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Pain is overwhelming


Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

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Old 2nd January 2018, 12:30 PM   #121
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Originally Posted by Heartbrokenandhurt View Post

I woke up today thinking about when he told me I should find someone else when we broke up. I just can't handle it. A few weeks ago, I told myself, if he doesn't reach out over Christmas/New Year then you might aswell end it... he really doesn't care. I feel ugly, unwanted, that I failed. I'm going to work today but I would rather not continue the cycle.
I don't know what else to say to try and convince you otherwise... I don't think there is anything anyone can say to change your mind...

This is no longer about a boyfriend or a lost relationship. This is about you. YOU have become the source of your pain. This guy, and the need to have a relationship, is mearly the topic on which you continue to perseverate. Many others are single and/or they have lost a relationship that was important to them and they do not get stuck in these very negative, depressive thinking patterns.

I hope someday you find the strength to deal with your depression and develop more resiliency. Best wishes to you. Feel better.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 12:50 PM   #122
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I agree there is nothing else anyone can say to try to pull you out of this. You have to make up your own mind to heal and move on. People break up and get hurt everyday. It is a part of life that we all have to accept. Most people realize they can't always have who they want but go on to find loving relationships anyway. I wish you luck in your search for peace and acceptance.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 10:02 AM   #123
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I wish I could offer more comforting words. All I can say is that I identify with this so much.
You are not alone.

Take care

Last edited by HiCrunchy; 3rd January 2018 at 10:04 AM..
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Old 3rd January 2018, 12:31 PM   #124
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I relate to this thread very much.

There is no one timeline for healing. Each of us will process and cope with the pain differently.

I just want to encourage you to keep journaling and reaching out. Continue to lean on family and friends.

You are never alone. Hugs my friend.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 4:03 PM   #125
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Aw I hate to hear of others suffering like I am. Its a living hell that you don't know if or when will end. I wouldn't wish it on anybody.

I seem to have days where I am ok. Even have hope. That one day things will be good.

Then, I wake up one day... thinking about him, memories, the break up and I don't want to go on. In those times I can get suicidal to the point of thinking, 'If I just get it over with, i'll be out of pain.'

A mutual friend told me that he is out, enjoying his life, doing things he never did with me. Whilst I, feel i'm serving a prison sentance, for just not being enough for him.

If I could finish it easily and painlessly, i'd be gone tomorrow.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 4:22 PM   #126
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Aw I hate to hear of others suffering like I am. Its a living hell that you don't know if or when will end. I wouldn't wish it on anybody.

I seem to have days where I am ok. Even have hope. That one day things will be good.

Then, I wake up one day... thinking about him, memories, the break up and I don't want to go on. In those times I can get suicidal to the point of thinking, 'If I just get it over with, i'll be out of pain.'

A mutual friend told me that he is out, enjoying his life, doing things he never did with me. Whilst I, feel i'm serving a prison sentance, for just not being enough for him.

If I could finish it easily and painlessly, i'd be gone tomorrow.
The fact that you said you do feel hope that things will be okay even if it's just one day out of the month tells me you're going to be okay eventually. I can confidently say that.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 5:55 PM   #127
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A mutual friend told me that he is out, enjoying his life, doing things he never did with me. Whilst I, feel i'm serving a prison sentance, for just not being enough for him.

If I could finish it easily and painlessly, i'd be gone tomorrow.

So be enough for yourself.


Do not adopt a permanent solution (death) to fix a temporary problem (heartache).


Fix the situation. Do things to make yourself happy.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 7:26 PM   #128
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With all due respect, this does not feel temporary. Its been very long term, all the time.

I believe the only cure would be for him to show me i'm not so horrible afterall... or for somebody just like him to share a mutual love, and I believe finding even that will bring chronic insecurity and doubt after what i've gone through twice. Love has only meant pain for me.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 7:27 PM   #129
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A mutual friend told me that he is out, enjoying his life, doing things he never did with me. Whilst I, feel i'm serving a prison sentance, for just not being enough for him.
The better question is, why are you not doing the same thing?

You have imposed this prison sentence on yourself. And, the only person with the key to the prison door is yourself.

One more quote that meant something to me yesterday,me cause I was feeling defeated by life. From Maya Angelou, "In your life, you will experience many defeats, but you must not be defeated."

Talk to your doctor. Get help for your depression. And live your life, as he is living his life.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 7:37 PM   #130
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I believe the only cure would be for him to show me i'm not so horrible afterall... or for somebody just like him to share a mutual love, and I believe finding even that will bring chronic insecurity and doubt after what i've gone through twice.
With all due respect, you will not find self worth, validation, or happiness from another person!

