Can't believe it came to this...

[Deadmeat]

Hi guys,

 

I'll try to keep things short as I just need an outlet.

 

My ex broke up with me early July. I had a tough time but kept in contact despite warnings not to. A few weeks in I tell her that I want to try again but she's reluctan cause she doesn't have stron feelings.

 

We keep in contact and start hanging out a month and a half after break up. We start holding hands and becoming intimate (kissing but no sex). One of the nights I go in for the sex as it is getting hot and heavy and she tells me to stop and she leaves.

 

I plan for our next date out but she's obviously mad so I try and surprise her by taking her on a boat trip and dinner. I get needy the whole time and she tells me that zi don't respect her space.

 

She send me a text the next night saying I blew it by not giving her space and trying to **** her the other night. She blocks my calls and texts and all forms of social media. Out of desperation I go to her work but she hides in the back and her manager asks me to leave. I expected that to happen and I write a letter, give it to her manager to pass to her and go home.

 

It hurts so much that she doesn't even want to talk to me anymore despite us being so intimate just a few days prior. I'm on day 2 of NC and this feeling is just so heavy I'm not sure what else I can do but let it pass...

 

PraY for me guys.

[SevenCity]

Not that a lot of guys don't make this mistake, but incessantly pursuing her at every turn despite her telling you not to was a bad idea. What you did bordered on stalking.

 

Unfortunately all you can do is stick to NC.

 

It sucks but will eventually get better. Many here have been through it or are going through it. Read some of the other threads to give you perspective.

 

You're not alone and I wish you the best.

[Satu]

You have to accept that its over.

 

Thats the point where healing begins.

 

Cry your tears, rage against fate, but make no further approaches.

 

 

*No direct contact.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*Block any means she might use to contact you.

*No replies to anything that gets through your blocks.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete from all social media.

*No monitoring of her on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying.

 

 

Take care.

[Deadmeat]

Not that a lot of guys don't make this mistake, but incessantly pursuing her at every turn despite her telling you not to was a bad idea. What you did bordered on stalking.

 

Unfortunately all you can do is stick to NC.

 

It sucks but will eventually get better. Many here have been through it or are going through it. Read some of the other threads to give you perspective.

 

You're not alone and I wish you the best.

 

Thank you.

 

It hurt a lot when she wouldn't even have the decency to have an adult conversation with me. As soon as she saw me at work shr bolted straight to the back and had her manager talk to me. I'm a manager myself so I understand why he did it, but stilll...

 

It's nice to know I wasn't the only one that's done this and I'm not alone

[NIGHT1985]

Leave it alone, this coming from a guy that couldn't accept it was over and almost got a "no contact" order thrown on me. Trust me it sucks! It hurts like crap, but it sounds like she's over, you won't be able to change her mind. If she misses and wants you back, you'll hear from her. You'll be alright

[Satu]

Thank you.

 

*It hurt a lot when she wouldn't even have the decency to have an adult conversation with me. As soon as she saw me at work shr bolted straight to the back and had her manager talk to me. I'm a manager myself so I understand why he did it, but stilll...

 

It's nice to know I wasn't the only one that's done this and I'm not alone

 

*She didn't want that conversation, because she knew that it would consist of you trying to persuade her to take you back by begging, pleading, and making a million promises.

 

Sorry to be blunt, but that's the reality of your situation.

 

So it's you that needs to be an adult, and you that should have the decency to leave her alone, when thats what she wants.

 

When you don't accept that and carry on pursuing someone, you've become a stalker, and nobody wants one.

[Deadmeat]

*She didn't want that conversation, because she knew that it would consist of you trying to persuade her to take you back by begging, pleading, and making a million promises.

 

Sorry to be blunt, but that's the reality of your situation.

 

So it's you that needs to be an adult, and you that should have the decency to leave her alone, when thats what she wants.

 

When you don't accept that and carry on pursuing someone, you've become a stalker, and nobody wants one.

 

Thank you as well.

 

Being so mixed up in my emotions I forget what it means to make the RIGHT decision. Oh well, even if I DID want to talk to her I know I won't have a way of doing it.

