Everytime I go NC for 3+ months she contacts me!!

[Sourpatchtiger]

So I posted before http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/615898-dumper-can-t-seem-get-past-my-last-relationship and this forum was very insightful and really helped me to understand why my EX did what she did and how she thought. I really was only able to start processing and moving forward thanks to Mr. Downtown's replies.

 

Anyway the point of this post is that I have a problem with NC and I am just noticing a trend and idk how to deal with this. I broke up with my EX early summer 2016 and we actually talked as friends until August when she said she needed NC and I accepted that. THen she messaged me again around November 2016 when i never messaged her anywhere. She stopped messaging me (I would usually read and not reply or just reply with emoji) and then after NC from that point until February 2017 she messaged me some those IG posts and then I reply with a heart.

 

It was a thing we did when we weren't talking to each other cuz you can just press and send anyway thought that should be clear) and she didn't message me again. When I was at my big bro's wedding she messaged me again (Early April 2017) but this time she messaged me regarding the Fiance visa we had. apparently I have to send a signature saying I cancel it for it to be void and I guess she needs that for something, well whatever I am happy to do this but the thing is she also has two things of mine that I need back that I asked her to send me a few times when I ended everything for good but she still hasn't.

 

Well the really important thing is just the engagement ring I bought that is well over $4,000USD. The other is a sentimental stuffed animal (a giant, person sized Rhino), which I won in Thailand against all odds. It is just I didn't ask her for anything else back but those things cuz I really just want to cut my losses and move on (except those two things). I told her this again and she said she would on her next off and i am wondering if I send my notarized signature canceling the visa would that be my only leverage against her?

 

I know it sounds crazy but her way of thinking definitely isn't that of a normal person. Anyway anyone who could provide valuable insight or thoughts on this would be appreciated:) Also I do still talk to her sister and mom (me and my EX-gf's family got along amazingly well) though I try not to anymore as much but dont delete them off IG or FB.

 

I have thought about if those family members talked to her about that but i asked them not to and they agreed but idk. What is the best way to move on is what I am looking for? I apologize if this is all scrambled up to any viewers. My head is a bit scrambled

Edited April 29, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
added paragraphs, please use them

[Life lessons]

Is it typical for the female to give back the engagement ring?

[Frostedflake]

Yes, it's typical to trade back rings. I got my ring back as well. And if I hadn't I would've been prepared (though I hadn't made the verbal threat) to go to court for it because the one I gave her was over $7,000. I can't really understand why you'd want the Rhino back though.. this is probably where she might think you're being petty. But if it's sentimental to your time in Thailand, okay.

 

At this point I would only respond to her about those things. No more emoticon games. Treat this as a business transaction. You only want to know when and where you will get these items back. Do not give her emotions to work off of but be cut and dry about it. When she responds with her emotions- which she probably will, repeat what your purpose here is: When and where can you expect to get those items back.

 

As for the 3 month cycle, it's always been in your power to break that by not responding or by blocking her number/social medias. Unless it's doing something for you. But if you really want to get past it you need to be firm in that decision.

[Tressugar]

I never gave my ring back. In fact, I still have it and I called off the wedding.

 

Back in my mom's era it was traditional if the woman was the one who broke off the engagement then she'd have to give the ring back.

 

Just be prepared to cut your losses.

[Cephalopod]

I never gave my ring back. In fact, I still have it and I called off the wedding.

 

Back in my mom's era it was traditional if the woman was the one who broke off the engagement then she'd have to give the ring back.

 

Just be prepared to cut your losses.

 

Give it t back!?

[Sourpatchtiger]

Thanks for the advices so far. Yeah well also I gave her that ring before I found out she was cheating on me and lied about it bigtime so yeah I'm definitely looking for it back. As far as the Rhino it may seem petty but it isn't cuz there are so many other things I let go of including all other jewelry except the wedding ring (probably well into the $1,000s).. I guess I didn't block her or anything because that is her thing. She always blocks when we used to fight and she did block me on everything except email and Line app. After this is done though imma delete and block so she can't message me again like this. I see what you are saying and maybe subconsciously idw to block her 100%.

 

I messaged her but she is slow to respond because of the time difference.

[loveiswar101]

If you feel the relationship is done, toast. Move on and cut losses.