Leaving country for 2 months. Break NC?

[no-zen]

Hello everyone,

 

 

This forum has been very helpful for me during this time after my break up. I'd appreciate some advice about continuing NC. I am the dumpee in a relationship that lasted for 6.5 years. The break up was very unexpected, although we had a bad fight where I was pretty mean. A few days later, she called and emotionally broke up with me over the phone.

 

 

I've been no contact, except for a couple of early texts for 3 weeks now. She did not reply to either of the two previous texts, both of which were short requests to talk. I'm really sad about everything and would like to reconcile. The overall idea of no contact does seem harsh to me and a bit like game playing.

 

 

My current situation is that I'm leaving for Central America in a few days for two months. My ex was aware of this, although she's probably not thinking about it right now. Do I break contact just enough to remind her that I will be gone? Should I tell her that I will contact her again when I get back? Or just continue with silence? I am still very anguished about the break up and truly wish to speak with her, but I want to respect her desires. She is a somewhat anxious person, so I'm not sure she would reach out to me spontaneously at any point. If we never speak again, I will truly be heartbroken.

[privategal]

I know this answer will be sad to hear but when its over your ex no longer desires to know or hear about your whereabouts.

I know its a big deal to you but she is also trying to heal and move on and Im sure she would respect and thank you more for not reaching out.

If you love someone, staying silent is actually kinder.

You had the phonecall and those few texts for closure.

Use this time away to heal.

I know being in a new and vulnerable place will make you miss her and want to share with her but think of it this way...

If ever she comes back someday, you will be a different stronger person with lots to catch her up on.

Right now...grow, learn, change...better yourself. Allow the distance and silence.

Its healing and if you want her to miss you...thats the most likely way.

Theres no gaurentee but reaching out will push her away.

Its too soon...You havent likely accepted its over but Id move on as though this was forever and if for some reason she was truly meant for you...the universe will allow that to happen.

For now...no contact and re-read the NC guide to remind you to be strong and right now just let go and have an adventure and try not to feel to bad.

Breakups are very hard on the heart.

When big things in your life are happening its tempting to go to your confort zone. But you grow more by becoming happy alone. Best wishes on your trip. You will be ok. Hugs!

[no-zen]

Thank you so much for the reply, privategal. I think you are right. Sadly, the last time I actually heard from her was her sobbing break up phone call. It was so unexpected for me! The two texts I sent were not answered so all I'm left with is the final call.

 

 

Still, 3 weeks is probably too soon. All the fears are with me though. Does she completely hate me? Are the memories of the last 6.5 years just junk? Will I never hear from her again? At age 50, this is by far the most brutal break up I've ever experienced. I miss her tremendously every day.

 

 

I also have some of her stuff, particularly her bicycle. What should I do about it? I don't think its urgent, even the bike, but a couple of other items do have sentimental value for her.

 

 

Thanks again for the reassurance and the hug!

[privategal]

Have a friend or family member drop those things off to her porch or a friend of hers maybe. No note.

 

Yes, 3 weeks isnt long at all and I know you are hurting and feeling no real closure but I promise you if she wants to at some point she will reach out.

Being a gal I can nearly promise you she does think of you.

I had been badly mistreated..brutally in fact by close friends in the past and the anger later diffused and I wanted peace with them.

NC truly gives people clarity.

If we will miss someone it will be because we had time and space to reflect and sort anger or emotion and feel the void.

 

She may never tell you..but she will have fond thoughts and memories again at some point. You cant have false hope but contacting her will push her away further. Honestly you left the last text so ball is in her court.

Your only avenue has got to be strict NC all the way. Have you read the nc guide here? Very key.

Who knows after some time and space you may come to terms that she was not also exactly right for you either.

Either way, its hard and sad and you arent alone soooo many broken hearts all over. Try aand treat these next few months as a vacation....any spare time, make it fun. Dont spend the whole time feeling sad...instead..look for adventure, take in some culture, journal maybe...find a cool restaurant..get out and walk...anything. Its a good time to be selfish...all about you.

Edited May 25, 2016 by privategal