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Dated a sociopath...


Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

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Old 28th September 2017, 7:55 AM   #1
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Dated a sociopath...

Has anyone dated a sociopath before? Please share your story.

Last edited by lostsoul4286; 28th September 2017 at 8:41 AM..
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Old 28th September 2017, 4:45 PM   #2
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Not a sociopath, but someone with PPD.

Not recommended.
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Old 28th September 2017, 4:58 PM   #3
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What makes you think the person was a sociopath?

Could it be NPD? That I can talk about.
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Old 28th September 2017, 5:53 PM   #4
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Yes. So smooth at the start to hook me in - then the real him started to show through. Glad I dumped him when I saw the real him.

But I knew the next girl he went to. He used all the same lines on her too!! Sadly, she didn't dump him early enough and went on to have an emotionally abusive marriage with him until she left.

He threw a molotov cocktail at her parents house (while they were inside asleep!) in revenge for their financial and emotional support during the divorce process.
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Old 5th October 2017, 11:54 PM   #5
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I guess I should tell my story

Met a woman at a wedding while I was just getting out of a relationship. She lived overseas and it was a long distance relationship. Biggest mistake was not just staying single, perhaps I wouldn't of wasted those 5 months and would of gone back to the ex sooner after seeing things could of worked out. Anyways, I got with Jane Doe and it was so blissful, intense, and things were just moving so quickly. She said I was the one, she was a law student and our families knew each other and were close. Come the end of the 4th month she starts to change, the "I can't live without you", and the "I need to talk to you all day", turns to "I can't have my phone by my side all the time!", the out of the blue arguments or anger over the dumbest topics. Other signs included one day she told me "My friends love you because they said I treat them better since you came into my life", also she told me she loved me within the second week of making it official, and finally the "I get bored easily" comment that sends shivers down my spine. The lies also started unraveling about who she was and her own stories she told me.

Within the first month of dating we bought tickets to see each other (she lives outside the country), I was visiting her and she was supposed to come down in the summer. Around the end of the 4th month she starts becoming distant and finally just only texts, on the third day I sent her the money for her flight and told her that she doesn't have to come and we can try in December. She breaks up with me through text and gives me some excuse about taking care of her great grandmother, after that she still flew 4 days later (leaving her dying great grandmother) to my neck of the woods and I just ignored her and just spoke to her the day she needed to fly back and told her there was no confidence and gently departed with a scathing e-mail.

The damage is done though, I can't believe I fell for someone that created a facade of a personality. I'm mourning a ghost and I got back with my ex now, but it just pains to have been duped and lied to.
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Old 6th October 2017, 4:25 AM   #6
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I had something similiar to the case above. Came on strong at the start, incredibly romantic. Felt like i had met the 'one'.

Then, the discarding and false blame started. I was asked not to make her 'choose' between her and her moonlighting business when i expressed sorrow once via text that i would not see her due to her work situation. I told her, that's okay, you already have and ceased to contact her.

She messaged me two weeks later with a heart-felt 'i have been thinking of you every day, i am terrified of being vulnerable and i run and go silent when i do'. I thought she needed to work for me a bit IF i was going to take her back.

Three days later came the SOS message re- her pet dying, so of course i dropped everything and ran to her side to support her. After spending 1.5 weeks supporting her nearly every night, including staying up late, and doing a few things i didn't want to do, another discarding arrived. The most sudden withdrawal.

Woke up one morning and after sending the goodnight message with xxx, i got nothing in the morning. Usually she'd respond. I KNEW in my waters that something had changed, just like that... Overnight.

The next two days were spent arguing over text and me trying to find out where i stood, as she had previously said "i have to slow down, centre myself.. Change is good". When i asked where i stood in all that slowing down and change, i got, I'll talk to you later about it". I thought, that's nice coming from somebody i put my life on hold for for 1.5 weeks.

The worst i got was when i said that i was aching all over after 2 x 13 hour physical shifts in 40 degree heat. I told her i was "getting nothing" from her... She muttered (under her breath) "i'm showing you how i feel".

We were supposed to go scatter the ashes of her pet the following day. She dumped me at 9.30pm the night before via text and demanded that i come and get my things over the weekend.

