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I'm getting worse everyday- Not better


Lyssse

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Hi Guys- I'm new to this website and joined in hopes of gaining insight and advice with whats going on in my life. I could really use it right now :(

 

I'm 28 years old and have been dating my boyfriend for 6.5 years. We had an awesome relationship. We started dating my senior year of college, and since he is two years younger, we dealt with the whole long distance and trust thing until he graduated. I have my degree in teaching and he has his degree in Meteorology. I've put my career on the back burner to support him and his passion in this field of work. We moved to West Virginia together (we are both from New York) and I worked as a footwear associate at a retail store while he gained experience in his field. After living there for 7 months in WV, we both moved to California where I once again put my career on the back burner and worked as a substitute teacher in the area. In my mind, we were working to better OUR future together so I was fine with putting my career on the back burner if it meant that he could gain the most experience in his field to further better our life for the future.

 

When I tell you that we had the best relationship, I'm not lying. We never had trust issues, we were best friends. We rarely fought, and if we did, it was about stupid stuff like he forgot to flush the toilet AGAIN.

 

In the beginning of June (nine months living in California together), my boyfriend dropped a truth bomb on me out of nowhere. He said he couldn't see himself marrying me, and after 6.5 years together, he should be excited about proposing to me and he's not. He said he didn't know if it was a break or a breakup but something was telling him he needs some time apart from me. He said he felt like the relationship was stagnant and we were too "comfortable" with one another. I told him that this issue is easy to fix and we could attend couples therapy or schedule more date nights and he said he doesn't see a light at the end of the tunnel and "whats done is done." So after asking him if this was really what he wanted a million different times and different ways, I packed up all my **** and drove back to New York.

 

On my drive home from California he called me crying and said maybe he made a mistake and he didn't mean what he said and maybe he just needs some time away from me. But now it has been 2 months since I left California and we have not talked. I reached out to him once and he was super cold in the text messages and addressed me so formally like we were strangers. I asked him if he was no affected by this and he said that there was no reason to talk now that we are 3,000 miles away and as of right now, he can't see himself back with me.

 

I'm totally blindsided by his decision and I don't know how someone can just throw away a great 6.5 year relationship without caring. He sobbed every day that I packed up my stuff, and even the day I drove home. But now he's super cold and hasn't talked to me since June 11th when I left (it is now August 15th). He was the kind of boyfriend who told me I was beautiful every day, even first thing in the morning. He constantly called and texted me. We even discussed future trips together a week before he ended it with me. I'm very intuitive and would have picked up on something if I felt like he wanted to end things with me, and I never felt that.

 

Has anyone been through this before? Is there a silver lining? Are guys just wired differently and it will take months before he realizes he made a mistake? Please help me. I've never been in so much emotional pain in my life...

 

Sorry if this was long. Any advice, insight, similar experiences would greatly help..

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It hurts reading this. You were supportive over the years and his coldness is just surprising.

 

There IS a silver lining to all of this. You are 28, single, and have an abundance of experience from this long term relationship. You are caring and supportive and someone out there will appreciate and respect those qualities in you! :) You now have an opportunity to put your career first and get some financial stability and build towards something -- who knows what will happen along the way? You never know.

 

Be thankful he did this now. If he had married you and had a child with you, and then abandoned you, the pain would be even worse.

 

Think of it this way - he did you a favor. He ended things and you still have a clean slate.

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Sorry this happened to you. I can't say that my situation was exactly the same because we were only together for 2.5 years. I'm 5 years older than her and supported her through her last 2 years of undergrad, putting my career off also. She went on a trip for her major, cheated, and left for the other guy (more on it in my thread).

 

I feel like some people mistake the stagnation feeling for something that's unfixable and means the end of the relationship, when its defintely something that can be worked on if both people are dedicated to it. Especially when you feel like everything in the relationship has been going fine and they never indicate that there's an issue. I feel like that's just a product of immaturity in the end.

