14 months out... Its time to forget

[TheLoveBelow92]

Does anybody else still think of their ex Daily, Im almost ashamed to ask because its been longer than I care to admit over 14 months even tho the relationship didnt last even a year. everyday I think about her its almost become a part of my routine I had good/bad dream 2 or 3 nights that I can barely remember. I wake up every morning and shes the first thing on my mind and hard to shake for the rest of the day. coming back into winter time brings memories of how hard the last year was for me and a lot of negative thoughts.

 

I had to unfollow a lot friends the last while who I didnt really hear of but seen things pop up about my ex and them.

 

What makes these things worse is knowing she never felt and does not feel now the way I do

 

This time last year she moved out and I had to move back home. I had no money and could barely keep a car on the road.

 

This year I make more money than most of my friends and live in a posh neighborhood with a girl I met through a house share in January. Ive been on travelling to festivals at home and abroad and getting a new car next year. doing things I could never of dreamt o f last year.

 

But Ive still never been happy since even in the situation I am in, I only really ever cared about one person and dont enjoy anything ive done since.

 

ive dated been in a short relationship or two and actually tried everything there is to try its just to hard to shake at times and its like a grey cloud hanging over me day to day

 

From being on this website since October last year I know its not a place to solve all your problems and get an answer that changes everything but rather a place people listen and understand and knowing your not the only one albeit the situations maybe different, its a place to turn to when you need even its a short term release.

 

I just know I dont and cant be this way forever, I get more anxious and depressed knowing how long its been and time only moves forward as why im worries about this coming winter

 

thanks for listening.

[NotASkunk]

I really feel for you. It hasn't been that long for me but I find myself thinking about him far more than I like. I know that he will always be the first thing I think about every morning, the last thing every night. I think as time goes by it will get easier! Hang in there. Be positive and keep trying to do things that you enjoy. It will get easier.

[Satu]

You'll get there.

 

After my one and only painful breakup, I cried every day for six months. Not snuffly little sobs, but crying that involved my whole body almost convulsing. I felt like a ghost, disconnected from everything and everyone. I wasn't sure that I even wanted to get better. My heart was broken.

 

After about 8 months, the crying became less frequent. I found a good therapist and decided I wanted to live, even though I wasn't sure if enough of me could be scraped together to build a functioning person from.

 

Kept going to therapy, kept journalling, kept going the to park, fed the birds, did a lot of reading.

 

Slowly, slowly, started to feel better.

 

Then:

 

I was walking down the street one day, and had to stop, because I had a really weird feeling that was kind of scary...

 

And then I realised what the feeling was:

 

I was happy again, after a very long time of being very unhappy.

 

Then I knew I would be ok.

 

It wasn't depression I'd been suffering from.

 

It was a broken heart.

 

It took me just under two years to fully heal.

 

Now I am a stably happy person, who loves life.

 

I love it more than I ever have.

 

 

So it took me a while, but it was worth the journey.

 

 

You'll get there.

 

 

Take care.

[Satu]

double post deleted

[TheLoveBelow92]

Thanks for your comments it actually made me feel a lot better although shes always on my mind, some days more so than others. I am a different person now than I was then and its not even lingering feelings just lingering memories.

 

Some things i know ill never loose or maybe not for a long time like certain jokes and certain places that remind me of some of those good times we shared. I look back and smile a lot about them, makes you feel warm and gooey for lack of a better phrase ... Its just the here and now and with myself only that I have to start being ok with. Ill see my ex again soon as our mutual friends are having a baby which is due soon. I just have to try limit the contact or seeing her as much as I can as I get kind of upset and it really shows to people when shes around.

 

Cheers guys

[Cirilla]

Nothing wrong with it. I'm 18 months or so out from a breakup of an LTR and still resent him every single day. It doesn't keep me from doing anything or going about my day, but I'm a long way from true indifference. Most friends who have never had a relationship 4+ years long end say I should be over it already, but I got some good words from a cousin who went through a divorce. She says I might always feel that way and that's okay. But someday it just won't matter and however long it takes is how long it takes. I'd say the same to you. And it's not as easy to "just stop thinking about it" like people say.

[ManyDissapoint]

I'm also someone who it took a really long time to get over a broken heart. I also woke up thinking of her, went to bed thinking of her. Felt like I couldn't turn off that damn faucet.

