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One year NC


jonesey0

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Well, i had a reminder on my phone about the last time we were together and talked. Today when i woke up, there it was on my phone. 11 August 2015.

 

Amazing how time flies. And a how a person who was the main part of my life for 13 years, with whom i talked everyday, never broke up, never been apart from eachother for more than 3-4 days is now a complete stranger, havent spoke to, seen her, texted her for ONE year. 365 days. Unbelievable. And so sad at the same time.

 

Life sometimes really surprises us. If someone told me that we would be without talking to eachother for one year, two years ago, the only reason possible was if on of us had deceased.

 

If she could spend one year without seeing me, without talking to me...we really werent meant to be together, and she never loved me the way i loved her.

 

That i know for sure nowadays.

 

Anyways, just another milestone. A regular day in the office.

 

Now back to my new life, which i hope will surprise me again. But in a positive way!

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May I ask what went wrong with your relationship? Has either of you tried to reach out throughout the one year period? I am so sorry to hear that your going through this, I'm currently in the process of being abandoned by my partner of 4.5 years, I can't imagine how you must feel after 13 years together.

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May I ask what went wrong with your relationship? Has either of you tried to reach out throughout the one year period? I am so sorry to hear that your going through this, I'm currently in the process of being abandoned by my partner of 4.5 years, I can't imagine how you must feel after 13 years together.

 

She broke up with me 18 months ago. We were engaged, planning to get married that year of the next one. She told me she lost feelings, that we were more friends than lovers...every breakup clichê you know of.

 

After all this time, i still dont know why. But i stopped trying to understand it a long time ago. And just accept it.

 

We were in limited contact for maybe 5 months, met a few times, always very cordial with eachother. Never touched the subject of the breakup.

 

Then, one year ago, we went for coffee together, which eventually led to dinner in a very romantic restaurant, and we were together for 4 hours.

 

That night felt so great, and i thought it was the beggining of something new.

 

Then i went home alone, our home for the last 5 years, and felt horrible.

 

The next week invited her for a walk with our dog (which stayed with me) and she said she couldnt, because she was going on vacation with her parents.

 

Never contacted her after that. She sent a text two months later asking if everything was good with me and my dog, and at that time i just couldnt answer that.

 

She sent me a happy birthday text this year, and i ignored that too. Didnt wish her happy birthday, which was a couple days after mine.

 

After being in a romantic relationship with someone for so many years, after seeing your entire future with that person, i simply couldnt accept anything other than that.

 

I prefer to cherish the memories of all the great years we had together, than to taint it with a fake friendship.

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How are you doing? Are you over it? Do you still miss her?

 

Im doing ok.

 

I have a great life on paper: good job, well paid, successfull for my age, great family who loves me and supports me in everything, i improved myself physically immensely in the last year, looking better than ever.

 

Im independent, i own a car, a house, i have everything i want. And im only 32.

 

But no, im not over it. And i still miss her very much, almost everyday.

 

And i think that will never change. We were together so many years, since i was 17 and she 15. We have been through so much together - highschool, college, first job, first kiss, first sexual partner, first vacation abroad, sibilings marriages, nephews, death of grandparents.

 

We were together through almost everything thats important in a young adults life, except marriage and having kids. And that was the next step.

 

She will always be a special person for me, even though the person appears to be today is light years away from the one i knew.

 

But its over. For good. And i came to terms with that, months ago.

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Im doing ok.

 

I have a great life on paper: good job, well paid, successfull for my age, great family who loves me and supports me in everything, i improved myself physically immensely in the last year, looking better than ever.

 

Im independent, i own a car, a house, i have everything i want. And im only 32.

 

But no, im not over it. And i still miss her very much, almost everyday.

 

And i think that will never change. We were together so many years, since i was 17 and she 15. We have been through so much together - highschool, college, first job, first kiss, first sexual partner, first vacation abroad, sibilings marriages, nephews, death of grandparents.

 

We were together through almost everything thats important in a young adults life, except marriage and having kids. And that was the next step.

 

She will always be a special person for me, even though the person appears to be today is light years away from the one i knew.

 

But its over. For good. And i came to terms with that, months ago.

 

 

God that is terrible. Have you found someone new yet?

 

I feel for you bro. I don't get how people can do this to someone they once loved.

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No sarcasm here: I just wanted to say congratulations on a successful 1 year NC. It must have difficult given the history of the relationship, but I am sure that you are in a much better place otherwise.

 

That you still think about her I think is natural as long as it doesn't consume you. Our identities are the sum of our memories and experiences; it is only natural that she continues for now to have a place in yours. Peace.

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Jersey born raised

I often think coping means acceptance, just moving forward (even if that means only going thought the motions) and learning to live with the pain.

