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Pain is overwhelming


Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

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Old 31st January 2018, 6:45 AM   #301
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I went on a date with a nice guy who wasn't too bad looking. But I didn't feel it and squirmed when he reached to touch me.

I told him the following day, pretty much things in the same vein as my ex did when we broke up. That hes nice looking and a good person but I just didn't feel it. I truly believe that. However, the deal breaker for me was his background... not something he can help but different to mine and not something I was comfortable with.

Its triggered me because I know now that yes, for the most part, I was probably 'ok' enough. But that there WAS something wrong, that there was a dealbreaker. I wish I knew what it was.

Another thing thats triggering me, is that whilst I care about not hurting the other guys feelings, i'm not bothered if I never hear or see him again. And I guess my ex is proving this is how he feels about me and thats really hard. I say to this guy we can be friends, but I don't really mean it, what is the point?

In conclusion, I'm not dating for a while. I want it more than anything but I can't be on either side of this coin, its horrible each way. Life is horrible. We really do judge and I f**king hate it.

Those people who are happily coupled, I believe what you've found is rare. I believed that anyway which is why life has been a dark cloud since I lost it, I never wanted to.
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Old 31st January 2018, 8:01 AM   #302
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hey, at least u r trying a new date, keep on such activities.....
its great!
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Old 4th February 2018, 9:33 AM   #303
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Over a year since the Break up and 4 months NC. I still think about him and wish he'd reach out. (Even though hes blocked) I still look at my phone when I get a message with hope hes come to his senses. I know its all silly, its obvious he couldn't be more indifferent. I don't want to loose hope for the life I could of had. I wish something would change.
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Old 4th February 2018, 9:40 AM   #304
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Something will change when you change it. Change your mindset. It's been a year. That means this is a new year. Tell yourself this is the year you get happy; then set about making yourself happy. You can do it! Right now you just don't want to.
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Old 15th February 2018, 6:12 AM   #305
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Valentine's was tough. I always think that if he ever thought about me in a positive way or regretted what happened that there might be contact on holidays. I had nothing for my birthday, christmas, n y and now Valentine's. I was in such a mess about it last night that I added to my suicide note. It's been on going in the event it gets too much. I'm now feeling calmer and sat with a coffee in silence in my living room.

I dislike myself more and more and feel so unattractive and unwanted all the time. I felt like had I had courage last night. I'd be gone today and it would be all over. But here I am. Until next time I suppose.
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Old 15th February 2018, 8:30 AM   #306
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I'm glad you are feeling calmer & that you did not end your life. He's really not worth it. Valentines is a fake holiday anyway but it does make a lost love feel that much more painful.
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Old 15th February 2018, 9:07 AM   #307
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Valentine's day was hard for me too and i had a similar thought process for a bit, I sat alone in my room for a while with my coffee. But then I just decided to spontaneously get my parents some chocolates for the holiday. They were so happy. Maybe next time in the holidays you can try to do something nice for those that do love you. I know it made me feel a little better at least for a little while. I'm in a similar boat so maybe I am the last person that should be giving you advice, but i hope it helps
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Old 15th February 2018, 9:22 AM   #308
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Thanks for the replies. I like that you got your parents chocolates Crunchy.

At the moment where I am. I couldn't tell you if i'll make it to 30 years old. I beat myself up almost everyday over the fact he thinks i'm so worthless. I'm alive but I tell you if it could end in my sleep tonight, it would. As the title of my thread says. The Pain is overwhelming.
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Old 15th February 2018, 2:56 PM   #309
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Originally Posted by Heartbrokenandhurt View Post
Thanks for the replies. I like that you got your parents chocolates Crunchy.

At the moment where I am. I couldn't tell you if i'll make it to 30 years old. I beat myself up almost everyday over the fact he thinks i'm so worthless. I'm alive but I tell you if it could end in my sleep tonight, it would. As the title of my thread says. The Pain is overwhelming.
Apart from myself, I have few friends who have been depressed and suicidal. 2 who've attempted it. They all have something in common. They were overly giving in nature and let people walk all over them. They made their life about others. Didn't give a damn about themselves. The ones who were suicidal at some point and managed to get passed it are the ones who started giving a damn about themselves.

