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I'll never love again


mortensorchid

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mortensorchid

I'm reaching a certain point in life now. I'm 41, been through a lot, been broken up with / rejected by every man I've ever been with. An old friend of mine from my college years who I saw a few years ago said to me I am not that type of person : She saw me as someone who will never marry and/or have children. Why, she did not say. But I refused to believe that was right, I wanted to believe that someday, somehow it could happen to me. I'm starting to believe that maybe that's the case...

 

I try, done just about everything I can think of. I have had three long term relationships in my lifetime as an adult (not counting my high school sweetheart). The love of my life left me a long time ago, he was the only man I truly loved more than anything. I've had many shorter encounters as well, and seem to continue to have just that, fleeting things. I feel like I will never love another again, I'll just get old, make art, get lonely, and die.

 

And if he walked into the room today I would give it all up and follow him anywhere. I heard this song today... I'm crying as I write this, maybe it's just a hormone flux...

 

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This tug at my heart strings :( I won't dispense with platitudes or cliched statements that you will love again. Who really knows? It hurts to lose the love of your life and to feel like you're just going through the motions.

 

Do you WANT to love again or are you completely resigned to being solo? Don't shut your heart yet.

 

I'm of the mind that with billions of people on this planet - we have loves all over the place. The hard part is connecting with someone at that level again. But they're out there.

 

I feel like I am in the same boat. I'm 34 and I'm afraid that I've lost the love of my life and my deepest, meaningful connection. This scares me a lot. I'm open to the possibility of love again. I want it very much. I love to be in love and I love to build a relationship. I'm staying positive and open-minded.

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I'm with Bialy on this. I too have lost the one girl I truely loved in my life at age 44 (and there have been many more before her).

 

I'm afraid that I won't find that connection with someone else. But, I'm open to it if it happens. I should note I've been working for 2 months to get her back so I've been in limbo with her overt actions that she loves me and other actions that tell me she's too afraid to try again.

 

It sucks, but know you're not alone.

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mortensorchid

Never would I leave you at all ... Oh Lord I am crying at that song. It'll pass. I'll go back to being hard as a rock tomorrow.

Edited by mortensorchid
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Never would I leave you at all ... Oh Lord I am crying at that song. It'll pass. I'll go back to being hard as a rock tomorrow.

Noooooooo!

 

You sound like Eeyore now. Don't walk around with a raincloud overhead.

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Three years ago my aunt (who was 55) died due to a surprise aneurysm. Her husband, who is also the same age, evidently was beyond shattered. They were married over 30 years!!

 

Over the past three years I've seen my uncle mourn deeply, live life alone and slowly come around to the idea of meeting someone new. He has been dating a new woman who he really likes (for a year or so now).

 

I guess what I am trying to say is, yes, maybe you did lose the love of your life. A lot of people do. Yes, it's not the same conditions. He chose to go on his own accord. What do both instances have in common? You lose someone you deeply care about and feel hopeless; you feel you can never have someone as good as them again. I'd like to believe you can. You may be pleasantly surprised that the right person may come even if you least expect it.

 

Try to keep your heart open for some lucky person. In the recent aftermath of a breakup, it makes sense to shutdown and feel hopeless. It makes sense to close your heart. But you need to give yourself the chance to open it again. It's tough, but you deserve for yourself to do this.

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Its funny I was just talking to my buddy at the gym just a few minutes ago after we trained.

 

Both of us got dumped, used, etc. In all honesty? I'm done. I am 34. My girl dumped me. Iv dated plenty in the past. I fell in love with this one. deeply in love.

 

I just can't go above and beyond anymore. I do not have that in me. Nor do I want another broken heart. Yes, I made myself into a better person. Version 2.0 is in full effect. But nobody will love me more than I do.

 

I came to terms that I do not care if I remain single forever. Thinking about it, I actually feel better. Its helping me cope. Maybe some of us are meant to be single. I dont know. Its a hard pill to swallow.

 

I just know, me personally, I am not going above and beyond for another human being. After getting burned, seeing how society is today, how the word divorce is thrown around and accepted, no. No more.

 

sorano is done lol. I hung up my hat, and I am ok with it. I wish all of you luck on finding someone I do. For me, my journey has come to an end. I just want to thank my beast ex gf, the slob who I dont wish well on.

