NeverHurtSoMuch Posted May 22, 2017 Share Posted May 22, 2017 I haven't come on here in a while, since I thought I had moved on completely. A little background - I'm 21 and in college. My high school girlfriend and I broke up almost two years ago. We dated for almost two years. It was really bad, and I reacted very poorly to it. A lot of it was my fault. There were also some shockingly messed up things done by her as well. She blocked me for a while and has had no desire to contact me in any way since then. I sent her a few messages, which were not well received. Needless to say she doesn't care at all, and I have had zero closure. For the first few months, I was extremely down, and was not myself personality wise. I withdrew, and became anxious and jumpy whenever I thought of her, what happened or if I thought I may see her somewhere. Then slowly, I stopped thinking about her as much. I went through almost the entirety of the past school year rarely thinking of her and looking forward to the future. But now, I'm home for summer break. And when I got home and texted my friends that I grew up with, I got few responses, and no invitations to hang out. When I ask them to hang out, they seemingly always have excuses. I feel like I've lost all of my childhood friends, and I have slipped into a level of loneliness and sadness that i haven't felt before. Along with this, I have slipped back into almost the same level of pain i felt with the initial breakup almost two years ago. I want to talk with her, I want to see her. It would still make me really sad if I found out she has a new boyfriend, or if i found out she has been with another guy. At the same time though, I know that she likely hasn't thought about me for months and may even mock me in her recollections of me. It really is a loneliness that is truly profound, and I am sure that it is exacerbated by the fact that I seemingly have no friends anymore for some reason. I was a very social person throughout high school with a lot of friends and a girlfriend. In college, I have a lot of friends and am very social as well. I just don't know what happens when I come home. So I guess my question is, what do I do? I have a few friends left and do go out a couple of times a week. I have an internship lined up, go to the gym regularly and am leaving for a year abroad in the fall. But internally I am a mess. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted May 23, 2017 Share Posted May 23, 2017 (edited) Are you looking forward to travelling abroad? I'm sorry you feel in a bad place at the moment.....if you look at your life in increments of moments......realize the moment you are in...is short sounds like you have some good things coming up a promising future even though your present is less than ok so you feel.....in reality...its just different..........you have promise and hope in what you intend on doing...... my grandpa told me if you can count good friends on one hand then you have hit the jackpot( i was a pretty lonely child and he knew i was)...if you have one good friend he also said....that you are blessed....i tend to always trust what my grandpa tells me..i should say told..all my grandparents have passed away......but tells is better for me........because he always would tell truths.....he didnt know any other way to be.... life is full of change....soemtimes of a time in limbo awaiting change and i think if you jsut move through changes without dwelling on what others do or dont have....it helps...i am guilty of getting blue...when i feel less than functional...and i wish i coped better ...fro my family at least so they didnt have to be stuck with me..... concentrate on what you have now and what you have in your future and live your life without regret ...live life with certain hope........and leave things to happen on their own.....have faith everything happens for areason adn you made need this space and alone time to prepare you for what is to come......best wishes...deb Edited May 23, 2017 by todreaminblue Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted May 23, 2017 Share Posted May 23, 2017 (edited) My hometown friends were disinterested too, unless they went away to college and were in the same boat as me. A lot of it depended on how much I'd stayed in contact with them. But the ones who stayed home? They were in new routines with a new flock of buddies, doing their regular thing. To me, I went back home. To them, it was just another Saturday night. Usually, I'd venture out a little farther than where I lived and hang out with new college friends. Don't know if that's an option for you. Maybe she publicized (intentionally or not) how badly you reacted. People get a little weird about that. What do you do? You go out with those remaining friends, make a few new ones, and become a presence again. Be yourself, in other words. Show up at their parties. Have a couple self-deprecating and ex-deprecating zingers if the subject of your neediness comes up. Date one or more of the ex's old HS friends, if they'll give you the time of day. Nothing serious, just go on a date, show her a great time, and see if you can knock the bottom out of it. You're in college, so act like it! Best time in your life so far. Edited May 23, 2017 by mightycpa 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NeverHurtSoMuch Posted May 23, 2017 Author Share Posted May 23, 2017 My friends are all in college, and are coming back home from their respective colleges. They're hanging out with each other, just not with me for some reason. I have this weird worry that my ex will be at parties that I am not invited to, and I have this desire to see her and talk with her. This scenario is, and I know it is, unlikely as she was not close with many of the people in my friendgroup in high school. I think its a combination of sadness and the feeling that I have no friends combined with the nervousness and fear of the possibility of her being at an event that I am not at. Link to post Share on other sites
froggymom Posted May 23, 2017 Share Posted May 23, 2017 It sounds like you have a lot lined up for yourself and that's great. I think these feelings are temporary. Continue to do what you are doing and maybe add a couple of new activities to the list. Just keep busy and growing.Good luck in your internship. Link to post Share on other sites
Gillys Posted May 23, 2017 Share Posted May 23, 2017 As others (and you) have said you definitely have a lot great things lined up and you should be proud of that. As far as the lonliness and your friends not inviting you out: sadly, people do drift apart as they grow up. The number of true friends you have tends to get smaller but the bond is thicker. Maybe you'll have lifelong, unbreakable friendships with your hometown friends that you do see regularly, your college buddies, internship colleagues or friends that you meet abroad. It also sounds like you have a lot more spare time on your hands now that you're out of school which also means more time to reflect on the past unfortunately (I'm guilty of that myself). Try developing some routines in your day to stay busy (read books, take up a new hobby, hang with your siblings, detail your car, spend longer at the gym, help elderly relatives, volunteer, etc.) anything to occupy the mind or be around people. Good luck with your internship and spend as much time with your family, I'm sure they're going to miss you like crazy while you're abroad for year. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NeverHurtSoMuch Posted May 25, 2017 Author Share Posted May 25, 2017 Thanks for your responses guys. I definitely have a lot of good stuff coming on the horizon, but for some reason I can't shake that sadness right now. I feel like every day it gets worse. Every night I'm worried that she's with someone else, or at a party or something with my friends that I am not invited to, just like when we originally broke up. And she may well be with someone else, and it would be totally acceptable and normal, we haven't spoken meaningfully in almost two years. So, I'm not really sure what to do. There is absolutely no way I am going to try and contact her in any fashion, even though I really want to. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 25, 2017 Share Posted May 25, 2017 You are doing many of the right things. Hopefully you will find new friends at the internship & the gym. You can always call or Skype your college friends, possibly meet up with them on the weekends. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NeverHurtSoMuch Posted May 28, 2017 Author Share Posted May 28, 2017 To update you guys, unfortunately I have continued my sharp descent and it is getting to a point where it is just as bad as it was when we originally broke up. Few of my friends respond to my messages, and so I have simply stopped sending them. I am so lonely now that I don't even have a desire to get out of bed in the morning, though I force myself to do it. I keep my phone off for most of the day because I know that the odds of me getting any messages are almost zero. Every time I see her in a post on social media that one of our mutual friends has put up, I am extremely sad. To be honest with you, I am shocked that I have gotten so bad in such a small period of time, especially considering where I was just a few weeks ago. I obviously can't talk to anyone about it given the fact that it has been so long. Link to post Share on other sites
Gillys Posted May 28, 2017 Share Posted May 28, 2017 Sorry things got worse. You can always post on here if you need someone to talk to. Have you tried talking to your family about it? Family is usually good for a non-judgmental conversation when it comes to love. Or perhaps your college buddies who know your situation. Social media has probably has dragged the best of us into a downward spiral at some point. Try to stay off of facebook and find other things for entertainment (avoid the triggers in a sense). Will you be starting your internship soon? I think things will feel better once you have a new routine and have a structured purpose in your day. Chin up my friend. Sadly, healing isn’t linear and we all dip into periods like this.. It’ll get better Link to post Share on other sites
Superchicken Posted May 29, 2017 Share Posted May 29, 2017 Previous poster is correct. You need to speak to your father. You should be getting him involved in your life. Your a young bloke, and need guidance at a crucial time. So, speak to him, and learn from his experience. Your father found your mother. I found my wife, as did others (Not my wife, their own .). You'll find yours. Its just a matter of time, which you have so much off. Second, so what if your old flame is with someone else. She's not with you because of her choice. You'll get over it. What goes around comes around, and in the end, she will get her lumps in life. If your going abroad, then, pack some rubbers. Unless you look like Freddie Kruger, you'll get some. I've been around the world, and although married, I can tell you, there's so much out their, its hard to resist (But I did ). Ted. Link to post Share on other sites
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