Protec Posted November 10, 2016 Share Posted November 10, 2016 Hey again. It's been almost 2 months since i have talked with my ex. I am feeling better but still i keep thinking of her every now and then. this is a real struggle. My mood changes from time to time, i am now going into psychotherapy and i also saw psychiatrist, there is depression in me and some bipolar tendencies (mood swings, changing self-esteem). So i need to keep an eye on it. I try to motivate myself by inventing these little quotes: "If you think it, do it", "Be the man you can respect". I feel better than few months ago but, this will take some time. And i deciced i will not rush it as i cannot heal myself magically overnight. It will take the time it takes and i am motivated to make myself a better person. The relationship was mostly a mess, all the cheatings and drama and police hearings...it left a huge damage in me. She has already moved forward, maybe about 4-6 times i guess. I still keep thinkin about the stuff she did. I still keep thinking about the stuff i did. And i still keep thinking if i should write one last letter to her. Truth is she meant lot to me, but i am also trying to find out why i stayed in that relationship. I am now keeping track of my moods, as the psychiatrist said i should do. I mean i have mood swings going back and forth. Some days i have so much self confidence i feel i could do anything. The next day i may be completely different and have problems saying hi to cashier. And i have no idea what causes it. Also, if this thread is in the wrong section please feel free to move it where it belongs. Have a nice day everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
sysctls Posted November 10, 2016 Share Posted November 10, 2016 Hi Protec! I am completely new here, but I can offer some (probably useless ) advice. I would not write her, unless its for absolute closure and its not a last ditch attempt to spark something. It will only play games with your mind if you think she may write back. It is going to take some time to get back to a normal life where you don't think about her at all. Just remember...worrying, over thinking, stressing over the unchangeable is like a rocking chair. It will give you something to do, but gets you nowhere. Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted November 10, 2016 Share Posted November 10, 2016 Do not write her. Continue with your path of self discovery and therapy. That is the best option for you right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Protec Posted November 11, 2016 Author Share Posted November 11, 2016 Hi Protec! I am completely new here, but I can offer some (probably useless ) advice. I would not write her, unless its for absolute closure and its not a last ditch attempt to spark something. It will only play games with your mind if you think she may write back. It is going to take some time to get back to a normal life where you don't think about her at all. Just remember...worrying, over thinking, stressing over the unchangeable is like a rocking chair. It will give you something to do, but gets you nowhere. Yes. I will most likely not to write her, as if she happens to respond, it could take me back to the dark abyss. I saw my therapist today, and as i talked about my relationship with my ex, she said "That sounds insane. That is not something what normal person would do". She is an excellen therapist. Really helps to talk with her. There are definitely some issues i need to work out, self blaming, changing self esteem etc. This will be a hard road. But i still somehow feel something is unfinished inside me. It's like i still need to say one last thing to her, i really don't know. There is always a possibility she would respond me back, i doubt it, but you never know. But i never thought talking with a therapist would be so helpful. I mean i always feel like a better person, i feel like a person, when i come out of that office. It's very helpful indeed. I recommend highly to everyone who are struggling with any kind of issues in their lifes. I don't go to psychotherapy to get over my ex, but to understand myself more and to fix some of my core issues. Great stuff. Have a nice weekend everyone Link to post Share on other sites
Author Protec Posted November 17, 2016 Author Share Posted November 17, 2016 Wow. This psychotherapy is very hard. We went way deep into my childhood, had to tear those old wounds open again. And i have to start doing a mood diary. Still feel like writing to my ex. Why? I have no idea. I just feel i cannot find anyone else anymore. This is huge problem. Link to post Share on other sites
Kelley Posted November 17, 2016 Share Posted November 17, 2016 Write to your ex then rip the letter up, or delete the e-mail you will really benefit from letting the feelings out. I did this a lot and it really helped me move on. Wow. This psychotherapy is very hard. We went way deep into my childhood, had to tear those old wounds open again. And i have to start doing a mood diary. Still feel like writing to my ex. Why? I have no idea. I just feel i cannot find anyone else anymore. This is huge problem. Link to post Share on other sites
Kelley Posted November 17, 2016 Share Posted November 17, 2016 PS I think it's common when we come out of a relationship to think we will never find anyone like them, or we will be alone for the rest of our lives! That will pass I'm happy on my own! If someone comes a long great, if not living my own life to the max! I do believe that people are taken from your life to make room for someone worth of you Link to post Share on other sites
