Whatoncewas Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 Soo....long story short I met my wife 5 years and 3 months ago. She has two children from two previous relationships. Late last year she met someone else and moved away with him. I guess when she cheated she got pregnant, then after telling me and finding this out she moves herself and her children to live with him. Now fast forward to her calling me, telling me he is horrible this, horrible that, and she wants to come back. Why would i even be considering this? Is there something wrong with me? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 No,something is not "wrong with you." Something is very wrong with her. You already know not to do it, its just hard because you had strong enough feelings to marry this person. But you already know how that turned out. I bet she told this guy what an awful so-and-so you are too. Don't let her win this game. She made her bed. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 Soo....long story short I met my wife 5 years and 3 months ago. She has two children from two previous relationships. Late last year she met someone else and moved away with him. I guess when she cheated she got pregnant, then after telling me and finding this out she moves herself and her children to live with him. Now fast forward to her calling me, telling me he is horrible this, horrible that, and she wants to come back. Why would i even be considering this? Is there something wrong with me? DO NOT let her move back home! She left you for another man, got pregnant and now realized life isn't what she thought it would be and is crawling back. FOR THE WRONG reasons!! If you take her back, you're the fool, not her. I hope you find in it you to tell her to F off and never to call you again. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
LostOnes05 Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 Don't you just love when the good guy wins?! Tell her to kick rocks...just not in your direction. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 See a lawyer, regardless of your decision (and I think you should divorce her ASAP). You may be liable for child support for the other man's child, since you're married to her and the law makes assumptions in such cases. Get a lawyer, order a paternity test, and protect yourself NOW. Or manipulate the situation, and say you'll only consider taking her back if she has an abortion, making the situation much simpler to handle. Divorce her anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
fenix Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 Soo....long story short I met my wife 5 years and 3 months ago. She has two children from two previous relationships. Late last year she met someone else and moved away with him. I guess when she cheated she got pregnant, then after telling me and finding this out she moves herself and her children to live with him. Now fast forward to her calling me, telling me he is horrible this, horrible that, and she wants to come back. Why would i even be considering this? Is there something wrong with me? If you are seriously considering taking her back then... I am afraid yes there is something wrong with you.... Be fair to yourself, you deserve better than being someone else doormat! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Whatoncewas Posted February 8, 2016 Author Share Posted February 8, 2016 Yes, It is strange. I do not think of myself as a desperate person. I just really love my wife. I did not see this happening. Isn't it possible she learned her lesson and really s sorry and everything could be ok? Or am I desperate or codependent? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 Yes, It is strange. I do not think of myself as a desperate person. I just really love my wife. I did not see this happening. Isn't it possible she learned her lesson and really s sorry and everything could be ok? Or am I desperate or codependent? You just haven't cut the emotional hose to her yet. Sometimes it takes a while. But you know what's going on, right? Things turned out not-so-rosy with the OM, and now she's pregnant and scared, so what does she do? Why, go with her Plan B, of course. That would be you. Don't settle for being anybody's Plan B. You deserve better than that. And second the advice to consult with an attorney. It's certainly not beyond the realm of possibility that you would be responsible for her child as a matter of law. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
SSJROMANCE Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 There is a lack of information here to give you any good advice. What we know is that she has two other children with TWO other men. That right there may say something about. Then she cheats on YOU gets pregnant AGAIN with ANOTHER man. But I would also wonder what else does her past reflect? Has she had many partners? Does she flirt with other men? Does she stay out late at night with girlfriends? Does she drink excessively and/or do drugs? What kind of a wife and mother has she been? Does she have low self-esteem and/or boundary issues? I'm going to assume that your wife is "easy" based on the information I have so you have two choices. First choice is take her back and wonder the rest of your life what she is doing behind your back. Second is to get the hell out of that relationship and get a divorce and find a woman who desires you and can be trusted. Link to post Share on other sites
brothers343 Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 So your gonna take a woman that cheated on you, had another mans child which she wants you to take care of becouse she knows that you might be the fool to do it. This is not about love its about she doesn't want to be alone. If you take this woman back....you will deserve all the bad thats about to come your way. I assume your a good man becouse your probably thinking this over. Don't let this woman destroy your life again!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 Yes, It is strange. I do not think of myself as a desperate person. *I just really love my wife. I did not see this happening. Isn't it possible she learned her lesson and really s sorry and everything could be ok? Or am I desperate or codependent? *I won't challenge that, but if you take her back, it might indicate that you don't love yourself. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 Yes, It is strange. I do not think of myself as a desperate person. I just really love my wife. I did not see this happening. Isn't it possible she learned her lesson and really s sorry and everything could be ok? Or am I desperate or codependent? If she was a good woman, she wouldn't be going back to you like this. She wouldn't dream of trying to manipulate you to bring up OM's child. This is over. You know it. You need time to make peace with letting go but both you and I know that this is over. Am I right? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