 

Blocking her helps. Her blocking you helps. Exercise helps, especially lifting weights as a man (all men should), Socializing helps. Doing new things helps. Participating in activities that make you proud helps. Being desired by beautiful women helps. Forging your own existential philosophy helps.

 

When you start to actually feel better it will feel a bit surprising. The pain becomes a companion after a while. You will get there, I promise. You will get there a lot faster if you participate by making good choices.

[RocketQueen]

Almost 18 months in here

 

I have really good days and really bad days. It doesn't help that I have a really good memory and remember the tiniest little details of days gone by.

 

I found in the beginning I had almost OCD rituals that I followed and had a definite need to follow- I would read my horoscope at the same time every day etc and felt off if I hadn't. I think it was my way of coping and feeling like I had a sense of purpose or something to do.

 

Now I am finding that the little things I once felt I needed to do for whatever reason have stopped.

 

I miss things about him all of the time but the pull is getting a lot less.

 

I am starting to enjoy the simplest of things and the peace once the kids go to bed is no longer deafening- it is something I look forward to.

 

I am absolutely aware of the one thing that would actually set me back massively and that is starting a relationship with someone else. I know I need to feel 100% happy alone before I can allow anyone in in that sense, I need to be over him completely or I will compare everyone to someone who it never even worked out with.

 

I started feeling better when I finally decided to give myself a break- what I was feeling was OK and that this recovery would take as long as it takes and that would be the right time frame for ME.

[FTM042014]

13.5 months for me. Not one day has passed that she doesn't cross my mind. I relive things in my mind. I do notice that details have begun to become hazier so that's good. I haven't seen her in over a year now. If I did see her I'd have a mini panic attack and she'd probably just squeeze her fiance's hand tighter.

 

I stopped beating myself up about not moving on yet and that helps. It's going to be a long while before I am indifferent at best. It is what it is. And we were only together for two months! Ha!

[TheLoveBelow92]

Thanks for all the reply's its good to get feedback and not criticism about this. I wouldn't mind but I walked past the store my ex works in today I dont look in anymore because whats the point. Im on tinder and POF but I only go on dates now and again im just not into anyone and its even difficult to try, but I just came across her on tinder so obv shes single again but seeing her on it, I skipped past and my heart was racing for about 5 mins ha

 

The thing I need to learn is not how to get over it, Its just accept it, it is what it is at the end of the day and me beating myself up and reminiscing doesn't change anything so I shouldn't expect it to.

 

Its crazy to think how a bad break up can change your whole life around mentally and physically and because I was blindsided I couldn't prepare myself for it,

 

Its hard to accept where I am at the moment because its never the place id imagined Id be or even wanted to but I am where I am and I can only do things that are within my control and Ill have to be ok with it.

[SixxChick]

Guilty as charged. Last night was the one year mark when I last saw him. So, naturally, he has been on my brain. And his birthday is next month. Then there are the holidays, etc., etc., etc. There seems to always be something that makes me think of him while he simply moves on. Yeah, it's a long road. But I trust that this too shall pass. At least I hope so.

[SoThatHappened]

Took me the better part of 2 years to recover from her cheating on me.

 

I was physically sick, vomiting a couple days here and there after it happened.

 

I carried that pain around every second of the day, for a very long time.

 

I looked her up after hearing she was engaged to the guy she left me for. This was a year after the breakup.

 

I saw so many heart-wrenching things (her engagement website, videos of them together). That almost sent me back to square one.

 

Now, I actually have to force myself to think about her in my daily routine (like someone mentioned above, it became a routine. Shower and process absolutely everything, blame myself, blame her, think about them together, etc.)

 

You WILL get past it. I was incapable of dating for almost 2 years. I was a wreck. It's amazing I kept moving forward and succeeding in my professional life.

 

Now, I couldn't care less about her, I have a beautiful woman falling for me, and I'm back to being *me*... and it shows.

 

Don't be hard on yourself for how long it may be taking you. You will get there. You can make it easier by exercising, socializing, and focusing on anything besides her.

