Need to grieve

[ScentlessApprentice]

Two days ago I lost a close loved one that has been in my everyday life since I was 4 years old. (I'm 21 in a couple of weeks). I received the news through a phone call from my mother. I'm away at university and I really wish I was there at the end. We had literally been through everything together. And now I'm never going to see her again.

 

I've cried, twice. Once when I found out and once the following day. But then I had to brush myself down and get on with going to university. I can't focus any of my thoughts. I begin to feel upset and then my mind wonders. Or I get incredibly anxious, or I want to smash something to pieces.

 

I've got friends around me but their way of dealing with issues is to carry on and ignore reality. I want to just wallow in it all for awhile, to process things.

I've got 5 massive exams that I'm way behind on for revision. But I constantly just find myself staring off into space not really thinking anything. The main emotion I feel at the moment is nothingness, like a big hole has been ripped through me.

 

I've lost loved ones before, that have hurt like hell. I just want to grieve and now I don't know how.

 

Any advice out there?

 

 

(Not sure if this thread is in the right topic area, feel free to move it.)

[ScentlessApprentice]

At times I can laugh but it's draining. I sleep but I'm still tired. Trying to do stuff but it's empty and I can't focus on anything, even the loss.

 

I feel like I've accepted it and gone straight into the depression stage of grief but maybe I'm just in shock.

[Rachel39]

I'm so sorry for your loss, is it possible that it truly hasn't hit you just yet, you are aware it's happened because you've had the phone call but in another sense your life at the moment is still the same.

 

It must be very hard to understand or grasp the situation, you know you have to be at uni and have your exams coming up and you know grieving will have a massive effect on this so maybe some how your manged to switch something off inside of you?

 

You must grieve and feel everything you have to, to move through this xx

[ScentlessApprentice]

Today I woke up and I felt okay, which in itself felt horrible. Memories hurt and make me tearful but I don't think I'll truly be able to grieve until I'm home where there will be a lot of triggers for it.

 

I always thought I would be there when it happened and I thought I'd be tearing my hair out for days with grief. So I'm shocked that I'm not. I really want it to flood out of me at some point, and I'm sure I will. For now it's like I'm stuck in limbo

[carnelian]

Can you ask your professors to take your exams at a later date?

Tell them what happened. You might need proof so they believe you.

It will not be easy to do your best in grief like this. Of course, the late exam may be harder than the original, but that is a chance to take.

[amaysngrace]

I'm very sorry for your loss.

 

Maybe you're numb right now because whoever passed wants you to deal with it later? Maybe they'd rather you put it out of your head so that you can focus on your studies so they're sending you a peaceful calm now?

[ScentlessApprentice]

Thank you all. I've had it at the back of my mind, today being three weeks since the loss.

I'm just getting through exams, and worrying about other things too much, probably so I don't worry about what really bothers me.

I'm nervous about heading home but it'll be a bit of a pilgrimage, and hopefully finally chance to mourn. That's about ten days a way so far.