 

I'm no expert here, but the only silver lining I can muster from my own situation is that I no longer have to deal with someone who clearly didn't truly care about or respect me, and that frees space in my life for someone who will in the future. The person who I thought she was doesn't, and never really did, exist. It cuts my losses, so to speak, and makes moving on easier.

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My heart aches for you. I can only imagine the torment that you are going through. There is a silver lining, you're single. It's not what you want to hear, but his actuons have said so. If he was the right one, you wouldnt be single. Take this time to pamper yourself and really focus on yourself. Everything that you as an individual didn't do before, take this as the perfect opportunity to do so. Use this forum to your advantage and hang in there.

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My ex acted in the same way, although we hadn't been together for as long as 6.5 years. I think a lot of times it comes down to their own problems. Yes, maybe complacency was a factor, but why weren't you and I as affected by it as they were? I was always one to think we could work it out, and for a time my ex wanted it to work out too...

 

However, it came to a point where she kept having doubts and at a certain point, nothing can be done to fix it. You had something special, but for some reason or another they weren't capable of love like you. Infatuation only lasts a moment and it's a feeling. Love on the other hand, can be commitment with ups and downs. You stick with it no matter what because you know the goods outweigh the bads and they are yours and you are theirs. However, not as many people have that notion in this day and age.

 

My ex has been cold as well. Only last month did I say we could no longer be friends. I wanted to be friends to keep her in my life, but I wanted to not feel the way I felt so I was conflicted. I went back and forth and it probably persuaded her that she made the right decision. She was cold and indifferent the entire time. I think they put up barriers to minimize the pain they cause themselves. If they open up to you in any way, they feel they've failed their decision. People are stubborn and will subconsciously tell themselves they made the right decision in order to feel good about themselves. A lot of times it is a good decision to end things, however, in some cases (as perhaps mine and yours) it wasn't the right decision.

 

Unfortunately, the decision was made and we need to move on no matter how much it may hurt. Remind yourself that it is their mistake. It's sad to think that after all that time together, they could make this "mistake". But at the end of the day, you'll benefit from it. They very well could realize their mistake. You can't persuade them or anything. They have to do it on their own. BUT BUT BUT... It could be years before they realize it and make actionable decisions towards reconciliation. Are you willing to put your life on hold for someone who isn't doing it for you?

 

Move on for now. Many come to the conclusion that their feelings at the time will remain forever.... 'Funny isnt it? If I remember, many dumpers says their "feelings have changed" as an excuse to break up with you, isn't that a little ironic? Surely, what can be lost can be gained again. Their mindset is it can no longer be fixed, and that is the potential flaw in judgement.' (just my thought on it). Best of luck. Move on and try to accept the situation for what it is.

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It hurts reading this. You were supportive over the years and his coldness is just surprising.

 

There IS a silver lining to all of this. You are 28, single, and have an abundance of experience from this long term relationship. You are caring and supportive and someone out there will appreciate and respect those qualities in you! :) You now have an opportunity to put your career first and get some financial stability and build towards something -- who knows what will happen along the way? You never know.

 

Be thankful he did this now. If he had married you and had a child with you, and then abandoned you, the pain would be even worse.

 

Think of it this way - he did you a favor. He ended things and you still have a clean slate.

 

Thank you. My mother said the same thing to me. She said it is great he did this now before forcing himself to propose to me and breaking up with me while we're engaged. Or ending things with me when we're married and we have a child together.

 

& you are right. It helps me to know that this was his doing, and I tried my best to fix things and he didn't want to. So he'll have to live with this choice, not me.

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Sorry this happened to you. I can't say that my situation was exactly the same because we were only together for 2.5 years. I'm 5 years older than her and supported her through her last 2 years of undergrad, putting my career off also. She went on a trip for her major, cheated, and left for the other guy (more on it in my thread).

 

I feel like some people mistake the stagnation feeling for something that's unfixable and means the end of the relationship, when its defintely something that can be worked on if both people are dedicated to it. Especially when you feel like everything in the relationship has been going fine and they never indicate that there's an issue. I feel like that's just a product of immaturity in the end.

