I am in mourning and really let down by so called best friends.

[Madame_Noire]

Hi everyone..

 

I need to get this out..

 

I am recently bereaved and the two best friends whom I thought would be there for me, were not. I am always there for them. I texted them as soon as I heard of my relative's passing and they just texted a simple sentence. Both didn't seem sincere. "I'm so sorry xxx" "My condolences" Not even the cliche I'm here for you etc.

 

One friend only got in touch a few days later when I posted a meme about you know who your true friends during dark times. She 'liked' the pictures and then texted me saying 'So sorry I have not been in touch, I have been busy?'

 

Busy with what? Running around playing the world's greatest mom to three kids that she tells me on many occasions that she wished she aborted them. Being with a man who just plays computer games all the time and does not bother with his kids and finally, playing taxi to her in-laws.

 

The other friend just constantly complains about her job being too hard and she is in over her head. Then she gives up her job and finds another which is even more complex. The really upsetting thing is, this friend shares her birthday with my relative and she knew this.

 

Evidently, I seem to have leeches and psychic vampires as friends. Not anymore.

 

If it wasn't for my partner and animal loving neighbour being there for me, explaining the many emotions I will feel during the grieving process and letting me talk about what the dearly departed meant to me and how they have influenced me being the person I am today... I am eternally grateful to them.

 

The two fake friends have also lost someone dear to them, so it would have helped if they were compassionate enough to give a hoot! There is nothing they can do to redeem themselves now. I will leave them to their own problems.

 

This is a wake up call to me, it makes me think about the inevitability of death and leaving a legacy to the people who care most about me and vice versa when I pass on. Life is too short wasting it on people who have shown their true colours.

 

You know what, the penny has just dropped, maybe, it has taken something like this to happen to me to realise I am not compatible with the first two friends. All they do is offload their problems on me, they ask me how I am but I never tell them my problems or I do not feel comfortable talking to them about them. Maybe because I am the stronger one with the less drama in my life.

 

The animal loving friend invited me around to her house last night. Which is quite poignant because, like me, she is very unsociable and does not like people in her house because it is her sanctuary for her and her pets. I always tell her I will never show up unannounced and uninvited and when I do come around I will not outstay my welcome. I must say, I felt so relaxed being around her. I thought I would break down because she has been such a comfort to me these past few days. But no, I thought I would only be there for half an hour, no, I was there for two hours. Laughing and joking, planning when we should meet up again. It is like she is a light at the end of a dark tunnel. Before I met up with her last night, I was texting, letting it all out, explaining how much the family member meant to me. I thanked my friend and told her, she is like my diary dossier, memoir. She said 'feel free to fill your diary as much as you need'

 

My wonderful partner has also been there for me too, he works in the funeral industry and explained the emotions and processes as well as telling me more personal feeling about how he felt when he lost the same family member.

 

I am forever in their debt. I am eternally grateful to them.

 

Thanks for reading guys, it helps typing it out.

[d0nnivain]

I'm sorry about the death of your loved one.

 

 

I'm glad you have some people in your corner at this dark time. I can understand how upsetting your friends' lack of meaningful support is. When my parents died not everybody reacted the way I needed them to. It was difficult at best. I've tried to accept that their behavior did not mean they didn't care about me. It just meant that people have lives & that most people don't know what to do in the face of death.

 

 

Hugs

[Madame_Noire]

I'm sorry about the death of your loved one.

 

 

I'm glad you have some people in your corner at this dark time. I can understand how upsetting your friends' lack of meaningful support is. When my parents died not everybody reacted the way I needed them to. It was difficult at best. I've tried to accept that their behavior did not mean they didn't care about me. It just meant that people have lives & that most people don't know what to do in the face of death.

 

 

Hugs

 

 

Thanks d0nnivain.

 

I was going to mention that I understand there are people out there that do not know how to comfort someone in grief..

 

Thank you for taking the time out to read my post and posting. It really means alot.

[Ronni_W]

Madame_Noire,

 

I am sorry for your loss, and wishing your relative a safe and peaceful spiritual transition.