[mrada34]

Don't beat yourself up too much about it. That's probably some weird advice coming from someone who actually just posted on this forum about my own situation that I'm going through that sounded a lot like yours. In short, tried the friends thing, I got too feelsy again, tried to win her back, she said no, and that went on for like maybe a couple of days for the next couple of weeks. Got a no contact thrown at me, but that didn't stop me from telling her how sorry I was for my actions. Went unappreciated, which now that I've had time to think on it I don't really know how I was expecting her to respond to that. But I finally came to my senses and said I'd leave her alone and I have ever since. The guilt of causing a no contact to be thrown at you and feeling like you became a stalker to them when you know that's not who you are is embarrassing and makes you feel very ashamed by it all. I'm still dealing with an extreme feeling of guilt and trying to cope with my situation. I guess, as you've seen by other posts hopefully, you've seen that you're not really alone in this. I've chalked it up to just being heartbroken. And the heartbroken will act heartbroken. It's a normal thing. Still embarrassing, though.

[Deadmeat]

I've decided I'll post here daily or frequently as means to get out what's in my head. Hopefully one dat I can look back and reflect on how things have changed over time.

 

I woke up today feeling lighter than yesterday. So much so that I was starting to question why I suddenly felt better (yesterday was really bad).

 

Feeling so good, my curiosity got the best of me and I decided to check out the dating website where we found each other. Her profile was kept hidden which means that she's not going on dates. I'm not really sure what prompted that but oh well...

 

On my way to work it was quiet and I didn't want to listen to music because I didn't want to hear a song that would get me going. But the silence had me thinking about the past again and how we used to be happy together. That brought me down a notch.

 

I've got a big training session to conduct at work which should help get my mind off of things.

 

For those that replied, thank you so much. Each word helps me understand that I am not alone in this.

[Deadmeat]

Ive been listening to TED talks to help me learn about emotional strength and self talk. It's helped me cope in the past and I'm hoping it'll have the same effect again. So far it's been good.

 

I'm still having trouble with the fact that she didn't even want to talk to me. I replay the incident in my head a lot. When she saw me she let out this sigh and went straight for the back. Meanwhile, I'm there holding a Starbucks drink I bought for her and waited like an idiot. Her manager came up to me shortly afterwards to ask me to leave. I've never been so embarrassed in my life. How could she put me through sone thing like that. Even after all that I still love her...in time perhaps.

[NIGHT1985]

Don't beat yourself up too much about it. That's probably some weird advice coming from someone who actually just posted on this forum about my own situation that I'm going through that sounded a lot like yours. In short, tried the friends thing, I got too feelsy again, tried to win her back, she said no, and that went on for like maybe a couple of days for the next couple of weeks. Got a no contact thrown at me, but that didn't stop me from telling her how sorry I was for my actions. Went unappreciated, which now that I've had time to think on it I don't really know how I was expecting her to respond to that. But I finally came to my senses and said I'd leave her alone and I have ever since. The guilt of causing a no contact to be thrown at you and feeling like you became a stalker to them when you know that's not who you are is embarrassing and makes you feel very ashamed by it all. I'm still dealing with an extreme feeling of guilt and trying to cope with my situation. I guess, as you've seen by other posts hopefully, you've seen that you're not really alone in this. I've chalked it up to just being heartbroken. And the heartbroken will act heartbroken. It's a normal thing. Still embarrassing, though.

 

This post is so close to mine. Though she only threatened the no contact, didn't follow through. I've stopped all contact for almost a week now, but it's driving me crazy. I know my depression is making me very unattractive and scary to her. I'm sticking to therapy and leaving her alone. She has a boyfriend now, so I've just got to find a way to accept that she'll never be apart of my life again. Hard to accept when we talked about being married and all the dreams we would accomplish together. Sometimes I just don't want to wake up, because every morning I get rushed with the same emotions and pain that I lost her.

[Deadmeat]

Mornings and nights are still the toughest. I woke up today feeling heavy but NOT hopeless which I believe is a sign of progression. I was able to go through the whole day without going to the back for a quick cry.

 

I'm still blocked at everything and I still find myself checking her dating site profile (which is kept hidden) and Facebook. As far as I can see she's not dating anyone right now.

 

Small steps...

