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Coping with ex's behaviour


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Hi everyone,

Me and my ex broke up 8 months ago. We got back together for 2 months and the we broke up last week again. The first time she dumped me, now I dumped her.

 

I'm doing fairly oke, got alot of stuff to focus on but their is on thing bothering me al the time. I don't feel like a man anymore, I feel like an unattractive loser.

 

why?

 

The 2 years I was with her, I did everything. We loved each other to the bone, no doubt about it (Still do). The thing that hurts though it how easily she gives up her body and time to another guy. Altough she was also in alot of pain, and just wanted to distract herself, I feel immasculated.

 

The women for who I did so much for (and vice versa) not only broke up with me for understandble reasons, but she kissed a guy a few hours after. I freaked out and did stupid things, and she went on dating this guy for 3 months. The wanted to go on trips, they had seks.

 

Although I know I was still the one for her, and he was just a distraction, it hurts so much that she can have fun with another guy so easily. He broke up with her though because she kept talking about me and stuff. But I can't believe that a guy who doesn't put any effort in her gets the same priveliges I did when I cared and loved her so much.

 

It made my love feel pointless and replaceble.

And yes I'm talking about seks. I agree that woman should have seks the way man do, but there's something very painful when a man puts so much effort for a woman, and a woman has no trouble sucking a stranger's **** who doesn't treat her like she should be.

 

As a man this is on of the worst possible feelings there is. Woman tend to look differently on the subject.

 

A woman is being offered seks 24/7, and it's a privilige for a man when a woman accepts him. You feel special and alpha. from al the man she wants you, and she can have them al.

Now after this experience I dont feel as the man anymore. And I love that feeling.

While I do love her, and our seks is special, I'd had to break up with her because I will never get that confidence from her again after she gave up her body so easily after our relationship.

 

I broke up because of this. As a man this feeling is crucial. I got depressed being with her, because she reminded me how not special I was. If I was her special man, she would've never wanted any other man's seed. I like how she cared for me the second time we where back together. She did so much for me. But I don't feel alpha anymore when I'm with her. Woman REALLY underestimate this feeling in men. It's what makes a man feel like a man.

 

I would love to hear everyone's opinion on this. Male and female's.

Male's, is my mindset wrong? I can't help feeling this way. The pain still hurts that she hooked up so easily after me. How do I cope with this?

And female's, how would you describe her behaviour? are there some of you who understands this deep rooted insecurity of a man?

 

Cheers

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Hi everyone.

 

I broke up with my ex (again) 1 week ago.

 

I feel empty and hurt, but alot better then the first breakup we had.

 

Anyway I'm ready to start dating again, but there's one problem. My confidence is having an all time low. I feel like a unattractive loser, even though alot of people compliment my for my looks. It's not about looks, I just don't feel sex worthy.

 

The insecurity came in when my ex dumped me the first time and went on a slut spree after that. That fine and all, if I was super hot like her I would've done the same thing.

 

But now a girl has dumped me and ****ed DJ's, a dancer who is 11 years older then her and some studs. She gave it up so easy for them. When I met her we didn't have seks until after half a year (rose up from the friendzone).

 

My problem is I want to have seks, alot of it, with hot girls. But I don't have the confidence to approach and pursue. My ex was a smoking hot bar lady and it hurts everytime I found out about how easy she ****s random guys.

If we never had a relationship, she would never **** me as quick as all these studs, DJ's and older dudes.

 

This just hurts, even to the point of me going to prostitutes. (not proud but we had so much good seks in our relationship, that I can't be celibate again for a year).

 

Apart from judging me about the prostitute thing, how can I get my confidence back and just have fun with hot woman?

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You have every right to feel the way you do - feelings are feelings and you can't always control them. However, I have to ask, knowing what you know, why did you get back together. You obviously can't handle it so why go through all the heartache of getting back together to only break up again?

 

Why did you break up in the first place?

 

I can only speak for myself but I have slept with someone while believing another was my one. We had been broken up for a while and it was clear we weren't going to get back together. I thought being with someone else would help me move on. Being with someone else also helped me gain a little more confidence and feel desired again after all the rejection I had experienced. Not saying it's right but it didn't mean my feelings for the other person weren't still there or shallow in any way.

 

Her getting with someone hours after you broke up, I can't explain. It took me over a year to get to the point I could let someone else touch me. But everyone processes and deals with things in different ways.

 

Your ex didn't do anything wrong, you were broken up and she was free to have sex with whomever she chose. It shouldn't affect your masculinity or self-worth.

