Estranged Wifes new relationship

[james2014]

Yesterday was the first wedding anniversary since separating late Nov' last year. We've been on and off since our teens.. Personality disorders/addictions made her very chaotic, as in bye darling just popping the shop for milk and returning 3 months later chaotic!

 

I kinda knew deep down being away for so long and how things were, there was a good chance she had found a new victim.

 

Seeing a facebook msg from her and seeing the profile pic was unreal. I did have an opportunity to reconcile many months ago but didn't respond to her so I guess her being with someone else is ok? I just don't know how I feel.. Kinda numb?

 

She is asking me to commit perjury so she can have a quick divorce.. No pleases or thankyou's but a lot of shouty swear words!

 

The anger that emanates from her communications to me is rather a tad strong! And I am gobsmacked as to why? She obviously wants to rub it in my face how she has "moved on" She cannot see the pattern to her actions.. gets "clean" off opiates for her relationship and not the correct way of doing it for ones self.

 

Do I go along and give the quickie divorce?

Do I do it legally and wait another 18 months?

Contest and make her legally wait another 4 and a half years?

Make the juice worth the squeeze and recoup some of what she stole off me as way of reward for me doing option 1? I don't feel bitter? I always thought "I bet she gets clean and finds someone else" I should feel bat**** crazy cos all I have to show for nigh on 18 years is a methadone/opiate habit.. (cant beat em join em don't work!)

 

I guess this is what happens when a love addict and a love avoidant go the distance! All I know is the past 6 or so months of doing no contact has gone quite quickly and I can say hand on heart I would not take her back if she was the last women on earth..

 

My brother split from his wife of 20 odd years about 5 years ago.. Within 9 months he was with another women and in a new long term relationship. I am single and ok with that. I never used to be able to spend more than 5 minutes on my own without cracking up. Now its the complete opposite, that I do thank her for. I would like to meet someone but I am scared Ill never experience being IN love again. You know that buzz, the butterflies, the bliss it brings. Id rather be single than be with someone just for the sake of it.

 

Strange times... for anyone reading this who finds no contact a scary prospect, it does work.. not saying you'll be smelling of roses but I was so addicted to the love we had that I would of forgiven her for anything (I did too many times!) Now I have overcome it.. NC does work.

 

Thanks for letting me type this waffle..

[mrldii]

Personally, OP, I'd go the quickie route...not because she wants it, but because I do.

 

 

Best of luck to you...

[james2014]

My Brother says the same, do it quickly.. I just feel stubborn or pissed off cos of the way the ex spoke to me, demanding I comply.. I mean why the hell should I, the women lost our 2 children and out of spite made sure I paid for her mistake..

 

Its really weird, I am surprised at my feelings and thoughts at seeing her with someone else.. I don't feel anything. I thought Id curl up and die but I guess I have moved on without actually knowing I had. I don't wish her ill will but I don't wish her good luck either! Just.. meh.. so what..

 

I was 1000% addicted to that women and the marriage/relationship, I would of killed or died for her. couldn't live without her.

 

I secretly thank her cos the no contact and the way I dealt with her coming and going and the hell I went through have made me a better person. I am alone but not lonely. I need no one except myself. I love ME.. I am ok with who I am now.. Even my parents praised me to my Brother! 1st ever time that's happened.. So thankyou for that.. I think deep deep down that we are "to be continued" its happened before.. 20 years should give me time enough lol..

 

NC.. it works!

[Jersey born raised]

First you are both CSA victims. What ever else I suspect flows from that. You need to read Downtown's posts.

 

Second: how is she asking you to commit perjury?

 

Third: you lost your children because of both your actions. Look to yourself first.

[Downtown]

James, I agree with the advice given above by Jersey and Mrldii. You say your STBXW likely has a personality disorder. If so, my guess would be that she has more than one PD, including BPD (Borderline PD). If you're interested in reading a description of BPD, I suggest you take a quick look at my list of 18 BPD Warning Signs. If most sound very familiar, I would suggest you also read my more detailed description of them at my posts in Rebel's Thread.

 

Significantly, learning to spot these warning signs will not enable you to diagnose your STBXW's issues. Yet, like learning warning signs for stroke and heart attack, learning those for BPD may help you avoid a very painful situation -- e.g., avoid running into the arms of another woman just like her. Take care, James.