SummerSkies Posted August 8, 2016 Share Posted August 8, 2016 (edited) It's been over a year now (about 13 months) since my ex boyfriend broke up with me. The breakup time is actually now longer than how long we had actually dated, which was a year. I've dated since, even been with someone else for a brief period of time. Even had some major life changes. I still love my ex, though, and miss him and miss what we had. I'm a bit bothered by the fact that we've been broken up longer than we were together yet I still feel this way. I mean, it doesn't affect my day-to-day life and well being. But he still lingers. For several months I thought I was completely over him. The last we talked was last fall. I had emailed him asking how he was doing, told him how I was, and he replied positively. And that was that. One night during the winter I drunkenly sent him a text asking him how he was but didn't get a response. No attempt at contact since. It doesn't hurt like it once did but tonight I teared up thinking about how I still have feelings for him and missing him. Surely he has another girlfriend by now, though I don't actually know that. Still miss him anyway. I just posted this to get this out and I'm sure others can relate. Edited August 8, 2016 by SummerSkies 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Unscrewed Posted August 8, 2016 Share Posted August 8, 2016 What positive life changes happened to you the past 13 months? I'm just fresh out of a breakup. And I'm afraid I can't get over him for months or years. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
sugarpuss Posted August 8, 2016 Share Posted August 8, 2016 (edited) I CAN RELATE. I'm having the hardest time getting over someone I had a major crush on for years. We didn't even really date. He's made it clear he's not interested and has been a complete jerk to me (his words), yet more often than not, he's still there in the back of my mind. I know it's because I built him up in my mind, put him on a pedestal. I've spent probably less than two weeks with him all year, haven't seen him in months, but he is still on my mind literally every day. Like you, I've dated other guys, none of which really worked out. It doesn't hurt as much as it once did. That's about the only positive I've got. I feel like a crazy person. Edited August 8, 2016 by sugarpuss Edited to tell everyone I am a crazy person 2 Link to post Share on other sites
essai0506 Posted August 8, 2016 Share Posted August 8, 2016 What was the reason of the break-up? I'm in the same situation. And it seems that every news about her brings me back to square 1: the break-up, then her being with someone else, then her soon married. I don't get why after a year, I'm still so much into her. Maybe we just miss the great moments we had with our exes or the feeling of being rejected by someone make us want him/her even more afterwards. Or maybe we are just experiencing our first real breakup of a very strong relationship. Or maybe we are just more emotionally sensitive than most people. Not sure where is the right answer... Same as you, I just had a terrible week after hearing she was getting married. She broke-up more than a year ago... I find this so unfair. To be "abandonned" + not being able to replace her whereas she did... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
TheLoveBelow92 Posted August 8, 2016 Share Posted August 8, 2016 im the exact same as you same time 13 months and I was with her for near a year but lived together. it scares me to think about it but im starting to realize the reason I feel like this is because im afraid to let go of her and seeing how much time has passed im even scared to talk about it because people will think theres something wrong with me. even seeing my ex around mutual friends and the way she looks at me as if im a complete stranger hurts bad enough by I try to ignore it... I kinda of lost all my friends more or less through all this and seeing her happy and doing really well I am happy for her but I wanted to right there with her its constant and 24/7. I hit a slump up until the 6 month mark and started picking myself up hoping she would notice but shes had like 2 boyfriends since. I just kind of accept this is how its going to be until I find someone who takes her of that pedestal. Im just tired ploughing through everyday hoping for change and wishing the life I had never left. sounds depressing as hell but its just my day to day :/ 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SummerSkies Posted August 13, 2016 Author Share Posted August 13, 2016 What positive life changes happened to you the past 13 months? I'm just fresh out of a breakup. And I'm afraid I can't get over him for months or years. The biggies are that I got a new (and way better paying) job, and I moved to what I consider a better city in many ways, including better dating options. I know this might sound trite, but what helped me a lot was remembering "This too shall pass," at least for the break up pain. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SummerSkies Posted August 13, 2016 Author Share Posted August 13, 2016 I CAN RELATE. I'm having the hardest time getting over someone I had a major crush on for years. We didn't even really date. He's made it clear he's not interested and has been a complete jerk to me (his words), yet more often than not, he's still there in the back of my mind. I know it's because I built him up in my mind, put him on a pedestal. I've spent probably less than two weeks with him all year, haven't seen him in months, but he is still on my mind literally every day. Like you, I've dated other guys, none of which really worked out. It doesn't hurt as much as it once did. That's about the only positive I've got. I feel like a crazy person. I don't think you are crazy for this. I hope for your sake, though, he's no longer a part of your life at least until you move on. At least for me, that would be the only way until I could get over someone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SummerSkies Posted August 13, 2016 Author Share Posted August 13, 2016 What was the reason of the break-up? I'm in the same situation. And it seems that every news about her brings me back to square 1: the break-up, then her being with someone else, then her soon married. I don't get why after a year, I'm still so much into her. Maybe we just miss the great moments we had with our exes or the feeling of being rejected by someone make us want him/her even more afterwards. Or maybe we are just experiencing our first real breakup of a very strong relationship. Or maybe we are just more emotionally sensitive than most people. Not sure where is the right answer... Same as you, I just had a terrible week after hearing she was getting married. She broke-up more than a year ago... I find this so unfair. To be "abandonned" + not being able to replace her whereas she did... Luckily I don't have to see or hear about him, we don't even live in the same city. But not long ago I pulled up one of his relative's Facebook who I used to be FB friends with just to see how she was and I saw a new picture of him. That affected my feelings of course. We broke up because he didn't love me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SummerSkies Posted August 13, 2016 Author Share Posted August 13, 2016 im the exact same as you same time 13 months and I was with her for near a year but lived together. it scares me to think about it but im starting to realize the reason I feel like this is because im afraid to let go of her and seeing how much time has passed im even scared to talk about it because people will think theres something wrong with me. even seeing my ex around mutual friends and the way she looks at me as if im a complete stranger hurts bad enough by I try to ignore it... I kinda of lost all my friends more or less through all this and seeing her happy and doing really well I am happy for her but I wanted to right there with her its constant and 24/7. I hit a slump up until the 6 month mark and started picking myself up hoping she would notice but shes had like 2 boyfriends since. I just kind of accept this is how its going to be until I find someone who takes her of that pedestal. Im just tired ploughing through everyday hoping for change and wishing the life I had never left. sounds depressing as hell but its just my day to day :/ I hear you. I feel like I'm ready to let go and have for a long time, but it's like he just lingers around in my heart and mind. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted August 13, 2016 Share Posted August 13, 2016 It took me a bit less than 2 years to get over my one and only painful breakup. When I say, "get over," I mean, moved on, happy and enjoying life. Here's something I wrote in my journal: The sadness stops when you stop 'sadding.' Thoughts and feelings are behaviours, not something you can't change, like the weather. When you finally decide that you've been through enough, you'll stop. Take care. PS: You've been through enough. Take care. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Shanex Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 I was dumped after an almost two year relationship, we were exclusive and definitely in love. She did it in person, which was fair and wanted to ''stay friends'' to which I declined, in order to heal. I didn't need to see or follow her new adventures with her new boyfriend on social medias whilst being here for her 'whenever she wanted to' and barely responsive when I was initiating. I learnt self respect over the years, I moved on fairly quickly. That was 5 years ago and I don't love her anymore. The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. I don't even want to know what she's up to nowadays. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
fireflywy Posted August 15, 2016 Share Posted August 15, 2016 When I saw this thread, (except for the dating and job part) I thought I had written it. I've also now been broken up just as long as the OP and the EX moved to another city. The other day I finally threw away the last "gift" she got me because I know without a doubt, I'll never see or hear from her again. Doing it dredged up some emotions but a small part of me felt like keeping that last little trinket was almost a curse in some ways (it was a knife btw Lol and I've heard bad luck about giving knives as gifts). I'm a lot better then I was but every now and then I still get a tiny little headache thinking of it instead of the full on fever I once had. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