[NIGHT1985]

Mornings and nights are still the toughest. I woke up today feeling heavy but NOT hopeless which I believe is a sign of progression. I was able to go through the whole day without going to the back for a quick cry.

 

I'm still blocked at everything and I still find myself checking her dating site profile (which is kept hidden) and Facebook. As far as I can see she's not dating anyone right now.

 

Small steps...

 

 

You're lucky.. I was actually somewhat fine until I found out my ex was not just seeing someone, but now in love with them and planning a future together. I haven't kept tabs for a bit, but I'm sure things are only progressing for her..

[Deadmeat]

You're lucky.. I was actually somewhat fine until I found out my ex was not just seeing someone, but now in love with them and planning a future together. I haven't kept tabs for a bit, but I'm sure things are only progressing for her..

 

That's a tough situation, I'm not really sure what's better.

 

I recall my last ex previous to this when I found out she had a new boyfriend it killed me inside even though I thought I was over it. Shortly afterwards though I felt better knowing that there was absolutely nothing (no begging, pleading or bargaining) would get her back. There was a release to that knowledge that ultimately let me go for good.

 

Like I said, I'm not sure which is better or worst...

[juniorrocha]

Mornings and nights are still the toughest. I woke up today feeling heavy but NOT hopeless which I believe is a sign of progression. I was able to go through the whole day without going to the back for a quick cry.

 

I'm still blocked at everything and I still find myself checking her dating site profile (which is kept hidden) and Facebook. As far as I can see she's not dating anyone right now.

 

Small steps...

 

Stop trying to find more about her life. It will only hurt you even more. Trust me, this is coming from someone who went 3 months still seeing some small things. Once I started the real and 100% NC, things progressed a lot quicker.

 

She's not interested and you acting clingy didn't make it any easier. The best you can do is move on. It hurts a lot, sometimes you'll get this big urge to stalk her, call her and do anything to get her attention, but this will pass too. Hold on firmly, it's very hard and you have to pull strenght out of nowhere, but once it's gone you'll feel so relieved that you didn't give in.

 

Meanwhile, work on you. The best revenge you can give an ex is getting successful. Give her nothing but silence. I wouldn't be surprised if your ex came back wanting more, mine did when I thought she never would, but don't give in. Keep following the silence.

[Deadmeat]

Stop trying to find more about her life. It will only hurt you even more. Trust me, this is coming from someone who went 3 months still seeing some small things. Once I started the real and 100% NC, things progressed a lot quicker.

 

She's not interested and you acting clingy didn't make it any easier. The best you can do is move on. It hurts a lot, sometimes you'll get this big urge to stalk her, call her and do anything to get her attention, but this will pass too. Hold on firmly, it's very hard and you have to pull strenght out of nowhere, but once it's gone you'll feel so relieved that you didn't give in.

 

Meanwhile, work on you. The best revenge you can give an ex is getting successful. Give her nothing but silence. I wouldn't be surprised if your ex came back wanting more, mine did when I thought she never would, but don't give in. Keep following the silence.

 

Youre right. I fantasized about a time in the future when she would come back and I took her back with open arms. Sadly I know that it won't be anytime and I probably would be over her by then.

 

I thought about how just das prior to the block we were holding each other and we're so intimate. How can it change so quickly. Such a 180. That's what gets me still.

[Deadmeat]

I spoke with a close female friend today. She gave me some tough love that garnered a different perspective on things. Although, she did say I was primarily to blame for my situation, she also berated the ex on how she acted as a person.

 

It helped to be reminded that it wasn't entirely my fault and that one should not have to stoop to that level for someone's love and respect. Things were already over before they even started.

[bummer]

I thought about how just das prior to the block we were holding each other and we're so intimate. How can it change so quickly. Such a 180. That's what gets me still.

...

 

one should not have to stoop to that level for someone's love and respect. Things were already over before they even started.

 

bingo. No 180. She'd been pulling away despite lingering attraction for awhile. Accept that and accept the only person worth stalking is yourself right now. master your emotions and actions and make them do what you want.

[Lansing]

Yeah, you really need to go NO CONTACT as in don't even look her up on social media/her dating profile/etc.

