I can't handle the pain of the first rejection

[sahgon]

I am 17 years old and she is 15. I just saw her walking in the street. I decided to go and talk to her when i see her next time. Next time i saw her, she was crying. My friend helped me to go together and ask her if she was ok.

 

From this day i was sending her messages in fb and we were talking. She didn't respond to my flirt. But she was such a good girl, she was snob, she was sweet. I was so happy when i was talking to her.

 

Three weeks later i decided to confess my feeling for her but she rejected me. We stopped talking. After 2 weeks, my sister as she was reading my conversation without my permission and i wasn't aware of that, and as she was reading she sent a hand like by mistake and delete it so i don't see it, but the girl i like still received the message.

 

So this day she asked me how am i. And then we started talking again and conversations were flowing better and better but i didn't know why she started talking to me again( i haven't discovered yet what my sister has done). So i asked her why she send me a message and i also asked her if something in her feelings has changed. She said that i sent her i hand like and she just wanted to see if i am okay...and we kept talking for different things. As they days were passing by, and were talking every day , and she started talking for more personal things like health issues, she told me that she wants to go for confession because she wants to improve her personality, she also sent me some photos of her so i help her decide which one to upload to her facebook profile. All these things made me feel more close to her and believe that i may do something with her if i keep on like this.

 

Three days before(today is 20/5), it was a month since we started talking again. I decided to tell her that she was one of the best persons i have ever met, and i really believe that and told her that i just wanted to let her know this. She thanked me and asked me if it is a good idea that we keep talking if i have feelings for her because she considers me as a friend. i said i have no problem talking to her and i want to talk to her. She said then she doesn't have a problem to talk to me but she asked me how do i think it would be if someday i see her with someone else and she said that we talk only via messages. I said i can't answer to that and i changed the subject.

 

After we said goodnight i expressed my feelings to her once again. I told her that i still love her, i respect that she doesn't feel anything but i would feel very lucky if i had her, and i would really to go out together someday at least like friends, and i said that i am saying those thing from my heart and i hope her heart listen to these.

 

She said that her heart doesn't listen much, she said that maybe she deserved to have a bf like me but she can't and she doesn't want to, and she doesn't know about goind out together. I didn't respond after that and i won't. Everything has finished.

 

All the time i spent talking to her now is a nothing, and the next time i see her in the street it would be like i never knew her. Everything has gone, i was used to talk to her everyday, i love her and i don't know if i can overcome my love to her. I don't want to stop talking to her but that's what i need to do but after all this time it seems so hard and i can't handle my emotions. I cry everyday.

 

I have written 6 pages expressing my feeling as a try to make myself feel better. I'm afraid, sad, anxious, disapointed. It was my first try to make a relationship and all the time i spent talking to her, thinking of her, having faith to what i was doing now is a complete 0. All the things i was doing for these months has become a part of my everyday life and i was feeling so happy and now i need to understand that being close to her, talking to her everyday , have a relationship with her can't happen and will never happen.

 

Help, i have spent so much time, effort, strength, i have felt so much and now all these froze and will never happen and i find it so hard to get used it, what am i doing?

Edited May 20, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
paragraphs~T

[somanymistakes]

You're young (You know this, I'm stating the obvious) and your emotions are heightened. That can make things feel much more intense than they will someday in the future. On top of that, you're experiencing a lot of things for the first time, which again makes them more overwhelming because you're not used to them.

 

It will be okay! You're not broken or damaged or messed up for life. You're sad right now, but many more things will happen to you soon that will distract you and give you other things to care about.

 

Don't think of the time you spent as wasted and a complete zero, if possible. You don't want to feed and nurture your disappointment. That will make you more unhappy, and make it harder for you to appreciate new opportunities when they come along. She was a friend that you had feelings for, and hopefully you wish her well in the future. Let her be a fond memory, but don't beat yourself up about it. You learn, you change, you grow. You may have learned things from talking to her that will help you in the future when you meet a girl who is open to the idea of more than just friendship.

[d0nnivain]

When you want something very badly & you don't get it, that hurts. You are upset because you liked this girl but she didn't return your affections.

 

 

That said, your life is not over. She is one girl. She is not the whole world. There will be other girls. Some will like you. Some won't. There may even be a girl or two who likes you but whom you don't like.

 

 

The good news is you pick nice girls. This girl talked to you for a while. She was honest about her feelings, or lack of feelings. She tried to let you down gently but she was self aware enough to know the consequences of leading you on & she tried not to do that.

 

 

You can be upset for a little while but don't view this as a waste of time. You took your 1st steps toward having a relationship. It's OK that you failed. The first time you did anything you didn't do it perfectly. It takes practice.

 

 

I will caution you not to be "friends" with a girl if you really want more. As this girl pointed out to you, as her friend who wanted to be her BF, it will hurt you more by hanging around & seeing her with another boy. If another girl doesn't return your affections in the future, have enough self respect to move on. Don't hang around begging for scraps of her time & attention.

[sahgon]

Thanks for your support. Your replies tell me excatly what i need now and i will read them again again and again so i get encouraged.

 

I know i should have stoped when she rejected me for first try, but it was so difficult.

 

Indeed she is a nice girl, a very nice girl i believe it and i know that at least is better than most of the girls out there today and that's why i tried so much. I can't think myself away from her and not thinking of her. I'm try to avoid memory trigers, to recall the time i spent talking to her and the conversations we have and dreaming how it would be if i was with her. What is stuck to my mind is that i could be with her right now and talking.

 

I hope i find courage to end up this missery soon, i'm having my final exams in 3 weeks and all this sadness takes up so much of my time. I hope in the very next days this emotions will fade and not feed up, i hope tomorrow i will not cry. I am just quite sensitive and i try be good and very helpful to everyone, not to do anything that can make other people sad, so i follow God's orders. now i have a really but time realizing what happened and snapping back to reality.

 

Thanks so much.

[Fresnite]

Thanks for your support. Your replies tell me excatly what i need now and i will read them again again and again so i get encouraged.

 

I know i should have stoped when she rejected me for first try, but it was so difficult.

 

Indeed she is a nice girl, a very nice girl i believe it and i know that at least is better than most of the girls out there today and that's why i tried so much. I can't think myself away from her and not thinking of her. I'm try to avoid memory trigers, to recall the time i spent talking to her and the conversations we have and dreaming how it would be if i was with her. What is stuck to my mind is that i could be with her right now and talking.

 

I hope i find courage to end up this missery soon, i'm having my final exams in 3 weeks and all this sadness takes up so much of my time. I hope in the very next days this emotions will fade and not feed up, i hope tomorrow i will not cry. I am just quite sensitive and i try be good and very helpful to everyone, not to do anything that can make other people sad, so i follow God's orders. now i have a really but time realizing what happened and snapping back to reality.

 

Thanks so much.

 

I was totally in your shoes (more than once admittedly)

 

It does suck and its painful. Time heals it though. Keep doing the approaching girls thing though. It works, girls do like confidant guys.

 

Also at your age there may be a few girls who have a crush on you, but are also afraid of rejection and do not want to hint AT ALL that they like you. It's Just that age group. Of course you will get the occasional ones that do.

 

But keep your head up, some one else just as awesome if not more awesome will come along and will accept your feelings and return their own to you.

 

Good luck.

[mikeylo]

You are only 17 and she is only 15!

 

Focus on your friends and school , it shall pass