[NIGHT1985]

It's been 15 months for me, and it doesn't feel like I've healed a day... Maybe this has just been too traumatizing for my mental health

[Lostdreams]

Hi there

 

I haven't been around for some time, at least as a poster, but still here as a reader

 

This thread touched me so I want to give you my take on this

 

He broke up with me over 2 years ago

He's now married since May of this year

I also had a relationship in between which didn't work out

 

Yes I still think of him every day since our break-up

I still dream of him - but more often when I'm on vacation - weird but true

I still say " I love you" to him in my head nearly every day

 

I'm no longer bitter or jealous or fueled with hatred. Somehow life takes you where you have to go .... but certainly I love who he was or what we were when we were together

 

I'm now happy to be alone and have free space for myself. I have a good life, a great job and still have confidence in myself. I'm definitely not ready to commit again at the moment ...... if ever who knows ?

 

Maybe it's never time to forget ...... meaningful things stay with you .... and maybe that's how it should be. I think it's part of who you are and more importantly who you will become.

 

I can't say fake it till you make it - it didn't worked for me

 

I can say be yourself and that's enough - your time scale is individual there is no norm to compare yourself with.

 

Oh yes and be sure to reach indifference and then you know you,re "healed" !

 

well this didn't work for me either - I can't become indifferent to 7 years of my life ..... but I can take the positive, move on, move forwards and feel grateful. That is also freedom

Edited September 20, 2016 by Lostdreams

[sportygirl]

I think of him every day.... every day without fail. I wish I could offer some words of wisdom, but all I can do is let you know you're not alone.

[Densel]

Its been about 10 mths post break up.

 

In the 3rd month, my friends scolded me for still loving her.

 

In the 6th month,my friends scolded me for still loving her.

 

Now 10th month, my friends have accepted i still love her.

 

My friends no longer push me to look for a new girlfriend which they did for the last few months.

 

And honestly i can't do it too. Sometimes i feel useless, why is it that i can get over other exes in 3 months and yet this one..... I cant get rid of her out of my heart and mind.

 

Bumping into her friends keep bringing back memories. I am taking one day at a time.

[Lifeissomething]

Nice to know that I'm not alone. Thanks for the posts everyone, in some way they're comforting.

 

14 months here and approaching the mark of being broken up longer than the time I dated her. I treasure the days I don't really think about her, but those are rare. We worked in the same small office, so I got a window view of her up until the summer when she transferred. So weird to be so intimate and close with some one day and *poof* they're a ghost. I was blindsided by the breakup. She still could pop up in our branch at some point, but so far it hasn't happened. So, only within the last 2 months have I not had to see her on a daily basis. The aforementioned was horrible, and while I kept my distance for my benefit, it was torture.

 

I miss her ghost. The person I dated. Sadly, while I see that person in my thoughts and dreams, she doesn't exist anymore.

 

I will say, I'm much better than 14 months ago, and will be much better in the months that pass.

 

Wishing everyone a great recovery--breakups suck.

[FTM042014]

For everyone that posted in this thread, myself included, go back and re-read each post. I realized something the other day: it sounds like mourning a death. Not being sarcastic here at all. It actually helps me to see her as symbolically dead. The person I love and who seemingly wanted me, her spirit no longer lives. We often say and ex seems like a different person suddenly. They act like it never happened. I use that to help me. The woman she is now, the woman engaged to another man, is NOT my ex. I will continue to allow myself to mourn her "death" and know and accept that it takes time to heal from that kind of loss. I am in mourning. And that is 100% ok.

[Satu]

Forgetting isn't really possible.

 

In most cases, when people 'can't get over him/her' it's because of an absent or incomplete grieving process.

 

 

Take care.

[SixxChick]

For everyone that posted in this thread, myself included, go back and re-read each post. I realized something the other day: it sounds like mourning a death. Not being sarcastic here at all. It actually helps me to see her as symbolically dead. The person I love and who seemingly wanted me, her spirit no longer lives. We often say and ex seems like a different person suddenly. They act like it never happened. I use that to help me. The woman she is now, the woman engaged to another man, is NOT my ex. I will continue to allow myself to mourn her "death" and know and accept that it takes time to heal from that kind of loss. I am in mourning. And that is 100% ok.

 

My ex put it quite bluntly. When I asked him where the guy I fell in love with went, he said, "That guy is dead and gone."

 

Boom.