LostOnes05 Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 *I won't challenge that, but if you take her back, it might indicate that you don't love yourself. Please read and reread this daily...write it on your mirror if you have to. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DrMario Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 I wouldn't take someone back after they left me for somebody else or cheated, but doing that and getting pregnant as well and dragging her kids into this mess?, your a good hearted man if your heart still wants her after all of that pain she put you through, but if I was you I would call it a day and look to start your own family, she had a good man, she made an almighty howler, now shut the door on the crying wolf and let your heart have some rest. Link to post Share on other sites
Fleur de cactus Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 Why do you think to take back a woman who gets pregnant by other men? Is it because You cannot have kids on your own? I don't think she think you love her, i think she sees you as a weakest person who will wait for her forever. Seriously what is wrong with you ? Link to post Share on other sites
ExtraSpice Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 As everybody has said, from an outside perspective this is a no brainer. Do not take her back. At all. Protect yourself, legally and emotionally. Someone better will come along and honestly if no one does, that still is not reason to accept something worse. But taking emotions into account, I can see it being a difficult decision for you. She is obviously someone you cared about and loved. Even married. She meant something to you and that is difficult to move past. But as people have said you need to love yourself more and if you go through with taking her back then it is as though you are cheating on yourself. I have no way of knowing what she is like but from the minimal information you have provided she does not seem to have good judgement or respect for you. Time to put the past in the past. I hope you find the power to do so. Best of luck! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Whatoncewas Posted February 9, 2016 Author Share Posted February 9, 2016 You guys are right, and have given good advice. I know this. Sometimes you just need to hear it from others. I will provide ore details, although I have no doubt it will change the way you feel, nor probably should it. The assumption that she parties and has low boundaries is wrong. I can definitely see why you would think this, but that's why it is such a surprise to me. The entire time I have known her, and the previous life she had was not like that. She doesn't have a whole lot of girlfriends and never hangs out with other guys. She mostly works and is a mother and wife. No drugs, no drinking. She really just wants a strong family. I'm not blaming myself, but I must have made her lonely. I have been going to therapy and the therapist said I have problems with intimacy which I didn't realize. I have walls up from not being able to trust anyone growing up. I think that she must have felt lonely because I was so detached that she met someone that showed her attention and she made a bad choice. I think she regretted it, but then found out she was pregnant so made another bad choice. I don't think she assumed that I would take care of this child. I think it is different to meet someone who already has kids from a previous relationship and someone who cheats and gets pregnant. I am not saying it is good or bad, but there are men out there who date and marry women with kids and have a blended family. That's OK, but cheating and getting pregnant is not. I do think she loves me and regrets her decision, but I m not really sure. I am very confused. I really don't know what to do or think. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
yessy21 Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 Don't do it. You deserve to be happy. This lady is not stable or happy herself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 Points taken OP but there are a world of options out there that don't involve running off to another man, get pregnant again and then try to crawl your way back to the person you left. Of course it's fair to see your part in the failure of the relationship but the way she handled it was wrong. Unless someone is a psycho, they realise what impact running off with someone else has. From your posts I'm seeing a woman who irresponsibly keeps getting pregnant. Gets into situations that are hard to get out by herself and expects someone else to prop her up. She didn't HAVE to run off and get pregnant. She chose to. Maybe you still haven't learned how to surround yourself with trustworthy people, OP. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Whatoncewas Posted February 9, 2016 Author Share Posted February 9, 2016 Points taken OP but there are a world of options out there that don't involve running off to another man, get pregnant again and then try to crawl your way back to the person you left. Of course it's fair to see your part in the failure of the relationship but the way she handled it was wrong. Unless someone is a psycho, they realise what impact running off with someone else has. From your posts I'm seeing a woman who irresponsibly keeps getting pregnant. Gets into situations that are hard to get out by herself and expects someone else to prop her up. She didn't HAVE to run off and get pregnant. She chose to. Maybe you still haven't learned how to surround yourself with trustworthy people, OP. This is her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
fenix Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 OP, Are you really that desperate as to justify your ex for cheating on you, getting pregnant, leaving you and then crawl back to you? Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 When and if she does this again you will still be on the hook for child support if you take her back. It is time to pull the plug on this marriage and move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Whatoncewas Posted February 9, 2016 Author Share Posted February 9, 2016 I know. I just don't want it to end, but I have come to realize that it isn't ending it is over. The decision has been made, not by me but by her. I have no decision to make, I have no options but to seek counsel and get a divorce. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 I know. I just don't want it to end, but I have come to realize that it isn't ending it is over. The decision has been made, not by me but by her. I have no decision to make, I have no options but to seek counsel and get a divorce. I'm glad that you are seeing this for what it is now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 I know. I just don't want it to end, but I have come to realize that it isn't ending it is over. The decision has been made, not by me but by her. I have no decision to make, I have no options but to seek counsel and get a divorce. Very proud of you OP. You owe it to yourself, you know? You can't keep rescuing someone to your own detriment. You deserve better. It will be easier than you think 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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