Zul Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 It's been about 13 months since our breakup, and I have been dreaming so many different things about her now. I just dreamt last night, about all of her changes. Her "new self" and her new boyfriend and how different she is. I dreamt of her acting so different, not being even remotely close to the person I used to date for 5 years. Whether she really is that way or not, I wouldn't know. Why is it all of the sudden I'm dreaming these dreams that make me so jealous? It hurts to dream about her so happy with her boyfriend, and doing all the things he enjoys and me 'watching' in my dream and her telling me about it and rubbing it in... Again, all in my dreams. Why this torture? All I dream about is her; and now all I dream about is how happy she is without me around and seeing her so happy with her new boyfriend and taking part in all his interests, changing for him, doing things he likes... etc... What gives? It's been over a year, why the torture now? Link to post Share on other sites
Frostedflake Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 Dreams have been dubbed our subconscious bringing up solutions to problems we're facing in reality or FEAR of a problem we are facing. Although the fears are not real, not justified, and your ex is likely still very much the same and not worth your jealously- it doesn't know that. It works to keep you alive. There's whole articles about the REM cycle and how this stuff works. Know that it is not abnormal, know that it is not a foresight of things to come, and know it's just a dream. Link to post Share on other sites
mousse Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 Personally, I keep on dreaming about an ex until I'm fully over it, then, the dreams stop. I find that those dreams help me cleanse my emotions. It's all part of the healing process, I think. Link to post Share on other sites
Littlebird95 Posted August 7, 2017 Share Posted August 7, 2017 I basically never dream. Like before this week, I cant remember the last time I had a dream. But then, after almost 5 months post break up, she starting to appear in my dreams everynight. I feel you. I keep wondering why am I starting to dream of her this far after the break up, but not shortly after it. On my part, it doesnt help to cleanse at all, it just messes me up even more. Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted August 7, 2017 Share Posted August 7, 2017 You might be having these dreams because there are some unresolved or repressed emotions that you haven't dealt with yet? Whatever the reason, they sound like some pretty heavy dreams so it would be a good idea to get to the bottom of it for your own peace of mind. Link to post Share on other sites
anduina Posted August 7, 2017 Share Posted August 7, 2017 You're not over her since she was your first love. Have you tried dating or found someone new? If you haven't, it would help to explain your dream since there might be a part of you that's comparing your lives, leaving you to feel like you're wanting. She was a nightmare, a nightmare you didn't deserve. Try not to allow her to continue having emotional power over you. You deserve someone who loves you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Littlebird95 Posted August 11, 2017 Share Posted August 11, 2017 You might be having these dreams because there are some unresolved or repressed emotions that you haven't dealt with yet? Whatever the reason, they sound like some pretty heavy dreams so it would be a good idea to get to the bottom of it for your own peace of mind. I dont know if you were answering my post, but I guess you're 100% right, as there are so many things unsaid. Last time we spoke was kinda bad, we are NC since 4 months but in 3 weeks, we'll have to see each other mostly everyday for a year and i have no clue how its gonna turn out. Im quite stressed about that and I think i need to clear my mind and tell her what I have to tell in order to be in peace qith what happen and not be in constant doubt. Link to post Share on other sites
Bastile Posted August 11, 2017 Share Posted August 11, 2017 Usual after dealing with a girl that left a major emotional imprint on you. I've had it two major times I took both of those as stressed in my way of thinking that made me a lot better. It's like the brain trying to digest something. But it's also time to create some new dream fodder, Sir. Link to post Share on other sites
whatnot Posted August 12, 2017 Share Posted August 12, 2017 (edited) Just over a year here too. And I've just been having some of the same type dreams. It's the feelings in the dreams. The feelings of abandonment...the reality of seeing her in a place I'd never before seen her in. They're as real as the ones I had at the very end of the relationship. One theory....when we're having these feelings in real life at the end of the relationship....those are some *very* negative feelings. And intense. And from deep within. They're the feelings we might have been fearing having if we broke up.....hence we keep these relationships going longer than they maybe should....because of the fear. But...in real life....these feelings don't last long in real life because the relationship is over and we're not with that person long after we begin feeling them. So...they are so intense and so uncomfortable....it's like there's not room (time wise) to really process them and to come to terms with them. Hence....dreams of them. That's kinda my take on mine...which just popped into my head when I read about your experience. Edited August 12, 2017 by whatnot Link to post Share on other sites
