Angry ex a whole year later

[No_Go]

My ex has reached out out of the blue (our last communication was months ago) to scorn me about something I've told him couple of years ago. WTH? I wish him well but don't want to associate with him ever again - we do not make sense together. Shall I tell him this or just ignore?

 

Plus he is not friendly at all in his tone - just telling me over and over again how guilty I am for our relationship failing (we broke up btw because he was mass messaging women on dating sites while concomitantly asking me to get engaged asap................ so he was hardly on his best behavior..............)

[KBarletta]

My ex has reached out out of the blue (our last communication was months ago) to scorn me about something I've told him couple of years ago. WTH? I wish him well but don't want to associate with him ever again - we do not make sense together. Shall I tell him this or just ignore?

 

Plus he is not friendly at all in his tone - just telling me over and over again how guilty I am for our relationship failing (we broke up btw because he was mass messaging women on dating sites while concomitantly asking me to get engaged asap................ so he was hardly on his best behavior..............)

 

Ignore, forget, block, move on, don't look back.

[Space Ritual]

Crickets.

 

Giving him any response is exactly what he wants. If he can project his own bad behavior onto you, he will think he can assuage his own guilt and then make it all out to not have been so bad after all.

 

Make him insignificant.

[GemmaUK]

Yeah, just ignore.

It's certainly not worth any effort on your part to reply at all.

 

One guy I dated for a few weeks - about 4 or maybe 5 weeks max still contacted me for 4 years after.

I had no way to block on my phone back then and my provider couldn't block numbers either.

 

I just ignored, he went away eventually.

 

Since then I prefer an app which blocks but stores messages. They don't show in my normal text log and I have to specifically choose to go and take a look but I do have a record should it get weird or threatening.

 

This guy has probably had someone else call him out on his behaviour and remembers you did too so...he blames you.

It's quite amusing when someone is that deluded.

[harrybrown]

forever NC.

 

delete the message.

 

if you have to change your phone number, your email etc.

[No_Go]

Thanks guys. Logically forever NC makes sense. I didn’t want to do it because in the end we were amicable after all but he never d*mn stopped with this whining... it just is so irrational after year+ of break up (that he sweared up and down he didn’t regret and moreover enjoyed?!?). People are weird sometitimes.

[GemmaUK]

Thanks guys. Logically forever NC makes sense. I didn’t want to do it because in the end we were amicable after all but he never d*mn stopped with this whining... it just is so irrational after year+ of break up (that he sweared up and down he didn’t regret and moreover enjoyed?!?). People are weird sometitimes.

 

Yeah, he needs a way to give someone else responsibility - it's you just now.

 

The first sign of a potential abuser is responsibility shift.

Be thankful you trusted your instincts, acted on them and didn't put up with his kind of crap.

If you reply now or were to continue to then to whomever he next dates he has written proof you are 'that psycho ex' who still contacts him.

I have seen this in play - funnily enough the first message is from here and it never makes any sense because he has deleted his angry message which started it! Lol!

 

This is a drop in the ocean, don't get dragged into the tide.

Just ignore, make life simple..

[smackie9]

Why haven't you deleted his number or blocked him?

 

I would have told to go f his hat.

[No_Go]

Yeah when we broke up he shifted all the responsibility to me: for months he’d send me angry emails and I’d thoroughly respond because I felt bad that he’s so upset (although as said he made it happen with his dating site activity but nevertheless I let him stay in our previously shared apartment and everything else I could to make it smooth and convenient for him).

 

Anyway... time to take care of myself. His behavior has been rude but I though he’s hurting, now I think hes just.... a bad person who thinks the whole world owes him something.

[GemmaUK]

Yeah when we broke up he shifted all the responsibility to me: for months he’d send me angry emails and I’d thoroughly respond because I felt bad that he’s so upset (although as said he made it happen with his dating site activity but nevertheless I let him stay in our previously shared apartment and everything else I could to make it smooth and convenient for him).

