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I thought I was making progress but...


Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

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Old 16th September 2017, 5:54 PM   #1
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I thought I was making progress but...

I healed for awhile, to the point that I no longer feel pain and grief all the time, but this conversation I had with a friend set me back.

I talked to our mutual friend today, she said my ex is an attention seek, date a guy for serveral months and jump to another, she said that's I might be the rebound.

And now in retrospect, I can see that she had never invested in the relationship like I did, Rose colored glasses made me ignore every red flags.

But thanks to this, I give up the hope of getting back together, she's not worth it but now I'm dealing with a new kind of pain.

I loved her with all my heart but now everything we did together in the relationship seems so fake, all the "I miss you", "I love you babe"...seems so fake, I thought our relationship was meaningful and unique and turned out that it wasn't, it hurts like hell.
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Old 16th September 2017, 6:45 PM   #2
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Same....

I struggle with this as well - being told "i love you" every day for 11.5 years, only to be told it's over via a phone call, never to be heard from again.... It invalidates the entire relationship. I'm trying to work on what it was about me that made me so gullible to believe him.... Just having a really hard time coping with the fact that 11.5 years of my life was just one big lie......
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Old 28th September 2017, 11:13 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RightHand View Post
I healed for awhile, to the point that I no longer feel pain and grief all the time, but this conversation I had with a friend set me back.

I talked to our mutual friend today, she said my ex is an attention seek, date a guy for serveral months and jump to another, she said that's I might be the rebound.

And now in retrospect, I can see that she had never invested in the relationship like I did, Rose colored glasses made me ignore every red flags.

But thanks to this, I give up the hope of getting back together, she's not worth it but now I'm dealing with a new kind of pain.

I loved her with all my heart but now everything we did together in the relationship seems so fake, all the "I miss you", "I love you babe"...seems so fake, I thought our relationship was meaningful and unique and turned out that it wasn't, it hurts like hell.
I agree with you. My friend also told/warned me about my ex liking attention and moving onto a new guy once she sees stuff that she does not like/or does not provide her. She's done that to many guys, and now I also feel like I was the rebound. Sadly, I should have known and just gone with my instinct of not dating her. She also told me all this ily and stuff, which makes me angry/annoyed/and sad at the same time.
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Old 28th September 2017, 11:29 PM   #4
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Those were not rose colored glasses, it was the chemical effects of love that blind you to your lover's faults. This romantic love makes you want to be with her as much as possible. Everything she says is interesting. It is due to the chemicals washing over your brain and quite normal. This is also the reason why people get married and a year later they hate each other's faults and habits.

I found that the best way to get over a girl is to get under another. It only took one month to redirect my emotions to my new girlfriend. It does no good to hang on to love with someone who does not love you. You should be out there making new friends. This worked for me twice and how I ended up meeting my wife of 45 years.

Think about what I just said. If not for breaking up with two previous lovers, I would never had met my wife and have the wonderful life we have. We had lots of fun and adventures. Both ex girlfriends contacted me as soon as I had a Facebook page 10 years ago. They both had horrible lives. My first was hooked on drugs, bipolar, cheated on her husband and married the girl she was cheating on him. The other slept with men for money to buy crack. Then became a stripper and last she said was that she was flying out to try to get her daughter off crack. The new worse things that happened to me in my younger days ended up being the best things that ever happened to me.
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Old 30th September 2017, 11:27 PM   #5
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Originally Posted by DevastatedJDC View Post
I struggle with this as well - being told "i love you" every day for 11.5 years, only to be told it's over via a phone call, never to be heard from again.... It invalidates the entire relationship. I'm trying to work on what it was about me that made me so gullible to believe him.... Just having a really hard time coping with the fact that 11.5 years of my life was just one big lie......
Also the same here...except mine was for 17 years. Im 5 weeks into the breakup initiated by him and my mind just doesnt shut up. Was the whole thing one huge lie?
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Old 1st October 2017, 12:16 AM   #6
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Hey

I know you are in pain right now so I am hoping that these words may comfort you.

I don't think the break up invalidates the relationship. Just think of it as a marker. She was someone you loved and someone who loved you. The relationship has served its purpose in each others lives. It is the end of the chapter and the beginning of a new one. The feelings you felt then were valid then are are valid now, but you have to understand that your relationship is different now. And that is okay.
You will live your life, your ex will live theirs. If your lives happen to intertwine again and you are in a mental place where you want to be more than strangers with an ex (romantic or platonic) then let that happen at your own discretion. Stop trying to read their movements. It not longer matters. You can think of them fondly, but remind yourself that if they chose to leave your life you have to wish them well and move forward.

Best,
Crunchy
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Old 3rd October 2017, 6:51 PM   #7
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I too, was in a relationship where I was pulling and she was pushing. I realized how much I did for her, how much I loved her, but, it was never returned. Never. I too, was blinded. This experience taught me a lot. I went through hell. I cried, cried. It hurt like hell.

It will take time to heal and you will get a relapse. Happens to many. You start to heal, and then it will hit you again. Comes in waves. I just let time do its thing. Eventually, you will even out and be ok.

I know whats it like not being chosen and thrown away like a dirty pair of shoes. It sucks. some people bring you pain that is not needed in your life. That hurts. Just have to keep pushing.

I don't date anymore. I have no time nor the energy, enthusiasm, the urge to find another woman. They really make me sick. I am content by myself. This last one just really took everything out of me, every ounce of love out of me. But I am happy again and I can finally do what I want to do, when I want to.

An old man once told me, never love anyone else more than you. Always love yourself more.
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