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First date since he left me. Mixed emotions


Cora

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The last time I saw him was back in April of last year. My story can be found in my previous posts. I still miss him, but I'm angry more than anything now.

 

Anyway, I have a date this Saturday. This is the first date since he left me. On one hand I'm excited to meet someone new and see if we are compatible, but on the other hand I'm hesitant because it means I'm moving on...letting go of someone I loved dearly and who I thought loved me. I know I need to move on. I never thought I'd ever get to the point where I'd even consider dating again. I know this sounds stupid, but it almost feels like I'm cheating on him or something. I know that's ridiculous as he's clearly long moved on from me with his new girlfriend. I'm so confused with these feelings. Is this normal? Or a sign that I'm nowhere near ready to date again?

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I know how you feel Cora. I question everything I do, wondering if it would have a negative impact on any chance we have of getting back together. I know that he left me, and I should be out doing whatever I want, but I still feel a sense of guilt when I have any thoughts of seeing someone else or even talking to other guys.

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Well it could be that you are not over him or ready to date. Obviously there are still some emotions to be processed but that doesn't mean you need to sit down in a room and analyze them.

 

Sometimes I make plans with my friends and when the time comes I do not feel like going out at all. But I end up going out and at the end of it I feel pretty happy that I did go out. Now obviously the situation is completely different. But the point I am trying to make is that maybe going out will help you process and recognize whatever it is you are feeling. It may help you realize that those thoughts are silly or irrational.

 

Granted it could be that the date goes terribly and you end up feeling worse. The possibility is always there but I think it would be worth it for you to go out on this date and then reassess how you feel. And a date is just that a date, doesn't have to be anything more or could be something more. Go with an open mind, without having specific expectations.

 

Whether it is normal to feel this or not is very relevant. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly (not my own quote). So I am sure people have felt this way.

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Thanks for the advice. I'm going to try to push myself to go on the date. He seems like a nice guy and we've been getting to know each other all week. I no longer have a social life and feel like I should really try to get out of the house. I'm just afraid of getting hurt again even though I know it's only a date. I just dread the process. Going on endless dates for days, weeks, months and years with all the wrong people in order to find the one you think is mr right only for him to rip your heart out. Just feeling sad today as the ex was brought up at work which caused me to take a little trip down memory lane and dredge up all those feelings, hurt and pain again. Hard to believe it's been almost a whole year since he left me. Time flies and I still feel the same.

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I felt the same way on my first date after my breakup. I think going on a date can bring up a lot of the emotions you described. It really does signal that it's over for good. I think dating can be a good gauge how you feel and to push past those emotions.

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Well it looks like there won't be a date afterall. I haven't heard from him all day and we've been talking daily. He's also deleted his profile on the dating site we met on. Boy I sure know how to pick them! This is why I don't like dating. This was supposed to be my distraction from the pain. Well that fell through. Maybe this was a bad idea. Ah well back to seclusion I go.

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Well it looks like there won't be a date afterall. I haven't heard from him all day and we've been talking daily. He's also deleted his profile on the dating site we met on. Boy I sure know how to pick them! This is why I don't like dating. This was supposed to be my distraction from the pain. Well that fell through. Maybe this was a bad idea. Ah well back to seclusion I go.

 

Oh sorry to hear that. The online dating world is just so unpredictable. Once I had a similar situation where I talked to a girl very regularly, set up a dinner and come the day of the dinner. No response. And none after that. A lot of the times there are multiple people they are talking to and end up picking one in the end. And thus leaving someone else high and dry.

 

Well IMO I wouldn't let one persons flakiness deter you from trying again. I think it would still be good to go on a date or two. Of course you know yourself best so if you feel strongly against it then don't. But try again while keeping expectations very low. That is difficult for me personally as I tend to get invested too fast. But give it a shot.

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Well it looks like there won't be a date afterall. I haven't heard from him all day and we've been talking daily. He's also deleted his profile on the dating site we met on. Boy I sure know how to pick them! This is why I don't like dating. This was supposed to be my distraction from the pain. Well that fell through. Maybe this was a bad idea. Ah well back to seclusion I go.

 

Ugh. That's par for the course with online dating. I had several men flake out on me when I tried it out. Sorry about that. It's really a mixed bag. You just have to keep on plugging away at it. I only did it for 3 months, and I went on 3 dates. I think it was a good way to get back out there and just realize that there are other men out there.

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