Like living with a joint that is permantly damage you move on and rebuild your life.

 

Often people move on to something better and valued more, but still the wound is there. Be aware in the future that it might cause you false hope. If you read the infidelity stories and the Wayward threads you will find many that where caused by "lost" love reconnected decades later. Stay NC now snd forever. Accept any contact will only serve to harm you.

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I often think coping means acceptance, just moving forward (even if that means only going thought the motions) and learning to live with the pain.

Like living with a joint that is permantly damage you move on and rebuild your life.

 

Often people move on to something better and valued more, but still the wound is there. Be aware in the future that it might cause you false hope. If you read the infidelity stories and the Wayward threads you will find many that where caused by "lost" love reconnected decades later. Stay NC now snd forever. Accept any contact will only serve to harm you.

 

I think you are spot on when you say coping means acceptance.

In terms of coping with a loss of this magnitude, almost everyone advises you to meet new people, go the the gym, fall in love again, maintain yourself occupied.

 

And while those things to keep your mind occupied during the worst times, i think you will only feel some peace once you accept what has happened, even if it still causes you a world of pain. All of other things are just painkillers, make you feel good for a while, but the overwhelming feel of loss wont just disappear.

 

Regarding the future, i really loved her, and the moments we shared together, during our long relationship.

 

I dont love the person she is today, and i most certainly dont love the person who could just throw away more than a decade of pure love and comittement, from both.

 

She failed me. She failed us.

 

I could never overlook that.

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snip

After being in a romantic relationship with someone for so many years, after seeing your entire future with that person, i simply couldnt accept anything other than that.

 

I prefer to cherish the memories of all the great years we had together, than to taint it with a fake friendship.

 

Here's a poem I like. It seems relevant.

 

 

To part now and parting now,

Never to meet again;

To have done for ever; I and thou,

With joy, and so with pain.

 

It is too hard, too hard to meet

If we trust love no more;

Those other meetings were too sweet

That went before.

 

And I would have, now love is over,

An end to all, an end:

I cannot, having been your lover,

Stoop to become your friend.

 

— ARTHUR SYMONS.

 

 

Take care.

Edited by Satu
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You're doing great, buddy. I know how this hurts, especially after 13 years. But stay NC, you've been so strong! Try to hold on to that.

 

hugs!

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"Never contacted her after that. She sent a text two months later asking if everything was good with me and my dog, and at that time i just couldnt answer that.

 

She sent me a happy birthday text this year, and i ignored that too. Didnt wish her happy birthday, which was a couple days after mine."

 

I dont mean to bring about feelings of false hope or anything, we cant know what she was thinking while sending you those texts...but maybe that was her way of trying to reach out to you? 13 years is a lifetime when it comes to relationships, and i highly doubt that she has gotten over you within a year. Maybe she needs this time apart to find herself again, and to reflect on the relationship you two had.

 

On another note, its good that you have chosen to take the high road and cherish your memories of her instead of tainting them. after all they say true love is unconditional, and its seems that you are doing just that. Loving her without expecting anything in return. we should all learn to live that way despite of how shattered our hearts may be.

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"Never contacted her after that. She sent a text two months later asking if everything was good with me and my dog, and at that time i just couldnt answer that.

 

She sent me a happy birthday text this year, and i ignored that too. Didnt wish her happy birthday, which was a couple days after mine."

 

I dont mean to bring about feelings of false hope or anything, we cant know what she was thinking while sending you those texts...but maybe that was her way of trying to reach out to you? 13 years is a lifetime when it comes to relationships, and i highly doubt that she has gotten over you within a year. Maybe she needs this time apart to find herself again, and to reflect on the relationship you two had.

 

lostgirll,

 

I also believe that she was trying to reach out to me, and to open lines of communication between us.

 

But what if she wasnt? Had i answered those texts, and got nothing that i hoped for at the time, it would crush me again. And my healing would go months back. In those moments, as much a i wanted to answer her, to talk to her, to ask her how she was doing, i had to put myself first. Not answering, no harm would be done to me. Answering, i honestly dont know. So i took the safe choice, and i dont regret it.

 

You wouldnt believe how hard it was to me to not acknowledge her birthday. It was one of the worst days i had since the breakup, and it was more than one year past it.

 

I believe if someone really loves you and wants you, they would be at your door this exact moment. They couldnt spend hours, days, weeks, months, a whole year, without seeing you, without talking to you.

 

I know i wouldnt. But it was her decision, not mine. And all i can do about it is respect it, and try to rebuild my life. And thats what i have been doing, as hard as it is.

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Deleted User
Well, i had a reminder on my phone about the last time we were together and talked. Today when i woke up, there it was on my phone. 11 August 2015.