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I know this feeling. This feeling of fear that I will not love anyone and no one will love me and I will be alone..... what makes me feel better during such times is -

 

1. Counting my blessings. There are little kids who die and never experience love or any other the other beautiful things they might have had they been alive till the age I am. Am I lucky or what??!! My friends, family, job, being able to do stuff I love, not being disabled ... you know stuff like this.

 

2. Realize that happiness doesn't come from outside - from any BF or husband. Nor is happiness guaranteed. We need to learn being happy with what we have. Everyone is struggling... it only seems to us that ours is the biggest struggle.

 

3. Have some goals and ambitions which are bigger than just love and marriage. Do something for the society... some of the best writers, world leaders, Nobel Prize winners are NOT married...!! So what??!!! They have fulfilled their purpose of being on this earth... made huge differences to the life of others and are loved and adored by millions!!!

 

4. Be kind and gentle to yourself and others and no matter where you are and what you do.... HAVE FUN...!!! Get dressed, eat well... go on trips... watch movies, dance, laugh... be your best version....

 

Hope this helps!!

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I'm 46 and got dumped 2+ years ago by someone that I gave every bit of myself to. I've accepted that she's gone - however I will not go above and beyond for anyone else, ever again, like I did for her. The best version of my self was a rejected, wasted effort. Never again.

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I know this feeling. This feeling of fear that I will not love anyone and no one will love me and I will be alone..... what makes me feel better during such times is -

 

1. Counting my blessings. There are little kids who die and never experience love or any other the other beautiful things they might have had they been alive till the age I am. Am I lucky or what??!! My friends, family, job, being able to do stuff I love, not being disabled ... you know stuff like this.

 

2. Realize that happiness doesn't come from outside - from any BF or husband. Nor is happiness guaranteed. We need to learn being happy with what we have. Everyone is struggling... it only seems to us that ours is the biggest struggle.

 

3. Have some goals and ambitions which are bigger than just love and marriage. Do something for the society... some of the best writers, world leaders, Nobel Prize winners are NOT married...!! So what??!!! They have fulfilled their purpose of being on this earth... made huge differences to the life of others and are loved and adored by millions!!!

 

4. Be kind and gentle to yourself and others and no matter where you are and what you do.... HAVE FUN...!!! Get dressed, eat well... go on trips... watch movies, dance, laugh... be your best version....

 

Hope this helps!!

 

Not to be a downer, but if I had my choice to never feel love the way I did as opposed to what I'm feeling now, I would gladly give it up.

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Sunkissedpatio

Mortensonchild I've been having quite a few days like yours, it feels dismal and impossible and I look back and think the future looks even more bleak for doing so...

 

 

But guys we forget that likely all of us have all been here before at some point in the past, we just forget how badly it felt because we are programmed to forget pain. I know after my previous relationship to the last I went into such a deep hole for so long and the pain was just unbearable I don't remember exactly how it felt but I do remember it was bad. And I never thought I would meet someone as good again, yet I did, even better. Almost all my relationships have been better than the last. It's the only thing that keeps me going is knowing that I won't find the same eventually but it will be better for what I have learned.

 

Just yesterday I was telling my therapist how do I trust myself again how do I even open up again, I really don't want to fall in love again and feel like I will lose again. And she said these very simple words to me:

 

"Well NO one wants to lose what they have once they find it, but it's a risk we all have to take"

 

It doesn't matter how many times you succeeded or failed in the past you run the risk every single time you engage in a new relationship because it isn't entirely in your control, the control falls on two individuals.

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Mortensorchid, and the rest of you. Don't resign yourself to not finding love. As it's been said elsewhere, it can happen at any age.

 

I'm 55, and just exited a 2 year relationship earlier this year. Prior to that I was married/divorced - lived with someone/split up - and etc..

 

I've just started dating a wonderful woman. Will it last? I hope so. But if not, so be it. Better to be single, than in a relationship that doesn't work, or in one that isn't right for you.

 

Just because something is hard, and sometimes painful (and love is both of those things) doesn't mean it's something we should forsake. Love yourself, know that you are worthy of being loved, and it will find you.

 

Mortensorchid, you have loved correct? Been in relationships where you have both given and received love? There is an old saying, and it's very true, for me at least...

 

"Better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all." I've never regretted the love I've given, even to those who in the end spurned it.

 

Feel better, tomorrow is another day!

