Feeling empty

[jparmyguy]

I have posted a couple times on here about my ex. Anyways i recenrly met up with her again in person. We had a sorta of messy break up. Anyways last time i texted her i kinda left the door open for reconciliation because she had been sending me all these mixed message making it seem like she wanted me back. By doing this it made me hold on to her and so i decided i needed to close the door for good.

 

After meeting up with her we were talking and she was saying how she didnt actually want me back and she was just saying that stuff because she missed me. I explained how i was hurt by her because i had mapped out my entire future with her and that one day 2 montha ago she went from a girl who wanted to marry me and have kids with me to someone who wanted no future with me whatsoever.

 

I started crying in front of her and jusr kept saying sorry about all this. She kept explaing how towards the end she became unhappy because i spent too much time with my friends and not enough with her. She explained what kind of realtionship was that. I told her if that bothered her so much she should of said something and we could of made an attempt to fix it. We got into an argument because i said how i dont think you ever truly loved me because she tried to leave me for someone else in the beggining and toward the end she didnt give it the chance to try to fix the issues. She yelled at me and said that was not true and she did love but things just changed and that it was great relationship.

 

I kinda got upset and said if it was so great then why did it end all the sudden. She didnt have awnser. She started talking about how she kissed another guy and how it was weird because she only experienced that stuff with me. It bothered me to hear that but i cant say anything cuz i hooked up with another girl as well which upset her alot.

 

Anyways, she kept telling me that we could be friends and that maybe i feel differently and want to try again but as of now she doesnt know and just wants to be single for a long time. I explained to her that things are not gonna change in a couple months and that i need to move on with my life.

 

I said how she cant have me wrapped around her finger expecting me to be there if suddley she wants me back. I told her that she needs to stop asking people about me and trying to get involved in my life. I told her to delete my friends of social media.

She asked if we could be friends and i told her that we couldnt because i was extremly hurt by it and that i am not gonna want to hear about your boyfriend problems. She got a bit upset when i told her to stay out of my life for good.

 

Now that all the drama with her is finally over, i feel sorta just as sad when the intial break up happened. This girl was my first love and i spent a decent chunk of time with her. I am sorta upset and depressed by it all now because i just feel this emptiness inside me. I made my world revolve around her and she is gone so i just have no clue what to do anymore. Last night as i was laying in my bed i ran through all of our memories in my head, and just made me say to myself what even happened. I know that things with us would never work and that she is just not the same girl that i fell in love with. Any advice on how to deal with the emptiness feeling.

[lonelyplanetmoon]

I don't know if I can offer much advice.

Just wanted to let you know you are not alone in feeling alone and empty.

It is really tough when the emotions are just so raw.

 

All I can say is NC really works. I had some contact with my ex and it really set me back each time.

 

You just have to push yourself to keep busy doing things outside and go where you may interact with other people.

 

You sound young. You have plenty of time to find someone who is really into you.

 

For me, I have also been thinking a lot about the mistakes I made in the relationship and working out how to not do them again in the next.

[jparmyguy]

I don't know if I can offer much advice.

Just wanted to let you know you are not alone in feeling alone and empty.

It is really tough when the emotions are just so raw.

 

All I can say is NC really works. I had some contact with my ex and it really set me back each time.

 

You just have to push yourself to keep busy doing things outside and go where you may interact with other people.

 

You sound young. You have plenty of time to find someone who is really into you.

 

For me, I have also been thinking a lot about the mistakes I made in the relationship and working out how to not do them again in the next.

 

I felt like I set myself back too after meeting up with her 2 months down the line. Yeah I am only 20 so I know I have plenty of time. (Met her when I was 17). I knew going into this relationship that it was most likely not going to last because the only reason I pursued it was because she was the first girl who was ever in to me.

 

For whatever reason we just clicked but not because we had anything in common. We were both just looking for someone to fill our lives.

 

After dating for roughly 2.5 years I became emotionally dependent on her. I isolated myself from friends and family(Met her when I was 17).

 

Within the first 8 months she tried to leave me for another guy and it completely broke me. My entire image of her changed. A lot of my friends told me to leave because I was only going to get hurt in the end. I broke up with her and ended up taking the girl back. I thought at the time, why throw out this girl.

 

After this we fought and fought, I started having trust issues with her as I would constantly catch her in lies but I just couldn't find it in me to end it. Every time, I would try too I would see her breakdown and I just couldn't do it.

 

We both come from different walks of life. I come from a stable home with two parents with good jobs. Her on the other side comes from a home with one dad who was into selling drugs and using them.

 

Her family never like me either and one time her dad brought me on a drug deal. I got wicked pissed at her family from that point on. We would fight and fight about her family. I would see things that were just wrong and she just said its my dad, which I get but still. We manage to stick things through multiple issues. Everytime, a red flag popped up I stuck with her. Eventually 5 months ago I kind of got fed up with the way she acted.

