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NC .. I'm really fighting it.. right now.


anynomous34

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anynomous34

Guys.. so i posted something a couple of weeks ago about this guy who has been my friend for years... always a sweetheart and he was always there for me when things got hard... so right now.. basically I'm missing him a lot!

 

We became involved sexually twice.. and things got weird.. and we got into an argument..because he claims i was being too clingy.. since i asked him why he was pulling away.. which i felt he was... the moment i expressed myself he shocked me with "Im seeing someone " and stopped all communication with me..I was furious.. i then went on my facebook.. and tried to get a hold off of him there... i was angry and called him "fat and said he was a coward for not having the balls to tell me to my face what he was doing..i also called him a materialistic prick. he now is dating a NEW girl... which KILLS ME! Honestly I feel like he's just punishing me because I was being needy.. but he did change the moment we became intimate.

*****Fastforward to NOW

So this last Thurs or Friday I decided to go to his house.. and have him confront me to my FACE ... it just bothered me how he just completely evaded me.. so i called him since he wasnt home.... me and him talked over the phone since he was soo worried that I would hit him.. lol he knows he's wrong.. anyway...we met up and he had his friend join us.. because he worried that i would go "nuts" I was calm..

 

I told him we needed to talk once and for all.. i needed closure ... i need him to give it to me straight... he was a bit upset because I showed up to his place unannounced worried that his girl might be there.. I said whats the big deal.. Im not here to start a fight with anyone I just need closure.. he also became upset with me because I said "a lot of hurtful" things...i told him i didnt mean to call him those names.. he was so upset with me because of the name calling.. and he said he didnt want to be my friend anymore :( because he doesn't associate with people who treat others badly... on the other hand I'm trying to explain to him how bad he has treated me.. HE REALLY hurt me! I feel like he's just trying to punish me for being needy..but i honestly was just trying to see how he was... and he then told me the girl he began dating... they became official because she begged him to be with him since he didnt like the fact that she smoked ... she said she would stop for him.. and he said she stopped smoking so now he can take her more seriously..

 

...I don't know.. i get the feeling he is trying to use this "girlfriend" to make me jealous.. I like him and miss him but at the same time I dont want to feed his ego and let him know how i feel..or put myself in a idiotic position.. he was already stating "that I was taking things too seriously" and that "i obviously love him" which I dont and am not.. I said "dont flatter yourself" and "chill kid, please"

 

 

Basically.. I miss him.. more as a friend than anything.. <3 :( i mean i dont even care about that girl.. me and him have a history together.. and that's not something anyone could just take away from us..

he's a great guy.. and i obviously said some mean things because he has hurt me.

....for years he has told me he's wanted something serious with me I always liked him but I couldnt get myself to fully trust him..he also would start saying that he wanted to marry me.. i never really took all his words seriously.. so his friendship always meant more to me.. until recently we became intimate and things obviously got awkward.. I don't want to reach out to him because he has clearly stated he no longer wants to be my friend but at the same time.. i feel like ...dude how you could throw our friendship away..Im fighting it right now . <3 I miss him :'(

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First of all, you don't have a friendship. That dynamic has changed and it did when you decided to sleep with him. You took a risk. There's no going back to that -- especially when he wants nothing to do with you. People cling to "friendship" because that's their way of keeping a foot in the door.

 

Accept that it's done for now and try to move on from this. Maybe at some point when you have reached indifference you can seek out that friendship again. Chances are by then, it won't be as attractive.

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anynomous34
First of all, you don't have a friendship. That dynamic has changed and it did when you decided to sleep with him. You took a risk. There's no going back to that -- especially when he wants nothing to do with you. People cling to "friendship" because that's their way of keeping a foot in the door.

 

Accept that it's done for now and try to move on from this. Maybe at some point when you have reached indifference you can seek out that friendship again. Chances are by then, it won't be as attractive.

 

 

Yeah, you're right i did take a risk. I didn't think things would end the way they did.. but they did. :confused:

:eek:I think he's overreacting quite honestly..

 

But that's just me.. no, and I'm not hanging on to the idea of "friendship" cause that's not my style.. We got a long pretty well...until he started to act up..