 

Amazing how time flies. And a how a person who was the main part of my life for 13 years, with whom i talked everyday, never broke up, never been apart from eachother for more than 3-4 days is now a complete stranger, havent spoke to, seen her, texted her for ONE year. 365 days. Unbelievable. And so sad at the same time.

 

Life sometimes really surprises us. If someone told me that we would be without talking to eachother for one year, two years ago, the only reason possible was if on of us had deceased.

 

If she could spend one year without seeing me, without talking to me...we really werent meant to be together, and she never loved me the way i loved her.

 

That i know for sure nowadays.

 

Anyways, just another milestone. A regular day in the office.

 

Now back to my new life, which i hope will surprise me again. But in a positive way!

 

If only for the coincidence, I absolutely had to reply to this.

 

I had the same reminder you had, only 1 day later, August 12th, after a 12yr relationship. She also left me, gave up on everything, more than a decade of love and everything that comes along with it except for, like you, marriage and kids.

 

Trust me when I say this: I know EXACTLY, down to the tiniest detail, how you feel. From your replies, we also seem to be in somewhat similar places (doing well, not over them yet).

 

Cheers, mate! Keep on moving forward!

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loveiswar101

OP, this is one of the most inspiring posts I have read and just at the time when I need it.

 

Congrats man, I struggle hugely with no contact chasing a woman who doesn't want me. I've done it all of late, texts, calls in abundance, what a fool. But reading this gives me inspiration for the future ahead.

 

It's been great to read and so chuffed for you man, keep it going. Respect.

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OP, this is one of the most inspiring posts I have read and just at the time when I need it.

 

Congrats man, I struggle hugely with no contact chasing a woman who doesn't want me. I've done it all of late, texts, calls in abundance, what a fool. But reading this gives me inspiration for the future ahead.

 

It's been great to read and so chuffed for you man, keep it going. Respect.

 

The first months after a breakup, especially if it was a long and meaningful relationship and if it was not your decision, are absolutelly dreadfull, and probably one of the worst situations we could face in our lifetime. It really is, and theres no point in sugarcoating it.

 

I never had trouble with no contact with her for one simple reason: what i wanted was not to text her, call her ir any of that. At that time, what i wanted was her by my side. In our house. But, above all, i wished that she wanted that! And no text, phone call, coffee, etc would help me in that cause.

 

We cant change a persons feelings towards us. And we shouldnt even want that. I want someone that wants to with me. That cant stand the thought of losing me.

 

Altough its difficult, in these moments you have to put yourself first, and not think about them and their feelings. Thats exactly what they did to you.

 

If you think cutting contact with someone will make them forget you...well...then you should be happy that you got out.

 

If they truly did love you, even though at the moment they thought the best for them was to move away, they will never forget you. And they will, for a long time, think about you daily and if they took the best decision.

 

Try to rebuild your life without her, at the pace your heart allows you, and take it from there.

 

Youre both alive, and living in this planet. Who knows what the future can hold?

 

Stay strong. ?

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She sent me a happy birthday text this year, and i ignored that too. Didn't wish her happy birthday, which was a couple days after mine.

 

This just made me think of something pathetic. My birthday was last week, and I wondered if he thought of me. I, too, am moving on. But, why is it, even when you are with friends who care about you, does this person still tug on your heartstrings? I found myself listening to someone talking to me, only to wonder where he was, what he was doing, who he was with. It was just sick. But I pulled myself back into the moment. It's confusing to me that that can happen. What have we learned? Not to love too deeply?

 

Someone posted somewhere else on this site that nothing is forever. I now believe that is true. Because the whole "love conquers all" seems to be a bunch of crap.

 

I hate to keep coming on here and sounding negative, but I'm hearing a lot of similar stories. So, why even do it anymore? I mean, especially the older that you get. Because you've built a life, and why bring someone else into the equation who could potentially turn it into rubble?

 

I am coming to being at peace with my decision to be alone. I just need to find a way to turn the negativity that this person brought into my life into something positive.

 

Sometimes, it's just freakin' frustrating ...

 

Anyway, thanks for your thoughts. Thanks for this thread.

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  • 4 weeks later...
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A little update on my life, and hopefully some encouragement for the ones still going through the early and awful stages of a breakup.

 

Im 18 months out of a 14 year relationship, with the woman i loved more than myself, and which i thought i would spend my entire life with.

 

Well, been on vacation for the last two weeks, and for the first time since the breakup, i actually noticed that there are other amazing women out there! I know, it took me a while! Heheh

 

Met an amazing girl, and a few days later i caught myself thinking - "i wouldnt trade the chance to know this girl better, even if doesnt work out between us, for my ex to try to come back and reconcile"

 

That made me see that i really have come a long way since the breakup, and that im ready to date and meet other women.

