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Does she still miss at all?


Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

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Old 27th October 2017, 3:23 PM   #1
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Question Does she still miss at all?

Hi everyone,

Before, I ask my question, I just wanted to say that this is my first post here on LS. I've been on the site the last few weeks reading posts and responses that many of you have shared and I just wanted to thank the posters for being brave for coming here and opening up their feelings to complete strangers and sharing their struggles to seek the proper tools in order to move on and be strong. I would also like to thank to the people that have read and responded to these posters, without you guys, the encouragement, strength and motivation wouldn't be there, so thank you as well!

Ok, quick re-cap.

I'm 37 (male), she's 35. We were together for 3.5 years. Madly in love with each other, always together (except during work of course), we were best friends to each other, trusted each other, lovers, etc. We got engaged 4 months before we broke up. We broke up due to having differences of views of a life and household together and with how we would raise our future kids in the future.

The last couple of months in the relationship seemed rocky and it wasn't heading in the positive direction as most of relationship had been. We ended up breaking up, (she must have "checked-out" a month before) which was devastating to me (and to her I presume). - This was 9 months ago.

We had maintained contact for 8 months after the breakup. I went through the whole, crying, begging, pleading, etc. stage, only to be rejected and in more pain. During the last couple of months, we've had a few 1-2 hour long phone conversations, with both of us getting emotional and crying, but it was nothing more than just re-hashing the relationship and what went wrong.

I saw her last 2 weeks ago at an event which we each knew we'd be there. We spoke a couple times, (it was a social event in a bar / event type establishment), so we spoke briefly parted ways, spoke again, she started tearing up a bit this time, I wiped her tears away with a napkin, and we said our goodbyes. I was fine for the most part I'd say, just sad knowing that we weren't together anymore.

It has been 2 FULL weeks of No Contact, probably the longest that we'd have ever gone without communicating with each other since we had met. While it's upsetting to me that we are no longer together, I have accepted it with myself and have moved on by trying to get stronger every day, which I have been.

While I know that if it wasn't meant to be, it wasn't meant to be, and that I should just move on and forget about it - which I am at my best. I will admit, I still think about her every day, and when my phone rings, I sometimes "hope" that it's her calling me. Not with the hope of reconciling and trying to make things work, but just knowing that she's still thinking of me and remembers how happy I had once made her.

I'm not too sure if she's met anyone else now, but she did mention to me that she did date after and it wasn't the same, because "they weren't you".

So my question is, and I know everyone's case is different, but more or less or from a female's perspective, do you think that she still thinks about me or misses me?

I guess, at this point, I just want to know for my bruised ego.

Thanks for listening.
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Old 27th October 2017, 3:48 PM   #2
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You were a large part of each others lives for 3.5 years. You got engaged. Of course she occasionally thinks about you. She didn't suddenly have her memory wiped.


However thinking about you is not the same thing as wanted to reconcile. If you broke up because you could not find a joint shared vision of the future splitting was probably the best thing.


Certain things will trigger memories of guys I dated over the years. Just because I have a fleeting memory of some shared activity does not mean I should never have ended those relationships.
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Old 27th October 2017, 4:35 PM   #3
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It's safe to say that she most likely still thinks about the relationship. It's human nature.

Best not occupy yourself with who she's dating and what she's doing. I know it's natural and you are bound to feel that way. But try to do things that give you hope and joy. Maintain no contact. Start planning a new daily routine for yourself because you're going to need that structured approach to move on and heal. It will take time. Be kind to yourself.

I'm sorry you're going through this and hope you'll find joy and happiness soon. Stay strong.
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Old 27th October 2017, 10:38 PM   #4
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Thanks Logo and Donnivain for your replies.

I know and understand not consume myself with what she's doing or who she's dating and for the most part, I'm pretty good about not thinking about that. This 2 weeks of absolutely No Contact is probably the longest we've both ever gone without speaking to each other in the last 4 years and while I'm fine (I honestly am) and don't have the urge to reach out and call or text, email, etc. I just feel a little sad / disappointed that I've lost my "best friend" and that she hasn't made any effort to reach out to me, which I understand is probably to my benefit given the situation. That's why I question, as the topic of the post states "Do she still miss me at all?" (I actually missed a word "me" in the topic).
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Old 28th October 2017, 9:05 AM   #5
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We had maintained contact for 8 months after the breakup. I went through the whole, crying, begging, pleading, etc. stage, only to be rejected and in more pain. During the last couple of months, we've had a few 1-2 hour long phone conversations, with both of us getting emotional and crying, but it was nothing more than just re-hashing the relationship and what went wrong.

This situation almost sounds like mine:

Same: (both 2 years apart; him (37m), me (39f) at the time of dating.
were together 3 years

There were many many differences though. I think I chased him because he was such an emotionless creature & at times very mean. Talk about shattered ego? And myself w/ my over the top sensitivity and crazy making emotions.

My point is this though... nobody whether male or female is attracted to someone who begs and pleads. He sure knew how to keep me pining for that long, do you see what I'm trying to get at?
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