Cirilla Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 Hi all, I haven't posted in a long time but have been lurking. Long story short, 3.5 year relationship with ex, broke up, got back together, spent about a year back but that last year was very tumultuous until he broke up with me in an intentionally extremely traumatic way. 6 months after that, he tried to get me back in a belligerent way and I gently but firmly told him it was time to say goodbye. Since the breakup, I've done all the right things. Strict NC, made new friends, picked up new and old hobbies, accomplished new things professionally, got myself some momentary fame in a field I'm passionate about, and dated a little (broke it off with both because they showed red flags). I'm doing much better than I was last year, but when he does cross my mind, most of the time it makes me angry or sad. It's been so long and I've done things to heal. So why do I still feel so bitterly resentful, profoundly sad that we didn't work out, and guilty/sad about things I said to him? I don't want him back, but it's still very hurtful sometimes. Maybe part of it isthat we seemed like a sure thing at first, or because it was my first relationship and I'm a late bloomer who is also afraid of never finding anyone else. I just don't understand how those feelings of anger, resentment, sadness, guilt and grief can still be here this long after the breakup. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DJOkawari Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 Don't have an answer, but I just want you to know that I came here with similar thoughts in my mind. Looking forward to what people say. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 By far the most common cause of people finding it hard to move on is an omitted or incomplete grieving process. The second most common is rebound relationships. Neither of those might apply in your case, but they do top the list. Take care. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Heatemyheart89 Posted December 3, 2016 Share Posted December 3, 2016 Hi I don't have the answer to this , as I asked a similar thing . Time is a great healer as long as you carry on doing things to keep you moving forward . Link to post Share on other sites
ff12343 Posted December 4, 2016 Share Posted December 4, 2016 1. Time 2. Take your time but keep dating Link to post Share on other sites
batjokes92 Posted December 4, 2016 Share Posted December 4, 2016 Meeting new people is what got me over my first heartbreak. It took me about 2 years to get over him. Back then I really thought he was "the one". I was super depressed, I was threading him into every part of my life.. but looking back now after meeting so many new different, interesting and unique people, it really makes me wonder just what the hell I was thinking wasting time on him. Also, try to get some new perspective. Read books on spirituality even if you're not religious, that helped me too. Link to post Share on other sites
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