Coping with divorce

[Anom317]

Hi,

 

Well me and my now ex wife were together for eight years and have two gorgeous boys, we got together when we was both nineteen she was a barmaid and I was one of the local punters and what started out as a bit of 'fun' quickly escalated into true love as by the time of 21 we were in our own home, happy and had our first child, but after a few months of him being born she was hit with major post natal depression which was a battle but seemed to tackle it head on and get through everything was as 'fine' as it could be regarding her still battling it in her head we was really happy even more so I asked her to marry me in November of 2012 to which she said yes. Well fast forward a year and we'd had our second child and that's when the cracks began to show we argued constantly, screaming at each other our relationship broke down we went on a break then got back together everything was fine up until the beginning of last year when she told me kisses an ex behind my back a couple of months back I obviously called everything off and left we stayed apart for three months until we sat down and sorted everything out and on doing so we was back to the happy young couple we used to be and decided to tie the knot I June of this year. That day was the best day of our lives everything ran smoothly and or weeks afterwards we planned on having another child and looked on getting a bigger house rant was until about a month ago she told me she out the blue she changed her mind didn't want more kids and went got the contraceptive back in her arm which lasts for three years and started smoking again something she had worked towards stopping to have another child ! Needless to say this put great strain on the relationship and it was obvious neither of was now happy, this went on for three weeks until she sat me down and told me that she wasn't tin love with me anymore that she would always love me for being a dad but she didn't look at me the same way and as for the sex life she said I honestly just didn't turn her on anymore, well with her saying all this I was convinced that no matter what I physically or mentally tried to do I can't make someone fall back in love with me so I packed my bags last Thursday.

 

It's now over a week later and even though I say I'm fine to friends, family and even her I honesty am not, I'm destroyed inside, within a month I've gone from being married to going through a divorce, no money, no job, no home and sleeping in my nans couch.

 

I just can't seem to get to grips with any of it and that is why I'm writing on here tonight to see if this could maybe help me in some way.

 

Thank you for anyone that takes notice of my essay.

[loveiswar101]

Hey, sorry to here about all your troubles. Divorce is hard, a very hard pill to swallow.

 

My wife had an affair after 10 years of marriage, I will try give you a small heads up.

 

* Accept where your at.

* Avoid alcohol & drugs (wasted 2 years of my life there)

* Kids are a priority.

* Find a group or close friend to talk to.

* Look after No1 (you).

 

After that I recommend the basics of eating healthy & exercise.

 

Now those are the essentials in my eyes from there you have a roof and food. Next is to find a job...anything will do to start don't be to pround, this brings in money that builds your confidence to move forward. From there hobbies and exercise and things should slowly, very slowly sort themselves out. It not going to be easy, write a diary to track how your doing.

 

Be polite to all including your now ex, contact for sorting divorce and kids only.

 

A life with her is gone sorry to say. But it does not mean your life is over by no means.

 

Be patient, love yourself, love your kids.

 

Write here if need be, talk to people!

 

Best wishes.

[Jason5208]

I feel your pain. Divorce is probably the hardest thing you will ever go through aside from the death of a loved one. I have heard that for every year of a relationship it can take about a month to get over that person. It's an awful feeling to overcome. But you are still very young and you have so much life ahead of you. I know that gives you little comfort. All you can do now is allow time to heal the wounds. And to grow and learn from the experience. I know people who went through devastating breakups only to find new and more rewarding relationships down the road. In fact it's more common than not and most likely this will happen to you. The previous poster's advice makes good sense. You need to stay positive and surround yourself with positivity. You are especially vulnerable right now to depression. But if you stay on top of your thinking and the influences around you, you can make this difficult journey easier on yourself. I am so sorry. Hang in there.