 

I'm no expert here, but the only silver lining I can muster from my own situation is that I no longer have to deal with someone who clearly didn't truly care about or respect me, and that frees space in my life for someone who will in the future. The person who I thought she was doesn't, and never really did, exist. It cuts my losses, so to speak, and makes moving on easier.

 

Thank you. I'm sorry that happened to you as well :(

 

I feel like one day he will realize that stagnation in a relationship is completely normal. I think that this scared him a bit. But if he finds a new girlfriend, everything will be peachy keen for years, just like with us, and he will hit a period of comfortableness and stagnation with this new girl as well, but you work through it. I just wish he realizes this soon because I can't wait around for him. :sick:

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My heart aches for you. I can only imagine the torment that you are going through. There is a silver lining, you're single. It's not what you want to hear, but his actuons have said so. If he was the right one, you wouldnt be single. Take this time to pamper yourself and really focus on yourself. Everything that you as an individual didn't do before, take this as the perfect opportunity to do so. Use this forum to your advantage and hang in there.

 

Thank you <3

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My ex acted in the same way, although we hadn't been together for as long as 6.5 years. I think a lot of times it comes down to their own problems. Yes, maybe complacency was a factor, but why weren't you and I as affected by it as they were? I was always one to think we could work it out, and for a time my ex wanted it to work out too...

 

However, it came to a point where she kept having doubts and at a certain point, nothing can be done to fix it. You had something special, but for some reason or another they weren't capable of love like you. Infatuation only lasts a moment and it's a feeling. Love on the other hand, can be commitment with ups and downs. You stick with it no matter what because you know the goods outweigh the bads and they are yours and you are theirs. However, not as many people have that notion in this day and age.

 

My ex has been cold as well. Only last month did I say we could no longer be friends. I wanted to be friends to keep her in my life, but I wanted to not feel the way I felt so I was conflicted. I went back and forth and it probably persuaded her that she made the right decision. She was cold and indifferent the entire time. I think they put up barriers to minimize the pain they cause themselves. If they open up to you in any way, they feel they've failed their decision. People are stubborn and will subconsciously tell themselves they made the right decision in order to feel good about themselves. A lot of times it is a good decision to end things, however, in some cases (as perhaps mine and yours) it wasn't the right decision.

 

Unfortunately, the decision was made and we need to move on no matter how much it may hurt. Remind yourself that it is their mistake. It's sad to think that after all that time together, they could make this "mistake". But at the end of the day, you'll benefit from it. They very well could realize their mistake. You can't persuade them or anything. They have to do it on their own. BUT BUT BUT... It could be years before they realize it and make actionable decisions towards reconciliation. Are you willing to put your life on hold for someone who isn't doing it for you?

 

Move on for now. Many come to the conclusion that their feelings at the time will remain forever.... 'Funny isnt it? If I remember, many dumpers says their "feelings have changed" as an excuse to break up with you, isn't that a little ironic? Surely, what can be lost can be gained again. Their mindset is it can no longer be fixed, and that is the potential flaw in judgement.' (just my thought on it). Best of luck. Move on and try to accept the situation for what it is.

 

Thank you very much for this response. It was very insightful, helpful and comforting. I definitely think he is being cold because if he showed any emotion, he would crumble and want to get back with me. But if thats the case, why is he holding back? We weren't a toxic relationship, we had fun, we went on adventures, we trusted each other 100%...so why wouldn't he want to be with me? There are so many unanswered questions and I hope one day that I find the answers or come to peace with what happened.

 

For now, I have no choice but to move on. I'm hoping that in the next few months he realizes his mistake..