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Try to reorganize your thoughts. Yes, it was lovely that she chose you but now you know that her views on sex are not the same as yours. The gift you received as being so precious was meaningless to her. What you need to do is forget her as being unworthy of you. Take some time to heal. Reflect on your own values & then when you are ready go find a nice girl who shares your views. When that girl thoughtfully choses you then you will again know you are special. The girl you are pining over is not the one for you because she is too casual in her outlook to be a long term match for you.

 

 

Your "alpha maleness" comes from you. To the extent you think you get it from external factors -- like this EX -- you are diminishing your own power. Stop.

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Multi posting will only get you the same answers. There is no magic pill, spell or words that's going to move this along a little faster. Time....it takes time to adjust your mindset.

 

BTW, getting sex isn't a race to be better than your ex....so shelf that deflated ego of yours.

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You have every right to feel the way you do - feelings are feelings and you can't always control them. However, I have to ask, knowing what you know, why did you get back together. You obviously can't handle it so why go through all the heartache of getting back together to only break up again?

 

Why did you break up in the first place?

 

I can only speak for myself but I have slept with someone while believing another was my one. We had been broken up for a while and it was clear we weren't going to get back together. I thought being with someone else would help me move on. Being with someone else also helped me gain a little more confidence and feel desired again after all the rejection I had experienced. Not saying it's right but it didn't mean my feelings for the other person weren't still there or shallow in any way.

 

Her getting with someone hours after you broke up, I can't explain. It took me over a year to get to the point I could let someone else touch me. But everyone processes and deals with things in different ways.

 

Your ex didn't do anything wrong, you were broken up and she was free to have sex with whomever she chose. It shouldn't affect your masculinity or self-worth.

 

Thanks for sharing your experience Tribble.

To anwser your question, she broke up with me because we had issues. These issues weren't getting resolved because of bad communication. Because of that I got down and she felt like I was rejecting her (which I was in some way, I wanted to talk about things which she a had a hard time with). I got distant because of that. It's hard to be close to a person when you feel you can't talk about everything anymore.

 

After 3 months of her begging me to open up, but me not opening up because it was pointless anyway, she snapped and broke it off. She immediatly went out and kissed a guy who she just met. I reacted by having seks with someone because I was so mad, and she reacted by having seks with this guy. I still do blame all of this on her, she shouldn't have kissed him. Although I should've done things differently also.

 

I wanted to go back because I wanted to be with her. I wanted to resolve those damn issues we had and go back to the wonderful times we had. We've been through so much, we both didn't want to give it up.

 

So I went back after alot of talking with her why what happened etc. I just kept having those awful images of her and some guy having seks and having fun all the time. She had seks with 4 people in half a year, and even though had more woman in that time, I just couldn't let it go. (she could).

 

I remember not wanting to really have seks with those woman, but what was I supposed to do? knowing my ex was partying almost every day and hooking up with whatever, I felt weak for crying in my room all day.So I went out of my way to bang woman, which helped a bit but I just wanted her to stop.

 

anyway the second time I hoped it would fade away that pain, but I kept feeling the presence of all the other man.

She kept telling me it didn't mean as much as it did with us, and while I believe her, it did mean alot to me.

 

It's hard not get mad. I'm really doing my best. I didn't feel like banging woman back than, but if your supposedly love of your life is on a **** marathon, me as a man kind of get jaded and do stupid things too.

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Hi everyone.

I broke up with my ex (again) 1 week ago.

I feel empty and hurt, but alot better then the first breakup we had.

Anyway I'm ready to start dating again, but there's one problem. My confidence is having an all time low. I feel like a unattractive loser, even though alot of people compliment my for my looks. It's not about looks, I just don't feel sex worthy.

The insecurity came in when my ex dumped me the first time and went on a slut spree after that. That fine and all, if I was super hot like her I would've done the same thing.

But now a girl has dumped me and ****ed DJ's, a dancer who is 11 years older then her and some studs. She gave it up so easy for them. When I met her we didn't have seks until after half a year (rose up from the friendzone).

My problem is I want to have seks, alot of it, with hot girls. But I don't have the confidence to approach and pursue. My ex was a smoking hot bar lady and it hurts everytime I found out about how easy she ****s random guys.

If we never had a relationship, she would never **** me as quick as all these studs, DJ's and older dudes.

This just hurts, even to the point of me going to prostitutes. (not proud but we had so much good seks in our relationship, that I can't be celibate again for a year).

