It's been years, I really can't get him out of my head

[Xen23]

The story:

Once upon a time I fell head-over-heels with this man who pushed all of my buttons simultaneously, on every level- and being a pretty picky and pretty quirky person, it was no mean feat- this was intense. The guy in question was SO easy to talk to, had really similar tastes in everything- it was surreal. Pretty sure he was my literal soulmate or something.

Anyway, (I think his friends and gossip might have added to it) at some point he went pretty cold and distant. Started saying bitchy things like 'I need an equal' - referencing our 12 year age gap.

When we broke up, my life went crazy, I moved counties, then countries just because he smashed my mind so much.

Long story short, I have been with guys since and none of them were even close to the guy I mentioned. Nobody in my town is even remotely close; I'm open, so open I chat with anyone, and not closed off to the fact that Mr. Right could be in disguise (doubt it tho, all I seem to attract is slimeballs lately).

But things constantly remind me of that one ex; not sure if its a distorted perception, however. People agreed that he was a real looker; I am not that shallow tho, wouldn't have cared if he was less attractive (not ugly however, I really can't go there), but despite him literally looking like a Viking god (6'4", long blond hair, nice looks, he was very skinny tho), we had an insanely deep mental connection (or so I perceived at least). I think I judge people based on him -it's eaten me up for far too long. Worse is I can't ever see him again, since last we met, he was with someone else, but still spoke to me in the same manner like we were together - soul to soul or something. We like the same things and can talk for weeks without end.

I find myself thinking back to him often, I know it's pretty irrational and I should have been over him long ago, but things/people remind me of him still now.

Advice?

[Telemachus]

Just enjoy the memories.

 

Regarding your memories, you're being selective. Your soulmate wouldn't consider you sub-equal, be distant, or cold, as you've described his comments and behavior toward you.

 

Notsalgia's not what it used to be.

[spiderowl]

I do understand. It's very gripping when you meet someone you resonate with on so many levels. It is very difficult to let go of that. If the only reason you are letting go is because you have to, then again there is little incentive.

 

I have been in the same position and I know how heart-wrenching it is. All we can do is to accept that they were a very close match but not close enough. If they were close enough, they would want to be with us.

 

Try to look at the colder aspects of him, the times when he let you down or hurt your feelings. Those are the reasons why you need to be able to move on. I do believe that once we really put someone behind us, then someone new and just as exciting will pop up. They can't while you are still hooked on the almost-match though.