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Hi Guys- I'm new to this website and joined in hopes of gaining insight and advice with whats going on in my life. I could really use it right now :(

 

I'm 28 years old and have been dating my boyfriend for 6.5 years. We had an awesome relationship. We started dating my senior year of college, and since he is two years younger, we dealt with the whole long distance and trust thing until he graduated. I have my degree in teaching and he has his degree in Meteorology. I've put my career on the back burner to support him and his passion in this field of work. We moved to West Virginia together (we are both from New York) and I worked as a footwear associate at a retail store while he gained experience in his field. After living there for 7 months in WV, we both moved to California where I once again put my career on the back burner and worked as a substitute teacher in the area. In my mind, we were working to better OUR future together so I was fine with putting my career on the back burner if it meant that he could gain the most experience in his field to further better our life for the future.

 

When I tell you that we had the best relationship, I'm not lying. We never had trust issues, we were best friends. We rarely fought, and if we did, it was about stupid stuff like he forgot to flush the toilet AGAIN.

 

In the beginning of June (nine months living in California together), my boyfriend dropped a truth bomb on me out of nowhere. He said he couldn't see himself marrying me, and after 6.5 years together, he should be excited about proposing to me and he's not. He said he didn't know if it was a break or a breakup but something was telling him he needs some time apart from me. He said he felt like the relationship was stagnant and we were too "comfortable" with one another. I told him that this issue is easy to fix and we could attend couples therapy or schedule more date nights and he said he doesn't see a light at the end of the tunnel and "whats done is done." So after asking him if this was really what he wanted a million different times and different ways, I packed up all my **** and drove back to New York.

 

On my drive home from California he called me crying and said maybe he made a mistake and he didn't mean what he said and maybe he just needs some time away from me. But now it has been 2 months since I left California and we have not talked. I reached out to him once and he was super cold in the text messages and addressed me so formally like we were strangers. I asked him if he was no affected by this and he said that there was no reason to talk now that we are 3,000 miles away and as of right now, he can't see himself back with me.

 

I'm totally blindsided by his decision and I don't know how someone can just throw away a great 6.5 year relationship without caring. He sobbed every day that I packed up my stuff, and even the day I drove home. But now he's super cold and hasn't talked to me since June 11th when I left (it is now August 15th). He was the kind of boyfriend who told me I was beautiful every day, even first thing in the morning. He constantly called and texted me. We even discussed future trips together a week before he ended it with me. I'm very intuitive and would have picked up on something if I felt like he wanted to end things with me, and I never felt that.

 

Has anyone been through this before? Is there a silver lining? Are guys just wired differently and it will take months before he realizes he made a mistake? Please help me. I've never been in so much emotional pain in my life...

 

Sorry if this was long. Any advice, insight, similar experiences would greatly help..

 

But now he's super cold -- That is often a defense mechanism and men implement it often. But, bottomline, he has steeled himself to the decision. It's very unlikely that he isn't feeling emotions as well though. It's just his armor.

 

The fact is that the two of you were pretty young when you first started dating, he was 19.5 years old and you were 21.5? Neither of you got to find yourselves as individuals.

 

It's possible he might come back at some point and want to come back to you and you'll have to evaluate for yourself at that time what to do. I suspect that he will be a different person than you once knew and so you'd be starting all over again, likely. And, that would be the way to approach it. Start the dating process all over again and observing whether or not this can be put behind you and whether or not what he's bringing to the table at that time is what you want.

 

It's been some time now since it ended, so if I were you, I wouldn't compromise the grief process you've been through already by maintaining contact with him. Even if he came back, you'd be walking on eggshells worrying if it would happen again.

 

For now, keep moving forward and finding your way as free, secure, independent woman with lots to offer. Give yourself some time to heal and when you're ready start dating again.

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But now he's super cold -- That is often a defense mechanism and men implement it often. But, bottomline, he has steeled himself to the decision. It's very unlikely that he isn't feeling emotions as well though. It's just his armor.

 

The fact is that the two of you were pretty young when you first started dating, he was 19.5 years old and you were 21.5? Neither of you got to find yourselves as individuals.