You're capable of winning the love of others but you're stuck in your own head and given that it's been about a year, it's now become a choice. It's not about how a man won't accept you because there are plenty who will and you've seen it yourself..it's more about you not caring anything about yourself because you don't OP. Not really. You have some lingering things there so deeply rooted and engrained into your wiring that you are unaware of it..but it's trailed with you into adulthood and you've simply come to a point where you will have to work on it to move forward.
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Last edited by Beachead; 15th February 2018 at 3:54 PM..
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Old 16th February 2018, 7:58 AM   #310
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Thanks. I do try. I have a job, I see friends. But my thoughts always come back to him. I think how happy I would of been had it stayed good. I blame myself for just being me. I'm still in pain as though the breakup is fresh! I think its because I truly don't think i'll feel this way about another man... but I didn't do anything wrong! To loose him I mean. This is why I get suicidal because im not getting past this.
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Old 16th February 2018, 11:27 AM   #311
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Thanks. I do try. I have a job, I see friends. But my thoughts always come back to him. I think how happy I would of been had it stayed good. I blame myself for just being me. I'm still in pain as though the breakup is fresh! I think its because I truly don't think i'll feel this way about another man... but I didn't do anything wrong! To loose him I mean. This is why I get suicidal because im not getting past this.
He turned you down and you turned the guys you were dating down.

He hurt you. You likely hurt them.

His reasons were out of your control just like your reasons for rejecting these guys were out of their control (You still missed your ex). No matter how perfect of a boyfriend they could be, it wouldn't change how you felt and no matter how perfect of a girlfriend you could be, it wouldn't change how he felt. You're beating yourself up about it even though it's not your fault and I know atleast ONE of those guys were beating themselves up also even though it wasn't their fault.

It's no different. And it happens everyday; not winning someone over then having to continue. The only difference here is this time you cared about the outcome.

Last edited by Beachead; 16th February 2018 at 12:28 PM..
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Old 16th February 2018, 4:39 PM   #312
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The difference for me, was that me and my ex had a 6 month relationship. Its different being ditched after that as opposed to one date like I did with that guy I dated once.

I'm actually feeling abit concerned recently. This is ruining my life. What if I never feel ok again? This has haunted all my days.
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Old 16th February 2018, 5:12 PM   #313
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The difference for me, was that me and my ex had a 6 month relationship. Its different being ditched after that as opposed to one date like I did with that guy I dated once.

I'm actually feeling abit concerned recently. This is ruining my life. What if I never feel ok again? This has haunted all my days.
What if one of the guys you went one date with had come off some multiple bad relationships/experiences as well and this was the first time in a year or two since he put himself out there. His friends had told him to go and give dating a try and the first girl he went out on a date with was you. He liked you but you didn't call him again. Maybe he didn't want to date because he didn't want to take another rejection like that and that's exactly what happened. How would you think he would have feel? He would feel discouraged. It's not a big deal for you but it would hurt him far worse. I'm not saying one date is the same as 6 months but I am saying depending on people's particular circumstances, rejection is rejection. Something you think isn't a big deal is a big deal to them. You dont know how it is for others or where there coming from. There are always situations like this.

How does this tie to you? It's more common than you think and a normal part of life and people have to learn how to take those punches and come back from it everyday. And they do.

Perspective is everything.
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Old 16th February 2018, 5:22 PM   #314
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I'm actually feeling abit concerned recently. This is ruining my life. What if I never feel ok again? This has haunted all my days.
I'm glad you're feeling concerned. It means you realize your thinking and feeling about this situation is a bit distorted. I think on some level you do realize it's not normal to be feeling so non-functional in your life after a year of living without this man you had only a six month relationship with. You two do not share children, did not have to divide assets, move, etc. It did affect you very badly, but it's really time for it to not win anymore. You're surrendering your entire life to this man who does not deserve that control over you.
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Old 17th February 2018, 3:25 AM   #315
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I feel like the only way I could ever move on, is for him to show me I did mean something and show i'm not a piece of disposable trash hes made me feel. I want him to show me that im not repulsive to him, that our time together wasn't a lie and that i'm worth something to him. My value to him is clearly nothing since he 'respects' my NC. He doesn't think i'm worth fighting for.
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