Apart from judging me about the prostitute thing, how can I get my confidence back and just have fun with hot woman?

 

You have to learn the process. Once you learn how to do these things getting sex is pretty easy. It varies by the woman of course, but most respond to the same things.

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Try to reorganize your thoughts. Yes, it was lovely that she chose you but now you know that her views on sex are not the same as yours. The gift you received as being so precious was meaningless to her. What you need to do is forget her as being unworthy of you. Take some time to heal. Reflect on your own values & then when you are ready go find a nice girl who shares your views. When that girl thoughtfully choses you then you will again know you are special. The girl you are pining over is not the one for you because she is too casual in her outlook to be a long term match for you.

 

 

Your "alpha maleness" comes from you. To the extent you think you get it from external factors -- like this EX -- you are diminishing your own power. Stop.

 

Great advice, although I totally not have a problem with women and men havig meaningless sex. She told me about her past, and it wasn't pretty but I never cared a bit. She's with me now and she does knows how to have fun. Good for her.

I was just so shocked that she had the space to let another guy in so easily after everything I'd done for her.

 

This will take a while to get over.

 

Also I would like to be the guy who she would so easily sleep with. Maybe that doesn't make me an alpha male, but it does make me feel alot more at ease.

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Thanks for sharing your experience Tribble.

To anwser your question, she broke up with me because we had issues. These issues weren't getting resolved because of bad communication. Because of that I got down and she felt like I was rejecting her (which I was in some way, I wanted to talk about things which she a had a hard time with). I got distant because of that. It's hard to be close to a person when you feel you can't talk about everything anymore.

 

After 3 months of her begging me to open up, but me not opening up because it was pointless anyway, she snapped and broke it off. She immediatly went out and kissed a guy who she just met. I reacted by having seks with someone because I was so mad, and she reacted by having seks with this guy. I still do blame all of this on her, she shouldn't have kissed him. Although I should've done things differently also.

 

I wanted to go back because I wanted to be with her. I wanted to resolve those damn issues we had and go back to the wonderful times we had. We've been through so much, we both didn't want to give it up.

 

So I went back after alot of talking with her why what happened etc. I just kept having those awful images of her and some guy having seks and having fun all the time. She had seks with 4 people in half a year, and even though had more woman in that time, I just couldn't let it go. (she could).

 

I remember not wanting to really have seks with those woman, but what was I supposed to do? knowing my ex was partying almost every day and hooking up with whatever, I felt weak for crying in my room all day.So I went out of my way to bang woman, which helped a bit but I just wanted her to stop.

 

anyway the second time I hoped it would fade away that pain, but I kept feeling the presence of all the other man.

She kept telling me it didn't mean as much as it did with us, and while I believe her, it did mean alot to me.

 

It's hard not get mad and call her a slut, I'm really doing my best. I didn't feel like banging woman back than, but if your supposedly love of your life is on a **** marathon, me as a man kind of get jaded and do stupid things too.

 

Wow. With this additional information....wow. I said before you can't change how you feel but do you not see the double standards here? You can sleep around but she can't. You want sex to be special and reserved for you only, but what about it being special for her? This is not something you can explain away about differences between the genders. You said the girls you slept with meant nothing to you, it could (only could - I'm not her), could mean the same to you.

 

At the end of the day, you can't get passed this. So OK, stay broken up. It sucks you couldn't get passed it and getting back together was a mistake that probably ended up hurting both of you even more. But people make mistakes.

 

But to truly move on, you need to take a long hard look at yourself. You need to figure out why YOU behaved that way, not why she did. You can't blame her for the choices you made. And you need to stop judging, especially when what you did, by your own admission, is "worse". Do you think you're projecting your own feelings about yourself onto her?

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I disagree that you're ready to start dating again, as your post suggests otherwise. Not only has it been an extremely short time since you broke up, you have admitted your self confidence is in the toilet.

 

I think you need some time to work on yourself, and if you can't handle not having sex for a month or so, then you may have a sex addiction that needs looking into as well. You can take care of yourself during that time, "getting the poison out" as I call it.

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In the face of her kissing another man, you upped the ante & had meaningless sex with a different woman. Then she did the same thing & you're mad about that. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. Double standards don't work. You admit that you have "banged" other women in an attempt to get over her.

 

 

You are now struggling to not call her vile names for doing the very thing you are doing. That is totally unfair.