 

It's possible he might come back at some point and want to come back to you and you'll have to evaluate for yourself at that time what to do. I suspect that he will be a different person than you once knew and so you'd be starting all over again, likely. And, that would be the way to approach it. Start the dating process all over again and observing whether or not this can be put behind you and whether or not what he's bringing to the table at that time is what you want.

 

It's been some time now since it ended, so if I were you, I wouldn't compromise the grief process you've been through already by maintaining contact with him. Even if he came back, you'd be walking on eggshells worrying if it would happen again.

 

For now, keep moving forward and finding your way as free, secure, independent woman with lots to offer. Give yourself some time to heal and when you're ready start dating again.

 

Thank you for taking the time out of your day to reply to me. I took comfort in your answer. Just hearing people say that he is probably hurting as well, and his coldness is a defense mechanism is comforting. Believing that he is hurting right now as well is all I have to hold onto at the moment.

 

For right now I am moving forward. I'm putting all my sadness, time, anxiety and anger into my favorite type of free therapy: running.

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Thank you for taking the time out of your day to reply to me. I took comfort in your answer. Just hearing people say that he is probably hurting as well, and his coldness is a defense mechanism is comforting. Believing that he is hurting right now as well is all I have to hold onto at the moment.

 

For right now I am moving forward. I'm putting all my sadness, time, anxiety and anger into my favorite type of free therapy: running.

 

favorite type of free therapy: running -- Perfect! Good for you. I hope he sees you running and loving your life :)

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ExpatInItaly

I'm sorry you're here, OP.

 

I went through something rather similar. My ex and I were together 7.5 years, and lived together for 6.5 of those. We started dating when he was 21 and I was 23.

 

We had a pretty good relationship too. Moved to a big city together to start our careers, got along well the vast majority of the time, loved each other's families and had plans for the future. Eventually I could feel distance between us; he was still a kind man and treated me well but something didn't feel right. I suggested a few ways to work on things, but he just didn't want to. He was young when we first started dating and I had concerns he hadn't "explored" enough before wanting to settle down. I would wager your ex felt the same.

 

Obviously, it came to an end for us. He actually initiated it, but I knew it was coming. He hadn't seemed like himself for a while and I noticed some odd signs. It was a difficult break-up and we really had to untangle our lives from each other.

 

But here I am 4 years later. I'm happy to say I've moved on and someday, you will too!

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JustAnotherLostLove
Hi Guys- I'm new to this website and joined in hopes of gaining insight and advice with whats going on in my life. I could really use it right now :(

 

I'm 28 years old and have been dating my boyfriend for 6.5 years. We had an awesome relationship. We started dating my senior year of college, and since he is two years younger, we dealt with the whole long distance and trust thing until he graduated. I have my degree in teaching and he has his degree in Meteorology. I've put my career on the back burner to support him and his passion in this field of work. We moved to West Virginia together (we are both from New York) and I worked as a footwear associate at a retail store while he gained experience in his field. After living there for 7 months in WV, we both moved to California where I once again put my career on the back burner and worked as a substitute teacher in the area. In my mind, we were working to better OUR future together so I was fine with putting my career on the back burner if it meant that he could gain the most experience in his field to further better our life for the future.

 

When I tell you that we had the best relationship, I'm not lying. We never had trust issues, we were best friends. We rarely fought, and if we did, it was about stupid stuff like he forgot to flush the toilet AGAIN.

 

In the beginning of June (nine months living in California together), my boyfriend dropped a truth bomb on me out of nowhere. He said he couldn't see himself marrying me, and after 6.5 years together, he should be excited about proposing to me and he's not. He said he didn't know if it was a break or a breakup but something was telling him he needs some time apart from me. He said he felt like the relationship was stagnant and we were too "comfortable" with one another. I told him that this issue is easy to fix and we could attend couples therapy or schedule more date nights and he said he doesn't see a light at the end of the tunnel and "whats done is done." So after asking him if this was really what he wanted a million different times and different ways, I packed up all my **** and drove back to New York.

