us off or upset us. What are we going to do at that point? Cut them all out? Going around throwing away friendships and relationships just because of ONE moment of undesirable behavior is bonafied way to end up having nobody in our lives at all, due to unrealistic and high expectations.

 

So we have to choose who's worth suffering for. Perhaps for OP, she's one of those people.

 

It is a balance of understanding this and also having self-respect for oneself that creates and maintains healthy relationships/friendships.

Edited January 22, 2018 by Beachead