 

I dated a girl 2 years ago and things ended where she felt like we weren't clicking and I wasn't putting in enough effort. I wasn't ready for things to end because I felt like I was still getting to know her (was a short 4 month relationship). I stopped contacting her but she would contact me from time to time (she even apologized a few times). I have since run into a few times and even gone out with her for drinks just to catch up a few times over these last 2 years. I saw her at an event with a guy and thought it was maybe her boyfriend but she had never mentioned him and she didn't introduce him when I said hi to them in passing. Well, for some dumb reason I decided to do a search on her yesterday via Google and came up with a profile that showed a picture of the two of them hugging. There were some other pics of him there too. It made me sick because I realized there was no longer a "what if" and that I truly needed to move on. I think part of it is feeling like in these last 2 years she has grown/progressed more than I have.

 

So, long story short. There are no second chances with your relationship. She has made it clear how she feels and you didn't do yourself any favours by how you acted after. You need to accept that it is over and move on. Don't be like me 2 years later and feeling like you wasted 2 years of your life and be someone that makes the most out of their time. Maybe one day she will look at YOUR social media profile and be like "wow,why did I break up with him, look at this gorgeous/amazing girl he is with now"....

[Rockdad]

I'm still having trouble with the fact that she didn't even want to talk to me. I replay the incident in my head a lot. When she saw me she let out this sigh and went straight for the back. Meanwhile, I'm there holding a Starbucks drink I bought for her and waited like an idiot. Her manager came up to me shortly afterwards to ask me to leave. I've never been so embarrassed in my life. How could she put me through sone thing like that. Even after all that I still love her...in time perhaps.

 

My interpretation of what I've read so far... She didn't put you through the embarrassing incident. YOU did to yourself by not respecting her demands for you to leave her alone.

 

I don't think you "get it" yet. I hope that you so your not mentally torturing yourself.

[Deadmeat]

My mom just told me that shes been blocked on facebook as well. This just breaks my heart. My mom was close to her during our relationship. They even sent each other a few messages when we broke up. I feel like as if she is removing all connections with me even the peripheral ones. I didn't want my mom to be involved.

 

Sigh...why is she doing this.

[NIGHT1985]

It's her way of moving on and leaving the past behind. You and your family are no longer a part of her life. It's incredibly heart breaking, I know. I wish you the best moving forward

[Satu]

Snip

 

 

Sigh...why is she doing this.

 

She's doing this because she has done her thinking, examined her feelings, and decided that she doesn't want you in her life.

 

Her life looks better to her with you not in it.

 

She has the absolute right to decide that and expect it to be respected.

 

She has not 'done this to you.'

 

You are not a victim.

 

She has simply made a choice.

 

You have no right to go against that.

 

Try your hardest to understand and accept that.

 

For your own sake.

 

 

Take care.

Edited September 1, 2016 by Satu

[juniorrocha]

Youre right. I fantasized about a time in the future when she would come back and I took her back with open arms. Sadly I know that it won't be anytime and I probably would be over her by then.

 

That's what all of us first think when we break up. Just like you, I wanted my ex back (and dude, she was b**** to me, lies, cheating, etc). I read "how to get your ex back guides". I went NC but without blocking her anywhere because I still wished she would contact me and come back. I had this hope inside of me that said "it's not all lost, maybe in a year or two you can ask her out again and start fresh"...

 

...3 months later and I was like "God, there's absolutely no way I'll take her back". Then I blocked her everywhere. And it's been easier to deal with it now. I use to miss her, now I miss having someone. The memories aren't as haunting anymore.

 

That's why I say: go full NC and don't look back. Carry on with your life. It's normal that you feel that way now, but give it some time and you'll be thankful you didn't chase her or humiliate yourself.

 

I thought about how just das prior to the block we were holding each other and we're so intimate. How can it change so quickly. Such a 180. That's what gets me still.

 

The same happened with me. It gets to you because it doesn't make sense. Afterall, she might still have some feelings. But she's ready to move on, you should be too.

[SixxChick]

you'll be thankful you didn't chase her or humiliate yourself.

 

Trust me. You want to heed this advice. Instead of contemplating your ex's contribution to the breakup, why it wasn't meant to be, moving on, etc., do not add an additional element of self-loathing in humiliation. It's just one more HUGE obstacle to getting back to you.