 

She stopped coming over my house for a few months and I would only see her a couple times a week for a total of maybe 3 hours. I started doing my own thing and became very spiteful towards her. Which was wrong of me and I can't do something like that in my next relationship.

 

Anyways, I would say mean stuff towards her and just wouldn't want to do anything with her. We would just have sex and I would go off to playing video games with my friends. She would ask me to go out with her to places and I always said no because I was busy with school and work. Thinking back now she wrote me an Easter card saying how she wanted a family one day with me and I never gave her one back. I think at that moment she checked out of the relationship. A couple weeks later I thought she was lying to me again and It turned into a fight, which we didn't really have one for a while.

 

Anyways, we were suppose to talk in person, however, an hour later she sent me a text message saying how we were done. I thought nothing of it thinking she was just mad and it was likely any other fight. Then I noticed that she started to delete stuff of me and refused to meet up with me in person. At that point I knew it was for real this time, and I was in shock. I wanted her back thinking about the mistakes I made over the past months. I tried asking her friends what was going on and she was telling no one about what she was feeling.

 

Like I said I think she checked out a while ago because it was the perfect time to break up with me, she was going on vacation and wouldn't have to see me and had the time to process her emotions. She threw me little pieces of hope saying how maybe I could have another chance. When she got back she new she was done with it and wanted nothing to do with me.

 

After this a whole bunch of drama happened and a lot of back and forth went on for about 2 months. She "took me back" but it only lasted for a day. When I met up with her all the emotions came back and I think what made me upset was the fact that I was the one being rejected by her. I thought about all the times were we had said to each other that we would never end things and always work through our issues.

 

Regardless, after waking up today I kind of realized how much better my life is without her. There are things that I will miss here and there but overall there are a lot of things I won't miss. I wont miss having to be her "parent", or having to put up with her family or having to deal with her talk about drama 24/7. I understand that I just wanted the fantasy of being with someone and she was the first person to give me that and I didn't want to let it go.

 

Honestly, even though I feel empty and heartbroken, I kind of know that I will find a more fruitful relationship with a person who I actually like and enjoy there company. There is someone out there better for her and someone out there for me.

 

I kind of in a way do feel good that the door between us is shut for good and that there is no future with us because I would never be able to move on that way and would wind up more hurt in the end.

[lonelyplanetmoon]

 

For whatever reason we just clicked but not because we had anything in common. We were both just looking for someone to fill our lives.

 

After dating for roughly 2.5 years I became emotionally dependent on her. I isolated myself from friends and family(Met her when I was 17).

 

What you say here is totally the same as my relationship. Compatibility wise it really did not work if I am completely honest with myself. Yet I stayed in the relationship thinking we would grow closer together. We just ended up growing further apart. And I also became emotionally dependent on him. I stopped all contact with the outside world besides my job.

 

Even though I still hurt and it is all ups and downs and my emotions are just all over the place. I am starting to get a glimps that my life would be better without him. We just have to keep believing in that I guess and maybe one day the feelings will follow.

 

If I feel weak and want him back, I will post here so you can remind me not to do it. And I will do the same for you.

 

We can get through this!

[jparmyguy]

What you say here is totally the same as my relationship. Compatibility wise it really did not work if I am completely honest with myself. Yet I stayed in the relationship thinking we would grow closer together. We just ended up growing further apart. And I also became emotionally dependent on him. I stopped all contact with the outside world besides my job.

 

Even though I still hurt and it is all ups and downs and my emotions are just all over the place. I am starting to get a glimps that my life would be better without him. We just have to keep believing in that I guess and maybe one day the feelings will follow.

 

If I feel weak and want him back, I will post here so you can remind me not to do it. And I will do the same for you.

 

We can get through this!

 

Will do!

 

My emotions are on a roller coaster ride still but they are becoming less and less intense. Somedays when a memory pops up i will say to myself about how i want her back but then i remind myself about how there is no more us and never will be. When a wave of emotions occurs i try and pin point why i feel the way i do.

 

I think what im most upset by is the fact about how she broke a lot of promises during the relationship and the biggest one being that she would never leave. This girl was my first love and i tried everything to always make things work but we had a lot issues. She lied to me all the time, always let her drugged up family walk all over me, and many more things. Because of all these things i started to resent her and be mean. In the end i have no clue what changed, she went from being crazy about me alwayys talking about how we would get married one day and have a family.

 

Still to this day i just dont get how 2 weeks before dumping me she was saying all that stuff and then all the sudden after one fight boom and it was all gone. The reason for dumping always changed, first it was because i grew apart and spent too much time with my friends, then because i put her down about school, then because she realized it never would have worked out, then because she lost feelings for me. Tells me she thinks things can work in the future then says she doesnt see them working because too much has happened.

 

At the end of the day it sucks because i was super committed to the realtionship despite the issues and was planning on a future with this girl but she will have that with someone else. What also sucks is that i can never get those first times back. I put myself through a lot of pain trying to make that stuff work and it fell apart. It fells like self defeat and that i could never commit like that to another person.

 

When i met up with her one last time she showed no emotions. I cried and cried in front of her saying how i wanted all that stuff with her. All she had to say was sorry i cant give you another shot but i can be your friend. She went on to say how she is going to focus on herself and in a couple years will find something new. She then got angry when i told her to stay out of my life and to stop keeping tabs on me. She slammed the door and that was it. Last time i will ever hear from that girl

[lonelyplanetmoon]

My Ex was the exact same way. Stone cold! And he was the sensitive one in our relationship. Which is what was more shocking to me.

 

But in thinking about it I have come to realize that the coldness he displays is his coping mechanism. I know he feels as much pain as me, he just put up a wall and is staying on the other side because he has to do it in order to save himself.

 

The pitfall of relationships with low compatibility are that both partners compromise so much a part of themselves (over time), that they lose themselves. I mention "over time" because it is a creeping thing. A little here, a little there and before you know it, your are just a shell of a person.

 

I think that is what happened to my ex and he just shut down emotionally when he reached the limit.

 

Now, his immaturity and inability to communicate his needs played a huge role of where he got to so I do not hold any blame in that department.

 

I can see it now in myself. I don't even know what I like anymore... So my goal now is to try to find myself. What I need vs want.

 

What I am trying to say is that it hurts more to think that they did not love you, but the truth is they did love you. They are just fighting their own battles. Which has nothing to do with how they feel about you. It has to do with how they feel about themselves.

 

The other thing is to remember that all those plans/promises/hopes of a future life were all fantasy. We envision that we will live happily forever after because we love each other. You know that is sheer folly. The reality is that how our relationship has turned out is exactly the life we will have. We get into our comfort zones and stop trying and history repeats.

 

Stay strong my friend. And just let those emotions take their course. Nothing we can do about them but to feel them and let them pass.

[jparmyguy]

My Ex was the exact same way. Stone cold! And he was the sensitive one in our relationship. Which is what was more shocking to me.

 

But in thinking about it I have come to realize that the coldness he displays is his coping mechanism. I know he feels as much pain as me, he just put up a wall and is staying on the other side because he has to do it in order to save himself.

 

The pitfall of relationships with low compatibility are that both partners compromise so much a part of themselves (over time), that they lose themselves. I mention "over time" because it is a creeping thing. A little here, a little there and before you know it, your are just a shell of a person.

 

I think that is what happened to my ex and he just shut down emotionally when he reached the limit.

 

Now, his immaturity and inability to communicate his needs played a huge role of where he got to so I do not hold any blame in that department.

 

I can see it now in myself. I don't even know what I like anymore... So my goal now is to try to find myself. What I need vs want.

 

What I am trying to say is that it hurts more to think that they did not love you, but the truth is they did love you. They are just fighting their own battles. Which has nothing to do with how they feel about you. It has to do with how they feel about themselves.

 

The other thing is to remember that all those plans/promises/hopes of a future life were all fantasy. We envision that we will live happily forever after because we love each other. You know that is sheer folly. The reality is that how our relationship has turned out is exactly the life we will have. We get into our comfort zones and stop trying and history repeats.

 

Stay strong my friend. And just let those emotions take their course. Nothing we can do about them but to feel them and let them pass.

See with my ex i know she did love me at a point and i think she still does but like hurts knowing that she really isnt feeling any pain about this. She is already taking things slow with a new guy even though she tells me that she wants to be single for a while. (Her friends told me). She also doesnt talk about me at all and called me psychotic.

 

I asked some of her friends if she mentioned how she met up with me a hamdful of times over the laat few months and she said no.

 

We had are happy times but its all tainted with a lot of painful memories. Withing 8 months she tried leaving me for another kid. I broke up with her and gave her another chance and it was super hard to get over that. It took about a year for me to move past it and regain some of my trust. But then after getting over that her family tried to kill me because i knew all about the drug dealing. It was wicked stressfull time.

 

After all those times sticking it through she dumped me because i saw she was looking up the kid she tried leaving me for.

 

She turned around blamed me for having trust issues blamed me for the issues with her family. Blamed me for her lack of success in school. Said our realtionship just turned into sex.

 

Its funny because this is a girl who i did her hw for and pushed her to go to college. She also caused a scene in the mall because a girl from my class started talking to me.

 

After the breakup when i decided to rebound she threatened to stalk me and then took me back and a day later said the spark is gone, i dont want to be with you.

 

Im hoping if i bunp into her at school in the fall ill be emtionally strong enough and will have moved on with my life.