guest572 Posted August 19, 2016 Share Posted August 19, 2016 My 9 month relationship ended nearly 3 years ago and I'm not over it yet. I've dated a lot and had a few relationships and another heart break during that time. Where I forgot my ex during that time. But after breakups i always look back fondly on that relationship and yes I still miss him and miss what we had. I accepted it quite some time ago which helps Things definitely got a lot easier. But it still hurts. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Raina314 Posted August 19, 2016 Share Posted August 19, 2016 I get this feeling. It's awful and it's discouraging as hell when you know you've tried everything and the pain and desire to be with your ex again still lingers on. I have no idea when it gets better for good. But I guess that best thing to do is just to keep on going, even when you don't really know what you're going for. It has to get better eventually. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 19, 2016 Share Posted August 19, 2016 We broke up because he didn't love me. ^^^^When you start to think of him remember the above and how he didn't even respond back to your last text. Yes he has moved on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SummerSkies Posted December 9, 2016 Author Share Posted December 9, 2016 (edited) Thought I'd check in on my little thread here... Well, it's been several months and I'm still in the same spot emotionally regarding him. I've been trying to more actively date lately and it just makes me feel worse. It's not like I have him on a pedestal or refuse to let go. But still the feelings linger. I do feel like he was the one who got away, and I haven't felt like that about anyone before, even when I missed other exes after a breakup. We have been broken up a good deal longer now than we had dated... seems kind of messed up! Edited December 9, 2016 by SummerSkies 1 Link to post Share on other sites
umirano Posted December 9, 2016 Share Posted December 9, 2016 Aye, you need to let go That is not to say I do not identify. I was dumped maybe a month and a half ago? She was great. Beautiful, funny, very smart. But our circumstances were less than ideal (long distance, uncertain job and living situation). And she was controlling and I was short tempered. Really sad, because on everything else we agreed. We thought the same way about pretty much anything. Politics, religion, our families, mutual friends. We never fought about something outside of the relationship. But we wouldn't let each other off the hook. I'd like to think that I was more tolerant than her. Either way it had to end, and it did. I still miss her a lot. And to make things worse I also discovered to my great dismay that I miss the GF from before too. That's so long ago. Maybe a part of us wants to deal with being alone, and thus makes us miss - and potentially get back with - people from the past. But we have to see this for what it is if we want to stay sane. It is nonsense. There were good reasons for the break up and our little feelings are just that. It is not going to happen and we would be unhappy if it did. A little part of you wants to save you from being alone and thus extends your suffering, the same way sometimes the instinct makes people run into the upper floor in a house that's on fire when what they really should do is break through the flames to the outside. Our inner instincts and the feelings that they torture us with are not always right. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SummerSkies Posted December 10, 2016 Author Share Posted December 10, 2016 Thank you for your kind words. The thing is, I feel like I've tried to let go. I know what it's like to keep hanging on, not letting go forever and all that. But I don't do it with this person. So I don't know. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted December 10, 2016 Share Posted December 10, 2016 Thank you for your kind words. The thing is, I feel like I've tried to let go. I know what it's like to keep hanging on, not letting go forever and all that. But I don't do it with this person. So I don't know. There are three very common reasons why some people have difficulty moving on, even after a long time has passed: 1. An omitted or incomplete grieving process. 2. Rebound relationships. 3. Genuinely traumatic experiences within the relationship. 1 and 2 are much more common than 3. I can't say if any of that applies to you, but you will know if any of it does. Take care. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SummerSkies Posted December 11, 2016 Author Share Posted December 11, 2016 If it were these, it would have to be #1. Thank you, I'll do some thinking about why it's incomplete. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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