It's easy to sit in your misery, waiting for someone to come along and be your knight in shining armour. It's not going to happen, darling. You will not attract the love you want into your life until you give it to yourself... until you find your own health and happiness.

I had a terrible day yesterday. I was in a car accident and I was quite shaken. The first person that I called was my boyfriend. After I told him what happened and assured him that I was fine, he said to me "Glad to hear it. Now, what do you need to do?"

Now, I was upset and all I could think was "I want you to help me" and "I really want a hug right now." I was a little upset by his response, and then I realized... "Oh yeah, I may have a boyfriend but I still need to deal with this myself. It's my life, my responsibility."

I was thinking about you, because I wanted my knight in shining armour to save me and he didn't. But, he shouldn't. I am a resilient person, I handled everything just fine, and it was my responsibility.

Having a boyfriend brings wonderful things to your life. But, it won't deliver you from the depression and unhappiness you are feeling. The sooner you understand this, the sooner you can begin to get your life together.

Last edited by BaileyB; 3rd January 2018 at 7:39 PM..
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Old 3rd January 2018, 7:43 PM   #131
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With all due respect, you will not find self worth, validation, or happiness from another person!

It's easy to sit in your misery, waiting for someone to come along and be your knight in shining armour. It's not going to happen, darling. You will not attract the love you want into your life until you give it to yourself... until you find your own health and happiness.

I had a terrible day yesterday. I was in a car accident and I was quite shaken. The first person that I called was my boyfriend. After I told him what happened and assured him that I was fine, he said to me "Glad to hear it. Now, what do you need to do?"

Now, I was upset and all I could think was "I want you to help me" and "I really want a hug right now." I was a little upset by his response, and then I realized... "Oh yeah, I may have a boyfriend but I still need to deal with this myself. It's my life, my responsibility."

I was thinking about you, because I wanted my knight in shining armour to save me and he didn't. But, he shouldn't. I am a resilient person, I handled everything just fine, and it was my responsibility.

Having a boyfriend brings wonderful things to your life. But, it won't deliver you from the depression and unhappiness you are feeling. The sooner you understand this, the sooner you can begin to get your life together.
First, Bailey, I'm glad you are OK! Car accidents can really shake you up for a day or two even if you're not physically hurt.

Great analogy, though.

OP, until you realize that a man won't complete you, you're not going to find a man. How is that fair to a man, to put that much pressure on him to be your rescuer? It isn't. He has needs too, and most men want a confident woman who is sure of her own self worth and has interests besides him (if you find one who wants otherwise, RUN, because you will only be abused.)

You still haven't answered what you do for a living or engage in any kind of helpful dialogue about what we can do to get you living on your own and not under your parents' roof, waiting for your next home to be taken care of in.

Is there any part of you that desires independence?
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Old 3rd January 2018, 7:48 PM   #132
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I know it doesn't feel temporary & your pain is very real. However, the feeling like it will never stop, does not make it a reality. If you work on your self esteem the pain will stop. As soon as you recognize that YOU not him are the one with the power, it will stop.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 7:51 PM   #133
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I know it doesn't feel temporary & your pain is very real. However, the feeling like it will never stop, does not make it a reality. If you work on your self esteem the pain will stop. As soon as you recognize that YOU not him are the one with the power, it will stop.
I think this is KEY. Just because you are feeling this way, these feelings doesn't make it so, doesn't make the feelings true/valid. This is where medication could really help. It really helps to see things in a much more real way instead of catastrophizing things.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 7:55 PM   #134
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Aw I hate to hear of others suffering like I am. Its a living hell that you don't know if or when will end. I wouldn't wish it on anybody.

I seem to have days where I am ok. Even have hope. That one day things will be good.

Then, I wake up one day... thinking about him, memories, the break up and I don't want to go on. In those times I can get suicidal to the point of thinking, 'If I just get it over with, i'll be out of pain.

A mutual friend told me that he is out, enjoying his life, doing things he never did with me. Whilst I, feel i'm serving a prison sentance, for just not being enough for him.

If I could finish it easily and painlessly, i'd be gone tomorrow.
You're going to be okay because of that part. I thought you didn't feel that at all. But I'm happy you said that because it shows hope and some progress. Even if it's been a year. As Divegrl said..there is no time limit to these things. We all process things uniquely. As long as you get up and go at life day by day, all that's needed is time.
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Old 4th January 2018, 9:13 AM   #135
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Today is a bad day. I was the one who said I was going NC and he just agreed to it. I feel so horrible, he probably doesn't even think of me ever anymore.
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