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Still riding that struggle bus...


Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

Old 21st September 2017, 7:01 PM   #1
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Still riding that struggle bus...

I am coming up on the six month mark since my mutual break up with my ex gf of 3.5 years and I still find myself struggling. Granted I saw her about a month ago when I was in the same city as her for five LONG weeks. During those five weeks I tried my best fighting for the relationship and rekindling things as best as I could. But the entire time she kept her guard up and tried her best to not let any feelings resurface because she didn't want to complicate matters more between us. My last effort prior to returning to my hometown including me putting everything out there regarding how I feel, what I want in terms of a future with her etc. And i come to find out that we are now on different pages. She is currently putting all her time and effort into work and furthering her career, and is busy with a brand new house as well. She told me how things are falling into place for her right now and everything in her life is uncomplicated. She said that if we were to get back together that it wouldn't be for the right reasons and it would be hard for her to put 110% effort into it because getting back together for a THIRD time would make her hesitant that the same issues would arise and her life would no longer be "uncomplicated".

Our last encounter where all of that occurred was about a month ago. So while it has been 6 months since our initial breakup, it certainly doesn't feel like it. I told her that I would then go ahead and move on and cut her out of my life for good. So here I am trying my best to do that, and still as the title states am struggling. I still think about her all of the time and constantly miss my best friend and what we shared together. I just want to stop thinking about her and move on for good, because I truly feel like she moved on already and isn't struggling with this as much as I am.

I deleted pictures of us, boxed up all the mementos and did all the obvious stuff to move on yet here I still am struggling. I try to focus on the negatives and the reasons that we broke up and still doesn't help. As a side note, I recently posted a picture of myself with a new girl on Facebook, and my ex gf must not have been a fan because she then proceeded to deleted me off of Facebook and no longer follows me on any other forms of social media as well. Seemed a little extreme and immature to me since we said how we would move on and as soon as she sees a picture of me doing just that, she simply deletes me.

Am I wrong to still be struggling with this after this much time? Are there other things I could do to just forget her and move on for good that I haven't already done?
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Old 23rd September 2017, 6:26 AM   #2
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Removing you from social media likely is her way of moving on. I know my personal experience of my ex jumping into a relationship during the week & a half that I took space was absolutely gut wrenching for me. Even though she turned you down, if there are still feelings, seeing you publicize someone new so quickly is going to hurt. No contact is good for both of you, so maybe you can see it as a blessing in the long term.

You laid your heart on the line, & you were rejected. You're a month into your most recent heartbreak, not 6 months. Cut yourself some slack. Also make sure that your new girl understands this if you haven't been open already (but I'd like to think you have). If she knows & is cool with a potential rebound situation, that's on her. If she's thinking 6 months when it's really been much shorter, she's going to feel like you lied to her.
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Old 25th September 2017, 3:41 PM   #3
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It’s only been a month, any progress you made prior to the five week visit was washed away during your attempt to rekindle your relationship and everything came flooding back like a scab being ripped off a deep wound. Keeping any form of communication up and running, including FB or any other social media accounts, accomplishes nothing but keeping that wound open. I know I’d be tempted to peek into her life and if she was doing better than me I might be prone to depressive thoughts.

Aside from what you’ve done already, stop playing games, if you don’t have a girlfriend or if you haven’t moved on don’t post that you have and stop inventing girlfriends. Be honest with yourself, do what you can to evaluate yourself and improve upon your deficits! Find a hobby, join a social group related to a hobby, find a church group, talk to your pastor, if you find yourself obsessing over her go out and do something, call up a friend and go out to the movies, anything to distract yourself and whatever you do, stop talking about her. Because really, what you need to do is accept the fact it’s over, she is moving on, it’s over and you need to do what’s good for you. You’re not wrong to be struggling so long with this, it took me 2 years to get over the first woman I asked to marry me, I went to her wedding, corresponded with her for a long time and all it did was keep everything fresh and my new hope was that her marriage would fail and we’d get back together. I hope this helps, as you know, it truly sucks having to endure this type of pain.
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