Coping with long term singleness

[mithereal]

Lately ive been having lots of anxiety about not finding a mate. Im a male mid 30s and Ive been rejected lots so approaching women isnt really an option i dont see what i have to offer. I last dated in 2002 and was pretty devistated. I have tried most of the dating sites but mainly i think theyre a scam. Theyeve never worked.

I cant even look at a pretty girl let alone talk to one. Maybe after getting to know them, so where would i go to actually meet someone late 20s mid 30s? Bar\club seems a waste as i dont drink. Do i need mental help or is feeling all apathetic normal? How can i cope with the feeling of being a failed Hunter?

[Heatemyheart89]

Hi,

I think maybe improve your confidence a bit,everyone gets rejected. Then , anything social cam help you meet women. The gym, a coffee shop, an evening class, meetup groups.Do you have any hobbies ? Connecting with people through a hobby is a gpod start.

[Boron]

Its easier to meet women, for me at least, through friends.

 

So go make yourself some lady friends. The pressure is off when they're just friends. I mean really be friends with them. Don't half ass it. Don't be a friend if you don't want to be a friend either.

 

These relationships pay off because while you care about your female friend, she cares about you.

 

You talk about everything. She talks about everything.

 

She knows your plight.

 

In my experience asking somebody you know if they know somebody for you is the best way. I found my wife that way. Though I'll say I didn't have to go looking for female friend so it may be harder for you.

 

I think it's one of the best options if dating sites don't work for you.

[Satu]

Common interest is a good way to meet people.

 

Join a couple of clubs or societies centred around your interests.

 

That way you definitely have something to talk about right from the start.

 

I had a relationship with someone I met at a meeting of an Astronomical Society. Both of us knew it wasn't going to be a 'forever' relationship, but we had a great time, and nobody got hurt.

 

Nice and easy, no stress, no cold approach.

[JuanDelToro]

Lately ive been having lots of anxiety about not finding a mate. Im a male mid 30s and Ive been rejected lots so approaching women isnt really an option i dont see what i have to offer. I last dated in 2002 and was pretty devistated. I have tried most of the dating sites but mainly i think theyre a scam. Theyeve never worked.

I cant even look at a pretty girl let alone talk to one. Maybe after getting to know them, so where would i go to actually meet someone late 20s mid 30s? Bar\club seems a waste as i dont drink. Do i need mental help or is feeling all apathetic normal? How can i cope with the feeling of being a failed Hunter?

 

i`m afraid that any answer you might get in here, no matter how good it is, won`t provide any help to you because you have created a belief system that stops you from understanding and further accepting advice that goes against it.

 

What you need to do is realize that you have a problem and seek help on a face to face value. A psychologist that may help you with surfacing and dealing with any underlying trauma and a coach that will provide a new perspective, reframe your beliefs and empower you. If the coach is specialized for men, that`s even better.

Edited May 27, 2016 by JuanDelToro

[carnelian]

I understand because I have been there and I am older than you are. I suggest ask out someone only when you are pretty sure she will say yes. Waiting for the best opportune moment is not a good option either. If you do nothing to change, you will be in the same situation at 40 and older. Meeting girls usually gets harder as time passes, not easier. Soon they will have children, if they don't already and that changes everything about dating.

We don't know enough about you and your appearance to give better advice.. If she shows no interest after a few sentences, move on.

[d0nnivain]

You cope with it by embracing it & learning to be comfortable & confident alone or you change it. You seem to want to date.

 

OL hasn't been working for you, so stop doing it. I always had much better success IRL.

 

There are tons of places you can go besides bars:

 

1. Volunteer somewhere doing something you enjoy. Every arts group needs funding. Every disease has a fun raising awareness arm / activity. It is political season roll up your sleeves for your favorite candidate even if it's the local dog catcher.

 

2. Join a meet up group that dose something you enjoy, like a hobby

 

3. Get involved in a civic organization like the Elks, the Moose, the American Legion, little league baseball in your town, the volunteer fire department, the Kiwanis etc.

 

4. Tell people you know that you are open to being fixed up

 

5. Check out alternative singles events in your area. I did one called Leashes & Lovers because I could bring my dog. There was one I never got around to where the group paired you with somebody to play golf. I figured even if I didn't like the guy at least I got to play golf.

 

6. go to work events like the chamber of commerce meetings or continue education / conventions in your field

 

7. try speed dating (although these are usually held in bars, you are not obligated to drink)

 

8. take or teach an adult education class in something you have always wanted to learn about. I really enjoyed the perosnal finance ones I took

 

9. join a co-ed sports team

 

10 get involved at your church, temple or mosque if you are religious

 

meanwhile work on your confidence & your social skills. Join a group called Toast Masters which is more about public speaking. Take a Dale Carnegie class if you have the money. Read books like Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People and Napoleon Hill's Think & Grow Rich