 

 

Just let her go already. Your mojo will return as soon as you realize that she's part of your past & she wasn't all that perfect or pure to start with.

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Wow. With this additional information....wow. I said before you can't change how you feel but do you not see the double standards here? You can sleep around but she can't. You want sex to be special and reserved for you only, but what about it being special for her? This is not something you can explain away about differences between the genders. You said the girls you slept with meant nothing to you, it could (only could - I'm not her), could mean the same to you.

 

At the end of the day, you can't get passed this. So OK, stay broken up. It sucks you couldn't get passed it and getting back together was a mistake that probably ended up hurting both of you even more. But people make mistakes.

 

But to truly move on, you need to take a long hard look at yourself. You need to figure out why YOU behaved that way, not why she did. You can't blame her for the choices you made. And you need to stop judging, especially when what you did, by your own admission, is "worse". Do you think you're projecting your own feelings about yourself onto her?

 

I'm am fully aware of the major double standards I'm pulling here. I even hoped by sleeping with lots of women (don't worry I always tell them what my intentions are) I could unsterstand how she could be with a guy so easily with me still in her head.

The weird thing is, I totally understand that I can have sex with woman and still love her, but I just CANT imagine how she could do that? I'm not seeing something here. Maybe I lack empathy, i have literally no clue.

 

In my mind I justify it because she started it (I know, really childish).

I know for a fact I would never have sex with any other women again, if she didn't kiss another dude. That is something I'm very sure off.

 

I got really mad, and felt betrayed, even though it was just kissing. I thought that everything I'd done for her, she would never even think about being with another man. I know I didn't consider being with another woman.

When she did what she did, I was just shocked. I thought I loved her enough for her not to want anyone again. And that moment that reality fell apart. I got mad and felt like I had to have sex.

I was frustrated, felt insecure and shocked.

 

I remember thinking: "who cares if I go way beyond what she's doing, she wanted to go this way apparantly".

 

I hope you understand somewhat more of why I did it. And again, yes, I know how ****ed up this logic is. It was al emotions anyway.

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I disagree that you're ready to start dating again, as your post suggests otherwise. Not only has it been an extremely short time since you broke up, you have admitted your self confidence is in the toilet.

 

I think you need some time to work on yourself, and if you can't handle not having sex for a month or so, then you may have a sex addiction that needs looking into as well. You can take care of yourself during that time, "getting the poison out" as I call it.

 

I did consider that I might have a sex addiction, but it's more of a fair of never getting laid again.

 

I totally lucked out with a beautiful girl like her. I don't have strong game. When she was out getting crazy I got more sexually frustrated for some reason. Because of this feeling I forced myself to go out and have seks, just to get the frustration out. I was so frustrated even to the point that I went to prostitutes like I said.

 

I'm not proud of any of this obviously. I wished we could just breakup and both not have seks with for at least a while.

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Romantic_Antics

You are way too focused on sex, my friend. Obsessively so.

 

how can I get my confidence back and just have fun with hot woman?

 

By focusing on her and getting to know her through engaging conversation and attentive listening. By not being solely preoccupied with sex so that you can be in the moment and enjoy getting to know who she is as a person as well as enjoy doing whatever it is you're doing on the date. If all you can think about is how badly you want to get laid while you're out on a date, you're most likely not going to.

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Where to even begin... The problem lies with your sense of self worth and self-esteem. Imagine this scenario: there is a woman who deeply loves her husband lets him walk all over. One day he leaves her for a younger, more beautiful woman. She is devastated and her self-esteem nosedives even further. As she is picking up the shattered pieces of her life he suddenly returns because he realized that his new mistress, while smokin' hot, was an inconsiderate and callous woman who was just using him for his money. The husband apologizes to his wife, says sweet things, and in a heartbeat his wife takes him back. Several months later he has an affair with another beautiful woman, who treats him better. He divorces his wife. She is absolutely crushed and has zero self-esteem left. After months pass she wants to start dating again but struggles with feeling unattractive, unworthy, and unlovable.

 

In this story you are the wife and your ex is the husband. You can't let your partner walk all over you and treat you like her backup and think you're going to have any self-confidence. The issue isn't really even about her--it's about you. It sounds like your partner is selfish and narcissistic. If that is the case your self-confidence and self-esteem will be hit hard because you can't have healthy relationships with those kinds of people. Instead of dating I suggest going into therapy to find out what happened in that relationship, figure out how to set boundaries, and decide what you will and will not tolerate. You will improve your mental and emotional health, increase your sense of self worth, and be able to form a healthier relationship with partners in the future.

