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Haven't dated in a decade, 28 and a virgin, consdering suicide


Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

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Old 25th September 2016, 11:04 PM   #46
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Humantk, that post of yours is nothing short of amazing. So inspirational. Wow. So true!
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Old 26th September 2016, 5:06 AM   #47
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As someone of a similar age to you, I honestly wish I could have my virginity back and lose it to someone worthwhile.

It sounds like you're on the right track with the exercise and meeting new people. You might still be unhappy, but do you feel happier than you did a few years ago? Even just slightly? If you do, then you're making progress.

Don't be afraid to do things on your own just because of fear of stigma. Doing things alone shows confidence in yourself. Go to coffee shops, events, etc. Maybe visit a library - 1: you can read up on what interests you and develop yourself even more as a person, and 2: you'll might meet new people.

I know there's nothing people can say to make you feel better, but push yourself out of your comfort zone and you'll be surprised by what you find out about yourself.
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Old 27th September 2016, 11:43 PM   #48
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If I were you, I'd seriously consider solo travel overseas for a few months. Perspective, amazing experiences, independence, and lots of lovely women enjoying life and plenty that are willing to enjoy a few hours of it with you I'm sure.

Go volunteer. Go hike. Go party. Go explore. Just get up and go and live a little.
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Old 28th September 2016, 5:25 PM   #49
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Humantk, that post of yours is nothing short of amazing. So inspirational. Wow. So true!
Thank you so much! I just hope JGF could find some hope in it. Wish he would reply. Wondering how he is doing.
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Old 28th September 2016, 6:50 PM   #50
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"The real way forward isn't a great leap but grinding, tedious, glamorously incremental change."

Keep grinding, son!
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Old 1st October 2016, 6:31 PM   #51
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you want my opinion. A relationship is not going to fix all your problems. They take time, energy, dedication, all that stuff. You must be happy being alone first. That is when you know you are in a good place. when you can function, are content, and grounded when you are on your own.

second, do not rely on online dating websites. They will throw you into a vicious cycle. Keep in mind, women's email boxes are packed on the sites. Guys are not as picky and will start sending emails after emails. women get bombarded and most guys on the sites will say something stupid. They will start being creepy, talk about sex right away etc and this ruins it for the GOOD guys.

I did say women are picky on the sites. They are. women are more picky on a dating site than in person. Its just what it is. You can send 100 messages and if you are an average guy, you will be lucky to get back 3 or 5 back. This will make you feel worse and will just throw you in a loop.

Just take it easy and relax. Try getting happy again. There is no race. There is no time line. Do not worry if you are still single.
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Old 1st October 2016, 9:22 PM   #52
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No woman I've known is particularly attracted to:

The desperate
The downer
The loner
The negative viber
The self denegrater

If you could use thread terms to describe yourself it is no wonder you have been striking out. Or getting left on the bench.

Let me tell you a secret. Time is on your side. Women have time on their side from age 15 or so until age 30 or so. More men are available to them. Then Time catches up. Fewer men are available.

You are just getting to an age where the odds are evening up in your favor. I swore off romance from age 22 to about 28. By the time I was 30 and back in the game for a couple of years--deliberately not caring about the outcome of any given first date or relationship-- I found myself being pursued by women my age and younger. Job, no support baggage, no need for psychiatrist, and taking care of myself was all I needed. You work, don't pay child support or alimony, and can take care of yourself physically and housekeeping-wise if you choose. Get that haircut, trim that scraggly beard, go to the gym. Keep your car clean too as well as your abode. Wash those sheets as you never ever want her to see a messed up bed. She simply won't get in it. Ditto for bathroom.

Feel free to ask her for her help, even if you already know how to make great pasta and sauce. Doesn't hurt to compliment her, either.

I'll stop this lecture now.
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Old 9th October 2016, 4:56 PM   #53
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Thank you so much! I just hope JGF could find some hope in it. Wish he would reply. Wondering how he is doing.
Than I'll reply. Still no better. I think all my opportunities for love have come and gone. Been going to Meetups and made some friends through it, but nothing more than that. My interests are too nerdy for me to go to mainstream dating groups or sites and not have most girls scared away from me. Getting my own place has also been delayed to November or possibly some time next year for reasons outside of my control, and women are always scared off by guys who still live with their parents. There is really no avenue left for me to look. As motivational as people found your game post, it didn't apply to me, because there's been so sign of progress in getting a date.

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Just take it easy and relax. Try getting happy again. There is no race. There is no time line. Do not worry if you are still single.
Why shouldn't I be worried? This isn't normal. I'm almost 30 and less than 2% of the world population my age are still virgins. I've had plenty of times where I try my hardest to set things aside and live life normally for several weeks, but no approach I take ever changes anything.