 

On my drive home from California he called me crying and said maybe he made a mistake and he didn't mean what he said and maybe he just needs some time away from me. But now it has been 2 months since I left California and we have not talked. I reached out to him once and he was super cold in the text messages and addressed me so formally like we were strangers. I asked him if he was no affected by this and he said that there was no reason to talk now that we are 3,000 miles away and as of right now, he can't see himself back with me.

 

I'm totally blindsided by his decision and I don't know how someone can just throw away a great 6.5 year relationship without caring. He sobbed every day that I packed up my stuff, and even the day I drove home. But now he's super cold and hasn't talked to me since June 11th when I left (it is now August 15th). He was the kind of boyfriend who told me I was beautiful every day, even first thing in the morning. He constantly called and texted me. We even discussed future trips together a week before he ended it with me. I'm very intuitive and would have picked up on something if I felt like he wanted to end things with me, and I never felt that.

 

Has anyone been through this before? Is there a silver lining? Are guys just wired differently and it will take months before he realizes he made a mistake? Please help me. I've never been in so much emotional pain in my life...

 

Sorry if this was long. Any advice, insight, similar experiences would greatly help..

 

Ha, sounds familiar. My ex did exactly this to me almost a year ago now, and we were together for over 3 years. Within 2 months, she found someone new, someone who was always there as a "friend". And she's still with him.

 

Silver lining? You're young, and from what your ex has stated, probably very beautiful as well. I'm certain someone will love you again, and when they do, you'll wonder why you were ever with your ex in the first place.

 

You'll be okay. But it's painful, I know. True love is the holy grail of contentment, but you pay dearly if you lose it.

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I'm sorry you're here, OP.

 

I went through something rather similar. My ex and I were together 7.5 years, and lived together for 6.5 of those. We started dating when he was 21 and I was 23.

 

We had a pretty good relationship too. Moved to a big city together to start our careers, got along well the vast majority of the time, loved each other's families and had plans for the future. Eventually I could feel distance between us; he was still a kind man and treated me well but something didn't feel right. I suggested a few ways to work on things, but he just didn't want to. He was young when we first started dating and I had concerns he hadn't "explored" enough before wanting to settle down. I would wager your ex felt the same.

 

Obviously, it came to an end for us. He actually initiated it, but I knew it was coming. He hadn't seemed like himself for a while and I noticed some odd signs. It was a difficult break-up and we really had to untangle our lives from each other.

 

But here I am 4 years later. I'm happy to say I've moved on and someday, you will too!

 

I did notice some distance between us but I just blamed it on stress. I was working 7 days a week to make bills, and after 9 months in California, I was getting a bit homesick and missed friends and family. So I blamed the distance and stagnation on that. Now I realize this must have been himself pulling away from me. It sucks because I was totally blindsided by everything, but meanwhile he was slowing pulling away from me and was already going thru the breakup process in his head.

 

I take comfort in knowing that time heals wounds and I hope to someday be happy like you :)

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Ha, sounds familiar. My ex did exactly this to me almost a year ago now, and we were together for over 3 years. Within 2 months, she found someone new, someone who was always there as a "friend". And she's still with him.

 

Silver lining? You're young, and from what your ex has stated, probably very beautiful as well. I'm certain someone will love you again, and when they do, you'll wonder why you were ever with your ex in the first place.

 

You'll be okay. But it's painful, I know. True love is the holy grail of contentment, but you pay dearly if you lose it.

 

Thank you :) I thought he was the love of my life and soulmate. But I hope to someday find that person who makes me realize this heartbreak was for the better.

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Okay, so I made a post in the beginning of August regarding my breakup. You can read the full story here if you'd like http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/591550-dumped-after-6-5-years-together-no-answers I would edit my post to include this, but I feel like I'm bringing up an entirely new topic with this post...