 

Oh, and you will love again! But only, if you keep your heart open to the possibility. Please don't close it off, all hearts need love.

Edited by BikerAccnt
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Sunkissedpatio
I'm 46 and got dumped 2+ years ago by someone that I gave every bit of myself to. I've accepted that she's gone - however I will not go above and beyond for anyone else, ever again, like I did for her. The best version of my self was a rejected, wasted effort. Never again.

 

Oh no that is so sad please please don't deprive another great woman of the best you can be. Just because you were with someone who didn't appreciate it or didn't know how should not determine what you give to someone else.

 

Why else go into another relationship if not to be the best version of what you could me.

 

Oh this makes me so sad to read. :(

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I'm with serano and Hoosfoos. Never again. Period. My last relationship (and his bratty-ass kids) took everything that was left of my heart to give. There's nothing left to give of myself but to me.

 

Even if someone did take an interest in me, they have a way unfair battle to even try to capture my heart. I'm jaded. And that's not fair to any person looking for a potential relationship. So, why try?

 

I'm happy to look around and wonder why this couple might break up, and why that couple won't even know each other in, um ... let's say, three years.

 

Skeptical to some? Maybe. Realistic to me? Pretty much.

 

And, until death do us part? People utter those words to each other. I never have. I mean, how does one know that? I guess it's all a leap of faith. And we've seen where that leap has often lead.

 

"The best versions of ourselves were rejected."

Edited by SixxChick
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People are so replaceable, it sucks. You can go from being on top of the world and fearless of the future, to the feeling of dread and. K linger wanting to continue with life.

 

Just sucks going from being able to talk to the person you love every day, having her call and tell you all the details of her day with such excitement, to nothing a at all. And knowing that she's now doing those little things with someone else, just shows you just how replaceable you are.

 

Yea I know I can find someone else and I will, but she set the bar to some unreal level that may take forever to find someone to match, and no I'm not saying this with rose tinted glasses.

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My God is this thread depressing.

 

I just love it when people say "I will never love again." Really? You have a crystal ball and you saw into the future?

 

Love YOURSELF today, that is enough. If someone else comes into your life and leaves, LEARN from it and keep loving yourself no matter what. Who cares if a relationship doesn't work out? It's not the end of the world, the end of the world is when you lose faith in love and life itself.

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the end of the world is when you lose faith in love and life itself.

 

No and yes.

 

No, it's not the end of the world.

 

Yes, some of us have lost faith in love.

 

Plus, I'm getting too old for this sh*t. I just want to be happy.

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I can totally relate to a lot of these posts. I want to love again and be loved but this last break-up has turned me into a complete wreck. I just look at other guys and am like eh no one will compare to my ex. I felt such a connection with him...we just couldn't agree on things and in the end he ended up being very selfish and left me for someone else. I'm no spring chicken either at age 40.

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. I'm no spring chicken either at age 40.

 

 

I'm sorry, but yes you are a spring chicken. Very much so. Says the 55 year old geezer.

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I'm sorry, but yes you are a spring chicken. Very much so. Says the 55 year old geezer.

 

I concur. I'm 55 too. :cool:

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I concur. I'm 55 too. :cool:

 

50 in a few months here. :) I am so excited because I'm planning "The Year of ME". lol I may extend it for another 3 decades too, so look out.

 

Seriously, I've reinvented myself many times before, and I can and will do it again.

 

As long as I love myself and have good friends (which I do!) I'm good.

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There are other kinds of love outside of romantic love.

 

And the love of a child can be stronger and much more unconditional.

 

You can have a baby if you want. Or adopt one. Or become a foster parent - it is very very rewarding.

 

Nobody knows if you will find that person. But whether you do or don't, it doesn't mean you have to feel lonely and unfulfilled. There are many paths to happiness.

 

Big hugs to you... and hope you feel better. :(

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Thanks guys for making me feel young. I just turned the big 4-0 recently and with the break up this year I have just been having a really rough time coping with everything. I have never been married and have no kids and just feel like most people have done those things by my age. I have never really put a timeline on things in my life but this year has made me really put things into perspective. I want to be happy and being alone does not make me happy. I have a supportive family and friends but at the end of the day I still go home to an empty house and that makes me sad. I hate to be such a Debbie Downer. I used to be a somewhat bubbly person but not too bubbly that I was annoying..ha! Life has just made me jaded now.

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