katie949 Posted July 30, 2016 Share Posted July 30, 2016 To cut a long story short, there is a man I only know casually, but who I really like and know I can't be with for professional reasons. He could be sacked, for one, and it would damage his future opportunities for posts at other institutions. He is 10 years older than me, and although he used to pay me a lot of attention, once a colleague of his began to notice and made jokes about it to me (and possibly this guy I like too!), he 'cooled' off and sometimes would ignore me if he saw me around. The last month at work before vacation, we both just ignored each other when we saw each other around: he would look me directly in the eyes, but I would just look down at my laptop or phone, convinced that he wasn't going to speak to me. He'd told me that he was single (I didn't ask, he just mentioned it in passing conversation at a group gathering) back in April. However, last month, I heard from a friend that he's started dating a woman his own age....It sounds immature and catty, but I looked her up on Facebook and she was not very pretty! This guy is handsome.. He may or may not still be with her now, but he still wouldn't date me anyway, even if he was single. I sent him a message on Facebook, just asking for some work advice (we're not friends on there), and he accepted the message request but didn't reply. I was quite hurt by this, as I was a conciencous worker and he used to help me a lot with that, as well as just the general chatter. But he couldn't even be bothered to reply... Anyway...sorry for all of the details. How can I deal with this? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Nowty V Posted July 30, 2016 Share Posted July 30, 2016 If your feelings will be unrequited then get over this crush and move on with your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author katie949 Posted July 30, 2016 Author Share Posted July 30, 2016 If your feelings will be unrequited then get over this crush and move on with your life. Well I'm not sure that my feelings are unrequited, but I'm pretty certain he would never consider dating me. I can't think about any other guy though... Link to post Share on other sites
carnelian Posted August 5, 2016 Share Posted August 5, 2016 How do you know he accepted the message on facebook? I don't know how that works. If you get desperate, you could ask a friend to contact him on facebook on your behalf, as a go between. I am not recommending this, just a thought. "There is nothing you can say and nothing you can do, when you love someone and they don't love you"----Dickie Betts, rock star Link to post Share on other sites
Traceycprc Posted August 5, 2016 Share Posted August 5, 2016 The way I see it, if this guy liked you he would do something about it. He may not be in the position to do so, as he maybe involved with the other woman you found on facebook. In that case, credit to him. As for her not being pretty, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, plus it's not all about the looks, she could be confident, loving her life, happy, men love that too! Regardless, just move on and find someone who is letting you know he likes you and wants to get to know you. There are some great guys out there that don't mess you about, and want to spend time with you, not give you mixed, wishy, washy signals! Keep it professional and try not to read things that are not there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author katie949 Posted August 20, 2016 Author Share Posted August 20, 2016 How do you know he accepted the message on facebook? I don't know how that works. If you get desperate, you could ask a friend to contact him on facebook on your behalf, as a go between. I am not recommending this, just a thought. "There is nothing you can say and nothing you can do, when you love someone and they don't love you"----Dickie Betts, rock star I know that he accepted the message request because he now appears on my message list and I could write another message if I wanted to (I don't though). If a person rejects a message request, we can't do this . Link to post Share on other sites
Author katie949 Posted August 20, 2016 Author Share Posted August 20, 2016 The way I see it, if this guy liked you he would do something about it. He may not be in the position to do so, as he maybe involved with the other woman you found on facebook. In that case, credit to him. As for her not being pretty, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, plus it's not all about the looks, she could be confident, loving her life, happy, men love that too! Regardless, just move on and find someone who is letting you know he likes you and wants to get to know you. There are some great guys out there that don't mess you about, and want to spend time with you, not give you mixed, wishy, washy signals! Keep it professional and try not to read things that are not there. Hmm well possibly, although he could have been sacked if he'd dated me; or, at least, moved to a different location (our company has offices in several towns). I don't think I read into anything - I;m not the kind of person who just assumes that everyone likes her. He did used to pay me lots of attention and I did notice. However, he did cool off, and so I did too. I would never have the guts to ask him out, and as I said, since we don't know each other well, I highly doubt he cares about me - I was just a younger woman he flirted with to boost his own ego (at least, that's how I see it). Maybe he thought I was cute. In any case, I've since found out that he probably isn't seeing that other woman any more, since she's been working abroad and they hadn't been dating long before then....But anyway, I still haven't spoken to him again. I suppose I will move on eventually, when I get over the hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
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