Taticake Posted August 16, 2017 Share Posted August 16, 2017 It's been about 13 months since our breakup, and I have been dreaming so many different things about her now. I just dreamt last night, about all of her changes. Her "new self" and her new boyfriend and how different she is. I dreamt of her acting so different, not being even remotely close to the person I used to date for 5 years. Whether she really is that way or not, I wouldn't know. Why is it all of the sudden I'm dreaming these dreams that make me so jealous? It hurts to dream about her so happy with her boyfriend, and doing all the things he enjoys and me 'watching' in my dream and her telling me about it and rubbing it in... Again, all in my dreams. Why this torture? All I dream about is her; and now all I dream about is how happy she is without me around and seeing her so happy with her new boyfriend and taking part in all his interests, changing for him, doing things he likes... etc... What gives? It's been over a year, why the torture now? You only get dreams like that because you Think about that person everyday. Try to delete everything of hers that reminds you of her. Trash everything you have of hers. Block her from everything. And delete all of the pictures you guys took together. This person is no longer in your life and doesn't deserve the love you have for her. Know your worth. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
trustyourself Posted August 16, 2017 Share Posted August 16, 2017 7 months for me, apart from a two week reconciliation before she ran away again. She still appears in my dreams too. Wakes me up and I cannot go back to sleep. It sucks.. Your subconcious is still healing. Give it time. My sister told me that she had the same issue in her previous relationship, and it did not really end until she met someone new. Sucks, but there is no way to stop it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zul Posted August 16, 2017 Author Share Posted August 16, 2017 All, Thank you for your kind words and encouragements. I think I have a lot of unresolved feelings that are deep, deep down. I only have a few things left of hers that I'm going to destroy and move on from asap. I just still can't figure out how I went nearly a year without dreams, and now I'm suffering from the worst nightmares I have ever had. Link to post Share on other sites
Samantha.Leo Posted August 17, 2017 Share Posted August 17, 2017 I know I still dream about my ex. I dreamed about him for years after we split up and I'm dreaming of him again now because he popped back up into my life. The dreams can shake you but I agree it's your subconscious dealing with the breakup, and maybe trying to give you a solution to the problem. My dreams of him had some meaning behind them too. In the first one years ago, he was hiding in my house. And in the last one he was putting me to sleep like you would a child. If I were you, I'd pay attention to how you are feeling in the dreams themselves, maybe it can help you understand what they mean. Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted August 19, 2017 Share Posted August 19, 2017 You only get dreams like that because you Think about that person everyday. Try to delete everything of hers that reminds you of her. Trash everything you have of hers. Block her from everything. And delete all of the pictures you guys took together. This person is no longer in your life and doesn't deserve the love you have for her. Know your worth. It's not always that easy. I nuked my house of all her stuff when she moved out and there are still reminders that are hard to fully cleanse. The stove she cooked on, the bed we slept in, the shower she used. I agree that getting rid of stuff is helpful but it's not a complete solution. OP - I agree with others who stated it is your subconscious dealing with pain. I'll add that the time of year will trigger as well (as per my therapist). However, in your case I think the looming issue is that you will be seeing her again. Dreams are often the minds way of working out issues we can't or won't deal with consciously. You have a huge issue you will be facing and your mind is trying to process. I've had this happen with other events in life I wasn't looking forward to. I think you're feeling that your ex moved into a life of happiness and you're still stuck in the same place. This may be true and hard to swallow. You have to get someone else in your life who is better than her to finally get rid of this feeling. I'm a few days away from a year and I had some dreams about her a few weeks ago where she was happy with a new bf (I don't know anything about her now). It made me realize how silly I was being thinking that maybe she gives a flying F about me. As I get closer to the year I'm disappointed that I have not found a better replacement but I've got additional experience under my belt and bedded some hotter chicks so it's not all bad. Link to post Share on other sites
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