Author Protec Posted November 18, 2016 Author Share Posted November 18, 2016 PS I think it's common when we come out of a relationship to think we will never find anyone like them, or we will be alone for the rest of our lives! That will pass I'm happy on my own! If someone comes a long great, if not living my own life to the max! I do believe that people are taken from your life to make room for someone worth of you �� Yes, that is correct. I am just terribly lonely these days. I have almost no money so i cannot do anything fun. I cannot go to movies etc. Also i have almost no friends these days. I don't have a job, i don't stydy. Only thing i do is go to gym and walks. All my friends have families, they have jobs, girlfriends, boyfriends, they don't have time for me anymore as they used to. Also i have noticed i really don't have much in common with my friends anymore, grown apart i guess. I have never needed many friends, but to see a friend now and then would not hurt. I guess i could call my so called friends, but honestly, honestly i am tired of always being the one who has to call and ask "let's go for a coffee?". Maybe i write the letter and not send it. But i was thinking of sending a xmas card. Don't know why. i just feel this whole thing is not yet finished from my part. There was no closure. Well...there was, a police hearing etc. And even my therapist said what she did was insane. Normal people don't sue each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Protec Posted January 14, 2017 Author Share Posted January 14, 2017 Some may remember me, some may not, but i suffered a pretty bad breakup few months ago and lost myself completely over it. I have been undergoing therapy now and yesterday i got my diagnosis from the psychiatrist. It seems i have Cyclothymia. Like a milder version of bipolar illness. That could explain my mood swings... I don't like it, i still hope it's just because of stress in life and because of the breakup. But i kinda feel relieved at the same time. I don't have no medication yet, we talked about that with the doctor but i need to try few things before medication. -No cola drinks after 19.00 -No alcohol at all -Go to sleep same time every day and before midnight. -Exercise more. -Drink more water -Cut of snacks and candy Those are at least some of the things I HAVE to try out Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted January 14, 2017 Share Posted January 14, 2017 Some may remember me, some may not, but i suffered a pretty bad breakup few months ago and lost myself completely over it. I have been undergoing therapy now and yesterday i got my diagnosis from the psychiatrist. It seems i have Cyclothymia. Like a milder version of bipolar illness. That could explain my mood swings... I don't like it, i still hope it's just because of stress in life and because of the breakup. But i kinda feel relieved at the same time. I don't have no medication yet, we talked about that with the doctor but i need to try few things before medication. -No cola drinks after 19.00 -No alcohol at all -Go to sleep same time every day and before midnight. -Exercise more. -Drink more water -Cut of snacks and candy Those are at least some of the things I HAVE to try out That is an extremly rare diagnosis and not much of an initial treatment. Link to post Share on other sites
truthtripper Posted January 14, 2017 Share Posted January 14, 2017 Cylcothymia. Perhaps an alternative term is 'grief'? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Protec Posted January 15, 2017 Author Share Posted January 15, 2017 Cylcothymia. Perhaps an alternative term is 'grief'? I don't know but that is what Psychiatrist diagnosed. I seem to recall it's something i've had for years, not just because of the breakup, but the breakup definitely made it worse. I have strange mood swings. I go from mild depression to euphoria and back. It's not fun and currently i have no idea what triggers it. I can wake up and feel perfectly fine, life is wonderful etc. Then next day i am like "My life sucks. Everything is miserable". That's why i need to keep a diary now...mood diary, how much i sleep, etc. I don't know. I hope it goes away little by little. That's why i have to put my life in order. Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 I don't know but that is what Psychiatrist diagnosed. I seem to recall it's something i've had for years, not just because of the breakup, but the breakup definitely made it worse. I have strange mood swings. I go from mild depression to euphoria and back. It's not fun and currently i have no idea what triggers it. I can wake up and feel perfectly fine, life is wonderful etc. Then next day i am like "My life sucks. Everything is miserable". That's why i need to keep a diary now...mood diary, how much i sleep, etc. I don't know. I hope it goes away little by little. That's why i have to put my life in order. Hmmmm....it seems to be a 'milder' form of bi-polar disorder. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Protec Posted January 16, 2017 Author Share Posted January 16, 2017 Hmmmm....it seems to be a 'milder' form of bi-polar disorder. Yes. I don't get as depressed and the "good seasons" are not as wild, but definitely i can feel that i am very much different person then. I hope it's just stress and or somehow related to the breakup which happened months ago. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Protec Posted January 16, 2017 Author Share Posted January 16, 2017 It's been months since my breakup from my bipolar partner but i still feel i am not ready for anything serious. Good thing is that i have started to notice women. But going steady with someone seems too much at this time. I MAY have a date this week...but i am not sure, but sure it could lift my spirits up. I have communicated bit with my ex. And her answers haven't changed. I sent her a nice xmas card and at the 24th she sent me email that she is afraid i am going to murder her and her kids and now she told me she has new WONDERFUL man and her life is WONDERFUL and she has a job. Yes, i asked her how she is doing. Hard to believe she could have got rid of her bipolarity in just few months. But i hope she is doing well. And as i thought, time is the only thing that helps to heal me. OF course therapy has been great help and now i have diagnosis. I have mild version of bipolarity myself. I hope it is because of stress or post-breakup trauma. But to all of you: I don't want my ex back. I do feel sad our ways separated that way and i just wanted to fix things between us. As i feel horrible she thinks i am a murderer or want to hurt her kids. I am not like that at all. My therapist and psychiatrist have both said i seem to be a very nice person, and they have hard time even imagining me being nasty or even able to hurt anyone. I try my best to concentrate on myself. But my mood swings make it hard. My self-condidence goes up and down. Last friday i felt like i was the king of the world, now i feel like i can't achieve anything in my life. It could be i have had this illness for a long time... Thanks for all help i have received from you guys. I hope you are doing well too. Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 Have you cut out the alcohol? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Protec Posted January 16, 2017 Author Share Posted January 16, 2017 Have you cut out the alcohol? Not completely yet, but i have lowered the amount considerably. It's just at fridays i go to a sauna and would like to drink few...but i think i need to cut out on those as well. It takes time, but i want to track down what causes the swings. I have pretty stressful enviroment. Noisy neighbours (even had to call cops on them), i don't have a job, no girlfriend and because of my "downhills" i don't even want to see my friends that much. But those neighbours are one that drives me crazy. COnstant yelling and stomping (they live upstairs), parties at weekends...it's pretty stressful and i do not think this as my home at all anymore. And i cannot even move because i have no money. Soon i should get a short-term job. I hope it helps. Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 Yes - get the alcohol out entirely. Start there. Glad to hear you have a path layed out. Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 Check this out: https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2017/01/ayelet-lsd-microdosing/513035/ Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 (edited) I have communicated bit with my ex. And her answers haven't changed. I sent her a nice xmas card and at the 24th she sent me email that she is afraid i am going to murder her and her kids and now she told me she has new WONDERFUL man and her life is WONDERFUL and she has a job. Yes, i asked her how she is doing. Hard to believe she could have got rid of her bipolarity in just few months. But i hope she is doing well. I'm assuming her saying she is afraid of you is the bipolar talking, but I can't really know if you did anything to freak her out. But I will tell you this: If she's afraid of you, please just never contact her again! And I'm glad you're starting to feel like moving on and in therapy! That can only be a good thing for you! Edited January 16, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator added quoted text ~6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Protec Posted January 17, 2017 Author Share Posted January 17, 2017 I'm assuming her saying she is afraid of you is the bipolar talking, but I can't really know if you did anything to freak her out. But I will tell you this: If she's afraid of you, please just never contact her again! And I'm glad you're starting to feel like moving on and in therapy! That can only be a good thing for you! Yes my guess i bipolar talking too. I am going back and forth. Still. Somedays, even weeks i do fine. Then suddenly she pops in my head again and i see dreams and think about her all the time. Therapist said it feels i am going though a trauma. I would not wonder at all. Again i have seen dreams (beautiful) about her 2 days in a row. I still cannot even imagine what kind of my next woman could be. It feels no one compares to her. Well, i just have to go trough with it. But it's terrible when you feel there is no one out there anymore for you. Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 I still cannot even imagine what kind of my next woman could be. It feels no one compares to her. That is because you choose to look at the fun times, instead of the hell she put you through. Focus on the FACTS, not the emotions. Has your therapist given you tools to help with this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Protec Posted January 18, 2017 Author Share Posted January 18, 2017 That is because you choose to look at the fun times, instead of the hell she put you through. Focus on the FACTS, not the emotions. Has your therapist given you tools to help with this? Not yet. We are basically still just going trough my different emotions etc. charting my moods. It's a slow process but i try to talk about it. I just need to try and not think about her, but every damn thing reminds me of her. The fact is: We did have strong connection with her. Even though she was not perfect, she had some things in her that made me fall completely head over heels for her. that is a fact. I have some trouble understanding that she was "evil". She really didn't care about me, because person who cares, cheat, or treat you like a trashbag. Maybe it's because the way it ended. I never got conclusion. She just disappeared. Suddenly. Poof. My last image of her is me hugging her and we were supposed to meet at dinner later that day. It never happened. She just disappeared. Of course she told me she was never going to see me again. But that was via text message. In my head, i have completely different image about her than what she has for me. In my head she is this smiling, happy person who i have fun time with. In her head, i am evil, violent man who hurt her and wants to hurt her kids. My image about her has been pretty much stable as long as i've known her. She on the other hand has changed my image, according to her moods. At one moment i was the most amazing, most lovable man on earth. Next moment i was the most awful, most useless man you can think of. I can do nothing right. Even if i didn't do anything, even that was wrong. And then suddenly again i was the most amazing man on earth. And what is curious, the card i sent her for xmas, it was a very nice card. I put all kinds of cute stickers on it (i love cute stuff...believe it or not ) i wrote a nice xmas poem on it (i invented it myself) And i told what i thought about her (nice thoughts) Her response to it was email, at cristmas eve (24th), and it was BRUTAL. "You are a nutcase who wants to murder me and hurt my children. I am still afraid you come into my house and hurt us! You are insane! You hurt me so much so we never can be together anymore. You lied to police!" and so on. Later when i asked from her she told me "I have a new wonderful man, a job and now my life is perfect" Two completely different styles of writing. And it seems the more nice i am towards to her, more angry she is towards to me. Again i am talking about her. Oh man. She was the most interesting person i have ever met. She was a mystery. And as mystery she shall stay. Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 You should read your other, long thread about your relationship. Then you'll remember why she is terrified of you. I'm concerned. Still contacting her and obsessing about her? Wildly rewriting history? Clearly you are not on a good track with your treatment. Come to think of it, why not print out that other thread and bring it to your therapist? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 Yes, and because of the history, you need to be careful you don't end up in trouble with the law again. Ask your therapist for tools to help stop thinking about her. They aren' tmind readers, and you need to let them know what you need help with. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts