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So humiliated over begging texts


Rachel39

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I ended my 2 year realtionship just after new year with a man I thought I would marry and move back to his home town with.

 

He had been very quiet with me for a while and I felt he was pushing away from me... So we had been away for a week to his family's with my son and he hardly spoke to me and spent most of his time in bed until 5pm.... I thought he was depressed so I just left it.

 

We came back and had a row so I ended it because I was getting hurt itnwasntnwhat I wanted and was an impulsive descision.

 

Fast forward 10 weeks I'm destraught he's told me we army right for each other and we are both stubborn and I'm too hot headed for him.... He asked me just in the way home to move back to his home town with me.

 

He won't speak to me and will not reply to my texts, I feel I was manipulated into ending it and he's said he's angry with me for everything Iv said and done.....

 

It's messed with my head and I spent the last 10 weeks obsessing about getting him back and texting him every couple of days with no response sometimes he will say the odd word to me .

 

I just need somewhere to be able to talk and express myself as I'm trying to hold it altogether and don't want anyone to know how I'm feeling as I feel humiliated.

 

Iv done the whole apologising to asking him if there is any chance for us for him to ignore more for me to tell him he needs to tell me so I can let go and move on and he did the other day.

 

I am heartbroken and feel manipulated and it's all on my head he said how do you expect me to be friends with you for the things you have said like I'm not aloud to be hurt over loosing him and our plans I thought I would marry him ..

 

I haven't eaten properly since the new year and am now 8 stone I can hardly eat and Iv lost interest in my study and work ....

 

I'm half the person I used to be I was so happy fun and full of life and so outgoing now I don't want to be around anyone I can't wait for the days to end so I can go to bed ...

 

I am 39 this is why I'm so embarrassed about feeling like this, the thing is is attractive and I'm sick of people telling me I'm stunning it makes no difference to how my heart feels or how il move on ....

 

I don't want any attention from the opposite sex infact I just want my life back with him.... Everyone said he was punching above his weight with me but stuff like that hurt me because what does it matter how someone looked

 

How do I redeem myself today is the first day I Haven't contacted him and in all this time he has never once contacted me

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TaraMaiden2

Do not abdicate your personal power to another human being who shows such disdain and disinterest.

Read the NC GUide in my signature, and stick to it 1000%, 100% of the time.

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As rough as it is to read/hear, you need to cut contact with him completely and start to rebuild from here. He is doing the same and he's probably made it clear enough in his way that you aren't right for him as much as you want to think you are right for each other. I know where you are coming from as I recently just posted about my relationship with my girlfriend breaking up after 7 years. So you're not the only one to feel this way don't worry.

 

Right now all of this is still pretty fresh in your mind so you will feel down for a while, it's natural and it can take different amount of time to feel better from person to person, there is no set time limit. You need to eat though, I've been there where I wasn't eating for 4/5 days while still working 50 hours a week and it was draining me to the point of collapse tbh. You might not WANT to eat, but you NEED to.

 

Tbh I think you pointed out a huge reason in your post for getting better, your son. I very much doubt he wants to see you like this, as much as you may think he won't pick up on it, he will. You still have a life with him and there will always be someone else comes a long and you'll look back on this and laugh. For the time being you don't have to take attention from any men at all, take as much 'me' time as you need with yourself and your kid. Try to get your focus back on work/studies too as that is something you will come to regret.

 

There is absolutely NOTHING at all to feel humiliated about, nothing what so ever, doesn't matter if you are 20/30/40/50, this happens to many people, and we all feel the same way about it when it happens, it's the moving on part that's harder than the break up, but you have the motivation as I said with your kid. Take some time out for yourself, forget about men for a while until you come to a level of acceptance, and you will, and when you do feel better, you'll wonder why you even went through this.

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I just need some where to say how I'm feeling as I keepnwantingmtoctext him with it all as I never got to say my side and well apparently I'm this person that has always had something to say about our relationship ....

 

I was never aloud to say how I feel or speak about problems we were having because I was been ungrateful and needy how does that work out ? I'm so angry of this opinion he has of me he was someone who never said anything but would just look right through me and that was ok ?

 

I asked him before Xmas if we were ok and we both wanted the Same things and he said yes...

 

Because I said how I felt I was the one in the wrong, he blames me for it all he sees himself as a good person because he never said anything to me ?

 

It's damaging

 

 

I'm the bad one in the relationship he doesn't see his actions caused me to feel this way...

 

I have such a big heart and I feel terrible over it all and him not speaking to me or discussing it

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I know exactly what it feels like when you want to say your peace or try to at least get your feelings across and the other person won't allow you to do so, but that's the beauty of places such as this, you can say what you wanted to, but at least people will actually listen to it...

 

You've said a few times already that you know the things he's done to you etc, so you know already you shouldn't be wasting your time on him. I think if anything it may be more of the fact that you've just never been able to let anything of this out up until now that's possibly been holding you back from moving forward.

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This is what I'm struggling accepting he doesn't want me it's so painful and I feel worthless, as if I wasn't good enough for him !

 

I'm struggling with accepting it's over and having to let go it's making me feel so sick as Iv only just started to realise this after 10 weeks because he ignored me for so long and just said he was angry with me and need sometime of no contact I thought he just needed some time ....

 

So here I am 10 weeks on starting from scratch and now feeling angry and humiliated where do I start

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TaraMaiden2

You start by taking a long, hot shower, and scrubbing yourself head to foot, and while you do, symbolically shedding every vestige of your past, your hurt and your attachment to him. Wash it all away.

Let it go down the drain and rid yourself of it.

Then, if you want to cry, rant, scream, rip cushions apart and smash plates - do so.

it's incredibly therapeutic.

When you feel spent and exhausted, come back to us, and pick up the pieces of your life, and put one foot in front of the other.

 

The only one who cans tep form this filthy treacle swamp that's pulling you down - is you.

But we are here to support you in your effort to emerge a newer, better and wiser woman.

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You've already made a start by coming here and saying all this. So you're already making your first steps. Again there is nothing to be humiliated about at all. Even though you said you don't want the male attention, the fact that you are getting it shows that plenty of people want you, and if anything this only goes to prove that he was punching above his weight, as you are far to good for him in the way he treated you.

 

I think you also need to look at this as happening at the right time, say you had got engaged etc, and then this happened, it would have been 10x worse, so in that aspect it happened at the right time and not further down the line. As I said all of this is still relatively fresh as it's just playing over in your mind, but you WILL feel better, sadly there is no set time period on that as everyone is different.

 

It's been about 7 weeks for me, the first week I literally cried for the most part of the days, I never told anything about it happening as I wanted to believe things would get better, I barely ate anything at all..., don't get me wrong, I'm still upset about it now, but I've come to a level of acceptance and what she did to me and how she did it I'll probably never forgive her for..maybe in time but It's had an impact on me on how I view things now. But I do feel better, as will you.

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This is what I'm struggling accepting he doesn't want me it's so painful and I feel worthless, as if I wasn't good enough for him !

 

I'm struggling with accepting it's over and having to let go it's making me feel so sick as Iv only just started to realise this after 10 weeks because he ignored me for so long and just said he was angry with me and need sometime of no contact I thought he just needed some time ....

 

So here I am 10 weeks on starting from scratch and now feeling angry and humiliated *where do I start

 

*Start here:

 

 

*No direct contact.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*Block any means he might use to contact you.

*No replies to anything that gets through your blocks.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete from all social media.

*No monitoring of him on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what he is doing or saying.

 

 

 

Take care.

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My son is hurt to as I had to tell him as he was along to see him he's 13 and had tears in his eyes I felt so bad because I let him into our life and feel responsible for hurting him ....

 

He asked me the other day if I had spoken to him and I said I hadn't and he'd been busy at work.... He said well he can't be that busy that he can't spell to you ...he doesn't understand, as me and his dad obviously speak.

 

He had 2 children of his own and my son felt like they were his step sisters and we loved his family he mentioned us living together infront of my son

 

I'm just so angry with it all and upset and when Iv told him that I feel so down and depressed about it all he said the way I felt had nothing to do with us or him.

 

Is this guy for real the hurt he has cause to me and my son

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The one thing I must stress to you is that you can't let this experience effect a future relationship as not every man is like him. I know it seems hard to be able to trust someone else after this, but it will come in time. And as you just said, you know he's caused pain to you and your son, that in it's self should be all the motivation you need to move on.

