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Food for thought so you can cope better!


Heart..PLS STAHP

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Heart..PLS STAHP

I am writing this thread in order to help everyone a bit if I can with coping!

These thoughts I have help me cope as well even though the pain is there. We just got to live with it but make it easier for ourselves and in time forget it.

 

1. Understand that break ups happen in all stages of life, in all circumstances - yours is not a unique one that can withstand time, emotions and differences! It can still break, the fact that you are here proves it!

 

2. People may still love you but leave you for many reasons - may have gotten colder, nothing is left in your relationship, you are too different from one another, grudges, anger, cheating etc.

 

3. Understand that the one who loves more is always the one hurting more! Obviously that's you since you are here and you have a dramatic story that would break anyone's heart just by reading it. You, me, him, her we are all in the same boat - we loved too much, we will be in pain but we have to move on!

 

4. Moving on is one of the hardest things in life but it is a process! Instead of making it hard for yourself make yourself a habit and stop thinking about it. Do different activities even if you don't want to. Movement releases positive energies in your body that will help you cope! One other thing - yesterday I was walking around the park alone so whatever you do don't stay at home alone! Better be outside alone so the environment gets you on the right track!

 

5. You will want to discuss the topic with your friends and family - as much as this is necessary at the beggining don't make it a habit couple of months from now. Negatives are that you will bring other people down, you will be annoying because you are still not making any progress and you've been through the same discussion so many times, you won't help yourself progressing at all but make a step backwards and your company may sometime choose not to invite you over because you may be a drag if you constantly talk about it.

 

6. Depending on your situation know that there are worse things in life!

You may have a broken heart now because your bf/gf left you but what about harder situations like having a divorce, stolen property, cheating, threats, lawyers, child custody... you may be making the situation worse than it actually is. Are your loved ones happy and healthy? Isn't that what matters in the end...

 

7. Hope - hope is a bad thing overall. It gets you nowhere because you are clinging to something that may never happen. Take a rest and stop hoping for that phone call, discussion, making up or whatever. A man once said - "You cannot outrun your destiny". Even if you don't believe in that, believe in the circumstances. At the end it matters if the other person wants to be with you because if he doesn't you can create an entire new planet for all he/she cares but he ain't coming back.

 

8. Loving yourself and your well being is absolutely crucial. As much as I love my ex, I do want to love myself as well and know what is right for me but you know what.. I had a thought recently:

 

I do NOT love myself as much as she loves herself!

 

Let this sink in for awhile.. why are you in pain and willing to take back your parther if he/she hurt you while no matter what you did for him/her is not enough for them to stay?Why that it is easy for them to leave but you are willing to swallow everything just to be together?I found an image in the Web that I want to share with you:

 

"You are so obsessed with finding someone to love you because you can't love yourself"

 

I thought about that and I can honestly say I do NOT love myself. I am not saying this as a self-loathing or something but as a feeling deep down in me, in my subconcious that I KNOW I do not love myself enough than to be treated like that and still want the person back. How come she leaves each time something is not right by her but I stay regardless if it is right for me? Hence... you may not love yourself enough if you are in the same situation!

 

9. Stop chasing your ex if you haven't done anything wrong! And I am not saying using a small lie, yelling a bit or coming late for a birthday... I am saying if you haven't done something really bad like - "It is your baby!" :)

At the end of the day you have to stop chasing a person who left you because the right one for you won't run! Think about how YOU won't leave the person you are with because you love him and how someone who loves as deeply as you won't leave you the same. I know that the truth is if you could be with anyone you would still choose your ex but at the end of the day - it doesn't matter! We are living in a harsh world filled with so much pain and suffering and the mere fact that they are leaving you to live in this crap alone speaks a thousand words! For me being with someone is a higher commitment beyond our flesh but in our souls! If I connect with someone I won't leave him unless he does something wrong like cheating or even worse. Why are you settling not to move on and constantly brag about it prolonging your suffering than to feel good and find someone who treats you the way you deserve?

 

10. You may be a good person. Only those types come in places like this! Think about your being. You've always been good enough but you may have given the best parts of you to the wrong people. People break up all the time, marriages fall, even people that stayed for 20 and more years break up. You are not a special case but giving your most precious emotion to the wrong people is not right. I know you want your ex to be the right one but if he left you and is doing well without you then he is the wrong one. So to summarize the problem may not being the intensity of your love but the quality of the people you are loving. A quote that I helps me a bit! I myself want to think that my ex was the best and all that but maybe it is not considering what I went through.

 

Go through your relationship and determine all the above 10 points but don't dwell on that too much. Start living and even though moving on is one of the hardest things we are all here to help each other out. Even if we are making 2 steps forward and 1 step back sometimes, we can always rely on each other to make sure we get at least 1 step forward right?! So if you have an input, suggestion or just want to discuss go for it. We can definately move on just like lots of people have done in the past and will do in the future to find our happiness!

 

Take care!

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