Kelley Posted October 19, 2016 Share Posted October 19, 2016 I found this today I'm really suffering with anxiety and I had my first panic attack today! This is why sometimes we can't let go and beg and plead. I'm still NC but this explains a bit about what is going on in my head at the moment! Thought it may help someone else .... I shall boost my confidence and restore calm by remembering the following: My distress is a result of brain chemistry and I’m not crazy. Just temporarily off balance. My anxieties and insecurities don’t necessarily reflect what’s really going on or what he’s thinking or feeling. Just because he broke up with me doesn’t mean that what we had wasn’t real. It’s simply not real any more. I shall respectfully honor his request for space. Seeking contact (stalking, pleading) does not bring relief, it only brings shame. Instead of thinking, I have to get him to tell me the truth, change his mind, stop cheating, etc., I shall stop caring what he does or how he feels. It is a mistake to heed the voice inside my head that urges me to seek him out. That voice comes from pain, insecurity, and fear and is not the BEST me. When that voice is triggered, I shall turn toward myself or a good friend for reassurance, not him. When I am triggered, I shall mindfully observe my physiology and let it wane without trying to fix it. Rather than thinking I have to see him and recapture what was, I shall think, Oh, look at that. I’m having an anxious moment. This too shall pass. Also try unfurrowing your brow. A calm face leads to a calm mind. When triggered, I shall give myself a 90-second timeout for my physiology to calm down—and I shall not renew my distress by focusing on what’s upsetting to me. I shall not measure my worth by his attitude toward me. His attitude is a reflection on him, not me. He’s just not that into me, and I shall spend my time with people who appreciate me. Life is too short to do otherwise. Distance from him is what heals me. Whenever I try to get close again, it’s like picking off a scab and making it bleed. I’m only forcing myself to go through the agony of withdrawal all over again. When a scab has formed, I shall let it heal over completely. I shall not justify seeking closeness as an attempt to keep my lover as a friend. I cannot afford a friendship until I’m completely over him and no longer even remotely triggered. And it’s okay if we don’t remain friends. Moving on is a sign of personal growth. It’s okay for me to feel sad that this relationship has ended. As I grieve, I am moving toward healing. I am a growing, changing person and can learn from this experience. I shall take the high road and behave in ways that have dignity and restore my self-respect. I shall do what nurtures my health and wholeness. (Natural serotonin and dopamine boosters include physical activity, sunshine on my skin, smiling, and good nutrition including plenty of protein, vegetables, B vitamins, and bananas.) When I take care of myself, I feel confident, optimistic, attractive, and authentic. The more I behave like a sane person, the more I’ll feel like a sane person. To resist focusing on a dead relationship, I shall focus on living my BEST life. I shall seek out what energizes me, not what drains me. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
bummer Posted October 19, 2016 Share Posted October 19, 2016 That's all the best advice I've seen condensed. Nice! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mercy222 Posted October 19, 2016 Share Posted October 19, 2016 Congratulations!!! Is very encouraging to see you understand why things seem to be the way they are. Anxiety nor depression are signs of weakness, there's not shame in seeking help. Our lives many times come with much more stresses than we can handle, and we're only human and have a limit. Thank you for sharing that encouraging text, I pray that many who may need it, read it and be uplifted. I'll be praying for God to carry you and give you strength. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Deadmeat Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 Amazing. I plan on reading this repeatedly until I no longer need it. Thank you for posting it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DarrenB Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 Good-luck on your next endeavours to overcome this, Kelley. That was a good read! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cheryl11111111111111 Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 I don't really feel comfortable posting on this site at all. I do appreciate the site but my ex uses it so I am kind of using a fake name here. Oh boy, it's like adrenalin for me. I feel like I am joining his friends network and that is so taking away from the NC and healing process but I do appreciate this post Kelly. Enough for me to join and leave one comment. This was great. I wish it came last year! I wish I received this before his friend Thea gave me advice. His friends really ought to MYOB! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cheryl11111111111111 Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 Thank you to those who put the time into writing on loveshack. To those who sat here and wrote responses that had thought and compassion put into their responses. I am a better person because of my "dump" and I will always look back at this and see the effort instead of the loss. I did this to myself! Thank you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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