Still struggling...

[Jadedbyluv]

It's been about 3 months since my relationship officially ended. During the last 3 months, we have had some contact here and there and have gone out a handful of times. It hasn't helped with my healing process or moving forward.

 

At this point, I don't know what stage I am in the grieving process. Some days I feel like I hit almost every stage from denial to anger to depression. I hate being 3 months down the road and not being able to move forward. This breakup has really done a number on me.

 

Over the last few weeks, my big hang up is starting to question everything. I question if he ever cared at all or if he meant anything he said. I question if I made the relationship more than it ever was. I constantly question what we had. I question his feelings and my feelings.

 

How do I get past this hurdle? I feel like this is what is preventing me from truly moving forward. In my heart, I know I loved this man and cared for him in a way that I haven't someone else before. We did at one point having an undeniable connection, and I felt I could completely be open with him. But at the same time, I don't know if any of it was ever real and that's hard to move past. I don't want what I felt to be all for naught and not to have meant even a little something. I just want to know that I meant a little something to him.

[juniorrocha]

I just want to know that I meant a little something to him.

 

Of course you did. Else you wouldn't be contacting or seeing each other at all.

 

But you know what you need to do and you know the path you have to take. Until you have finally closed the door, things will continue being harder for you.

 

I don't know how your relationship was like, but if there's no chance you're getting back together, then why continue maintaining contact? It will only make your healing process longer and harder.

 

Close the door. Block/delete/remove anything from your life that may remind you of him. Put yourself first, remember that you're the only one who can make things easier for you.

 

I'm sure you'll get there. But for that to happen, you can't lose your focus.

[loveiswar101]

then why continue maintaining contact? It will only make your healing process longer and harder.

 

I feel for you. But the above says it all.

 

Add in this easy but true fact "you can't change the past".

 

With this focus on you, do things that make you happy, time does heal, I know and all do. Once focusing on yourself you will not forget the past but it will become more easy and gentle on your feelings and emotions when you do.

 

Small steps..best wishes

[BG1]

For your own well beeing go NC. Seems you know that what you have been doing so far isn't really helping so a change is needed. You will need time, so be patience with your emotions, be kind and take care of yourself.

 

It's time to turn the focus on you, leaving aside what he thinks, believes, etc.. Talk to friends and family. If you feel like contacting him, write to a friend like you were texting him or leave messages here. Spend some time thinking what you can do to feel better. Could be going for a run, cooking some tasty dinner, going for a walk, calling a friend you haven't talk in a long time, etc..

[Jadedbyluv]

We are basically no contact at this point. We were still in contact up until a few weeks ago. I have been trying really hard to keep busy and focus on myself. I've been running more. Joined two different recreational sports leagues. Volunteering with two non-profits. Taking on more projects at work. Planning trips and outings with friends. Doing everything I can to take my mind off of it.

 

One thing that doesn't help is my long commute to and from work. It's when I think about him the most. A song will come on which will remind me of him. I'll start daydreaming and think back to one of our times together, and it makes me emotional and sad. Then there are the moments where I so badly want to reach out to him and share stuff with him whether it be good or bad news. He is still the first person I want to tell even though I know I can't anymore. I had something come up today at work and I wanted to text him and ask him for his advice because he always understood where my head was at and helped me make more well-thought decisions.

 

We didn't have an ugly, bad breakup. In fact, he did say the best of what we have was still there. So I guess I clung on to that in the beginning instead of going no contact right away. I thought we could maintain our friendship at least since we really did become great friends during our relationship. I miss that friendship more than anything.

[flysolo]

We are basically no contact at this point. We were still in contact up until a few weeks ago. I have been trying really hard to keep busy and focus on myself. I've been running more. Joined two different recreational sports leagues. Volunteering with two non-profits. Taking on more projects at work. Planning trips and outings with friends. Doing everything I can to take my mind off of it.

 

One thing that doesn't help is my long commute to and from work. It's when I think about him the most. A song will come on which will remind me of him. I'll start daydreaming and think back to one of our times together, and it makes me emotional and sad. Then there are the moments where I so badly want to reach out to him and share stuff with him whether it be good or bad news. He is still the first person I want to tell even though I know I can't anymore. I had something come up today at work and I wanted to text him and ask him for his advice because he always understood where my head was at and helped me make more well-thought decisions.

 

We didn't have an ugly, bad breakup. In fact, he did say the best of what we have was still there. So I guess I clung on to that in the beginning instead of going no contact right away. I thought we could maintain our friendship at least since we really did become great friends during our relationship. I miss that friendship more than anything.

 

To help with that, think of it as a huge injury that you had that left a big physical scar. It will take time to heal and disappear to mostly nothing. Your separation is the same, you will always know who he is, but eventually with time you will heal and move on. Keep up the no contact, that is ultimately the best way to handle everything. If 2Pac can keep his head up, you can.

[Jadedbyluv]

Last week, I texted my ex and broke nc. We haven't really spoken in the last 2 months other than a few texts here and there. I had gone NC earlier this month to help myself but I was going through a lot personally and reached out. He didn't say much at the time but we actually talked yesterday.

 

We talked for almost 6 hours on the phone. It wasn't about "us" but we were catching up with everything going on in the last 2 months. It was nice to chat. When I told him I should go, we kept talking for 2 more hours. He was excited to tell me about his trips and stories that he hadn't shared with anybody yet.

 

Not that I expect us to get back together. And I have a feeling he has already moved on and is dating. But I can't get over the connection that we still have. I have never felt that connection with anybody. I can completely let my guard down with him, and I can't do that with anybody. It is hard to let that go. This is what is holding me back from moving on because I don't know if I will find that again with someone. Even some of my closest friends, I don't feel the level of trust and comfort that I feel with him. To be able to have that is rare and I am struggling with losing it by not having him in my life.