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We are in opposite places [update: Having trouble letting someone go]


Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

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Old 27th September 2016, 9:06 PM   #16
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You are so much better off without this girl! The insensitive manner in which she left your relationship tells us everything we need to know about her and why you deserve better! When the next guy catches her eye she will run to him next! You don't want to be with someone who has such shallow emotions and no ability to emotionally commit. You deserve better!!!
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Old 27th September 2016, 9:32 PM   #17
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Originally Posted by He1senberg View Post
If anybody have any words of encouragement, I would appreciate it.
You're doing lots of unhealthy stuff, and nothing healthy.

>Thats why you feel like crap.


Take care.
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Old 3rd November 2016, 4:23 PM   #18
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Another update. I was moving on and asked another girl out. As I was talking with her on fb, my ex broke no contact to tell me she misses me and wants to be friends. I mean a lot to her, I will never be a stranger to her, blah blah. I said I couldn't do that. I don't know what future will bring, but at least now I can't. She then told me she is getting married next month. My mind was blown. I wished her happiness and asked not to talk to me if she cares about me at all. I also blocked her. In a conversation she said that her friend saw me with another girl a month ago and she thought I'm over her and we can be friends now (I wasn't on any dates).

I'm shocked and hurt. I kept my cool, but I'm in so much pain right now. I know that there is not much to say except go back to NC and try and move on, but I really need support right now. Thank you.
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Old 3rd November 2016, 6:19 PM   #19
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God, how stupid I was for all these years... I really dodged a bullet and I should be thankful, yet this hurts like hell. Shows how you can think you know someone and not really know a thing about them at the same time.
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Old 3rd November 2016, 9:04 PM   #20
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Hey there, I just read your update. I can completely understand how much pain you are feeling right now. It hit me like a ton of bricks, like a nuclear bomb when my ex's mom told me he was moving back in with his ex-wife and they plan to get remarried. I didn't know which way to turn. I was a complete wreck that day. My mom, a good friend, and my counselor all helped me keep my sanity. Now here we are about a month later and I'm doing ok. I think it will help you to keep talking it out until you lose the desire to talk about it. The intensity of the pain I found fades and dulls out a bit each day. Keep your chin up buddy, you're not alone.
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Old 26th November 2016, 2:22 PM   #21
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Doing a lot of self-improvement lately. As her wedding is coming up, I feel more anxious. I logically understand that she is not a good partner, but still I miss her. Sometimes I just want to strangle her and her fiancÚ. Probably him first, while she is watching. I hate that it makes such a great impact on me.

Sometimes I feel like an idiot for taking time and mourning, trying to improve myself and all that. Why bother when you can just go and screw another person and don't think about anything like my ex did? These people don't spend their time on loveshack or reading psychology books. Seems like such a waste of time. Just get married after 4 months, have everybody kiss your ass, then silently divorce a few years later and blame everything on your ex-husband. Rinse, repeat. Or stay in marriage and cheat, cheat, cheat. Sounds like a good plan.

Or maybe she is just going to spontaneously combust into loving and faithful wife. It's was just all me for trying to actually make this relationship work and say that we need to work on problems together as a team. Work on things? Nooo, working on things is too damn hard, let's just dump this weirdo and go to somebody new and exciting.

Maybe nice guys do finish last, while *******s who don't care about anybody actually enjoy their lives and don't suffer any consequences? God, I wish I knew the answers to these questions.

Hell, 4 months of my precious life spent hurting over someone who doesn't deserve the time of day from me. And no end in sight.

I really hope it will all work out for the better in the end, and enduring this hell is not for nothing.

Sorry for the rant, guys (if anybody still reading this).
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Old 10th December 2016, 6:23 PM   #22
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So she got married. I guess that's the end of this story. Moving forward.
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Old 29th September 2017, 4:12 PM   #23
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So almost a year later I get "Hi" from her on one of the messengers where she was not blocked. So I blocked her there as well. Still thinking about it though. Funny how you wait for any message for so long and it comes when you really don't have any desire to talk, or any idea what might be said at this point.
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Old 29th September 2017, 4:56 PM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by He1senberg View Post
So almost a year later I get "Hi" from her on one of the messengers where she was not blocked. So I blocked her there as well. Still thinking about it though. Funny how you wait for any message for so long and it comes when you really don't have any desire to talk, or any idea what might be said at this point.
Do not, under any circumstances, ever respond to her. Ever.

Congratulations for being so strong. You have now won, you are in the power position. I repeat, DO NOT respond to any breadcrumbs.

How are you going, otherwise?
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Old 30th September 2017, 3:32 AM   #25
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Well, I tried to run all possible scenarios through my head.

"Best-case" scenario she says she made a mistake and wants me back (And this has a very-very low chance of happening). Do I want to be with this woman again? No, it will be a waste of time. I don't trust her and I doubt that she learned anything in this year.

More common scenario is she keeps feeding me breadcrumbs like "I miss you", "Can we be friends?". And I really have no desire for having a smalltalk with her.

Worst case scenario she wants to tell me some news, like she is pregnant of whatever, which opens up my wounds and causes me more pain. I don't need that.

So there is no reason to talk to her.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Soak View Post
How are you going, otherwise?
Thank you for asking! I'm much more successful professionaly. I also made a lot of improvements in myself in the past year. In terms of romantic relationship - I was alone pretty much this whole time and kind of given up on this part of my life - I'm not actively looking. I miss the good times with had with the ex and sometimes feel very lonely, but it's just life.
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Old 11th October 2017, 3:30 PM   #26
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Somehow that message threw me off balance. I had dreams about her. I don't remember the details, but those were not very pleasant dreams.

I guess what happened leaved a big void inside of me, and I'm not sure if and when I'll be able to fill it. My fear is that it'll just stay there for good.

Sometimes I have this feeling that I died a year ago and now I'm in Purgatory.

Just had to write it somewhere.
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Old 11th October 2017, 3:40 PM   #27
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Here's the thing: sometimes people are better for other people.

Does that sound stupid? Probably.

I am that type of person on this website who will not sugarcoat things, so lets start with some honesty.

You appreciate her now, because she is with another man. You miss her so much now, because she is happy with someone else.

How do I know this? Because you were me, my friend. I was with a guy for a while and then things didn't work out and then all of a sudden he was my world again because he got a new girlfriend.

Am I saying you only care because she's with someone else? No. I'm saying you care way more than you would because she is with someone else. You are feeling rejected, neglected, and insecure. Why is he better than me? Why does she love him more?

Going back to my original statement: maybe he is just better for her. Maybe they get along better. Maybe they just click better. You never know. Stop criticizing him as a person. Don't try to overthink his old drinking problem. If anything, that is validation that maybe she is better for him and he is better for her.

There's good news and I am not mean, there is a method to this horribly honest entry.

She found someone better for her. It doesn't mean that you are not a better person, or even a great wonderful person. It also means that you will find someone you connect with on the same level, and probably will find someone you connect with on an even greater level.

Just because you think she is the one, doesn't mean that she is.
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