<snip> , I was there for two hours. Laughing and joking, planning when we should meet up again. <snip> and told her, she is like my diary dossier, memoir. She said 'feel free to fill your diary as much as you need'

That was, indeed, very gracious of her! And, it will help take your mind off your former friends, as you plan to entertain your new friend in your home.

 

I'm not really sure what you meant by saying that she feels like your "diary dossier, memoir" -- to me that sounds more like an 'object' than a person(?)

 

Hugs.

[LivingWaterPlease]

I, too, am so sorry for what you're going through, possibly the loss of a parent? That can be devastating if you were close to them. Now that your friends have failed to be a comfort to you, you have this added grief. I'm so sorry about that, too.

 

The rest of this post is long, I know, but your post resonated with me because of things I've gone through in my life and I just want to share some thoughts with you about your friends and why they may be seemingly callous to your grief and after that how I've coped with disappointments in family and friendships in the event it may help you somehow.

 

Since my friends didn't know my father it didn't bother me when none of them contacted me about it. (Don't stop reading here, though, as I will share with you situations that did bother me and how God helped me deal with that). Interestingly, an acquaintance and a neighbor that I hardly knew teamed up and got me a beautiful expensive floral arrangement as a condolence for losing my father. It surprised me greatly!

 

It didn't bother me that my friends didn't say anything about the loss of my father, though, I guess because I take it for granted that most people I know are busy up to their eyeballs and it takes all they can do just to cope with what's on their plates. I wonder if your friend who has thoughts of regret in not aborting her kids is depressed and overworked taking care of them and her inlaws, both? I believe a person can be depressed and appear to be OK to others, even jovial at times. In my opinion, as a mother, a woman who has thoughts that she wishes she had aborted her kids has some very big issues in her life and is not someone I would count on as any kind of support whatsoever.

 

Since your other friend could hardly function on her previous job and got a job even more demanding I can understand where she probably is way behind in keeping up with all her friendships. She has most likely bitten off more than she can chew, so to speak, and even possibly teetering on the brink of collapse in her own life.

 

I do not mean to chastise you at all for expecting comfort! You sound like such a very dear person. I am just trying to help you cope and realize that your friends may be so overwhelmed they don't even know you need them at this time.

 

I can identify with you, though, because I became very ill quite a few years back and my own family (mother, brothers, sisters) didn't come see me or help me through it whereas the sister I thought would always be there for me was jetting around the world and even went to visit a friend whose son was in the hospital with the same illness I had. She immediately got on a plane and went to her friend to comfort her. Ironically, that particular friend had lots of comfort from her spouse and others. I do want to mention my mother is elderly, was caring for her sick husband and lived a distance away, though, so I gave her a pass on not visiting me. All that to say:

 

I figured out my sister flew to see the friend whose son was in the hospital because she wouldn't have to be responsible for anything connected to it and could experience the drama of the situation without committing herself to help. Whereas with me, since I'm alone and she's a family member, had she come to see me she may have felt obligated to help somehow. This was extremely painful to me as I am alone and my children are grown and gone out of state.

 

All of my close friends who live nearby also dropped out of the picture. I was pretty surprised about that!

 

But, what happened for me is that God put two people in my life I'd never been close to at all and those two people rallied around me as if they were sisters to me, I guess kind of like your neighbor is doing for you. It was amazing and wonderful and I remained very close to both those women for quite awhile.

 

One of those women has had life issues that have caused the two of us not to be in touch much anymore, though I have tried to maintain the relationship, she is just too overwhelmed and there is nothing I can do to help her. She has a huge family and I have tried to "be there" for her but she has been unavailable. I've just accepted that she was in my life for a season but that the season is over with. Who knows, though? She may be disappointed in me for not being there for her in ways that haven't occurred to me. I've thought of everything to help her get through it, that I know of, but maybe I haven't done "the thing" she wishes I would do?

 

All this to come to the conclusion that I'm coming to believe that God is in control of my entire life and that He will put the person(s)/people in my life that I need at whatever time I should need them. This actually has drawn me closer to God as I have realized that HE will never leave me or forsake me, performing what seems to me to be miracles in always being sure there is help for me.