 

Its been some exciting and fun last weeks.

 

For the first time since the breakup, i actually am enjoying being single, the freedom that comes with it.

 

Also got a big promotion in my job, which doesnt hurt ?

 

For all of you thinking you wont ever be happy again, YOU WILL.

 

It takes time, it hurts like hell, but you will come out of it a better and stronger person.

 

Trust me, i went to hell and came back to tell the story.

 

All the best. Stay strong.

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A little update on my life, and hopefully some encouragement for the ones still going through the early and awful stages of a breakup.

 

Im 18 months out of a 14 year relationship, with the woman i loved more than myself, and which i thought i would spend my entire life with.

 

Well, been on vacation for the last two weeks, and for the first time since the breakup, i actually noticed that there are other amazing women out there! I know, it took me a while! Heheh

 

Met an amazing girl, and a few days later i caught myself thinking - "i wouldnt trade the chance to know this girl better, even if doesnt work out between us, for my ex to try to come back and reconcile"

 

That made me see that i really have come a long way since the breakup, and that im ready to date and meet other women.

 

Its been some exciting and fun last weeks.

 

For the first time since the breakup, i actually am enjoying being single, the freedom that comes with it.

 

Also got a big promotion in my job, which doesnt hurt ?

 

For all of you thinking you wont ever be happy again, YOU WILL.

 

It takes time, it hurts like hell, but you will come out of it a better and stronger person.

 

Trust me, i went to hell and came back to tell the story.

 

All the best. Stay strong.

 

I'm very happy for you dude. Bravo.

 

The true sign that you are over someone is when you can love someone else. The unfortunate thing is you open yourself to this heartbreak again.

 

My RL was only half yours and I'm officially 2 weeks out. I hope to get to your point one day. I've done it in the past and can hopefully do it again.

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After 18 months, today i almost bumped into my ex. For the first time. Amazing. And our parents live 500m apart, and we go there almost every weekend.

 

It was in a shopping mall, i was entering a store, and she was 50m away from me. With a guy. Holding her hand. Looked way younger than her and me.

 

I think she didnt saw me. It was for the best. Had we crossed paths, i think i would have ignored her.

 

Yesterday, for the first time also, i was driving my car, and when i noticed, her brother was driving the car behind me. First time I saw him. In all these months. He was one of my best friends.

 

This didn't wreck me, but it still hurts.

We want to move on, we do everything in our power to let go and move along.

 

But we can't control everything. And these kind of things, even if I try to avoid them at all costs, still can happen.

 

Really, sometimes life really sucks!

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After 18 months, today i almost bumped into my ex. For the first time. Amazing. And our parents live 500m apart, and we go there almost every weekend.

 

It was in a shopping mall, i was entering a store, and she was 50m away from me. With a guy. Holding her hand. Looked way younger than her and me.

 

I think she didnt saw me. It was for the best. Had we crossed paths, i think i would have ignored her.

 

Yesterday, for the first time also, i was driving my car, and when i noticed, her brother was driving the car behind me. First time I saw him. In all these months. He was one of my best friends.

 

This didn't wreck me, but it still hurts.

We want to move on, we do everything in our power to let go and move along.

 

But we can't control everything. And these kind of things, even if I try to avoid them at all costs, still can happen.

 

Really, sometimes life really sucks!

 

 

Ouch dude. That must have been tough as hell. On the bright side at least this didn't happen a month after the breakup.

 

But the fact that you didn't have a complete meltdown proves how you are on your way to moving on forever.

 

I won't lie, it never fully goes away. But once you find the next great love of your life you'll be thankful that she broke it off.

 

Proximity is great when you are dating a girl. It's the worst when you break up. I'm happy my RL was an LDR (sans the last three years she lived with me) as my possibility of a run in is greatly reduced.

 

The previous girl who dumped me worked at my job. That made it SOOOOO much harder to get over.

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After being in a romantic relationship with someone for so many years, after seeing your entire future with that person, i simply couldnt accept anything other than that.

 

I prefer to cherish the memories of all the great years we had together, than to taint it with a fake friendship.

 

Totally get this. Its too painful to be relegated to just a friend.

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And today i finally blocked her on facebook.

 

She posted a photo on a common friends facebook, drunk, and wearing a shirt my sister gave her like 4 years ago. That made me angry.

 

I thought to myself " I don't know who this person is anymore".

 

Went to her profile, and blocked her. Without a second thought.

 

And it just feels alright. I wish her a good life, but i really don't want to follow her through it.

 

She is not the person I knew and loved anymore. Neither am I.

 

It's time to release the pause button in my life, and press play again ?

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