It's never ending

[goonar]

Here I go:

 

I started an open, long distance relationship with my roommate's sister last October. I haven't dated anyone seriously for a couple years prior to her, and was completely swept away with love and lust. During this time, I paid for a couple of lavish trips, and spent many nights talking endlessly with her. And eventually she decided that she wanted to move to my city. I took time off work and moved her across the country. When she got here, our relationship completely crumbled over the course of a few of months, and was left completely shattered.

 

Here's a few things that have been eating me away that happened towards the end of the relationship:

 

-Despite how close we were. I never really felt any love or affection from her. I felt like I was driving most of the relationship. I did my best to voice my concerns to her.

 

-Against my wishes, she had her ex-bf that was still in love with her stay at her place for a few days. I was very upset by this, but wanted to trust her. So after a heated argument, I backed down.

 

-She accused me of forcing sex on her. Which left me humiliated. I know that this is an incredibly touchy subject, but I would never force myself onto someone like that. I believe that the amount of anguish I've felt from this is a testament of my heart and that I'm incapable doing such a horrible thing to someone I was in love with.

 

-She broke up with me the first week she got here. And we did the breaking up getting back together crap for a few months. During the final breakup I was cursed out and told that she had zero feelings for me. I'd almost rather be cheated on than to be let down in such a viscous way.

 

-She got agitated after breaking up that I didn't want to talk and see her every day. I asked for distance because I was really upset.

 

-I feel incredibly lead on by her. I'm not sure this woman ever gave a **** about me despite the amount of time we dated (10 months) + friends for a few years beforehand.

 

-LDR take a lot of work, and it's devastating that when she got here she immediately began to rip me apart. I feel incredibly stupid for allowing this to happen.

 

- I went no contact with her after what I deemed as the final breakup. I was feeling great for a while that I didn't lose anymore to her. However, her sister (my best friend) convinced me that I should give her an angry letter that I had written for myself. As she believed it was really ****ed up how she treated me. I sent it. Got a horrible reaction. Now feel even more worthless for trying to stand up for myself.

 

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I feel like I was completely played. It's been three months since breaking up. I've talked to friends about it. I started boxing. Joined a Jazz band. Had a few hookups. Made new friends. Found a new passion for reading. Had an interview for my dream job. Cried about it a lot. And I'm still feeling pretty worthless. I feel like I'm faking everything. My stomach is warped in knots. And I'm in constant cycles of anger, sadness, and anxiety. I wish I could be released from this madness. The end is no where in sight.

[bummer]

I was cheated on while my ex kept saying she had feelings for me (stopped saying she loved me) and I wish she could have viciously said she didnt care for me at all. That emotional closure would have been far more rewarding I think than stringing myself along with false hopes in that oh-so-fun breakup-makeup couple of weeks.

 

Sounds like your ex was kinda rebounding and not really over her ex. She was never committed. I totally get the "forced sex" thing. My ex was the same! Now I thought she was the love of my life and I'm left shattered and coping the best I can. I am almost 6 months out and still faking it. No worries.

 

Through the grief I hope you find acceptance that she was who she was and will continue to be someone you don't know in a life separate from yours. I know as you do now to never date a friend's sister and that final letters rarely help.

 

Good luck.

[kvolm2016]

Since it has been a few months and you are still having a hard time getting past this, do you think it might be helpful to meet with a professional counselor to help guide you through what you experienced and where you can go from here?