That is only a small portion of the madness i went through- everything from 'why don't you walk around in front of me naked' to 'when i give you a compliment and tell you you're beautiful, you should say thank you" to "tell me how you feel" and when i did i'd get a lecture about my 'past' (something must have happened in your past etc), get told "that's your truth / your space", "they're your feelings, not mine" and "i don't have the words right now".

It was six months of on and off hell, and guess who got the 'blame' when it all ended? Yep, that's right... Me. The only nice bit was the initial period before i saw this cold, unfeeling and dangerous monster. She'd also previously stated "people are replaceable.. they are, but they aren't". Wtf?

I was so angry after we broke up. I still am a bit, but the indifference comes in every now and then. I'm not jaded about other women, i know there are a few out there.

Last edited by Soak; 6th October 2017 at 4:35 AM..
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Old 7th October 2017, 11:20 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Soak View Post
I had something similiar to the case above. Came on strong at the start, incredibly romantic. Felt like i had met the 'one'.

Then, the discarding and false blame started. I was asked not to make her 'choose' between her and her moonlighting business when i expressed sorrow once via text that i would not see her due to her work situation. I told her, that's okay, you already have and ceased to contact her.

She messaged me two weeks later with a heart-felt 'i have been thinking of you every day, i am terrified of being vulnerable and i run and go silent when i do'. I thought she needed to work for me a bit IF i was going to take her back.

Three days later came the SOS message re- her pet dying, so of course i dropped everything and ran to her side to support her. After spending 1.5 weeks supporting her nearly every night, including staying up late, and doing a few things i didn't want to do, another discarding arrived. The most sudden withdrawal.

Woke up one morning and after sending the goodnight message with xxx, i got nothing in the morning. Usually she'd respond. I KNEW in my waters that something had changed, just like that... Overnight.

The next two days were spent arguing over text and me trying to find out where i stood, as she had previously said "i have to slow down, centre myself.. Change is good". When i asked where i stood in all that slowing down and change, i got, I'll talk to you later about it". I thought, that's nice coming from somebody i put my life on hold for for 1.5 weeks.

The worst i got was when i said that i was aching all over after 2 x 13 hour physical shifts in 40 degree heat. I told her i was "getting nothing" from her... She muttered (under her breath) "i'm showing you how i feel".

We were supposed to go scatter the ashes of her pet the following day. She dumped me at 9.30pm the night before via text and demanded that i come and get my things over the weekend.

That is only a small portion of the madness i went through- everything from 'why don't you walk around in front of me naked' to 'when i give you a compliment and tell you you're beautiful, you should say thank you" to "tell me how you feel" and when i did i'd get a lecture about my 'past' (something must have happened in your past etc), get told "that's your truth / your space", "they're your feelings, not mine" and "i don't have the words right now".

It was six months of on and off hell, and guess who got the 'blame' when it all ended? Yep, that's right... Me. The only nice bit was the initial period before i saw this cold, unfeeling and dangerous monster. She'd also previously stated "people are replaceable.. they are, but they aren't". Wtf?

I was so angry after we broke up. I still am a bit, but the indifference comes in every now and then. I'm not jaded about other women, i know there are a few out there.

The madness is correct! Same thing she wanted me to do things via our video chats that she wouldn't reciprocate. She came off as a mature individual and that she couldn't relate to people her age (she was 22). I bought so much of her lies that at the end. I'm mourning a ghost, nothing I think about our past gives me any urge or belief that things could have been different. Its such a sad, depressing, and horrible feeling.
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Old 12th October 2017, 12:39 AM   #8
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She reached out... slipped through the cracks

Guys I need your help keeping no NC, please. She ripped my heart out, I told my cousin to tell her to leave me alone. I have a girlfriend now, and I don't want to hurt her or betray her trust.

She reached out in the only way she could, via facebook. I blocked her on all other mediums, so I blocked her on this one.
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Old 22nd October 2017, 7:47 AM   #9
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You can take a read of this ->

Another moving on thread
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Old 22nd October 2017, 7:31 PM   #10
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There is something wrong with me
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Old 23rd October 2017, 7:53 PM   #11
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I feel your pain...

Quote:
Originally Posted by blakelively View Post
You can take a read of this ->

Another moving on thread
Thank you for sharking the link. Going out with a sociopath can take a toll. So far I've been NC since our last conversation in August. No matter what happens I can't break that for the sake of my new relationship, my career, business, and the respect I have for my support system. She had her chance, I never once changed or brought on any insecurity into the relationship.
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Old 23rd October 2017, 8:23 PM   #12
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I believe my ex-H is a sociopath with very strong narcissistic tendencies. He's told me to my face that he's never felt love or loved anyone in his entire life (except for his kids, he says, but with at least one of them, that is quite performance-based as it always was with me) and even when his own mother dies he might be sorry "for a day" but then would just shrug it off. (And he has a good relationship with her). It's impossible to understand people like this, and impossible to get through to them. Their love is 100% conditional and based on if you are functioning to meet THEIR needs, like a cell phone that gets outdated......awesome at first, but eventually, dead to them. There will be a lot of drama and toxicity that gets mistaken for love. Love becomes, in a sense, emotional angst and trauma . (It takes a while to recover from this and realize how messed up and false it is)

I remember one time standing in our kitchen and saying, "I just want us to be PARTNERS" and he looked at me like I had two heads and said, "huh? I have no clue what you mean by that." And he was totally serious. He was not being sarcastic. We had two kids by then. He really just cannot GET it. He is void of emotional connection with anyone.

It took a while, but we've come to a place of effective co-parenting. I hear from him when he has a complaint about the kids' performance, like tonight when he texted me a screenshot of our son's online language arts progress and circled something he insisted I address with him. (Even though he himself is 100% terrible in language arts lol....he just wants perfection from them, and doesn't take into account their personalities/strengths/weaknesses/struggles).

No clue if this helps. Just my experience.
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Old 23rd October 2017, 8:31 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Coffeeguy View Post
MY ex never got to the point of violence, but she could have based on her behavior if I stayed long enough. It will take time, but you all this will pass.

Here's something that I use to help me cope and know this is not a permanent state. Just make sure you throw out all the memories of her in your house and stop thinking, but allow yourself to feel. At first its hard, but with time it'll get easier to manage.

Ajahn Brahm:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZfCZgDTimI
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Old 23rd October 2017, 8:37 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by CautiouslyOptimistic View Post
I believe my ex-H is a sociopath with very strong narcissistic tendencies. He's told me to my face that he's never felt love or loved anyone in his entire life (except for his kids, he says, but with at least one of them, that is quite performance-based as it always was with me) and even when his own mother dies he might be sorry "for a day" but then would just shrug it off. (And he has a good relationship with her). It's impossible to understand people like this, and impossible to get through to them. Their love is 100% conditional and based on if you are functioning to meet THEIR needs, like a cell phone that gets outdated......awesome at first, but eventually, dead to them. There will be a lot of drama and toxicity that gets mistaken for love. Love becomes, in a sense, emotional angst and trauma . (It takes a while to recover from this and realize how messed up and false it is)

I remember one time standing in our kitchen and saying, "I just want us to be PARTNERS" and he looked at me like I had two heads and said, "huh? I have no clue what you mean by that." And he was totally serious. He was not being sarcastic. We had two kids by then. He really just cannot GET it. He is void of emotional connection with anyone.

It took a while, but we've come to a place of effective co-parenting. I hear from him when he has a complaint about the kids' performance, like tonight when he texted me a screenshot of our son's online language arts progress and circled something he insisted I address with him. (Even though he himself is 100% terrible in language arts lol....he just wants perfection from them, and doesn't take into account their personalities/strengths/weaknesses/struggles).

No clue if this helps. Just my experience.

Thank you, it does. Towards the end that's how it felt. When she dumped me I connected all the dots and ran. She even further backed this up when after dumping me and leaving me in pieces called me frantically, and after blocking her she sends me an e-mail asking me if she can pick up a packet when she gets state side. She came to NY "looking" for me, after she told me she was breaking up with me because she needed to be alone to handle so much at home in her country, including taking care of her dying great grandmother. Totally contradicting herself when she came to the U.S, leaving her dying relative.
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Old 6th November 2017, 7:00 AM   #15
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Originally Posted by lostsoul4286 View Post
Has anyone dated a sociopath before? Please share your story.
I think I might have married a sociopath. Basically none of my friends liked her when we were dating. And she didn't like any of them. Over the years I have come to realise she somehow covertly made my kill off all my friendships with them by constantly hacking away at how much of losers they are.
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