What do you do when you feel worthless?

[CJDJ6963]

I broke up with my ex about a month ago? Don't really remember because she used to text me saying she loved me etc and I got confused. She ended it finally by saying she feels like she ruins my life and that I'd be a better person without her (she has major depression). She also told me that she's never met anyone that understands her like I do but just told her if we're meant to be, we'll be. I told her that if she ever needs me then she has my number but she's only to contact me if she either needs me or changes her mind about us.

She has since then blocked me on social media(s) because she found out that I told one of my friends about the abortion she had. She messaged me asking why but then blocked me so I couldn't reply. Two days later, I saw her on a night out and she was looking at me the whole time and when I left, she texted me saying my name and my friend told me the next day that she stopped my ex from calling me.

Nothing else has happened and I'm trying to move on but I literally feel worthless?

I can't deny that she is the most physically attractive girl I've been with so it is knocking my confidence a bit. I know that is very shallow, but I never really get any female attention. I never really have.. Older women always call me "handsome" but apart from that, my ex was the first girl the actively pursue me and I've lost sight of myself.

I'm back at the gym, I'm chasing my dream in life and I'm trying to improve myself all the time but I feel like I'm constantly held back by my exe's words like when she said she was scared that she was just a learning curve and I'll be able to love the next girl in my life more than her. Which I want to believe, but I can't even pick a girl up on a night out for a one night stand, never mind fall in love with someone. I just don't know what to do

[CJDJ6963]

I probably should've mentioned that my closest friends stopped speaking to me because my ex was talking crap about me and they thought I was being horrible to her and one of those friends can't see past her major depression and thinks her happiness comes before mine so chooses to dismiss anything I tell him she's told me (like her telling she doesn't want help and that it's not my concern if she goes off the rails etc) unless I provide screenshotted proof.

 

I'm also going to my doctors at the end of this week because I've had a suicidal thought and I've hurt myself three times.

[sorano]

All you can do is focus on your self like you are doing. Gym, picking up new hobbies, chasing your dream, anything that will make you feel happy and positive. That's it. Live your life. At this point, only you can make yourself happy and nobody will love you more than yourself. It's not easy. Don't even focus on women at this point. Relationships, hooking up, etc. let that go.