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Ex requested to be my friend on FB


freebird31

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Ex requested me as a friend on Facebook. After 3 and a half years since the break up. So apparantly about 6-8 months ago, karma came to visit him. And the same thing he did to me the girl he was dating did to him. Soon after he apologized to me and said he was sorry. It seemed genuine. I said I appreciated it. And we left it at that. Which was 6 months ago. Now he's requesting to add me on Facebook. I was not really phased by it when I saw it. But I still think the past should be left in the past. And I will say that a very small part of wondered that maybe he still has feelings for me. And overall, it kind of brought some emotion back. If I were to ever bump into him, I would surely say hello and ask him how he is. As I have no hard feelings anymore. But...being friends on Facebook is a whole nother thing. I just don't get why he even requested to be my friend ? It feels random. there was somewhat of drama in the end of the breakup and although we both said sorry, I would think he should have moved on from wanting to get back in touch. It makes me think like maybe he reminisced on the past for whatever reason. I mean I guess we all do that. But the difference for me is I know it's the past and it's better left in the past. I can't understand why he wouldn't feel the same. I am overthinking now.

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Don't take the bait.

 

Don't accept the request. Way too soon.

 

Just leave it there.

 

It's almost holiday time and a new year, see how you feel in January. Odds are you will still be cagey about accepting it -- and for good reason.

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If his friend request on social media stirred up some feelings after three years, just imagine how you'd feel by seeing his day to day, maybe pics with other girls, etc. I wouldn't do it if I were you.

Edited by keiji
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You are spending way too much time thinking about it, just leave the past where it belongs. Who knows what his intentions are, but don't fall for it. We all have regrets in life, people move on, does he really deserve anything from you even if it's just accepting his friend request?

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Don't take the bait.

 

Don't accept the request. Way too soon.

 

Just leave it there.

 

It's almost holiday time and a new year, see how you feel in January. Odds are you will still be cagey about accepting it -- and for good reason.

 

Yes. Don't see myself being FB friends with him anytime soon. Maybe a few more years from now. I just keep wondering. This was the guy who broke my heart into pieces. So there will always be some kind of emotion there for me. So truth be told I don't think I'd ever feel comfortable having him as a friend. I remember loving him very much. I don't understand why he would even want to get back in touch. I said I appreciated the apology 6 months ago and that was that. That's all that needed to be exchanged. Isn't he busy with his own life ? I'm too busy making new experiences and meeting new people to be thinking about getting back in touch with a lover from my past. I don't understand why he wouldn't feel the same.

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You are spending way too much time thinking about it, just leave the past where it belongs. Who knows what his intentions are, but don't fall for it. We all have regrets in life, people move on, does he really deserve anything from you even if it's just accepting his friend request?

 

I am you are so right. I spend most of my night last night thinking about this. I'm over the situation. But it really irked me to see that request from him after all of this time. I'm just going to leave the request there and ignore it. And continue doing what I was already doing with my life.

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It's day 2 since the stupid friend request. And I have been having major thoughts and anxiety about it lately. Mainly because it stirred emotions. Mostly anger. I feel angry because I feel as if he had contacted me out of selfish reasons. He got out of a relationship maybe 6 months ago. And had even posted about it venting how incredibly heart broken he was maybe a few months back. I can't help but feel like he contacted me either 1)because he has feelings there and realized how good I treated him in comparison to the girl who left him or 2) because he is down in the dumps still and needed some comfort from an old lover. The friend request was like throwing in bait. Why not just message me and ask me how I am doing as a friend I would respect that way more than a stupid friend request. I lost sleep thinking about this because this brought back old emotions of how I felt after the break up. I would have throught a heart break from his last relationship might have humbled him and made him more empathetic. But I can see not much has changed. I feel as if he is sort of selfish and he doesn't really care about me as a person

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He is probably thinking you are over it after 6 months the way he is and therefore you two can go back to being friends. You didn't friend him, did you? If not, just keeping going on about your business and forget about it.

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He is probably thinking you are over it after 6 months the way he is and therefore you two can go back to being friends. You didn't friend him, did you? If not, just keeping going on about your business and forget about it.

 

No I didn't. I don't want to. Ok I will do just that. I don't know why I got so angry. maybe I am reading into it too much. Idk why these emotions and thoughts arised so intensely. I just think it is best if he left me alone and I never heard from him again.

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Totally agreed. Some exes like to play games, particularly when they're feeling lonely. A couple of years ago, an ex of mine reappeared and I soon discovered she had just been dumped by some guy. She had treated my like garbage before and after the breakup, and she showed up again two years later as though nothing had happened. I slam the door shut in her face (not literally), and it felt incredibly good. Don't let him mess with you again and, of course, block him asap. Him getting in touch is obviously destabilizing you. Avoid it at all costs!!

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It's natural that it triggered your emotions. It let's you know you aren't really over it yet so it is good you did not accept his request. It really is better to not hear anything about or from them when you are trying to heal. At least you know you were on his mind which should give you some satisfaction and the fact that you don't respond to his request will raise his curiosity. Let him stew in it!

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Totally agreed. Some exes like to play games, particularly when they're feeling lonely. A couple of years ago, an ex of mine reappeared and I soon discovered she had just been dumped by some guy. She had treated my like garbage before and after the breakup, and she showed up again two years later as though nothing had happened. I slam the door shut in her face (not literally), and it felt incredibly good. Don't let him mess with you again and, of course, block him asap. Him getting in touch is obviously destabilizing you. Avoid it at all costs!!

 

I don't understand why they would like to play games, if they know and experienced how it feels to be dumped. Why can they not empathize with us ? I also have an old ex that I was not in love with but he was in love with me. I never once reached out to him or bothered him, even though I miss our friendship sometimes, because I empathize with how he feels and how reaching out may open old wounds. How can some people just lack that kind of empathy ? Especially if they've been through similar. Unless maybe he is over that girl be dated already. And thinks that maybe I am over it too. But even then, why request me ? Why not just ask me how I am doing if you really care to

Know about what is going on in my life. Maybe it has to with how you were raised. I'm out of explanations.

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It's day 2 since the stupid friend request. And I have been having major thoughts and anxiety about it lately. Mainly because it stirred emotions. Mostly anger.

 

It doesn't matter why he contacted you. Focusing on the possibilities of why he did is futile, and only makes you feel awful, as is already evident. Focus on protecting you.

 

You've been having major thoughts and anxiety about it lately. It has stirred emotions. Mostly anger.

 

Block him so that you can protect yourself and prevent him from contacting you again. It's self-preservation. Self-love.

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It's natural that it triggered your emotions. It let's you know you aren't really over it yet so it is good you did not accept his request. It really is better to not hear anything about or from them when you are trying to heal. At least you know you were on his mind which should give you some satisfaction and the fact that you don't respond to his request will raise his curiosity. Let him stew in it!

 

Well it's been 3 almost 4 years since the break up. And for the most part I am over it. If I ever did think about him these last couple of months it was never bad feelings. It was just a feeling of indifference. When I imagined him with someone new, I felt indifferent as well. i guess what it comes down to is the reminder of someone who I loved who did not love me back

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I don't understand why they would like to play games, if they know and experienced how it feels to be dumped. Why can they not empathize with us ?

 

I guess it's a matter of selfishness and ego. Their thinking pattern is, "I can turn up whenever I want and he/she will go weak at the knees". And sometimes they're right, but they're not really interested. It's our responsibility to not fall for that.

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It doesn't matter why he contacted you. Focusing on the possibilities of why he did is futile, and only makes you feel awful, as is already evident. Focus on protecting you.

 

You've been having major thoughts and anxiety about it lately. It has stirred emotions. Mostly anger.

 

Block him so that you can protect yourself and prevent him from contacting you again. It's self-preservation. Self-love.

 

 

I had honestly been thinking about messaging him and asking why he requested me? But I know that is not smart. And won't make me feel better. You're right any time I ever feel these intense emotions of anger and lack of control is when I hear from him. It destabilizes me. Which is crazy because I have been the most stable in my life rn I feel I have ever been. And even so, it has the power to stir up bad feelings. I said it once before when he reached out to apologize to me 6 months ago. Because it had opened old wounds then too. I said I would be okay as long as I never heard from him again. I wish I could be 100% over it and be as cool as a cumucmber. And be 100% indifferent. But I guess the scar will always kind of be there.

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I guess it's a matter of selfishness and ego. Their thinking pattern is, "I can turn up whenever I want and he/she will go weak at the knees". And sometimes they're right, but they're not really interested. It's our responsibility to not fall for that.

 

Geez if that's the truth, that makes them an incredibly ****ty human being in my opinion. I get that humans are selfish sometimes. But geez that's on another level. I could never do that to someone i cannot relate to that.

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Well it's been 3 almost 4 years since the break up. And for the most part I am over it. If I ever did think about him these last couple of months it was never bad feelings. It was just a feeling of indifference. When I imagined him with someone new, I felt indifferent as well. i guess what it comes down to is the reminder of someone who I loved who did not love me back

 

You need to block him and put this behind you. He does not mean you any good and if he wanted to really talk to you he would have messaged you. Hell, for all you know it could have been done by accident. Just block him and know if he really wanted you back or as a friend, he would contact you. Don't let yourself get upset over nonsense.

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Geez if that's the truth, that makes them an incredibly ****ty human being in my opinion. I get that humans are selfish sometimes. But geez that's on another level. I could never do that to someone i cannot relate to that.

 

Well, perhaps the guy is "certain" that you don't care anymore, who knows. In any event, I'd definitely ignore him. Protect yourself.

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Update: so the bastard deleted his request. It's only been a few days. I cannot believe what complete jerk he is. Just deleted it? Okay? Whatever easier for me. So I don't have to see the stupid pending request anymore. Jerk. It literally took him 3 days to be like never mind Lol

Edited by freebird31
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Update: so the bastard deleted his request. It's only been a few days. I cannot believe what complete jerk he is. Just deleted it? Okay? Whatever easier for me. So I don't have to see the stupid pending request anymore. Jerk. It literally took him 3 days to be like never mind Lol

 

Yeah, people's actions on social media and networking both confuses me and frustrates me. I just don't understand their intentions, at all really...

 

I wouldn't think too much of it though. If he really wanted to make a somewhat acceptable effort then he would have approached you maybe a more... direct way. Or he's just trying to grab your attention.

 

Either way, not worth.

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Sounds like just a childish game he`s playing.

 

I have ex`s on FB. These were all mutual breakups and we are all mates.

 

Obviously painful breaks ups, then no chance.

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Sounds like just a childish game he`s playing.

 

I have ex`s on FB. These were all mutual breakups and we are all mates.

 

Obviously painful breaks ups, then no chance.

 

Ey look, Morrissey ;)

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