 

And that I am never to depend upon anyone on this earth or have expectations of anyone. The friend who was one of the two who stuck by me and is still very close to me may not be the person God chooses for me to be helped by if ever I find myself in another crisis. As I write that it also comes to mind that a long time ago when I went through a divorce the person who was most "there" for me hadn't been a close friend before that (we became like sisters and yet, she was one of the friends who let me down during my illness), and my family members weren't there for me at that time, either (except for my dad who was still living and was a great comfort and help for me then).

 

In my opinion, we are all alone on this earth, basically, except that we have an opportunity to know God and learn to depend and lean on Him. He puts people in our lives to be His hands, arms, legs and to say His words of comfort to us. But, it may not be the people we are expecting to be there for us. But, He never fails us and that causes us to be close to Him. He says, "I will never leave you or forsake you."

 

I will say that my families' (family of origins) failure to ever be there for me has been a source of great pain for me over the years. My mom especially has let me down emotionally my entire life; however, she married a wealthy man who left her all of his money when he died and she has been there for me financially. So, God has used her to be a blessing to me in that way. He uses people as they will allow Him to do so, has been my experience, but He is never at a loss to take care of us and comfort us as He has done by allowing you to have a SO and a neighbor who are comforting you.

 

My advice to you would be just to thank God that He has provided an SO and a neighbor who are showering you with love and attention and to know that He will always be surprising you with His loving provision for you in ways you can't imagine.

 

I know this has been very long but I can identify with what you're experiencing and just wanted to share my story with you and how I have coped with similar feelings hoping that somehow it may help you know that God is always there for you, He treasures you greatly, and He is the one you can count on always!

 

Sending you many big hugs as you grieve, dear lady! God bless you and you are in my prayers today!

[Madame_Noire]

Madame_Noire,

 

I am sorry for your loss, and wishing your relative a safe and peaceful spiritual transition.

 

That was, indeed, very gracious of her! And, it will help take your mind off your former friends, as you plan to entertain your new friend in your home.

 

I'm not really sure what you meant by saying that she feels like your "diary dossier, memoir" -- to me that sounds more like an 'object' than a person(?)

 

Hugs.

 

I do not mean to objectify her, I meant it in the sense that she is someone I can tell or text my feelings too, rather like keeping a private diary.

[Madame_Noire]

It is my maternal grandmother that has passed away. I have a very strained relationship with my own mother as it is. She is the sort of person that will only help you if she can get something out of it herself. My nan passed away without a will and not much in savings. I would not put it past my mother to claim all her own mother's estate because she nursed her until the end.

 

She just wants money and often asked me for money because she had me, brought me up, housed me, fed me and clothed me.

 

She was not the most maternal of mothers. When I was called names and bullied at school, she didn't comfort me, she just called me the same name the bullies did, like ugly etc. However, her own mother was more maternal and loving to me. She never judged me or dictated to me. She respected me and treated me like an adult. My mother often said I remind her of her of own mother and they had a strained relationship too.

 

All this is very deep seated.

[Madame_Noire]

I, too, am so sorry for what you're going through, possibly the loss of a parent? That can be devastating if you were close to them. Now that your friends have failed to be a comfort to you, you have this added grief. I'm so sorry about that, too.

 

The rest of this post is long, I know, but your post resonated with me because of things I've gone through in my life and I just want to share some thoughts with you about your friends and why they may be seemingly callous to your grief and after that how I've coped with disappointments in family and friendships in the event it may help you somehow.

 

Since my friends didn't know my father it didn't bother me when none of them contacted me about it. (Don't stop reading here, though, as I will share with you situations that did bother me and how God helped me deal with that). Interestingly, an acquaintance and a neighbor that I hardly knew teamed up and got me a beautiful expensive floral arrangement as a condolence for losing my father. It surprised me greatly!

 

It didn't bother me that my friends didn't say anything about the loss of my father, though, I guess because I take it for granted that most people I know are busy up to their eyeballs and it takes all they can do just to cope with what's on their plates. I wonder if your friend who has thoughts of regret in not aborting her kids is depressed and overworked taking care of them and her inlaws, both? I believe a person can be depressed and appear to be OK to others, even jovial at times. In my opinion, as a mother, a woman who has thoughts that she wishes she had aborted her kids has some very big issues in her life and is not someone I would count on as any kind of support whatsoever.

 

Since your other friend could hardly function on her previous job and got a job even more demanding I can understand where she probably is way behind in keeping up with all her friendships. She has most likely bitten off more than she can chew, so to speak, and even possibly teetering on the brink of collapse in her own life.

 

I do not mean to chastise you at all for expecting comfort! You sound like such a very dear person. I am just trying to help you cope and realize that your friends may be so overwhelmed they don't even know you need them at this time.

 

I can identify with you, though, because I became very ill quite a few years back and my own family (mother, brothers, sisters) didn't come see me or help me through it whereas the sister I thought would always be there for me was jetting around the world and even went to visit a friend whose son was in the hospital with the same illness I had. She immediately got on a plane and went to her friend to comfort her. Ironically, that particular friend had lots of comfort from her spouse and others. I do want to mention my mother is elderly, was caring for her sick husband and lived a distance away, though, so I gave her a pass on not visiting me. All that to say:

 

I figured out my sister flew to see the friend whose son was in the hospital because she wouldn't have to be responsible for anything connected to it and could experience the drama of the situation without committing herself to help. Whereas with me, since I'm alone and she's a family member, had she come to see me she may have felt obligated to help somehow. This was extremely painful to me as I am alone and my children are grown and gone out of state.

 

All of my close friends who live nearby also dropped out of the picture. I was pretty surprised about that!

 

But, what happened for me is that God put two people in my life I'd never been close to at all and those two people rallied around me as if they were sisters to me, I guess kind of like your neighbor is doing for you. It was amazing and wonderful and I remained very close to both those women for quite awhile.

 

One of those women has had life issues that have caused the two of us not to be in touch much anymore, though I have tried to maintain the relationship, she is just too overwhelmed and there is nothing I can do to help her. She has a huge family and I have tried to "be there" for her but she has been unavailable. I've just accepted that she was in my life for a season but that the season is over with. Who knows, though? She may be disappointed in me for not being there for her in ways that haven't occurred to me. I've thought of everything to help her get through it, that I know of, but maybe I haven't done "the thing" she wishes I would do?

 

All this to come to the conclusion that I'm coming to believe that God is in control of my entire life and that He will put the person(s)/people in my life that I need at whatever time I should need them. This actually has drawn me closer to God as I have realized that HE will never leave me or forsake me, performing what seems to me to be miracles in always being sure there is help for me.

 

And that I am never to depend upon anyone on this earth or have expectations of anyone. The friend who was one of the two who stuck by me and is still very close to me may not be the person God chooses for me to be helped by if ever I find myself in another crisis. As I write that it also comes to mind that a long time ago when I went through a divorce the person who was most "there" for me hadn't been a close friend before that (we became like sisters and yet, she was one of the friends who let me down during my illness), and my family members weren't there for me at that time, either (except for my dad who was still living and was a great comfort and help for me then).

 

In my opinion, we are all alone on this earth, basically, except that we have an opportunity to know God and learn to depend and lean on Him. He puts people in our lives to be His hands, arms, legs and to say His words of comfort to us. But, it may not be the people we are expecting to be there for us. But, He never fails us and that causes us to be close to Him. He says, "I will never leave you or forsake you."

 

I will say that my families' (family of origins) failure to ever be there for me has been a source of great pain for me over the years. My mom especially has let me down emotionally my entire life; however, she married a wealthy man who left her all of his money when he died and she has been there for me financially. So, God has used her to be a blessing to me in that way. He uses people as they will allow Him to do so, has been my experience, but He is never at a loss to take care of us and comfort us as He has done by allowing you to have a SO and a neighbor who are comforting you.

 

My advice to you would be just to thank God that He has provided an SO and a neighbor who are showering you with love and attention and to know that He will always be surprising you with His loving provision for you in ways you can't imagine.

 

I know this has been very long but I can identify with what you're experiencing and just wanted to share my story with you and how I have coped with similar feelings hoping that somehow it may help you know that God is always there for you, He treasures you greatly, and He is the one you can count on always!

 

Sending you many big hugs as you grieve, dear lady! God bless you and you are in my prayers today!

 

Thank you so much LivingWaterPlease. It is a true honour to have read that, I appreciate that you shared your story and thoughts.

 

What you say about the two friends is very true, especially about the mother. That is a very interesting perspective.

 

Thank you again for having me in your thoughts and prayers. Have you previously expressed what you have written here on a previous post or was it a calling to post it here if that makes sense?

 

Hugs to you too x

[LivingWaterPlease]

Thank you so much LivingWaterPlease. It is a true honour to have read that, I appreciate that you shared your story and thoughts.

 

What you say about the two friends is very true, especially about the mother. That is a very interesting perspective.

 

Thank you again for having me in your thoughts and prayers. Have you previously expressed what you have written here on a previous post or was it a calling to post it here if that makes sense?

 

Hugs to you too x

 

Oh, Madame! You have had your share of disappointments in life, it seems! But God will never let you down! He has given you a sensitive nature and now you have such an opportunity to experience how He can help you and you'll be able to share that with others as years go by.

 

I have shared on LS that I've been through a divorce. I don't recall that I've ever shared my disappointment in my family of origin on LS, though. And I don't believe I've shared on LS the difficult illness I went through. I may have but can't recall doing so.

 

Your post stood out to me as it seems to me you are a very special and sensitive person and that your friends may be either depressed, overwhelmed or even possibly happy-go-lucky types who just can't help because of their issues or temperamental constructs.

 

We all get in relationships with those who are different than we are. That's one reason we're attracted to be friends with them, sometimes. But, then the person doesn't behave in the friendship as we would in particular situations and that can be hard.

 

For me, the bottom line is that people will always disappoint us at some point or another but God will always be with us. Even as I type that, though, sometimes we even feel God has let us down, but even then, if we could see what He is doing in our lives we would realize He hasn't let us down, He has our best interests at heart and knows how to pull off arranging good things for us!

 

If you have a Bible pull it out and read the Psalms. There is so much comfort there as David often writes about being in despair and sorrow and how God comforts him. And he writes about the wisdom in not putting our trust in people, but only in God. Even as I write this, though, I know, and God knows that as humans we are all prone to depending on each other and He does want us to be kind and to be there for each other.

 

Back to David who wrote many of the Psalms in the Bible. At one point his former dear friend is pursuing him to kill him! Listen to what he writes in Psalm 55:vs 12-22, " If an enemy were insulting me I could endure it; if a foe were raising himself against me, I could hide from him. But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend, with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship as we walked with the throng at the house of God.......But I call to the Lord and the Lord saves me, evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress and He hears my voice........Cast your cares upon the Lord and He will sustain you, He will never let the righteous fall.......But as for me, I trust in You."

 

David is basically saying, "If an enemy were mistreating me that would be one thing! But, one of my best friends is after me to kill me! We used to hang out together and when we went to church with a huge crowd of people, we did it together and it was such a good sweet friendship!" (The friendship he's referring to was with King Saul who used to be David's friend and was the father of his best friend, Jonathan. David had been his faithful friend but King Saul became madly jealous of David and tried to kill him many times so that David had to run away and hide in caves, etc., to escape death from the hand of his dear friend).

 

Many are the people who have felt let down by their friends or family, it's a common trial to go through. But, God will never let you down, dear one.

 

If you have a Bible find comfort in the entire Bible but especially the Psalms at this time. If you don't have one, go buy one! Get the New International Version, as it's written more in the way we talk today, rather than old English, and open it up to read the Psalms. By the way, psalm is a word that refers to a song. So the book of Psalms is same as saying the book of songs. David wrote many of the psalms and sang them as he played his lyre, a stringed instrument. You may already know this, so apologies for explaining if you already did know it!

 

Madame, I don't post a lot on LS anymore but read your thread and just began to write a response. As I was writing it I thought that it was too long for you to read and I should just delete it and get to work here as I have a lot to get done today! But, I just felt I should leave it and if it helped, that would be great, if it were too long, well...it would just be too long and maybe someone at some point would be helped by it!

 

You are such a precious person! Again, God bless you and you are in my prayers today!

Edited February 5, 2017 by LivingWaterPlease

[IndigoNight]

Madame, please accept my sincere condolences for your loss.

 

Unfortunately, I can relate to friends who aren't there when you need them the most. I won't go into much detail, other than to say that last year I lost my father, uncle, had to put down my horse, and had several other losses in a 2 month period. It left me reeling, and raw with pain.

 

I heard "I wish I could do more" so often from people who were doing nothing to help me deal with my losses, that I had to refrain myself from yelling "Do more? You've done nothing!" I ended multiple friendships simply because I realized only one of us was a true friend, and the other was just taking advantage.

 

When my father passed away unexpectedly, the ONLY person who sent a card or flowers was my ex mother-in-law. (We are civil, but far from close.) She also sent my mother a beautiful arrangement and card. Her kindness left me in tears, because she was the only person who showed any at that point. My current in-laws, nothing. Not even a word on the phone if i answered, not a Facebook message, nothing. My friends, a few said something on Facebook, but none called to ask if I was okay. I wasn't.

 

I was hurt, angry, and so very disappointed in the people who I had always been there for. Many of them didn't seem to consider that I was in mourning, and would call with their problems at all hours. When I mentioned it wasn't a good time, I got told I was bitter and angry, and needed to stop being so selfish. I chose instead to get rid of people who brought out such negative emotions in me.

 

So, yeah, unfortunately it seems like you find out who truly cares when you need people the most. It only adds to the pain of one's loss when those who should be your rock to lean on, have instead become the rock dragging you to the bottom of their lake of misery. I say, cut the rope and let them go!

 

I am glad you have gotten some help from others. I hope the friendship you are building with your animal loving friend continues to grow. It sounds like you could both use a friend to have tea/coffee with, and enjoy a little company. I hope you find more people like her to add to your life.

 

I hope that there comes a time when you think of your grandmother, and it brings a smile to your heart instead of pain. It will happen, just allow yourself the time.

[spiderowl]

I am sorry some of your friends do not appear to cope well with grief. It could be that they are true friends but do not know what to say. It could also be that they are shallow and that they are happen to have you listen to them but not the reverse. I don't know. Only you know what their characters are.

 

I am bereaved too, as from last Sunday night, and I have been shocked at how quickly people forget almost as soon as I've told them. Maybe it doesn't sink in or seems too awful for them to contemplate (my mother passed away). I am trying to bear in mind that life goes on and maybe they just can't cope. People's reactions do seem incongruous when you are in this other-worldly state of shock and grief.

[Madame_Noire]

It is customary to have compassionate/bereavement leave from work when someone passes away. I didn't take time off work the day I found out, I continued at work because I had alot of work to get through and didn't think I would be much use. Besides, I would only get two days leave, so I decided to save it for the day of the funeral and the day after. Coincidentally, I booked off an additional two days off a month in advance for around the time of the funeral because of Valentine's. During that time frame, I remained in good spirits and kept a brave face, I didn't want to bring anyone down or feel they had to walk on eggshells around me.

 

 

Also, I am the only one who does my role, there is not enough cover when I am absent, to the point the manager will say 'I do not know when I am going to find time to do your work' I have never had a sick day and always attend work, never late etc.

 

 

Before I took my bereavement leave, colleagues went to my manager asking if and when tasks in my role would be completed because they are on commission. I then went to the relevant colleagues and advised it is not because of some fun-seeking break or anything, it is to attend a funeral.

 

 

The funeral was lovely, intimate and very touching. No one was sad, they were quite joyous and jokes were cracked (tasteful ones of course). I enjoyed my time off and really reflected on what my grandmother meant to me. I made the most of my time off to the point I didn't even think about work.

 

I have previously found with my role, that whenever I am off my workload builds up because either no one else can be bothered, or no one has the time, but I get nagged to get things done and I process hundreds of orders at a time. I do not dread going back to a heavy workload, I actually enjoy the challenge of having alot to do and getting it done in a short space of time.

 

 

I get no thanks or appreciation when I do my job by completing and finalising colleagues orders and get the final product to the customers. Also, colleagues are just miserable and sombre and with what I have had to contend with, they have no real, justifiable reason to be unhappy and feeling sorry for themselves. They do not know they are born!

 

 

With my nan passing on, people who say I am their best friends not stepping up to the mark and my colleagues thinking about themselves, I have decided to hand in my letter of resignation. I have tried to do it many times but they always manage to talk me out of it and say they will change. I gave them the benefit of the doubt and stayed, but I told them today, for the past three years they said they would change and they have not. I am sticking to my guns and leaving, giving them a month's notice. They have finally accepted it and set the ball in motion.

 

 

Life is too short to putting up with BS. I actually work two jobs. When I handed my notice in the job I mentioned here, they HR department said they do not want to lose me to the point one lady had tears in her eyes. I feel guilty because I feel like I am leaving them in the lurch, but there is only so much someone can take. Plus, there have been many other issues. I have made a list of pros and cons about staying. The cons far out way the pros.

 

 

I have to think about myself from now one and think about my personal well-being. A colleague said I have not had proper time to grieve putting the company first.

[Madame_Noire]

 

I was hurt, angry, and so very disappointed in the people who I had always been there for. Many of them didn't seem to consider that I was in mourning, and would call with their problems at all hours. When I mentioned it wasn't a good time, I got told I was bitter and angry, and needed to stop being so selfish. I chose instead to get rid of people who brought out such negative emotions in me.

 

So, yeah, unfortunately it seems like you find out who truly cares when you need people the most. It only adds to the pain of one's loss when those who should be your rock to lean on, have instead become the rock dragging you to the bottom of their lake of misery. I say, cut the rope and let them go!

 

I am glad you have gotten some help from others. I hope the friendship you are building with your animal loving friend continues to grow. It sounds like you could both use a friend to have tea/coffee with, and enjoy a little company. I hope you find more people like her to add to your life.

 

I hope that there comes a time when you think of your grandmother, and it brings a smile to your heart instead of pain. It will happen, just allow yourself the time.

 

 

Thank you for this, what I highlighted in bold was mirroring what I have feeling, maybe because I was in limbo about when the funeral was to be and the build up to it.

 

Whenever I think of my grandmother, I do not feel sadness, she was an icon, an idol in my eyes. She marched to the beat of her own drum even when she found out when she was dying, she didn't admit defeat.

 

How are you coping?

[Madame_Noire]

I am sorry some of your friends do not appear to cope well with grief. It could be that they are true friends but do not know what to say. It could also be that they are shallow and that they are happen to have you listen to them but not the reverse. I don't know. Only you know what their characters are.

 

I am bereaved too, as from last Sunday night, and I have been shocked at how quickly people forget almost as soon as I've told them. Maybe it doesn't sink in or seems too awful for them to contemplate (my mother passed away). I am trying to bear in mind that life goes on and maybe they just can't cope. People's reactions do seem incongruous when you are in this other-worldly state of shock and grief.

 

 

I am sorry for your loss Spiderwowl. Still have not heard much from these friends. But it is not up to me to reach out to them. They have made their beds, they can lie in them. I am moving on with my life and will be more selective about the people I call friends from now on.

[spiderowl]

Thanks, I think people do not know what to say and want to forget. It is a defence mechanism. I would not blame them but maybe they are not your best friends but acquaintances. It is hard to know what to say to people when your mind is elsewhere and things seem horribly surreal.

 

I am sorry the job was so miserable for you. I have worked in that kind of joyless environment before too and they had a high turnover of staff. Few of those that remained looked happy. Best to see how happy people look in any new workplace. It is really telling.

 

Just rest and look after yourself. xx