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SixxChick

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So the 4th of July in the States is on Monday. I am going to a concert at the Hollywood Bowl this weekend. And getting my carpets cleaned. But it still kind of stings that one can't spend it with someone that you once loved.

 

Going through the motions. That is all for now. Happy 4th everybody!

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Yep. Dreading it. Instead of running off somewhere new and beautiful to show her I get drinking plans with old buddies and I hate drinking now.

 

Enjoy your concert! Maybe someone nice will ask you to dance?

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Thanks bummer. I hope that you find someone to dance with as well ...

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Feeling a bit down today as well. Not sure why.

 

Me too. Happy 4th ...

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  • 4 weeks later...
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I had training with my coach today because I know that exercise is essential to my healing. But, I also took a hike in the mountains, and wandered for about one-half hour around my neighborhood while looking up at the stars. There were many lights on and I wondered about everybody's story, whether happy or sad, behind the doors and windows. And I thought about everyone on this site.

 

Coping is so complicated on certain days like today. I'd just like to take a moment to acknowledge those who find themselves on the roller coaster of emotions that seem to be inevitable, and come in floods, despite all that we do to try to move on.

 

Peace to all of us.

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I have had similar thoughts as well - my ex was the first one to 'break my soul' and make me question - what is the point of life?

 

I mentioned in other poster threads that ultimately - we are Star Dust - if we live out a natural life - it's only 30 / 40 years more. Then hopefully ....all this pain will be for nothing and we cease to exist with no other purpose (i.e. not in pursuit of happiness).

 

In my last relationship - I thought that I would be ok if we broke up. I thought that I have been through so much hurt that I would actually be relieved. Ironically - when I was with him - I had intense traumatic nightmares of him being super friendly with another ex of his. I stupidly believed that if I left all my anxiety triggers - I would be ok....it's not.

 

I have contemplated suicide so many times - only to have the fear that something worse waits for me...and I need to ride out this pain in this lifetime...

 

Star Dust is my coping term. Watching Universe / Galaxy / Atom / Planets GIFs of how small we are in comparison to the rest of the universe (macro and micro) offers some peace.

 

Knowing that we don't have a lifespan along geological timeframes also offers some consolation.

 

I am unfortunately surrounded by women (my sister, co-workers, friends etc) who are snobby, stupid, bitchy etc and their "so's" tolerate their behaviour. I always wonder - why couldn't I have the same....why did I always have to be on my best behavior to get any dedication or respect....when others are so blatant about their rudeness.

 

I don't get life. We are not alone but I do feel so alone in this universe.

Edited by BelleSkye
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Sometimes when I'm flying, I get a sense of how insignificant we are.

 

I look down at the little houses and roads, and see that rather than being the masters of our world, we're just some creatures who make little scratches on its surface. Compared to the sky and oceans, the human territory we inhabit is tiny.

 

When I feel that way, I feel liberated from the 'importance' we assign to ourselves.

 

It's a good feeling.

Edited by Satu
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From the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows:

sonder

n. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own—populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness—an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you’ll never know existed, in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk.

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Sometimes I feel cheated. But that is no way to keep going, I know it.

When I got high the first time. I questioned everything. I didn't even know if this world was real. I couldn't stop feeling happy. It was like diving into a matrix.

It was like living in a surrealistic realm. You're actually "living" in the dream.

 

I couldn't keep going back to that world because I know it's falsehood. In this world, everything looks so easy for others. Seems like everything, I really have to fight for. At 26 I don't really know my place in this world. But I know I can love. But now I am afraid to. Who would really want me? I don't want kids yet. I have no career. No real savings. I struggle with family every month. Every month is a trial. I don't get it.

 

I sit and think all the time....like....WTH man. Where will this end? When will the good come? I just wish I had a direction in life. What am I meant for other than just being a great big brother and son?

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I learned a lot from this break up. I have also grown because of it. It's amazing that there are a million stars out there. But only one can make your dream come true. When your great is taken away, you just feel like dying and helpless. Depression and sadness, our enemies, start to chip away at us. Yes, we fight back and try to pick ourselves up again. We try to be better and move on.

 

I also learned that there is no time frame on healing. It could be years. Who knows. In the end it will be ok. Eventually the road must end. That can be taken in many ways. But it wil be ok. We do relapse. We will feel the pain again and we will cry.

