Just venting

[losburatinos]

It's been over 6 months after break up of a 3 year relationship, but for some reason, I feel like it's only been a couple of months.

 

I know that eventually, in a year or two, I will completely forget about her and move on, like I did in the past. My other ex from 3 years ago contacted me in July hoping to get some validation and the only thing I told her was that we had nothing to talk about.

 

But I guess a mix of loneliness and my home job is doing bad for me.

 

In the past 6 months I've done so, so many things. I finished uni, moved to a new city, found a second job and soon will transition to a new job. I got a 6pack, I do sports every day, I found a ton of new hobbies, I now do film photography, I swim, I box, I completely quit smoking weed (after 4 years of daily smoking), I drank so many times and now in the company of new people. I am fixing my financial situation, hoping to finally buy a car in the next couple of months. Everything that I had on my checklist right after the BU, I've done it.

 

She has been blocked all this time. I don't know if she cheated before the BU on me as I went NC straight away and haven't broken it since. I just don't know. I'm stuck at home with two jobs and I spend all my time on the internet and I sometimes relapse into checking her social media.

 

I know I will get over this but all these breakups destroyed the hope of finding someone worthwhile. In the past 6 months, I haven't met such person. I feel like the only way to get over this for me is to find someone new, but I've covered myself with a ton of blocks, became aggressive and turn people away from me. I'm 26 and all the girls younger of my age are getting a **** ton of attention from an enormous amount of guys and I don't want to play this stupid game. I don't find girls who approach me attractive, but I do not approach anyone myself.

 

Last night I had a dream where a reconciliation was simulated with very precise details in my brain. And in that dream, when everyone thought we are getting back together, I said no. I'm just feeling pretty desperate right now.

 

End.