 

Basically, to sum it up, I was together with my boyfriend for 6.5 years. We had an awesome relationship. Absolutely no jealousy, complete trust in one another, went on adventures, supported each other 100%, lived together, etc etc. However, the last 9 months were rough for the both of us. We were both living across the country from friends and family and I was working 7 days a week to make ends meet. While living in California our relationship definitely became a bit stagnant. But I blamed this on stress and homesickness. It was just a phase and this was the first time our relationship dealt with this.

 

Here is where my UPDATE comes in. In the beginning of June, my boyfriend went on a guys trip in Cancun. When he came back from the vacation he dropped the truth bomb on me that he wasn't sure if this was a break or a breakup but something was telling him he needed some time apart from me. He said we were too "comfortable" in our relationship and he felt like it was dwindling. All my friends and family said there had to be a girl involved because no one just drops a 6+ year relationship without trying to work on it.

 

Fast forward to now (9 weeks after our breakup) and I find out that he cheated on me in Cancun with some 21 year old girl. Not only that, but he stayed in contact with her after he left and they are officially DATING!!! Within the past 9 weeks, he's been home to New York twice (only about 4-5 days each time) for work related things and I guess has been seeing her when he comes home. They have only hung out in person for a total of 10 times, but he already asked her to be his girlfriend. My heart can't even fathom kissing another boy right now, and he is already in a relationship with her. Long distance relationships are hard enough, so why is he doing this with some girl he just met and barely knows?

 

From reading websites online, all signs point to a rebound relationship. However, when I called him about this (he posted a picture of them two on social media already), he seemed so cold to me. He said he HOPES he wouldn't regret this. I just can't wrap my brain around all of us.

 

Does anyone have experience with rebound relationships? What do you think about all of this? Please help me.

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Sounds like one, but what's done is done. Even if he came back, you'd be showing yourself to be someone lacking in self-respect if you took him back.

 

Hard as it is to hear, you need to stop following his life and cut off anyone who wants to update you on it.

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My ex is showing signs of rebounding from what I've been told, and I had to reaffirm that I didn't want any updates on what he was doing with his life. If he isn't blocked, block him. Strict NC, unfollow so you can move on and heal.

 

What he said and what he's doing are showing you who he really is. Drop him, shift the focus on yourself so you can find the right person for you wheb you're ready.

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Whatever it is he's doing, better to not try to minimize the relationship by tagging it as a rebound, gigs, or anything else. The dude cheated on you. It's a done deal. Trust has been flushed down the toilet. It's never the same after a betrayal like that. He was probably already mulling over ending the relationship. Cancun just gave him the push he needed to pull the plug.

 

I know it hurts, it has happened to me and many others. Block him, do not look for updates, do not text, call, IM, skype, facetime...nothing anymore. This is going to take a good amount of time to heal from. Don't delay it by staying "in the know" about his life.

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Do you really want to reconcile with someone who will drop you for a piece of ass, even after being with him for several years?

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I'm so sorry this happened OP. I am going through something similar but only three months in did a 180 - I can't imagine after almost 7 years. I wish you the best.

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Just an observation from your most recent post:

 

You're calling him "my boyfriend" --- not "my ex."

 

Why?

 

My mistake. It's something I'm trying to fix. It has been second nature to refer to him as that for 6+ years. I get the biggest knot in my stomach & my legs turn to jello when I refer to him as ex boyfriend now :( it just doesn't seem real..

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Do you really want to reconcile with someone who will drop you for a piece of ass, even after being with him for several years?

 

The wounds are still so fresh. My head tells me absolutely not. It is telling me to move on, he's a piece of ****, you can do so much better, there's someone better out there for me, there will never be trust if I got back with him, he deserves to suffer for the rest of his life if this new "rebound" doesn't work out, he lost the best thing that ever happened to him, etc etc.

 

But my heart is still in love with him. My heart keeps focusing on the bond we created, the love, the memories, etc.

 

One minute my head makes me so angry and mad, and the next my heart makes me breakdown and I can't stop crying. When will this end :(

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