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It feels a relief to be able to post on here and let it all out Iv been holding it in for 10 weeks and feeling like I'm such a bad person and it's my fault.

 

Why do I want him to regret this so much because he gave up on someone that would of never given up on him

 

I was there through him feeling depressed having to put up with his hectic lifestyle with him having to travel home every other weekend to see his children which I never had a problem with ...

 

To his moods and misery and. Him hardley ever speaking to me to him hardly ever wanting sex ...

 

In the 2 years we were together we never had sex in the morning he would never speak to me in the morning he would just stomp around getting ready for work if I stayed through the week he was always having a bad day or something had gone wrong at work

 

His ex told me he was always in bed asleep when he was with her so why do I feel like Iv lost out so why do I feel like maybe it was all me maybe he was like this with me ? Does it make sense

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Best way to prove to him how much it's his fault and how much he is missing out on is for you to start moving on and be happy. I get the impression by your verdict on him that if you don't message him for a while, he'll end up getting back in touch. Sounds a bit like a manipulation game from him to get you wrapped around his finger.

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Just been here getting it all out his helping so much ..... I guess it's saving me texting him it all and having another reason for him to look down on me

 

It's hard as I have all his family on my fab his dad and sisters as we got on so week I have kept them on but just unfollowed them so I don't get any posts

 

Oh and he blocked me and deleted all out pictures the same day I ended it with him so I can't spy on him than God and I deleted my whatsaap the same night so I couldn't see him on line

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TaraMaiden2

Don't lie to your son.

But don't let him think all guys are like this.

 

Do whatever you want, today. But tomorrow morning, you really need to get out of bed, determined that this stops now, and it stops here.

 

No more.

Quit this questioning, wondering and constant anxiety over his behaviour.

And look to yourself.

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You're already on the right road.

 

Like I said, I know it's hard, and nobody would lie to you and tell you otherwise, but just the same everyone will say it gets easier, and it does.

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I'm determined to be ok I think I just need some help and a push and somewhere I can talk as Iv been keeping it all unfit so long in was going crazy.

 

If I can come here and say how I feel and have support I might start to feel stronger I just feel so weak as this is out of character for me

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I don't have much support any where and I don't think I'm emotionally and mentally strong at the moment.

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There are always people here to support you. I know it may not feel like it but there are always people there for you in one capacity or another. Even your son, obviously not discussing these things with him, but he's there for you in every day life in general, focusing on him and the two of you is one way to ensure you will move on.

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Day by day would be the easy answer. Rather than look ahead or back, I just take the day as it comes for now, which can often be an easy way to start.

 

 

Me and my ex split about 6 weeks ago now or around about then, just before Valentines, and that was a 7 year relationship. As I said first week or two I was distraught and didn't even know what day it was half the time. I still had work to focus on and friends at work and that helped, I didn't tell them what had happened, but it still helped laughing and joking on etc.

 

I signed back up to the Gym with a year membership and I now go 6 days a week and that keeps my mind off a lot of things, and really now I'm just trying to focus attention on myself for the time being, maybe plan a holiday and try to plan out my future for the next year or so.

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I have made some plans but was loosing the will to want to do them as I felt I was sinking into depression but in all honesty I think it was because I couldn't say how I was feeling and keeping it all in ...

 

I felt like I needed a break up buddy...

 

It's my birthday next Thursday so I booked to do my cbt on that day and then I was going to Essex the day after to spend with my sister and nieces I was thinking about cancelling it all because of how bad is started to feel

 

...I passed my motorbike theory test and It when we first split up ask I was such a mess I thought id fail I passed and started crying ...

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Well done! (On passing test)

 

That's also something to look forward to, you will be spending time with family etc and tbh I'm sure that by then when you have a great night you'll be wondering why you ever felt this way and wasted your time on him. If anything this has made you a stronger person, it might not feel that way now, but in time it will.

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Can I just ask do you think he will wonder why I haven't messaged him once I go for a long time with nc I just feel like I have embarrassed myself and kind of want to gain some self respect back will going nc do this

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