 

Anyway... time to take care of myself. His behavior has been rude but I though he’s hurting, now I think hes just.... a bad person who thinks the whole world owes him something.

 

I can understand you responding at the time, you were much deeper in it back then. Sounds like he cites you as the reason he 'had no choice' but to mass mail other women.

A responsible, undeluded man who had integrity and humility wouldn't dream of citing you as the cause for doing what he did.

 

But, I would not block or delete his number or any of his messages.

These messages are your proof of his contact.

A person with abusive traits can become abusive, threatening or even violent after the end of a relationship - people have been killed by their exes after a relationship has ended. I don't want to scare you but instead make sure you are vigilant. Make sure he is not following you or driving past your place.

Make sure he can't access any of your social media - you don't want him seeing anything.

It sounds extreme and outlandish - but just be aware that this might not just be texts.

 

If he threatens or is following you - you should contact the police.

But also, make sure friends and family know what is currently going on too.

 

Being angry and contacting you this long after the end of the relationship is not logical. If you never thought he would be back in touch and angry this long after then you really don't know what else he might do or be doing.

 

Keep safe.

[No_Go]

Thanks Gemma - that’s my fear - he has my address. I’m keeping a track record on his messages as you suggested (in the summer he was telling me ‘you must have a new d*ck’ and in that point I thought things are getting out of control....

 

He’s blocked on social media. My friends know. I’m sure it is more than the texts because our common acquaintances has recently blocked me on social media as well out of the blue - I’m assuming there was some talking.

 

All in all, I’m so glad I dodged a bullet when we broke up.

 

I can understand you responding at the time, you were much deeper in it back then. Sounds like he cites you as the reason he 'had no choice' but to mass mail other women.

A responsible, undeluded man who had integrity and humility wouldn't dream of citing you as the cause for doing what he did.

 

But, I would not block or delete his number or any of his messages.

These messages are your proof of his contact.

A person with abusive traits can become abusive, threatening or even violent after the end of a relationship - people have been killed by their exes after a relationship has ended. I don't want to scare you but instead make sure you are vigilant. Make sure he is not following you or driving past your place.

Make sure he can't access any of your social media - you don't want him seeing anything.

It sounds extreme and outlandish - but just be aware that this might not just be texts.

 

If he threatens or is following you - you should contact the police.

But also, make sure friends and family know what is currently going on too.

 

Being angry and contacting you this long after the end of the relationship is not logical. If you never thought he would be back in touch and angry this long after then you really don't know what else he might do or be doing.

 

Keep safe.

[Space Ritual]

I let him stay in our previously shared apartment and everything else I could to make it smooth and convenient for him).

 

Probably the only misstep you took the entire time. He really did not have much consequence, I mean you moved, he stayed, and basically was able to keep you in his life to some extent because of it.

 

Just remember in the future, all that "Let's Be Friends" crap is just that, crap. It is just delaying healing thinking that someone who aided in creating such turmoil is going to turn on a dime and be amicable.

 

"Let's Be friends" is a death knell

[No_Go]

Probably the only misstep you took the entire time. He really did not have much consequence, I mean you moved, he stayed, and basically was able to keep you in his life to some extent because of it.

 

Just remember in the future, all that "Let's Be Friends" crap is just that, crap. It is just delaying healing thinking that someone who aided in creating such turmoil is going to turn on a dime and be amicable.

 

"Let's Be friends" is a death knell

 

you moved, he stayed, and basically was able to keep you in his life to some extent because of it Yeah.... This was a huge mistake. He'd use the - 'Oh come get your mail' line to invite me over to have sex with him. I was still somewhat attached and this extremely unhealthy FWB situation took a course of few months until I finally detached. I'm sure that's part of what drives his attempts to get in touch once again but this ship has sailed.

 

"Let's be friends" indeed turned into sh*tshow" as well with this guy and my other exes too. It has never ended well...