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Does it get better?


Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

Old 1st November 2017, 1:58 PM   #1
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Does it get better?

I know one month is not nearly enough to get over your first love, but I am having the hardest time coping. I just started grad school and all my friends are single and trying to find men and going on dates. I'm forcing myself to go along with it, but it hurts so much. I feel so far behind. I feel like I won't ever be ready and I'll be the only one single. We were together for 3.5 years and he even moved to the city to be near me. And then he ended it only a few weeks after we both moved. I'm having the hardest time functioning. I'm trying, but everything is a reminder that I don't have him and that I'm not ready to get emotionally invested in someone again. I feel so alone.

Last edited by Broken183; 1st November 2017 at 2:03 PM..
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Old 1st November 2017, 9:54 PM   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Broken183 View Post
I know one month is not nearly enough to get over your first love, but I am having the hardest time coping. I just started grad school and all my friends are single and trying to find men and going on dates. I'm forcing myself to go along with it, but it hurts so much. I feel so far behind. I feel like I won't ever be ready and I'll be the only one single. We were together for 3.5 years and he even moved to the city to be near me. And then he ended it only a few weeks after we both moved. I'm having the hardest time functioning. I'm trying, but everything is a reminder that I don't have him and that I'm not ready to get emotionally invested in someone again. I feel so alone.
Here's my post answering this:

I can relate, I almost lost my startup and job because of giving myself to the wrong person. I did things I'm not to proud of to cope with the loss, but it was either that or hit rock bottom, and I couldn't right now with everything riding. My admonishment to you is if you're support system, family, and peers aren't enough to help you cope with this hard time, find a therapist. Push this pain on them, let them help you through these trying times. That's another thing I did. I couldn't face this alone, losing a first love was just as hard as losing my father. I'm still mourning, but between my therapist, Buddhist training, and family/friends, I was able to thwart off her advances and maintain NC.
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Old 15th November 2017, 11:09 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Broken183 View Post
I know one month is not nearly enough to get over your first love, but I am having the hardest time coping. I just started grad school and all my friends are single and trying to find men and going on dates. I'm forcing myself to go along with it, but it hurts so much. I feel so far behind. I feel like I won't ever be ready and I'll be the only one single. We were together for 3.5 years and he even moved to the city to be near me. And then he ended it only a few weeks after we both moved. I'm having the hardest time functioning. I'm trying, but everything is a reminder that I don't have him and that I'm not ready to get emotionally invested in someone again. I feel so alone.
My advice to you is don't try and go on dates it will probably be few month before you even feel comfortable talking to another guy like that. I personally went through my first serious break up about 6 months ago with my first love. We dated for about 2.5 years. My breakup was extremely abrupt with my first love in a way as she had wrote me a card about how she wanted to marry me and have kids with me one day 2 weeks before ending it.

I knew that the relationship was breaking down out of my control but I was stupidly in love (So I thought) thinking that it would never end and that no matter what we always be together and make it work. Anyways, basically back in may everything seem okish between us. A week before she was going on vacation we had gotten into a fight over trust issues. This was a girl who had attempted cheating on me within a year of our relationship.

She would always make stupid rules how I was not allowed to talk to other girls and such blah blah. Eventually this stopped as I went on about how ridiculous. This girl was a big big liar, I had caught her on her facebook messaging a group of guys. The reason why I had snooped in the first place was because a friend of mine who had just got back from college was telling me about a story about how she was sending some cleavage shots to a buddy of his. Which I did not know whether to believe considering how this girl would lie to me all the time.

So a fight started between us and I had told her to just talk to me when she got back from vacation and to just leave me alone for now(As I was extremely angry at the time). She told me how the stuff my friend said was not true and what not. She was like I don't even talk to any other guys and so I through that into her face. I had asked to meet up with her after work to talk about this in person. A few hours later she texted me that she was done with me and to not come to see her in person.

I was super confused thinking that it was her just being mad. She ghosted me for 3 weeks after saying that this is really done. Stuff went back and forth for about a month of I want you back to I don't want you, to maybe in a few months we can try again. Explanations of why she ended it would always change. She started to say that she just didn't feel that way about me blah blah. Eventually in july we met one more time I was extremely emotionally unstable asking her why she kept going back and forth constantly crying in front of girl who at this point showed no emotions whatsoever. She finally said I don't see us working out, and that was that communication between us finally stopped. She went on to go sleep around with other guys and is now seeing someone else to the best of my knowledge.

Basically, its been 6 months for me now and it still sucks from time to time. Looking back my relationship with that girl was extremely toxic and even though I knew it when I was dating her I guess I was just blind at the time, I thought that magically it would get better because of how in love with her I was. I still miss her, I'm not inlove with her anymore though so its got a lot better.

At this stage this girl still lingers in the back of my mind but not as strong as she did 4 months ago. I tried seeing other people at about the 3 month mark, but I was extremely uncomfortable with it do to how I am as a person and I only had any experience with this one girl. Its hard still because I know even now I still have lingering feelings for her even though there not as strong. Just give yourself time don't try to invest into another person until you become comfortable being alone. Don't just date because your trying to fill a void.

Personally, I gave up on looking to go on dates, after my chaotic relationship Given that I am 20 year old dude who is in college, I missed out on a lot of fun times because I had a girlfriend, that's not to say I didn't create some great memory with girl. I don't regret meeting her at all because I learned a lot from that relationship. But I prefer to be single for a long time and live my life. If a new relationship pops up so be it but for now taking some much needed time to myself. Fun to have the freedom to do whatever I want now!
Give it at least 3-4 months and you'll start to feel better! Best of Luck!
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Old 15th November 2017, 11:56 PM   #4
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Be grateful that all your friends are single and that you are all in the same boat.
Imagine having all your friends being in committed relationships (with boring idiots that are no fun), and having zero opportunities via friends to go out and meet new people. That's my life, and it sucks ass. Be grateful for what you have and your future possibilities.
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