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What do I do?


Killaca

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Hi! Want to thank anyone reading for taking the time to try to help me, truly appreciate it.

 

The situation starts a couple months ago, over the summer. I am a high school senior, and I work at this restaurant year round part time to save up money for college next year. My father knows the owner, so I was able to get a job early, and have been working there for about 3 years. I was extremely shy my first years of high school, and really talked to no one at my work besides the usual small talk, even that I wasn't good at. In school, I was also shy until last year, when I sort or broke out of my shell. I'm still a little shy, but it's not bad at all.

 

One day, I walk into work, and there is this new girl. I'm just going to call her M for the sake of the story. Now I had heard that we were getting a new worker, and we get new workers occasionally, but she was in my grade. I don't know what it was, but almost as soon as I heard that, I somehow got it into my head that something was going to happen. That we would somehow have a relationship to some degree, or that I would at least talk to her (I still talked very little to my coworkers at that point).

As the day goes by, we hit it off very well, and at the end of the night I told her to let me know how some event she had the next day went, and gave her my number. It was probably the biggest risk I had ever took, but it payed off, and she texted me the next day.

 

From there on, we would text everyday pretty much for the next 3-4 months. Over that time period, we hung out maybe 3-4 times, but pretty much most other was limited to contact through text or at work. This is partly my fault. She suggested we hang out multiple times, probably 2-3 times, and each time I would come up with an excuse or say "yeah definitely some time". In truth, I wanted her, and I wanted to hang out, but I was held back everytime. I felt like because our relationship was so intertwined with our work, if something happened between us, and failed, it would make things unbearably awkward. On top of this, I have only heard negative things about working with your significant other, and didn't want to have the same thing happen to me.

 

We "talked" for roughly 6 months, and had some pretty touching and deep conversations. I feel like I truly cared for her, but could never get the courage to take anymore action due to fear. I hoped with all my heart she would wait, and she did for 6 months, but over time she started to respond less and less, and eventually we got to the point where we never texted at all. I was still hurt, and it felt like I had been "dumped" even though we weren't technically dating. I realized I skimmed over our relationship fairly fast, and not a lot seems to have happened between us, but there was certainly a connection, and I can tell the feeling was for a long stretch mutual. We talked about meeting each other's families, and got to know each other very well.

 

Once communications were cut, I tried not to think about it. I was far from over her, but acted like I was. I began to (about two months after communication was over) talk to this girl I used to like two years ago. We began to date, and are dating now, as I'm writing this. So far, things are ok, and she is a great girl, but I can tell I am not giving it my all as part of myself is stuck on M (old girl). I don't know what it is, M was good, but not great. She wasn't exceptionally nice, although she was a nice person, and we didn't have that many shared interests. I think the chemistry we had was unbelievable, and we could talk for hours without getting board, whereas with my new girl, conversation can grow old within quickly.

 

I need help. I'm not anywhere closed to being completely over M, and it doesn't help that I see her once a week at work, and we still get along very very well. I don't know why I can't get her out of my head. At the same time, I'm not loving this relationship I'm in now. I can make it work though, and the girl I'm with now has been through a lot, so if I move on I would definitely want to wait.

 

How do I make this better? Sorry for the confusing story, if you have any questions I'll try to clarify, but any help or commentary on anything would be appreciated.

 

Thank you

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Love the one you're with.

 

 

M is not your GF. The other girl is. M stopped talking to you. the other girl agreed to be your GF.

 

 

Focus on your appreciation for the girl who is smitten with you.

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Is M single? If so, I suggest going after what you really want. You're not being fair to the current girl if you're harboring these feelings for M.

 

If M is single I would let the current girl go FIRST, and then ask M out on a proper date. You risk losing both but you're not all-in with the current girl anyway.

 

If M is involved with someone else you need to accept that you missed your chance and move on.

 

Next time don't create a relationship over text message. It's not sustainable and needs to progress into real life and face to face connecting.

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