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The best way to feel sexy is to look sexy. Start lifting weights and do a full body workout. Treat it likes it's your career. Even get all of those muscles in your legs, butt, and on the side of your chest toned. Start here and you will be good.

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Does the word 'sex' bother you?

I notice all but one occasion where you type it as 'seks'.

 

English is clearly his second language. I've seen the 'seks' spelling in Eastern European txt talk before. It really isn't fair to bag on people for their English skills when it's obviously not their first language.

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English is clearly his second language. I've seen the 'seks' spelling in Eastern European txt talk before. It really isn't fair to bag on people for their English skills when it's obviously not their first language.

 

I didn't 'bag' on him, you have simply misunderstood the reason for my question.

I am curious as to whether he dislikes the word for some reason or is uncomfortable with it in some way.

He used the correct spelling once so he obviously knows it, it doesn't sound like a matter of not being a first language.

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I'm going to guess, based on your posts, that you are young. I hope over 18 but likely 21ish, younger if you are European. So hear this...men and women your age are borderline closed-head injury suffering fools. We are programmed by nature to procreate and it is easier for girls to do that. As you get older, assuming you have a job, a life, and are reasonably in shape, it is very easy (too easy, in fact) for guys to get laid. So let it come to you.

 

The things you have to do at your age in order to simply get laid are, from what I can tell, well beyond your current capabilities. But if you want some tips, keep in mind that the number one attractor (I mean, besides fame and money) is confidence. The good news is that you can fake it and after faking it for a while it magically becomes real. So with every girl you meet, you would need to communicate without words that you don't need her. Maybe you want her, but you don't need her. You are confident that you will find someone else.

 

Later in life, you find out that's actually true and when you do, things become much easier. In the meantime, just enjoy your early 20s.

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Where to even begin... The problem lies with your sense of self worth and self-esteem. Imagine this scenario: there is a woman who deeply loves her husband lets him walk all over. One day he leaves her for a younger, more beautiful woman. She is devastated and her self-esteem nosedives even further. As she is picking up the shattered pieces of her life he suddenly returns because he realized that his new mistress, while smokin' hot, was an inconsiderate, callous bitch who was just using him for his money. The husband apologizes to his wife, says sweet things, and in a heartbeat his wife takes him back. Several months later he has an affair with another beautiful woman, who treats him better. He divorces his wife. She is absolutely crushed and has zero self-esteem left. After months pass she wants to start dating again but struggles with feeling unattractive, unworthy, and unlovable.

 

In this story you are the wife and your ex is the husband. You can't let your partner walk all over you and treat you like her backup and think you're going to have any self-confidence. The issue isn't really even about her--it's about you. It sounds like your partner is selfish and narcissistic. If that is the case your self-confidence and self-esteem will be hit hard because you can't have healthy relationships with those kinds of people. Instead of dating I suggest going into therapy to find out what happened in that relationship, figure out how to set boundaries, and decide what you will and will not tolerate. You will improve your mental and emotional health, increase your sense of self worth, and be able to form a healthier relationship with partners in the future.

 

Thank you, this is wonderful advice. your spot on. I see alot of recognizable traits that your describing. Especially me having trouble to set boundaries.

And yes she is selfish, alot of people told me but I thought she would be different with me. There were alot of red flags in our relationship, and I alway compromised with he about them. Deep down I never agreed, but I still stayed with her, probably because she's my first girlfriend ever and I was just so happy to have one.

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The best way to feel sexy is to look sexy. Start lifting weights and do a full body workout. Treat it likes it's your career. Even get all of those muscles in your legs, butt, and on the side of your chest toned. Start here and you will be good.

 

Thanks for the advice, but I'm actually already fit and excersicing alot. I get told I look hot so I know that isn't the problem. I feel bad and unworthy, and I tend to avoid women because of it.

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Does the word 'sex' bother you?

 

I notice all but one occasion where you type it as 'seks'.

 

Like Cobra X thought, it isn't my first language :lmao:

So to anwser your question, no. The word sex doesn't bother me.

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Thanks for the advice, but I'm actually already fit and excersicing alot. I get told I look hot so I know that isn't the problem. I feel bad and unworthy, and I tend to avoid women because of it.

 

Why? Why do you feel bad and unworthy?

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it is harder for us blokes to get laid not alot of women put out easily your best hope is to find women who like to sleep around otherwise you are gonna have a rough time getting laid

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