 

I took down all the dating apps, I stopped going to places trying to find another love and basically called it quits. I Know it sounds ridiculous but I feel better. I really don't think I want another relationship. I was fine for years without a girl. I was happy, I loved myself more and I didn't have to worry about my heart breaking or where will the next date be. Did I say something wrong or go through another break up and say, ****, I should have said this instead or done that. The outcome would have been different.

 

I will still post here to vent and help but, I am officially calling it quits on finding someone. Maybe some of us are meant to be alone. I'm 34. Where am I going. It's finished IMO. This is what I am choosing to do and I feel good about it.

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  • 4 weeks later...
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Because we were in love with someone/something who/that just wasn't there.

 

Discuss ...

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It's human nature. You are trying to keep an attachment that you have made no matter how toxic it is. Only when you can recognize this can you begin to let go...

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It's human nature. You are trying to keep an attachment that you have made no matter how toxic it is. Only when you can recognize this can you begin to let go...

 

Like an attachment to nothing? Because letting go of nothing is oxymoronic, correct?

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It's like... your instinct tells you to try and attach to the person. So you spend all that time and energy together, whether the attachment is good or bad it's still there. So our instinct is to not lose it.

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PrettyEmily77

Relationships end; they only die when we do for me so there's no mourning so much as taking the time to process, understand and make sense of them so you come out a stronger person.

 

Toxic relationships / partners were, they just weren't what we thought they were.

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...b/c you have an unhealthy, destructive view of relationships. And mourning such types of relationships, even yearning for a return, further indicates that you may not be emotionally healthy over all. Love is only a part of it. I've known too many friends who've been in toxic/dangerous/destructive relationships and none of them had healthy views on relationships and personal value/esteem.

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With my recent break up, it has left me wondering the same. Lots of red flags that were really obvious in the beginning, but I ignored because of the love bombing that was happening in the bonding stage of the relationship. After 2 weeks of knowing eachother, "I love you" should have been enough for me to kick it to the curb. But the intense reel in I had made it feel unlike anything.

 

I think for me personally, I have always been in unstable relationships, even my marriage was a disaster. Past physical violence and emotional violence, not particular to just my marriage but in almost all my relationships. I have also been deeply reflecting and have noticed my own pattern of mistakes and behaviors that need to change. Overall, I'm successful and confident. Too empathetic, which makes me an easy target. I need to strengthen my boundaries.

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Overall, I'm successful and confident. Too empathetic, which makes me an easy target. I need to strengthen my boundaries.

 

Bingo ... bulls-eye. You said it in a post. TY

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They become a habit. You get "comfortable/miserable"..As has been said many of times: They're like an addict trying to quit what is ruining their life.

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They become a habit. You get "comfortable/miserable"..As has been said many of times: They're like an addict trying to quit what is ruining their life.

 

I will counter your post with this thought (and time to stop believing):

 

I took you in no matter what your chaos brought ...

Because there was something in you that I believed.

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Some of us ( and that includes me :o ) have made the mistake of assuming things about a person, rather than actually doing the groundwork to find out who they really are.

 

So we fall in love with a hologram that we have created, rather than a real person.

 

As time goes by we begin to realise that we haven't got what we thought we had and we either get disillusioned and depressed or try to change that person.

Neither is a good response.

 

Some of us also don't want to admit that we made an error of judgment, so we stay in unhealthy relationships past their sell-by date, to try and prove something to ourselves and other people.

 

What we are mourning is the loss of our hopes & dreams and not a real individual.

 

So many times we hear they cry "how could he/she do this to me ?" The answer is that they did it because that's who they were, and we just didn't see it.

 

The answer is ( IMO ) to take things slowly and work from the principle of

 

"When someone shows you who they are - believe them " :)

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I will counter your post with this thought (and time to stop believing):

 

I took you in no matter what your chaos brought ...

Because there was something in you that I believed.

So, are you wanting to "fix" someone? Because that's what it is and some people don't want to or can't be fixed. IMO..
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asphyxis -

 

Overall, I'm successful and confident. Too empathetic, which makes me an easy target. I need to strengthen my boundaries.

 

^^^ you nailed it here.

 

This was one of the hardest lessons I had to learn in relationships - how to say "no", and to set limits and stick to them :)

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