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It's been years since I left him


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... and I still miss him.

 

He was my best friend, my mate in every way. We talked all the time and never seemed to run out of things to say. He was playful and easygoing like I am. We loved the same music, the same movies, the same food, doing the same things... I was free to be myself, say and do whatever I wanted and all the while he'd would just admire me. He always admired and cherished me. Safe to say, I miss being adored like that. Sometimes I'd catch him looking at me and he would glow. We were together for just over 2 years in our early to mid-twenties, and they were some of the best years of my life. Friends tell me that I don't miss him so much as I miss who I was with him because certain circumstances allowed me to be freer than I am now. That makes a lot of sense. I was a happier person then.

 

He got me a handmade journal for Valentine's Day once with my initials engraved on the cover. It looked like something Indiana Jones would carry - and he knew those sorts of things about me... knew I'd love it. I write letters to him in there sometimes - things I wish I could say but can't anymore, especially now that it's been years and we've both moved on to different partners.

 

After I left him, he spent months in his apartment drinking whiskey and crying. I remember being off-put by this and it only drove me away. As time passed, and I reached out, sent a couple messages his way, I was met with a simple: "Stop." I know I broke him badly. I was his first love and I left him.

 

I know he's better off now - friends mentioned he's with someone, a really nice girl that suits him and isn't a single mom. So yes, he's better off and I'm genuinely happy for him. Truth be told I'm better off now too in some ways.

 

Regardless, I've never missed someone as much as I miss him. It's a dull feeling, like something that's always there that I can't get rid of. Like an old chair taking up space... but it's the most comfortable chair you've ever owned so you keep it. I'm not broken over it, I'm living my life with the feeling, and I'm never really seeing an end to it.

 

I just miss my best friend. I miss relaxing after a long day, looking up at the stars and just talking about nonsense. My life is a lot quieter now. And I don't know if I'll ever get over it.

 

 

Does anybody else miss their ex, their friendship more than anything, but know they can never have it again?

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It'll be a year since mine left me in a month or so, and 4 months of rock solid nc.

 

I miss her friendship. I'd love to just talk and catch up, see what she's been doing. We used to lay around and she'd tell me stories about the crazy stuff her friends from her small town did. We'd laugh for hours.

 

However, she did so much damage to me post breakup with her games, that I'll never speak to her again. Her pushing and pulling cost me emotionally, and she did things to intentionally hurt me many times.

 

Like your ex, I spent months trying to recover, and the entire month of October in my tub.

 

When I waver, what keeps me strong is remembering how she made fun of me when I told her I wanted to marry her and make babies.

 

So yes. I do miss her. But I know that I will never speak to her, and each day I'm getting more acceptance and closure.

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Frostedflake

I miss my longest (but also one of my first) relationships. She was definitely the most supportive and thoughtful of any girlfriend so I recall her fondly. But strangely, of all them she still wasn't the one I was most enamored with..

 

Now I wish I would've appreciated her fully as the person she was vs the relationship aspect. She was very kind and great to travel with.

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It's been over a year since mine left and 6 months of NC. I still miss my best friend. She was the only person I have loved and trusted that much. I miss how we could do everything even mundane task with so much love and joy between us.

 

With that said, my post breakup was similar to Bromeo with the push/pull and cruel comments while I got led on for months. There was major damage done to me and I'm terrified I'll never completely heal. A year later, I still feel broken in a way. My ex changed her personality completely and I know I can never be with the person she has become. So yes I miss and some days long for the person I fell in love with but not the person she became after the breakup to mirror her new bf and his friends.

 

A friend of mine told me recently, that if you intensely loved and cared about someone, you can't just erase the good moments from your memory. Some part of you will miss them for a long time no matter how much damage was done post BU.

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