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Not coping at all 5 weeks on


Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

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Old 30th September 2017, 8:05 PM   #1
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Not coping at all 5 weeks on

I honestly feel like I am having some sort of breakdown.
I cannot stop thinking about my ex, no matter what I do oe where I go. I continuously dream about him.

Has anyone booked themselves into a clinic of some sort to help? I've suffered from depression/anxiety for years but it's already managed by medication.

I am really scared.
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Old 30th September 2017, 8:48 PM   #2
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what are you thinking your ex about? sex? caring? your past?

That is normal after breakup.

It is the depression that needs to be addressed. While I had or still have a bout of depression from time to time, unlike you, I immerse myself to activities I like, instead of medication.

If you think you need to go to a clinic to talk with a psychologist, go ahead.

But I believe it is all about letting out all that bothers you. This group may help. There a lot out there who are willing to listen (read) and share their thoughts.
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Old 30th September 2017, 9:02 PM   #3
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Thanks for replying.

We were in a 17 year relationship (my story is in Breaking up). We were arguing a fair bit but 5 weeks ago I was blindsided when he called it quits. 5 weeks of many tears, trying to talk to him and see if we could keep going, him giving mixed signals etc then yesterday he told me he is interested in someone else and has been since the breakup.

I honestly cannot get him out of my head. All the good memories keep flooding in. Everyone tells me hes a prick and I need to forget him forever. But a 17 year history is huge and no one seems to get that. Sometimes I just want to end it all to get rid of the pain and stop thinking about him. Everywhere i go, everywhere i look are memories. I cant escape them. I need them to stop. Im in counselling weekly but it isnt helping.
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Old 1st October 2017, 2:03 PM   #4
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I am so very sorry you are going through this. I know there is nothing I can say to make you feel better, people are all telling me the same things that they are telling you. All I'm going to tell you is that you are not alone in the way you feel. Feel free to message me if you need to chat.
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Old 3rd October 2017, 1:40 AM   #5
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Hugs.

It's so f***ing hard and painful sometimes, isnt it.

Do you have people in real life you could talk to?
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Old 3rd October 2017, 3:47 AM   #6
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Originally Posted by Devastated77 View Post
But a 17 year history is huge and no one seems to get that..
22 year relationship here, blindsided on June 17th. I get it, and I agree that the common sense advise people give is more suited to 2 year, or even 5 year relationships.

It really is like dying, like losing your whole life when you lose a relationship of these kinds of lengths.

I totally relate to what you're feeling, I can't stop thinking about her for even a minute, and here I am writing on LS at 10 AM almost 4 months later. The only thing I can say, is that though I still feel bad and awful lonely, I don't feel as bad as I did around the 5 week mark, so I suppose I'm getting 'better.'

The breakup experience is incredibly isolating, we lose our closet companion and our friends patience is limited. It feels like youre going mad, because nobody understands what were going through, and the physical power of the emotions is almost overwhelming.

But the fact is it's normal, if you look around these boards- how we're feeling, is how people feel when they lose a significant partnership and a decent chunk of their lives, even after a 2 or 5 year relationship. You and I are suffering the same thing, but turned up the max.

All we can do is keep putting one foot in front of the other. Good luck with your journey, Devestated77.
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Old 4th October 2017, 4:52 PM   #7
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Bad one today. Full of anxiety.

I need to know I'm going to be ok. It's gone beyond "I want him to come back" because, even though I still do, when I think about seeing him or even getting a text from him, my stomach goes into huge knots. No chance of that since he blocked me everywhere anyway. I'm on Day 5 of full NC. I thought the NC would at least have assisted me in not thinking of him so much, or kill that stupid spark of hope even a little bit. But I have had no relief at all. This is just relentless. Every single day is bad. I tell myself to stop. He doesnt love you, doesnt miss you, doesnt think about you so why are you giving this guy any of your energy? But it doesnt help. I still have him in my head 24/7. My health is absolutely ****. Im not getting any better. Im scared that this is just how life is from now on.
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Old 4th October 2017, 7:40 PM   #8
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Im scared that this is just how life is from now on.
It isn't how life is going to be from now on, it sounds like the worst of it is happening now: the shock, the disappointment etc... You are already on your way to getting better, believe it or not. Just like the body purges physical crap from your system, you are purging emotional crap etc. think of it as a big spewing up.

Honestly, when you're with someone, you give a lot of your self away to them. What you will need to focus on in the near future will be reclaiming your 'self', your sense of 'you' and that 3D feeling you used to have.

Believe it or not, the feelings and anxiety you are having would have to come out eventually for you to be your 3D self again (your whole self!)...

My advice is to maintain no contact. Your self-respect will get you through this, stick to your guns. Do not respond to breadcrumbs.

Keep posting here, and let us know how you're going, you are doing really well. We're all here for you.

Last edited by Soak; 4th October 2017 at 8:21 PM..
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Old 13th October 2017, 7:48 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Devastated77 View Post
I honestly feel like I am having some sort of breakdown.
I cannot stop thinking about my ex, no matter what I do oe where I go. I continuously dream about him.

Has anyone booked themselves into a clinic of some sort to help? I've suffered from depression/anxiety for years but it's already managed by medication.

I am really scared.

5 weeks isn't that long, sorry to say that but it's not over that quick. Especially when it was a very intimate relationship.
Good news is the pain goes away, very slowly, and eventually hapiness comes in. Also very slowly, day by day.

It's a slow process, but it's going somewhere. Try to distract yourself on positive things, and especially just hang in there.

Counseling is never a bad idea. After a serious breakup, your weaknessess become exposed like never before. So things tend to get real dark right now. But because your weaknessess become so much exposed, there is a huge oppertunity to do something about it.
I've seen alot, and I mean alot of people become the best ever version of themselves after a brutal, dark breakup.

Try to do as much things to better yourself. Go counseling, career, sports or whatever. Try to love yourself like you thought he loved you. In the mean time, when your feeling like you can't take it anymore, choose a safe poison. Don't cut yourself or think about suicide, just get drunk from time to time or get really stoned or binge eat. I think being a little bit in touch with your poison can help you not getting (too much) breakdowns.

Stay strong and good luck

Last edited by Easy y; 13th October 2017 at 7:52 AM..
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Old 13th October 2017, 9:26 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by Devastated77 View Post
Thanks for replying.

We were in a 17 year relationship (my story is in Breaking up). We were arguing a fair bit but 5 weeks ago I was blindsided when he called it quits. 5 weeks of many tears, trying to talk to him and see if we could keep going, him giving mixed signals etc then yesterday he told me he is interested in someone else and has been since the breakup.

I honestly cannot get him out of my head. All the good memories keep flooding in. Everyone tells me hes a prick and I need to forget him forever. But a 17 year history is huge and no one seems to get that. Sometimes I just want to end it all to get rid of the pain and stop thinking about him. Everywhere i go, everywhere i look are memories. I cant escape them. I need them to stop. Im in counselling weekly but it isnt helping.
I have bipolar depression and I've checked myself in many many times. When things are spinning out of control and you are a danger to yourself or other is usually the hints you are in crisis.

If you are not mentally unstable please do yourself the favor. Just think when they discharge you, you are going to just grateful to have your freedom back, etc. You also don't know who you are going to meet while you are there. Each and every hospital stay was life changing for me.

Nobody even has to know. You could think of it like you are in hiding, away from the crazy world for however long you decide to stay.
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