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No woman I've known is particularly attracted to:

The desperate
The downer
The loner
The negative viber
The self denegrater

If you could use thread terms to describe yourself it is no wonder you have been striking out. Or getting left on the bench.
I never talk about these things with friends and strangers and always make it a point to show a positive demeanor with them. Plus I've actually finally gained self-respect and lost a lot of weight since last year, but it hasn't changed this situation.

There's nowhere left to look. Everyone at my workplace is my dad's age, everyone in my social circles is already claimed or doesn't seem interested, and dating sites never give me anything. What's left?
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Old 9th October 2016, 5:01 PM   #54
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Than I'll reply. Still no better. I think all my opportunities for love have come and gone. Been going to Meetups and made some friends through it, but nothing more than that. My interests are too nerdy for me to go to mainstream dating groups or sites and not have most girls scared away from me. Getting my own place has also been delayed to November or possibly some time next year for reasons outside of my control, and women are always scared off by guys who still live with their parents. There is really no avenue left for me to look. As motivational as people found your game post, it didn't apply to me, because there's been so sign of progress in getting a date.



Why shouldn't I be worried? This isn't normal. I'm almost 30 and less than 2% of the world population my age are still virgins. I've had plenty of times where I try my hardest to set things aside and live life normally for several weeks, but no approach I take ever changes anything.



I never talk about these things with friends and strangers and always make it a point to show a positive demeanor with them. Plus I've actually finally gained self-respect and lost a lot of weight since last year, but it hasn't changed this situation.

There's nowhere left to look. Everyone at my workplace is my dad's age, everyone in my social circles is already claimed or doesn't seem interested, and dating sites never give me anything. What's left?
I'm being totally honest here - I'm 25 and I wish I still had my virginity. I genuinely mean that. I regret losing it to someone who treated me badly.

Can I ask what your interests are?
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Old 9th October 2016, 5:05 PM   #55
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Still having your virginity by my age is just the most embarrassing thing, though. Even I think other people in my shoes must be losers.

I like art, reading, movies, drawing/animation, video games, animals, and hanging out and catching up with friends and family. That's about it.

At least I still have the promise I made to myself three years ago to commit suicide when I turn 30 next May if I'm still in this situation...
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Old 9th October 2016, 5:10 PM   #56
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Still having your virginity by my age is just the most embarrassing thing, though. Even I think other people in my shoes must be losers.

I like art, reading, movies, drawing/animation, video games, animals, and hanging out and catching up with friends and family. That's about it.
I can understand you might find it embarrassing, but there are lots of people (both men and women) who find that attractive. It shows integrity - saving yourself for someone special.

You've got a really broad range of interests there. I think most women would share AT LEAST one of those interests. Drawing and animation is especially unique and very impressive.
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Old 9th October 2016, 5:12 PM   #57
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I can understand you might find it embarrassing, but there are lots of people (both men and women) who find that attractive. It shows integrity - saving yourself for someone special.

You've got a really broad range of interests there. I think most women would share AT LEAST one of those interests. Drawing and animation is especially unique and very impressive.
But it's not integrity or saving myself. I want to get laid more than anything, but I can't find anyone slightly interested, which is pathetic.

Aren't those interests mostly seen as kid's stuff though?
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Old 9th October 2016, 5:20 PM   #58
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But it's not integrity or saving myself. I want to get laid more than anything, but I can't find anyone slightly interested, which is pathetic.

Aren't those interests mostly seen as kid's stuff though?
I can understand how you feel. I felt the same way, but I really regret doing it. I met someone who was interested and said she loved me but she just used me. My advice would be to not make the same mistake I did.

I don't think those interests would be considered as kid's stuff at all. In fact, I think they're very mature. They show that you're cultured, skilled and enjoy lots of different aspects of life.
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Old 9th October 2016, 5:25 PM   #59
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I appreciate your support. Guess there's nothing to do but keep trying (I just signed up for another really interesting-sounding Meetup group). I just wish I could pinpoint what exactly I'm still doing wrong.
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Old 9th October 2016, 5:32 PM   #60
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I appreciate your support. Guess there's nothing to do but keep trying (I just signed up for another really interesting-sounding Meetup group). I just wish I could pinpoint what exactly I'm still doing wrong.
You're absolutely right - keep going to those groups. You'll make friends. And through those friends you'll meet other people. And that network will keep growing.

The important thing to remember is that you're not doing anything wrong. I used to ask myself the same question - when I stopped giving a s**t, I suddenly found that people found me attractive.

Remember, you're not doing anything wrong. From what you've said, I genuinely think you're a very interesting guy, and others will think that too.
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