domestic violence

[hew]

Hi guys,

 

 

I have posted on here before in a different forum topic but I'm sure that doesn't matter. This time I need to post in the 'coping' forum cause I sure as heck need to cope somehow.

 

 

To anyone who takes the time to read this and respond, thank you. It means so much to me right now.

 

 

My boyfriend and I have been together 5 months total. Living together now 2 months. However, we have known each other most our lives.

 

 

It happened when we first moved in, he couldn't find his hat which i had moved somewhere during the cleaning process from the move in. He was so angry with me he locked me on the balcony, threatened to kill himself and said it would be my fault, left the apartment with a knife and came back later with cuts on his arms. I supposrted him during this time even though i was put down, and we got over it.

 

This happened another time there was a minor fight, he would not let me leave the apartment, he stood in front of the door so i could not leave. I took a sleeping pill and went to bed to end the argument and gave up the idea of getting some space.

 

Last night, 1am, I am sleeping but he comes home from work and wakes me up upset because his marijuana is missing. I did not touch it, he doesn't believe me calls me name like b*tch and c*nt, i call my friend to get me, he doesn't let me leave the apartment, i push him out of the way trying to escape, he grabs me and says if i push him again he has the right to hit me.

 

I called 911, 3 police men came, escorted me out of the apartment and to my friends car who was waiting downstairs for me and i spent the night at her house.

 

Next morning (today) my mom and step dad went with me to the apartment and asked him to leave by tuesday, he refused so police came back and he THEN agreed by tuesday he would be out. However his family is trying to get a lawyer?

 

The condo we live in is owned by my mother and step dad, he signed a month to month lease and the month is up. However I believe they want to fight it. not sure what is going to happen from here. I am currently staying with my mother and step dad till he's gone.

 

For a lack of better words? Im depressed.

 

 

I feel guilty

 

 

I blocked him on Facebook so he cannot contact me, he also does not have a phone to call me or text. So any contact will have to be from him contacting my mother.

 

Im shocked, I didn't think this would happen.

 

I need someone to validate me, just tell me it will be okay or something. I need to hear from a total stranger similar experiences or something. I am about to break down.

 

 

thanks for support in advance.

[BlueIris]

It will be okay and you are doing the right thing. Continue to be careful for yourself. Don't feel guilty. Your primary responsibility is to yourself and your own safety. Your guilt feelings are a residue of loving him. They'll fade- as they should.

 

Read The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker. It is very validating and a great book about intuitive wisdom, the indicators of who is dangerous and how to keep away from them. He's a security expert not a psychologist, so it isn't about analyzing or understanding a bad guy. Like I said, it's very validating.

 

Good luck and stay safe first and foremost. Don't agree to ANY kind of interaction with him.

[jen1447]

I wouldn't worry too much about the condo - if he's month to month and he's been a problem tenant by requiring police visits and generally endangering the well-being of his roommate, that's probably grounds enough to eject him.

 

Ppl like that usually only just kick up enough fuss to last until they get distracted by their next drama anyway, which will probably be soon bc his weed will no doubt go missing again or whatever and he'll land on a new target to blame.

[Zahara]

For a lack of better words? Im depressed.

 

Five months in and you're depressed. Can you imagine investing long term -- this would tear you down. It's normal to feel this way. You've gone from feeling elated about starting out a relationship with someone to this. So it's only normal that you feel a level of disappointment, sadness and pain.

 

I feel guilty

 

You have nothing to feel guilty about. Think about the harm that could have befallen you if it didn't come to this. He could one day seriously damage you - emotionally, mentally and physically.

 

I blocked him on Facebook so he cannot contact me, he also does not have a phone to call me or text. So any contact will have to be from him contacting my mother.

 

Perfect. You're taking all the right steps.

 

I need someone to validate me, just tell me it will be okay or something. I need to hear from a total stranger similar experiences or something. I am about to break down.

 

Having witnessed abuse and experienced abuse from a parent -- you've dodged a bomb. It is going to be okay. I know it hurts but trust that this is not a relationship I would wish on anyone. Abusers can break you down into a shell of a person. And if you had stayed or tolerated this behavior, you'd be one of those women struggling to break the cycle of abuse. I'm glad your parents are there to support you. You deserve better.

 

This guy sounds like he has a lot of deeply ingrained emotional and mental issues. You can't save him. Save yourself.

[SixxChick]

Ppl like that usually only just kick up enough fuss to last until they get distracted by their next drama anyway, which will probably be soon bc his weed will no doubt go missing again or whatever and he'll land on a new target to blame.

 

This is so true.

 

There is no excuse for domestic violence. Five months is barely a grain of sand in the hourglass of time. Like everybody else said, you dodged a huge bullet (metaphorically speaking). Move on. You deserve better.

[Zahara]

I need help. I feel stuck and I also feel terrible.

 

My boyfriend of 4 months now has lived with me the past 1 month. Before you say it yes I know thats a very fast moving relationship I know. He's someone I've known for the past 10 years and he got a job offer down in my area so we figured why not try it out.

 

It seems to be working for him, he loves me and tells me all the time to which I don't even want to say it back sometimes. He tells me I'm his rock, his everything and basically said to me before he would kill himself if we weren't together.

 

I feel depressed. I don't like living with him, I have to convince myself almost every day I'm doing the right thing by staying with him because I don't want to break his heart or hurt his feelings or worst of all have him hurt himself.

 

I feel like a terrible person. How could I let someone move into my apartment and a month later ask them to leave. How could I lie to someone and say yeah I want a future with you when in reality I don't. I feel so so so terrible. I feel like I can't leave, the blame would all be put on me and I would be made out to be a really bad person.

 

I know the typical response I will hear is "its best to leave now before you spend the next 3 years unhappy in a relationship and to just walk away then and hurt him even more." I just feel like I need some serious advice. Im not truly happy, I love him as a person but I don't think I'm truly in love. It sucks because I feel in the end I'm going to lose him as a friend but if it means I get to continue on with my life being single and continuing to work on myself its needed.

 

I guess it was a live and learn situation. Just not sure what to do, I feel weak right now, I don't have a back bone in this situation and I feel like my own happiness and well being is on the line for someone else.

 

Posting your last thread. Maybe this will help remind and reinforce the need for this relationship to end.