 

I need a rebound. LOL:lmao:

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Yeah, you're right i did take a risk. I didn't think things would end the way they did.. but they did. :confused:

:eek:I think he's overreacting quite honestly..

 

But that's just me.. no, and I'm not hanging on to the idea of "friendship" cause that's not my style.. We got a long pretty well...until he started to act up..

 

I need a rebound. LOL:lmao:

 

I think your reactions were over the top. Showing up at someone's home is absolutely wrong. Yes, you both slept together twice but there was no talk about exclusivity. You felt entitled to it because you both were friends but sex doesn't guarantee commitment. He can sleep with anyone he chooses. On the other hand, he's a total douchebag if he was going behind his girlfriend's back -- if she was at the time.

 

The next time someone ignores you -- the lesson is that silence is a response. There is no need to badger or chase if they have consistently failed to respond.

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anynomous34
I think your reactions were over the top. Showing up at someone's home is absolutely wrong. Yes, you both slept together twice but there was no talk about exclusivity. You felt entitled to it because you both were friends but sex doesn't guarantee commitment. He can sleep with anyone he chooses. On the other hand, he's a total douchebag if he was going behind his girlfriend's back -- if she was at the time.

 

The next time someone ignores you -- the lesson is that silence is a response. There is no need to badger or chase if they have consistently failed to respond.

 

Totally see your point.. At the same time it's not fair to dance around the issue at hand.. Just give it to me STRAIGHT.. Tell me it's DONE and you don't CARE. It's called closure. I felt it was necessary to receive that at the very least. I wasn't some girl he met at a club. We're friends or were.. and i realize the dynamic changed the moment we slept together.. but considering the various situations that have erupted while our friendship remained I honestly needed that. It's KARMA. I just wanted the cold truth to help me move on. Now I wont feel like I have a chance.. and move on.. even if i do whine about it temporarily.. as ANY normal person would. Plus he called me back and was ok with meeting.. which I got that. Just have to move forward with my life and now wish him the best.

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Totally see your point.. At the same time it's not fair to dance around the issue at hand.. Just give it to me STRAIGHT.. Tell me it's DONE and you don't CARE. It's called closure. I felt it was necessary to receive that at the very least. I wasn't some girl he met at a club. We're friends or were.. and i realize the dynamic changed the moment we slept together.. but considering the various situations that have erupted while our friendship remained I honestly needed that. It's KARMA. I just wanted the cold truth to help me move on. Now I wont feel like I have a chance.. and move on.. even if i do whine about it temporarily.. as ANY normal person would. Plus he called me back and was ok with meeting.. which I got that. Just have to move forward with my life and now wish him the best.

 

Closure comes from within. No one can give it to you. You find it by accepting the situation as it is and moving on from it.

 

He told you that you became clingy and he was seeing someone else. He then cut you off. That was all you needed to move on. However, you reacted out of anger in the guise of seeking closure.

 

Cut him off. It's still fresh so you're going to struggle emotionally. But trust that you'll get over this as it will pass.

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anynomous34
Closure comes from within. No one can give it to you. You find it by accepting the situation as it is and moving on from it.

 

He told you that you became clingy and he was seeing someone else. He then cut you off. That was all you needed to move on. However, you reacted out of anger in the guise of seeking closure.

 

Cut him off. It's still fresh so you're going to struggle emotionally. But trust that you'll get over this as it will pass.

 

Yeah, I already cut him off. Ever since we met that last time I mentioned I havent talked to him. I beg to differ.. I needed that to feel closure.. and I didnt guise anything.. I needed that.. I said the rude things before even meeting him.. i apologized for that prior to even meeting him... so no it was not a guise.

 

Meeting him that last time helped.. to close out most of the hope I had ... and the forums also have helped close any remaining care.. I once had.. as i knew they would..

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anynomous34
Closure comes from within. No one can give it to you. You find it by accepting the situation as it is and moving on from it.

 

He told you that you became clingy and he was seeing someone else. He then cut you off. That was all you needed to move on. However, you reacted out of anger in the guise of seeking closure.

 

Cut him off. It's still fresh so you're going to struggle emotionally. But trust that you'll get over this as it will pass.

 

Thank you!

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