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Happiness


Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

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Old 3rd October 2017, 1:23 PM   #1
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Happiness

What is it?

I think it's like any other emotion... a RESPONSE, just like anger or sadness or depression. I hate being told it's a choice, especially coming from people who are surrounded by caring friends and family and other things coming into their lives that give them a REASON to be happy. All their needs are being met. So of course they're happy.

What if you're lonely, sick, in financial trouble, have no support system... etc... now are going to claim you can paste a plastic smile on your face just because the sun is out and it's going to make you feel better? If I'm under stress I don't give a flying f*** about the sun.

People are too self congratulatory... they all want to take credit for their own happiness when all the credit goes to the hand they were dealt... but they can't see it. Meanwhile, you as an observer recognize how much they have that is giving them a REASON to smile. Most have Kids, grandkids... great siblings, parents... the better their relationships the happier they are, so it seems happiness is a response to knowing you are loved... cared for and protected and safe... and those who have it have no compassion for those who don't.

Just sick of being patronized, treated coldly and blamed for being unhappy. I've been having panic attacks lately which are not fun... accumulated stress, loneliness, no support.. in other words, a normal response to a ****ty situation.

Meanwhile, other people are walking around treating you like a leper because might you might spoil their own personal bliss.... People are selfish, not wanting to give unless they think they can GAIN by it... and no one thinks they can gain from someone going through a bad time.

Hate those obnoxious facebook memes people post saying they don't want to be surrounded by negativity or drama or to have anything to do with anything that might bring them down off their cloud. They're opinions will change once it's THEM who needs help... won't it? But as long a they're happy they don't care about anyone else. You read one of those memes and It's like.. gee thanks for pounding home the fact that I have nowhere to turn... it's a selfish, selfish world.
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Old 3rd October 2017, 1:47 PM   #2
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These are interesting neuroscience questions. I think you are correct that we can't choose our emotions. But are we total robots? Do we have any free will? For instance, can we change how we feel by surrounding ourselves with positive thoughts instead of negative ones?
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Old 3rd October 2017, 2:00 PM   #3
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These are interesting neuroscience questions. I think you are correct that we can't choose our emotions. But are we total robots? Do we have any free will? For instance, can we change how we feel by surrounding ourselves with positive thoughts instead of negative ones?
Ask the ones in mental hospitals or hopped up on anti-depressants how easy it is to be happy in response to putting a happy song on the cd player... depression is an epidemic... if happiness was a choice, everyone would choose it.
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Old 3rd October 2017, 2:52 PM   #4
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Well,

I agree, you can’t simply just CHOOSE to be happy, then *poof* be happy.

BUT – we can learn tools to help us cope, to see things in a different light, to be thankful, and these things can lead to greater happiness.

There are some in this world who have very little. They may not have the support of many loved ones, they may struggle financially etc, yet are over all “happy”. They are able to cope and remain optimistic in light of their circumstance.

And there are others who appear to have everything, a beautiful family, a loving spouse, wealth etc – yet are terribly unhappy, despite “having everything”.

My life isn’t perfect – but it is one I am extremely grateful for.

Comparing yourself to others, and what they have, verses what you do not, is the pathway to misery. I learned that long ago…. Growing up with a single dad living in a trailer while all my friends were wealthy, and lived in a totally different world. Wanting what they had would make me feel bad. When I released despite “having everything” that they also experienced stress, and heart break, and failure – made me start to recognize what was really important.

I don’t have great siblings, they are my half siblings and have always been aloof. My mother just died a horrible death. My husband has cheated on me, and I have cheated on him. In the same week as my mother’s death (day before my birthday – I had procrastinated calling her, because we always talk on my birthday) My husband was laid off and we live in the most expensive part of the country (money is a constant stress). I work and commute 12-14 hours a day. I don’t have any children. I don’t have much in the way of close friends, but I do have a few that I can lean on when I need to (which I try to avoid, I hate being a burden).

And I am a very happy a person.

Its interesting that you said you don’t see the sun when you are stressed. For me, I have learned that the outdoors, nature – is a tool that allows me to cope with stress. Its my magic pill. Its something that lets me get away for a moment, forget my worries, let my body and mind heal, and thus leaving me more able to cope with what life throws at me. I get out in nature several times a week, for hours a time. It has done WONDERS for my mental health.

There are studies that have shown the healing power of nature.

Yes depression is on the rise, and there are many factors that contribute to that – but if you can, get outside, go for a walk, rediscover the beauty all around you, the rhythms of nature, feel that sun light, that breeze on your skin. Its not a cure all, but I bet if you opened yourself up to it, it would help.


This is your brain on Nature
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Old 3rd October 2017, 3:46 PM   #5
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Ask the ones in mental hospitals or hopped up on anti-depressants how easy it is to be happy in response to putting a happy song on the cd player... depression is an epidemic... if happiness was a choice, everyone would choose it.
No, you can't just choose to be happy, and, poof, it happens. But CBT does have its place. We do have the choice to wallow in depression and continue to cycle. You can't choose not to love someone, but, with work and distance, you can rewire your brain.

And depression and anxiety are part of the human experience. There are very few people out there who haven't experience depression or anxiety at some point in their lives. Your first post sounds like you are really bitter, which I can understand. That's a natural response to many of life's curve balls. I don't think it's a choice, but I do think we have the free will to wallow in it or not. We have the free will to try to change our circumstances. It's not easy and instantaneous, but that's life.
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Old 3rd October 2017, 8:17 PM   #6
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No, you can't just choose to be happy, and, poof, it happens. But CBT does have its place. We do have the choice to wallow in depression and continue to cycle. You can't choose not to love someone, but, with work and distance, you can rewire your brain.

And depression and anxiety are part of the human experience. There are very few people out there who haven't experience depression or anxiety at some point in their lives. Your first post sounds like you are really bitter, which I can understand. That's a natural response to many of life's curve balls. I don't think it's a choice, but I do think we have the free will to wallow in it or not. We have the free will to try to change our circumstances. It's not easy and instantaneous, but that's life.
Yes, I'm bitter about people. You reach out to them and they treat you like a leper instead of responding with compassion, their attitude being that you're situation is your fault ... if you have no friends, you're not trying... you're to blame and blah blah blah... but no one will reach out and try to include you ... meanwhile, THEY really don't have any friends either. They're all hanging around with their kids, spouses, siblings, parents... and that's all. If they didn't have families 95 per cent of them would be alone, too.

Their last kid just left the nest... so what are single parents doing now? Selling out and scuttling right after their kids to live in the same town. I know two people who just did this... one whose kid has only been gone a couple of months... Why? Because without them they have no one and are lonely... but will they admit it? No.

yet they sit in judgement of me. Well I have no family to fill the void. And now I've got a panic disorder because of prolonged stress and loneliness. Feel like a fool and ashamed for having to ask for friendship and having no one respond. Yes, I'm bitter. I also suspect I make other people feel superior and smug because they all have someone and I don't... if anything.

Last edited by Fair; 3rd October 2017 at 8:21 PM..
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